The civilian world was too big.

Staying in the shadows was a bit tricky to avoid those lurking by. The scar on my face, while hidden in the dark, would do me no good. I believed it was because of the civilian clothes I was wearing that I had been overlooked by the soldiers passing by. My legs were shaking so bad it was hard to walk, but I knew what I had to do. Gravel clung to the soles of my bare feet the further I came out in the city. While most of the building lights were on, the streets were for the most part empty, to my relief.

A heavy chunk of bright pink chalk that was left over from an abandoned hopscotch game stained my right hand. The further I strayed away from the palace of the Sandwich King, the more I made sure to mark the cracked building walls beside me in the alleyways. The lines I made were all jagged and messed up, but they remained visible, and that was the goal.

I needed to find the Sandwich King food.

Despite trying to hide it from me, I had seen the hunger on his face, and it broke me. I worried that he wasn’t eating enough. It was not right for the one who had taken me in when I needed it the most to suffer. Whenever he gave me canned soup or small chunks of bread I always waited for him to take his share of the huge portion he poured out for me, but he never did.

And because I had no self control, I would always gobble the whole thing down. What made me feel worse was that I threw it up, which seemed all the more disrespectful. I had woken up in a cold sweat, realizing how hungry he would be when he got back. I immediately pulled off the covers and pushed up the window, having an idea towards finding some food. I knew must’ve been starving. It wasn’t right for me to take and not give back. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to look at the very least, to find a nourishing source. It would be the best way to honor him.

Hopefully, I would find something that would be good for him, although probably not as tasty as the soup we had the evening before. I wondered what his favorite foods were. Maybe he only liked sandwiches, although bread was getting more hard to come by.

On the side of the road, worn wooden food stands stood nearby, their empty presence causing me to shiver. Piles of corpses filled up the ditches by the sidewalk, the stench of human decay making my eyes water as I began to cough.

Large amounts of waste surrounded them, where people would dump out from the windows because there was nothing for them to flush down their toilets. I truly hoped that Benny had food, and was listening carefully to those who he had ran off with, as he was the most stubborn nine year old in the world. And maybe since I had not seen Papa in the maximum security ward at all, maybe he was living in the woods by our destroyed village. Surely he had the skills to keep himself fed and build a shelter as a hunter. They were okay, and I would find them soon.

It had to be true.

The Sandwich King told me what toilets were and what their purpose were before the drought. Civilans already had them in their houses, so they never had to go outside like they did now. I had informed him that at home, the bushes were our safe haven whenever we needed to go, although one had to make sure to watch out for critters that would attack their exposed bums. Especially for centipedes and spiders, who were the most vile. He had laughed so hard his face turned red.

Something on the ground scuffed my bare foot, interrupting my thoughts. As I bent down, my fingers wrapped around a rectangular object, like something solid enveloped in some sort of paper. With one hand, I held up in the dim moonlight. My reading had advanced enough to the point where I could make out the word ‘cocoa’, although I had no idea what it meant. Slowly, I held it to my nose and sniffed it, enjoying its sweet aroma. I grinned and slipped it into one of my oversized pockets.

A distant gunshot made me jump, and I could make out three soldiers pointing their rifles at group of men and women who stood in a line. Civilians nearby screamed insults and threw rocks at them, yet the people at held at gunpoint seemed to have no emotion on their face; only a dead look in their eyes. They bore the same scar on my face as I did, and as I started to run off, the gunshots continued and wouldn’t stop, no matter how tightly I tried to cover my ears.

* * * * * * *

The further I stumbled into the trees in the woods that surrounded the city, the more chalk I ended up using. Sweat poured down my neck and spilled down my forehead as I pushed back tree branches and made my way through tall plants. Months of traveling alone had heightened my senses somewhat, and the sound of dogs barking in the distance or the smell of smoke of a campfire always alerted me of the presence of civilians. No matter how tempting it was to follow the sound of rustling water from a nearby stream I knew it was a trap, since civilians were always there.

I had never been in these parts, though. The bushes were weighed down with dark, juicy berries, and I made sure to pick them clean from the leaves, wrapping them neatly in leaves before shoving them underneath my sweatshirt. My fingers were scratched up and bleeding from the sharp twigs. A cluster of yucca roots, which grew not too far away from my village, stuck up from the moist, dark earth. I dropped to my knees and began yanking them up furiously.

A cold hand grabbed and pulled me back.

Instinctively, I sunk my teeth into the soft, pale flesh of the perpetuator. Their blood tasted good, and a cry of pain escaped from their mouth as they let go. I spun around and moved back, grabbing a nearby stick and preparing to raise it, even though I barely had any strength left. The figure was hunched over, grunting.

