The frigid night air bit at my skin.

I found myself hobbling alongside Plank, Maxwell, and two other men whose faces were hidden in the darkness. The quiet conversations they shared with each other were muffled underneath their bandanas. I stayed at the very back, keeping my head low as we crept through multiple destroyed buildings, alley ways, and garbage cans.

It did not ease my nerves any more to see the destruction I had allowed to seep through, or the constant screaming that took place between civilian and soldier. The sound of cracking bone filled my ears as the soldier kept slamming the rifle against the woman’s head, spitting on her and kicking her to the side. As a gunshot rang out and lead towards the sound a heavy thud, I couldn’t help but stare at the gathering pool of blood surrounding the woman’s busted head, and the soldier swearing to himself as he shuffled in his pockets for a smoke.

Plank’s heavy hand grabbed my arm. “Come on.”

It was hard to find a place to step with my crutch because the streets were littered with garbage, rubble, and small fires that released thick clouds of smoke into the night air. There were no stars in the sky to gaze up towards, so I kept my focus downwards as we blended in with the shadows before finally entering a wooded area, which some of the trees were burnt and destroyed. We crouched behind a cluster bushes and stayed low as a few soldiers walked right by us, joking and laughing loudly. The faint smell of liquor lingered in the air.

I bit down on my bottom lip.

“I think tonight is our best chance, boys,” Maxwell murmured as he reassembled his rifle. He spat on the ground. “Get ready. Focus. Do not hesitate.”

A large building that was mostly in tack around half a mile away sat in a dirt clearing surrounded by heavy piles of rubble. Several tents marked the dirt around us, making my stomach leap into my throat. On a mounted metal pole, the Red Mamba flag blew gently in the cool wind. Not too far away was a long barbed wire fence, where dozens of prisoners who were walking skeletons wandered aimlessly behind it. I squinted my eyes at the sight, wanting to rip it down.

”SK, remember what you have to do,” Plank said slowly. He didn’t look at me. “Our brothers are in there. Whatever decisions you make will decide if they live or die. Remember, this is the training ground. If you fail, we all fail. Their blood is your blood. Understand?”

It’s not about I or me. It’s us, and we.

“Yes, sir,” I said.

Everybody’s shoes crunched against the dead leaves as they moved forward, causing the bushes to rustle. I slipped behind a tree trunk, watching the mens’ dark figures disappear behind a pile of rubble, staying low. The pain in my leg felt a little worse as I dropped the crutch into the dirt, and, with my rifle swinging from my bandaged shoulder, started to grip the lower branches of the tree and slowly hoisted myself up, grunting in pain. Sweat poured down my neck and back as I kept reaching for each branch, even slipping a few times.

My breaths were heavy as I finally reached the top branches of the tree; a gentle wind blew my hair into my face. With my shaking fingers I slipped off one of the bandoliers and placed it on my lap, beginning to load up the rifle. Plank and his men moved quickly and stayed low hunched together. They looked like several peas in a pod from this height. My arm ached as I slowly raised the firearm in the air, letting my fingers curled around the trigger. A heavy drop of sweat traveled from my nose to the top of my lip.

The rifle scope had a small crack on it. A group of soldiers, maybe around three and four, were drinking and laughing beside a small fire in the distance. It was even more difficult to make out their figures because it was so dark, but I began to take three deep breaths. One of the more chubbier generals was finishing a long swing of whiskey, roaring with laughter at his companions. His large skull was located right in the middle of the two intersecting lines of the scope, when he moved. I sighed and adjusted the rifle again.

“C’mon, baby,” I whispered. “A little more.”

Plank kept glancing back towards the trees. A look of impatience was growing on his face. At this point my hands were shaking so bad it took me a while to disengage the safety catch. The general stumbled over a small rock and dropped something. As he bent over, a wave of panic washed over me as I released the trigger. The shot rang out in the air, and he collapsed to the ground, a dark pool of blood surrounding his head. My breaths grew more shaky when I saw how large it was getting. His comrades rushed to him as I reloaded and aimed again, the bullet shell falling on my lap.

“Watch your six!” a soldier hollered out.

Chaos and shouting erupted as the men immediately ducked for cover and began firing. The Mardris crouched low, trying to make their way through the rain of bullets, crawling towards their destination. That was when all logic left the table, and my fingers kept reloading and pulling the trigger, hearing the bullet shells fall down to the earth below. More soldiers began to lie on the ground as my bullets continued to cause their brains to halfway swing from the head. Dark red blood sprayed in the air. It was hard to see anyone clearly anymore, and my ears were ringing like crazy.

