I couldn’t stop shaking. Whether it was from fear or the cold; it was hard to tell.

The worn wooden floorboards groaned underneath me as I stepped inside, the only other sound being the door swinging in the air behind me by its hinges.

Sweat dripped from my hair and clothing, and I had to blink twice to get used to the dark and get rid of the stinging sensation that suddenly came in my eyes. Rainwater poured heavily on my back, and the sound of the ice traveling on the walls made me sick as I began to hobble forward. A sharp pain shot up my broken leg as I braced myself with my arm; the heavy scent of oil and liquor lingered in my nose. I shut the door.

Behind me, a deep, empty silence filled the void.

Dismembered arms and legs sprawled out all over the ground, trapped in the giant iceberg that loomed above. Strands of their flesh blew in the wind. There was no time to acknowledge that they all had families who were waiting for them to come home safely, calling and writing them letters each day. The taste of blood in my mouth grew stronger, and I could feel the heavy flow traveling down my nose.

Focus. Focus. Just grab as many as you can, and get out. Hopefully they’re the same type that you used during service. If not, you’ll have to practice shooting them before you can show everyone how to use them. And who knows how long that’ll take.

I knew it wouldn’t be long until more authorities would be sent in for backup, as I recalled seeing one of the men who had reached for his walkie talkie once he saw the first blast, a panicked look in his eyes. It was the last time I had seen his expression before his head slid cleanly off his shoulders. No matter how hard I tried to calm myself, my breaths became more unstable.

My fingers groped blindly in the dark shed, grabbing handfuls of air until finally, something cool met my fingers. When I picked it up, it was heavy and vertical, although I knew that it was a barrel. Whether it was an M16, an AR15 or a M4, I could not tell. There was no time. With an arm, I hoisted it by the strap over my shoulder, ignoring the fierce pain settling in my head.

Deep murmuring filled the air outside.

By now, I could feel the weight of seven rifles on my back, their leather straps digging into my wet skin. I made sure to shove as many boxes of ammo as I could into my wet jeans, the sensation of the cardboard becoming damp and papery.

A clap of thunder startled me, and it sounded like someone had dumped thousands of marbles on top of the shed. Puddles began to form through the rafters above, and the busted lock swung halfway from the metallic chain. Though the door was closed, this was the only way to the exit, and I cursed the person who had designed this place. After holding my breath, I counted to three as I busted open the door, feeling the cool gust of wind and water slap me into the face.

Several loud screams filled the air.

My foot slipped, and I landed hard in the mud, feeling two of the barrels of the rifles I was carrying jab me in the side. Bubbles swirled around my fingers as I pressed both palms against the soggy earth, the dark red blood staining my fingertips. I raised my head, seeing that the source of it was coming from a soldier lying next to me, where one of the ice spikes had impaled him through the stomach. His lifeless green eyes stared up at the sky.

For a moment, my vision became blurry, and I grunted as I struggled to my feet. A small crowd of around ten civilians had gathered right by where most of the bodies were. The clothes they wore were filthy and torn, their faces faded with toil and exhaustion, their water jugs placed on the ground. One of the women standing nearby began to point at me, her eyes wide with fear as she clamped her hands over her mouth. Everyone suddenly turned their heads towards me.

There were no other alive Red Mambas in sight.

I flinched, suddenly feeling naked once I realized that they could see my face. The civilians studied me, and I could do nothing but stare helplessly back. It was the same look in Plank’s eyes, and I knew I would never see it go away. For a moment, I wrapped my arms around myself, the rain falling down harder. The familiar cracking sound filled the air as ice began to spread out on the ground, causing some people to move back and shout. I stared at my hands, seeing the blood that stained them slowly rising in the air, my chest beginning to tighten.

When I took a step forward, the rain began to swirl around me. It was hard to make sense of it all, but I knew that they were going to alert the authorities, and I would be forced to face Baldwin, to see that smirk on his face before he ordered everyone at Selva to be executed. Their blood would stain the walls, my clothes, my skin.