“Wait, wait! Calm down, I’m sorry.”

The voice was heavy and raspy, and as they stepped out into the moonlight I could see it was a very young man, almost a boy. The scar was on the right side of the face, and his large green eyes, full with pain and fear, met mine as he clutched his bleeding arm. A look of surprise appeared on his face as he studied me. His short black hair was covered in dirt.

“You’re one of us,” he said slowly. “Gave me a scare. You keep walking around in that civilian getup you will get hurt, I promise you that.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

Quickly, he turned around and made a gesturing motion with his arm. Two more people appeared, an old man who leaned against the shoulder of a tall woman, with curly hair. She looked a few years older than me, and her abdomen was swollen, which she delicately touched as she slowly helped him sit down.

“My name is Toku,” the man said, extending his hand out to me. “And this is Kia and Malcolm.” He winced. “Gosh, you sure have a strong jaw. Know not to get on your bad side.”

I shook it carefully, feeling the eyes the woman examine my civilian clothing, not with hostility, but with great curiosity. Their prison uniforms were streaked with dirt, but they didn’t appear to be starving. Toku gave me a sly grin, although he looked just as stressed as everyone else did.

“Do you happen to have anything to drink?” Kia asked, slowly approaching me. “Our water source was discovered by civilians, so we had to leave our hideout. We won’t stay long. We promise.”

For a moment, I thought about the Sandwich King’s palace. My worst fear was that I was taking advantage of his kindness, but I knew what they were going through all too well. Kia’s eyes glistened with tears, and I gently gave her hand a squeeze and nodded. She quickly pulled me into a warm embrace. Slowly, I reached for her wrist and scrawled a few words across her palm, spelling out the words to the best of my memory.

“Come. Follow me.”

* * * * * *

It took a while, but the pink marks I had left still remained, though it was getting ready to rain. Thunder rumbled in the distance as our feet slopped through the mud. Kia and I helped Malcolm move forward, who kept mumbling about his back. His white hair sprouted upwards like a chicken’s feathers, and he seemed to not make any eye contact with anyone. It wasn’t until we reached the half open window that I had left behind right to the Sandwich King’s apartment did everyone seem to hesitate.

“Um...” Toku stammered as I began pushing up the window with both hands. “This is a civilian’s home. You are walking us right into a trap, for sure. No doubt they’re preparing to sell you, spoiling you with those clothes.”

“Hush,” Malcolm mumbled. “You remember the woman who helped us out a few days ago? She risked her life to give us food, proving again that not all want to sell us. I think the child knows what she’s doing.” He began to laugh. “I could sure use a decent roof over my head. Wouldn’t you, boy?”

Toku didn’t say anything.

With one hand, I gently rapped on the glass. The lights in the room were still on, but I could hear slight movement inside, before Adlai appeared at the window. The look of absolute joy and relief on his face confounded me as he quickly yanked the window up and helped me through, before pulling me into a tight hug. It caught me off guard, and he quickly let go before looking down, his face turning a deep shade of red. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“I got food for you,” I signed. “Good food.”

Before he could respond, Toku poked his head through, nervously scratching his head. “Sir...I...we...we were wondering if you perhaps had water? It doesn’t have to be much, and we don’t want to use up too many of your resources.” He pulled Kia by his side. “My wife...she’s expecting. If you don’t have enough for all of us, I would like her to have it. I completely understand.”

Adlai looked at him for a moment, and I wondered if it was a mistake to bring them here. I could almost make out the wheels turning behind his eyes, like he was concocting a plan. Then he gave his hand a strong, sturdy shake.

“Come on in.”

I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t necessary because he had done so much already; that I could take care of it myself. But they had already started squeezing their way through the window, pushing each other like rats.

* * * * * *

The Sandwich King had a whole other room in the ground, that was hidden underneath the floor covering. He didn’t have enough blankets to go around, but I helped him carry the mattress down the ladder for Kia to sleep on, who protested loudly. Malcolm was already passed out in the corner, and I helped Adlai place the mattress in the middle. The lemon and cigarette scent was even stronger down here, although it was very clean.

“Oh, that’s not necessary, sweetheart!” Kia exclaimed. “Really, I can sleep on the floor like the others. I don’t want to take your bed from you, now.”

Toku didn’t say anything, just sat down against the wall, his eyes studying Adlai. I couldn’t tell if he was confused or relieved. He tightly clutched his water bottle in his hand as Kia slowly laid down on her side. Adlai straightened up as I spread a blanket over her. He didn’t seem to look back at Toku, rather, just continued to climb up the ladder and disappeared up top, his footsteps making a creaking sound above.