Another soldier squinted up towards the trees, and my heart skipped a beat as he yelled something. The pain in my leg made no difference to me, since a round cylinder object was hoisted on his shoulder. Something metallic and long was aimed at me, and my hand slipped on the branch I was holding as I tumbled down the leaves and landed sideways in the dirt, wheezing. The rifle skidded a few feet away from me.

The large, orange and yellow explosion above blinded me, causing burning branches to fall on top, hitting my head and shoulders. I gritted my teeth as I began to push myself forward in the dirt. The flames from where I had been moments before hungrily consumed the tree, the heat of the orange glow causing more of it to spread. My hand wrapped around the rifle as I collapsed behind a bush, coughing in the smoke.

Quick, rapid footsteps shook the ground.

I could not make out where my guys were supposed to be, and I soon began to wonder if this was all just a mistake, if I had decided to pick up a gun just to be used and tricked again. Hot embers from the fire that was spreading above landed on my arm, and I clamped my jaw shut to prevent myself from crying out in pain. More shouts filled the air as I saw the crest of the Red Mamba on the shoulder of one figure in the flickering light. My hand gripped the rifle so tight my knuckles went completely white as several figures appeared.

“Sniper at five o’ clock.”

“You got him?”

“No, he fell. He’s around here. Everyone split up, now.”

Slowly, I continued to drag myself on the ground, trying to make as little noise as possible. At least the only weapon I had wasn’t damaged, even though it was a nasty height. In the distance, I could make out the yellow glow of more gunshots being fired in the large building above. My heart sank. I was going to die here. They were going to leave me alone, and my family back at home would be destroyed and ripped apart, all because I wasn’t there enough to save them. Or, worst of all, they would take me back to Baldwin and force me to drag them back to the labor camp, and make me stare at them in the eyes as I betrayed them.

My family.

With one hand, I slathered dead leaves and moss all over me as I gently stuck the barrel through the bush. The only sound I could make out besides the tinnitus in my ears and the roaring of the fire, which had spread to the next two trees. It was getting a little bit hard to breathe, but I didn’t have time to worry about that. I licked my lips as I adjusted the bandolier on my shoulder and aimed at one of the figures who was crouching low, stepping cautiously. My heart skipped a beat as I peered through the scope of my rifle. Another twig snapped, and I prayed that there wasn’t anyone behind me.

I pulled the trigger.

The man went down with a grunt, clutching his bloody organs, and soon more bullets began firing in my direction. His screams echoed in my ears, and my breaths grew more shaky. I stayed as low as I could before slowly moving backwards in the dark, trying to blend in as much as possible. Crawling on all fours, I dragged my stomach on the ground, tasting grass and mud in my mouth. The smoke was too thick to see through as I continued to crawl on all fours, coughing and wheezing. The gunshots faded away, but I didn’t dare stand up until I ended up near a dirt road, the gravel hurting my knees.

Quick, rapid footsteps coming from the opposite direction began to break the silence. I closed my eyes and dropped my weapon and held my hands up, preparing myself for the worst.

“SK!”

I wondered if I was dreaming for a moment, until a rough hand grabbed and yanked me up. A cry of pain escaped from my lips when I accidentally put too much pressure on my leg. Maxwell’s smiling face, bloody and dirty, met mine as he picked up the rifle and placed it in my hands. Plank and everyone else was moving quickly, and I noticed several new men I had never seen before. Everything was going too fast as I leaned against his shoulder for support, still hacking up my lungs and spitting out black ash. I needed to tell him to hurry; that there were some more soldiers in the woods looking for us.

“Ten, SK. Ten people at once.”

I was in too much pain to figure out what he meant. The crowd of new Mardris was oddly comforting around me, and we slipped by the edge of the fence where the Khonie labor camp was. I held my head low as I saw one lone figure standing by the fence, his fingers curled around the diamond wiring. The teenage boy had disheveled hair and was so skinny I could make out his ribcage. The scar on his face and the desperation in his eyes made me flinch.

Nobody paid him any mind. I tried to shrug off Maxwell and go to him, but he yanked me back by my jacket sleeve, a shocked expression on his face.

“What are you doing?” he hissed. “We need to get out of here, now, before they call for backup.”

Before I could say anything, he had dragged me away. I could only keep glancing backwards, watching the boy slowly slide to the ground and lean his head against the fence. A deep pain twisted in my chest. No matter how hard I tried to break out of Maxwell’s grip, it was no use as the kid grew smaller and smaller in the distance. I wanted to run and tell him that I would come back soon and get him out, but my eyelids drooped as I let my head nod forward.

* * * * * *

I sat up on a sleeping pallet, gasping for air.