The faces in front of me were full of fear, twisted and broken. It was impossible for me to focus on all of them at once, so they started to melt and bubble into one big cluster.

A man, his face pink with rage, gritted his teeth as his hand wrapped around a rock, before hurling it at me. It splashed into one of the bloody puddles nearby, staining my ankles. Before I knew it, someone else had joined in, and then another, until dozens were striking my arms and legs. What hurt by far the most was the word that escaped from the man’s mouth.

“Mouse!”

A wave of energy slowly washed over me. I raised my hands to shield myself from the rain of stones that pelted my body. The rifles clung to my back, slick with mud and grass. It would’ve been better if I had been stoned to death, than to hear someone call me by that detestable nickname again. Something hot washed over me, and before I knew it, I had stretched my hand out towards the man who had thrown the first stone.

The others scattered, moving away from him. A confused look appeared on his face before being replaced with fear, as a stream of liquid shooting out from my arm engulfed his entire body. His screams, becoming muffled, allowed bubbles to escape from his open mouth. The dark brown hair flowed around his head like a halo as he struggled to move. I narrowed my eyes, gritting my teeth. By now, people were backing further away, some running off.

My eyes wandered to the bright blue bracelet on my arm. What sparkly color had been up on the beads was now coated with mud, the strings becoming frayed and uneven. A deep urge to scream was building up inside of me as my hand began to shake.

How do you know he won’t come back?

The man’s face was turning pale, his hands clawing at his throat. His eyes met mine, full of despair. And something suddenly clicked in my mind. He didn’t know me by any other name, not even my real one. And it was no fault of his own. None of this was. The betrayed look in Toku’s eyes, the deep crimson scar on Rufus’ neck, the maid’s bloody impaled arm, the scar on Mr. Karin’s cheek, or worst of all, Mary’s screaming, flashed in front of me. I lowered my arm.

Because he will never do something like that again.

As the flow of energy weakened and shattered, he collapsed to the ground, coughing and choking once air filled his lungs. His wheezing was the only sound I could hear; the cold liquid that had entrapped him seconds before now forming a puddle around his shivering body. For a moment, the man stared at me, before taking off where everyone else had fled. I stared after him for a while, before slipping into the dark night. No matter how often I tried to wipe my mouth with my fingers, they were still covered in blood.

In the distance, the sound of rumbling tanks echoed in the midnight air.

* * * * *

The sky was a distorted array of colors by the time I pulled up near the junkyard with only a quarter of gas left in the tank of my truck. It had been covered completely in twigs and leaves in the trees, and I had to use a sharp, thin piece of rock to get the engine starting again. Resting on the passenger seat, besides the weapons I had stolen and the meager portion of food that Jane provided for me, were the papers, wrinkled and still damp from the rain. The fine print from the letters bled within each other, and the corners were curled.

I didn’t know if I had the strength to look at them.

When I slid out the truck and made my way through the woods, I couldn’t help but turn around and face the sunrise. The scent of the salt water from the ocean filled me with a sense of nostalgia. I wiped my bloody nose against my sleeve and continued up the hill, sweat pouring down my forehead and neck. All seven rifles that were bundled against my back weighed me down, making things worst in the sweltering heat.

The soft earth clung to my bare feet as the fort came into view. One of the walls were slightly shorter than the other and had a dark black spot near the top. In the distance, I could make out three figures fast asleep on the grass, snoring. Quietly, I placed the weapons behind a bush, along with all the ammo I had stored, before sitting down against a tree and resting my head against the trunk.

Birds suddenly flew in the air due to the rustling of tree branches. Immediately, I stood up. The footsteps against the earth grew louder as a shadow became visible in the weak morning light. When the flash of a bright yellow sweater caught my eye, I found myself almost thrown to the ground as I felt an arm tightly wrap around me. Thick, curly hair blocked my vision. I looked down to see Honda’s freckled face. The berries that she had been collecting rolled over the ground.

“I missed you so much,” I signed. “It’s pretty weird to see you up so early. I didn’t know you were a morning person.”

She didn’t respond, just had her head buried in my shoulder. Slowly, we sank to the ground together, side by side. A wave of panic washed over me when I saw that a large, bandaged stump replaced where her left arm used to be. My hand brushed against it, as a heavy sob began to rack her body.

“They don’t want me anymore.” Her fingers traced my palm. “My brother and father. I saw them recently. They don’t want me, Sandwich King.”

I struggled to make sense of her words.

“He didn’t like the clothes I was wearing.”

“What? Why? What do you mean they don’t want you anymore? How can...can they not?"

“I almost got burned,” Honda continued. “They did not want anything to do with me; it was like everyone had forgotten about me. I didn’t...didn’t expect him to hate the clothes that you have given me. Because I think that your refrigerator is amazing, or that I like the sketchbook. Papa doesn’t know me anymore. He stood there and did nothing as they got ready to burn me at the stake. He watched.”

”Burn you?” A wave of panic washed over me as I slowly glanced down her arm and studied the rolled up sleeve. To my relief, everything looked fine. “How did you escape?”

Honda drew in a weak breath. “I don’t remember much. I was covered up with ropes that were very were loose.”

“Ropes? They tied you down?”

”Yes,” she replied.

”What on earth for?”

”They burn traitors. But I do not think I understand why he thinks I am a traitor. I tried to tell Papa about you, that you are the first friend I have ever made. I wanted to show him what we have built. Together. I’ve never done something like that before, and I knew he had to be the first person to see.”

Her own heartbeat grew more rapid against my own. I held her a little bit tighter as I felt her tears stain my shirt. It was too painful for me to imagine. How had I been so careless? How could a father willingly agree to the murder of his own child? If I had left her in a prison uniform, or perhaps tried to find a garment traditional to the ways of her people, none of this would’ve happened. I wanted to ask her if they were responsible for the loss of her arm, but didn’t.

When Honda raised her head, her eyes were red and puffy. Snot was smeared across the giant scar of her left cheek, and tears spilled down her face.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered. “I should’ve never left; I made things worse. If I had stayed...”

“I’ve tried to go back for two days in a row now,” she signed with her right hand. “I have to stay hidden so they cannot see me. I scared my little brother. He has grown so much from the last time I have seen him. What I need to do is to try and find a way to figure out how to make Papa and Benny love me.”

“It’s not safe for you to go back there. I don't want them to try to hurt you again.”

“But they have to love me again, so they would they would take me back. I tried to make them come here. But they won’t.” Her fingers dug into the material of her muddy shorts. “I miss…being loved by them.”

I love you.

It came out of nowhere. I almost said it, and I didn’t know why. The words were sitting on my tounge, and for a moment, I felt frozen. I wanted to whisper it in her ear. But as her eyes adjusted to the dim morning light, a heavy gasp escaped from her mouth. I looked away quickly as she reached out to touch my face.

“You’re bleeding! Oh, how did I not notice? Does it hurt? I will be right back. Do not move, yeah?”

“Huh? Oh...no, no, no...”

Honda barely heard me. She scrambled to her feet, her long bare legs covered in dirt and scratches. When she disappeared from sight, I rubbed both hands against my face, trying to make the burning sensation go away. I slapped myself twice. No doubt I was turning red. After nearly being killed and losing her arm, how could I even think of saying such a direct thing to her? I was stupid.

Something cool and damp was pressed into my palm. I glanced down at the wet rag in my hand and smiled at her. Her eyes were wide with anxiety and fear.

“Did you get help?” Honda wrote.

I sighed and began wiping my nose. “I did, just...just not the kind I was expecting. Not...not a lot of people...” The man’s frightened face flashed in my mind. “Nevermind.”

“Why are you bleeding?”

“I went overboard. But that’s okay, because I have a surprise for everyone. Well, not really a surprise, more like a drill. A safety drill.”

“What kind?”