The darkness in the room suffocated and choked me as I threw off the blanket, ignoring the new brace that had been placed on my broken leg. I yanked off my jacket and rose to my feet. A bowl of warm soup sat nearby, but I didn’t touch it. The door swung open and banged against the wall as I tripped over one of the steps and landed on the bottom of the rotten stairway, before scrambling to my feet and stumbling against the wall covered in graffiti. My fingers had just wrapped around the worn doorknob when I felt a rough hand grab and shove me backwards against the wall. Outside, it was still pitch black.

“What are you doing?”

The voice was deep. I blinked twice to let my eyes adjust in the dark when I could make out Plank’s startled face. In his hand was a rifle, where he had been oiling it. His brown eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“I’m not tying to spy on anyone,” I said, eyeing the weapon carefully. “I need to do something. It’s important.”

“Really?” he asked, giving me a cocky smile. “Seems to me that I should’ve used better judgement. Everyone else is asleep, but I’m usually more paranoid at night. I see you are the same. If it’s that urgent, let me come with you.”

“You...” I swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t like it. It involves the kid I saw earlier. Nothing more.”

Plank’s eyes widened. “Oh? That breaks our deal. You want to drag the Khonie into our territory so that we have a higher chance of being found?”

“No. I did what you wanted already. I got your guys out. You owe me, since you promised to help me with my family. Can’t you just trust me already? I have to do this.” I reached for the door and stepped outside, feeling a huge gust of rain splash against my face. My shoes sank in the mud as I stepped outside.

A loud clicking noise echoed in my ears as I slowly turned around, feeling my wet clothes stick to me. My large flannel shirt was soaked, and I almost wished I had my sweatshirt on me. Rain dripped from my chin to my exposed collarbone and chest. He had the barrel of the gun pointed at me, a smirk on his face. My heart sank as the rain blurred my vision.

”Are you really stupid? I can’t believe that it took you that long to figure things out. You can’t just get up and leave like that, not a good shot like you. Operation Greene was a success. We need you for many more. You belong to Thompson now. You can never leave.”

I felt the blood rush to my face, wanting to slap myself for not trusting my instincts. Once again, I had failed. I had no weapon, no gun in sight. Slowly, I unballed my fists, breathing heavily, my hair blocking my eyes.

“Let me go,” I said in a low voice. “I’m warning you.”

Plank aimed the rifle at my head and took three steps closer to me. “Get inside. Now.”

”You owe me.”

“Hardly,” he sneered. “None of our men can take out ten bastards at once from over a thousand yards. Did you really think we’d let you go? After all you pulled off back there?"

A wave of energy coursed through my body as a dull pain settled in my head. The rain began to form into a heavy dome around us, causing Plank’s eyes to widen as he dropped his weapon. Two heavy streams of the clear liquid wrapped around at my arms, and I held both of them towards him. A muffled shriek escaped from his mouth as ice crystals pieced his skin, mixing in his blood and intestines, that were starting to slip out. It was so cold to the point that I was shivering, but the realization in his eyes made me want to hide.

“To think that we would’ve even wanted to help someone as disgusting as you.” When he opened his mouth, more blood spilled out. “My family had to suffer because of you. How is it that you have one of your own? Who would even want to be around someone as disgusting as you? Do you hear me, you imposter? I wish I could live to see the day that you die, when they catch you and rip you limb to limb. If only I had known, Mouse. You’re not human, you’re a monster.”

I tightened my fist, ignoring the tears traveling down my face. Plank’s face was contorted in pain and rage as he screams grew more and more quiet, letting the ice engulf his body. When he stopped moving, I slipped away in the dark, feeling my way through the rain until I could go no more. I slid down the wall beside some old trash cans and buried my face in my hands, waiting for the storm to pass.

* * * * * *

The heavens above favored me.

Monster. Imposter.

It continued to rain heavily for three more days, and I ended up catching a nasty cold from sleeping in the dumpster. Every shadow that passed by I made sure to duck in case anyone, civilian or soldier, passed by. Some children playing nearby took off running at the sight of me, which broke my heart. Maybe it was my disheveled appearance, or the fact I was covered in mud, even though my face was hidden by the bandana. I took it off when nobody was around, trying to figure out a way to get back to the truck near the gates without being seen, but there were too many soldiers. It was impossible to think or eat.

Everyone back at the fort probably thought I abandoned them. I cursed myself for making such a rash decision, and for trusting the first group of strangers who I met on my way. More than anything, I sorely wished I had brought Honda with me so that it wouldn’t be this lonely. She had been so goofy and full of jokes lately, and I wanted to see her sweet smile.

I made my way through the trash nearby an abandoned junkyard by an apartment complex, the sound of dogs barking and faint gunshots and screaming made me duck. When I placed my hand against the wall, a large ice pattern crept across the surface, a dark figure whistling a tune threw a trash bag into one of the cans. They immediately stopped, and I shrank back into the dark as they looked up.