I struggled to get up, grabbing one of the nearby branches for support, before hobbling away. Honda followed me curiously as I bent down and picked up one of the M4s I had stolen. A look of awe appeared on her face as I ran my fingers across it.

“I don’t want anyone to be vulnerable anymore. If...if you would like, I wouldn’t mind showing everyone...including you, how to fire a rifle. To aim. I know this must be new to you, but there’s nothing to be afraid of.” A small sigh escaped from my mouth. “It’s just that—“

Her freckled, brown hand slowly reached for the weapon, while she examined it with it with great interest. I bit my lower lip as she peeked at the barrel with one eye, and then she shook it up and down, like she was expecting something from it to slip out and spill on the ground.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“They are very heavy. These are what the soldiers use. At the camps.”

“Yes, but they are ours now. They will be used for good this time. It depends on who is shooting it.”

“Did you buy these? We have no money.”

”No,” I said gently. “I stole them.”

A surprised look crossed her face, and to my delight, she smiled, looking down for a while. “You steal. Did they send the dogs after you?”

”I see you’re quite fond of it. Don’t get used to me doing stuff like that. I only did it because it was absolutely necessary.”

“But how do you use them?” With one hand, she pushed her hair away from her dirty forehead and squinted in the growing light. A funny expression crossed her face before a heavy sneeze erupted from her nose.

“Don’t worry. I’ll show you. Which arm was the most dominant, your left or right?”

”My right.”

”See? You already have an advantage.”

Honda gazed at me for a moment, and she gave me a warm smile as she handed it back to me. The sound of chirping birds filled the air, and warm sunlight spilled down her wild, messy curls. Her face was still streaked with tears, and I had the sudden urge to hug her.

“Please teach me,” she signed.

“Of course I will. Will...will you be okay? I...I am just glad you’re safe. That you managed to avoid getting burned. If you need to talk..to talk about anything, I’m here, alright?” I stepped a little closer. “I’m here.”

She scanned my face, before her hand gently held mine. “It isn’t your fault. I don’t want you to think it is, because it isn’t, and it never will be. I could never blame something like this on you. I owe you my life.”

Before I could respond, she turned and walked off. I watched her go, my throat turning dry.

* * * * * *

The astonished looks on Kia and Toku’s faces before they began to run towards me caused me to feel warm inside for the first time in a while. Hagar had changed so much as well, crawling in the grass and sitting up on her own. She was only six months old, and yet was talking in the strange, unfamiliar language that babies spoke. I had discussed with my plan with her parents, showing them the rifles after a small supper of rabbit one late evening.

“I actually have been wanting to tell you something as well,” Toku said, reaching and pulling out a few pieces of paper. “There was an attack. We’re not sure if the Red Mambas who were there searched the place or not. One of our guests were killed on the spot. Andrea. The girl who you were taking care of.”

I slowly exhaled. “H-how?”

”Impact of the grenade killed her. Honda tried to get her out, ended up losing her arm as a result. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen to me. Girl is as stubborn as a mule. She doesn’t listen to anyone.”

I said nothing.

“She managed to design these. We’ve been trying to create underground bunkers, so in case there is a bomb attack, we have a safe place to go. We fled into the woods, but it was only luck that we escaped.” He paused to smooth out the wrinkles on the page. “I suggest we look for more tools so we can complete them.”

“Can I see those?” I asked.

Toku nodded and handed them to me, clearing his throat. Hagar began giggling as she dug her hands into the dirt. I looked up at him for a moment, examining them.

“I’m not exactly sure if this goes against your own culture, but if so, I can try to think of a better alternative so that this attack can never happen again,” I murmured. “Maybe there’s—“

“I know that after what just happened, we have no choice,” Kia remarked, scooping her daughter up. “I figured that we could all learn. But I think that those down in the fort would do better with demonstration.”