“Hello?”

Slowly, I continued to step backwards and felt my heart leap through my throat, trying to stop shivering. The figure stared at the ice I had created, whipping out his cell phone and using it as a flashlight. I stood there, paralyzed with fear as the warm yellow circle landed on my face, reflecting off the man’s startled face. When the blue eyes met mine, I held my breath.

“No,” he murmured, dropping the phone to the ground. The screen shattered, but he barely noticed. “It can’t be.”

Rufus’ blond hair was plastered with rain, and dark circles settled by the bridge of his nose. A large red cut where he had nicked his face by shaving was settled on his lower chin. His mouth slowly dropped open as he saw more of the frozen trash cans and concrete floor surrounding me. I gritted my teeth and felt a heavy blob of water form at my fingertips, ready to prepare myself if he tried to shoot me or something.

“It’s you,” he stammered. “It’s really you.”

I dropped my arms by my side, letting the water slosh on the ground as he slowly came closer. Tears settled in the corner of his eyes as he had a hand stretched out toward me. I stood still.

“You’re...you’re not angry?”

”Angry? What on earth for, kid?”

I looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

“Look at you.” Rufus was unable to hold back the excitement in his voice. A large grin appeared on his face, before he quickly took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look at you! I mean, you used to be down here. Shot up like a beanstalk, you did.”

It was getting hard to see him through my tear stained vision, but I gave him a timid smile. My stuffed nose made it impossible to breathe.

“Did Mr. Karin tell you? You don’t know how long I’ve been fighting with him to send you back home. I can’t believe it’s you.” Rufus came closer to me. “I...I am so sorry, for causing all of this. I thought you were dead, when they said you escaped. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you and your mother. I know where she is. I can help you find her. I’m so sorry. After all these years, I.... please. Please let me help you.”

“You’re lying. You just want something out of me.” I sighed and buried my hands in my pockets, swallowing the tears that threatened to come up. “I should leave.”

He slowly shook his head, looking crushed. “I don’t want anything. Are you here alone? How long have you been out here? Come, let’s go to my place. Let me help you; you look ill.”

“You don’t understand,” I whispered. “You shouldn’t be around me. You and your family have every right to despise me, to see me as a...” It was hard to get the word out. “As a monster. I...I...was the soldier who attacked you that night.”

To my surprise, Rufus didn’t even react. He took off his jacket and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, allowing me to have some support for my leg. His shirt was stained and dirty, and he smelled faintly of cigarettes. Even though his face looked tired, there wasn’t a hint of hostility in his eyes.

”Rufus,” I said softly. “Do you understand? It was me."

A long silence passed between us. I braced myself, ready to hear a string of cuss words from his mouth.

“First things first. We better take a look at that leg.” He sounded like he was commenting about the weather. “My wife is a nurse, she knows a few things about broken limbs. And you look like you could use some good meat on those bones. Once you have a decent meal in your stomach, you can think more clearly, so I can help you figure out what you want to do next.”

“Did you hear what I said?” I asked. “I was the one who shot you twice and stabbed you with a knife.” My breaths grew more unstable. “And I am...am so sorry. For doing such a thing to you and your child. It was wrong of me. I was just...so confused. I have people I’m trying to look after, so I know you must be surprised to see me here. The men I was with earlier; they found out who I was. Please don’t tell anyone I’m here, alright? I was wondering if you knew anyone—“

Rufus didn’t look at me. “We won’t speak about this to anyone. My wife and daughter will not hear about any of it. I will help you. I promise.”

”You aren’t afraid of me?” I whispered.

A look of shock appeared in his eyes, followed by concern once he saw my facial expression. “Goodness, no. No, no, no.”

“But how come? I have caused you so much pain.”

“No. I know you’ve been through a lot, but I need you to trust me. What’s done is done. And given the circumstances, it is not your fault. Baldwin did this, not you, and I take full responsibility for what Plod has to suffer. It is not good to carry all of this guilt in your soul. I’ve been trying to go back to Jova for years to get to you, but things have been so complicated.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I said quietly. “If they come and take everyone away, I can do nothing about it.” My eyes slightly burned with water. “Absolutely nothing.”

“You need to tell me more about these people. Just take a deep breath for me. I’m sorry your childhood was such a mess because of what I have done.” Rufus blinked twice before taking a deep breath. “Unfortunately, you can’t reverse the past and fix it. You can only move forward. And I am so glad that you are alive, and that I am able to see you again. It’s going to be okay.”

I said nothing, he said nothing, and we both made our way through the dark alley, listening to the rats scurry in different directions. Suddenly it wasn’t so cold anymore, and for the first time in a while, I began to relax.