“There’s no way I can show them in person,” I whispered. “I plan to teach you and Toku and Honda. Then they can learn from you. But I don’t want to frighten them off. I can’t.” I ran a hand through my hair, recalling how loud the screams were of the woman who had pointed at me back in Portia. “Perhaps you can show them.”

”Yes, that’s a great idea.” The glowing light of the fire appeared on the ends of Kia’s thick hair. “And then when we accidently shoot ourselves in the foot or in the head of one of the nearby neighbors, my husband and I are the ones they should trust. Because we know what to do in that situation, for sure.”

I glared at her.

Toku rolled his eyes. “You don’t get it. We need someone who has been trained to keep watch over us, to make sure we don’t start a massacre. You need to think this through. You need to figure out how to introduce yourself to them.”

“I can’t! Why don’t you understand how...how impossible that is? They would recognize my voice, my appearance.“

“They have never met you in person,” Toku fired back. “I know that with the voodo you can do gonna be a little more tricky to hide...”

”A little?”

”Alright. A lot. But maybe you do not have to use it at all. Maybe on a rainy day for example, if soldiers are coming, I can find a way to evacuate them out so they won’t see it. They’ll have no idea.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“They don’t have to know who you are,” Kia suggested. “I think that you should talk to them. They may be curious already about how they are getting food sent to them in such abundance. We don’t get much luck in the cities with food, since we usually have to beg for it. Otherwise, it may be harder to teach them to shoot.”

Her words irritated me beyond belief.

”Sure, I’ll just do that,” I muttered. “Matter of fact, let me go down now. I’ll paint my face with makeup and wear a rainbow wig while I’m at it. Who wants to join me?”

”Adlai, nobody said it was going to be easy,” Toku replied, tossing a twisted stick into the flames. “Can you at least take this a bit more seriously, please?”

I stared at him as if he’d gone in the head. “I’m not trying to cast this aside.”

“We’re just glad you’re back; you have to have a few days to settle.” He clapped a hand over my shoulder. “Look, why don’t you sleep it off? We can discuss this tomorrow. It’s been a long day, and I know that you need sleep to think clearly. You’re probably worn out. I know I am, after digging in those bunkers all day.”

I didn’t know what to say

* * ** * * *

For a long time, I sat by the fire after they had gone and left, watching the glowing embers settling in the pile of ashes. Covering my face back in Portia didn’t work, how would I be successful with that same strategy here?

I grabbed one of the freshly washed blankets Kia had made and knelt down next to Honda, who was fast asleep, holding on tightly to one of my books with her drawings in them. Throughout these past few days, she had mostly kept to herself, burying her nose in papers. A few times at night, I had heard her crying in the dark. It was the thing that shattered me the most, when she would get up and disappear into the woods. I sorely wanted to go make sure she was okay; but I realized that she needed a little time for herself.

She was shivering, holding herself more tightly. Carefully, I draped it on top of her, and she immediately curled up in it, her eyes swollen shut in the thick cocoon of cloth.

With one hand, I gently fingered the blue bracelet on my wrist and stared at the fort, where the small huts were lit up with bright candlelight. The light scent of chicken met my nose, and when I peered behind a tree branch, I spotted an older woman dump a pot of dirty water out onto the ground.

A little boy no older than four ran to her side, giggling as she scooped him up and placed kisses on his cheek, holding him close. Would she run, like the civilians had once done they had seen the ice I had created? What if she realized that I was a murderer? Would my temper let me end up killing someone, like I almost had recently?

Slowly, I rested both arms on the branch, causing it to bend. Leaves fluttered through the air and piled up on the ground. Their bright colors were a shocking contrast to the dark brown earth beneath me.

A tall man approached the woman. He didn’t look any older than me, and he wrapped his arm around her, guiding her with each step. He walked with a slight limp. I felt my eyes water a little as I leaned against the tree trunk, watching their shadows disappear. There was quiet humming, and I finally spotted the little Khonie girl, sitting in the grass, making a crown of wilted dandelions. When she placed it on her head, she picked up her doll and took off running, giggling as she vanished in the shadows.

Okay.