Toku’s voice stopped me as I was about to follow suit. “Honda?”

I turned around. He approached me, looking down and shoving his hands into his pockets. A dark shadow appeared right where the opening to the little room was.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry for grabbing you like I did earlier, it was wrong. Tell your friend I said thank you, as well. I really wanted to myself, but I got kind of nervous. With him being a big guy, I wasn’t sure how he would react...with…well, you know.” He slowly exhaled and looked at Kia, who was snoring peacefully. “This world is no place to bring a baby into. I don’t want my child to be sent to a security camp.”

“Don’t be,” I attempted to write, making sure to trace my letters carefully across the palm of his hand. “As soon as everyone gets their strength back, we’ll try to get you out of here.”

“Not with all these soldiers here, we aren’t.”

“Pardon?”

His eyes widened. “There’s a very small city west from here that doesn’t believe in selling us. A lot of prisoners have been talking about it. Selva. It’s close to the ocean, and while there are soldiers there, it’s less dangerous then out here because the civilians find a way to purify the salt water and make it drinkable. Our goal is to get down there and wait until the whole thing blows over. Why not join us?”

I shook my head. “I need to find my family.”

“There’s good news. Do you know about the Red Mamba? I escaped from the ward recently, and all the guys were talking about how they lost one of their most valuable soldiers. Mouse.”

“Mouse?” I wrote. “Like the animal?”

Toku nodded eagerly. “Funny name, huh? Heard two generals discussing it, that he ran off. He has the ability to control water and ice by his own will. One of the most powerful and dangerous individuals out there, but they call him Mouse because he has somewhat of a shy nature. They depend on him. He controls all the water of the island and took it away. And now they don’t know where he is, which may mean we can finally have an advantage.”

“Ice and water?” I couldn’t help but mention it. “How? As a soldier? It sounds scary from their side because he doesn’t like us, but fascinating.”

“It is, but it is also horrifying. I recalled one of the generals saying he can impale others with ice spikes. With his mind. He doesn’t even have to move. Same with our people. He loves killing them. I heard some rumors that he collects some body parts and eats them raw. He’s a fucking cannibal.”

A chill ran down my spine. “I hope he doesn’t attack us.”

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s miles and miles away from here, although they think he may be in the woods. Because of the heavy search of the Mouse, the security of the camps have weakened since they need more soldiers. It’s crazy how much energy they’re putting into finding one person.That’s how we managed to escape, because of all the riots. Maybe you can find your loved ones there. I can help you.”

I felt like singing. “How about the woods?” I was writing so fast I had to repeat it again for Toku to understand. “My brother is out there.”

“Don’t worry,” he replied. “We won’t give up. We’ll try to find him as well.”

“Why did the Mouse leave?”

“I don’t know. Nobody does. But it must be scary to be so close to someone that dangerous, if they have a lot of people looking for him. I can’t imagine how he must treat our people when he comes into contact with them.” Toku yawned. “I’m going to get some shut eye. Tell your friend thank you for me, will you? I appreciate it.”

I nodded as he turned to lie down. Just as I was about to head towards the ladder, the shadow lingered a little bit more for a moment, and then disappeared.

* * * * * * *

As everyone slept, I emptied out my goodies on Adlai’s kitchen table, including the berries, which, to my delight, only a few were smushed. The nuts I had gathered from the woods rolled out on a large pile on the surface. I beamed and pride and looked up. He was nowhere in sight, and I wonder if he had stepped out for a while to take a walk. The yucca roots I had gathered were small and lumpy, but there were a decent amount. I reached for the rectangular bar and smelled it, wondering again what it was.

Down in the storage room, I could make out snoring. Kia and Toku must’ve had a very long journey.

I sat down on the ground and continued drawing to finish one of my sketches, tracing and adding details on a landscape I had pictured in my mind. The mountain ridges, trees, and animals engrossed me so much that I didn’t even hear slight movement in the bathroom. Slowly, I got up and gently placed my hand on the cool doorknob, before hesitating. The light was on inside, although it was flickering because the electricity was acting up again.

Silence again.

I opened the door, slowly. Adlai was sitting on the tile floor with his back against the toilet, hugging his knees. His sweatshirt hood was pulled over his face so that I could see nothing but his nose and mouth, and a few strands of his red hair peeked out.

“I have food,” I eagerly signed. “I was afraid that you were hungry, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t run out of food. I can go everyday if you like, even after I leave. I can pay you back. For taking care of them and for me. I will pay it all back.”

There was silence. I pulled out a large, misshaped yucca root from my sweatshirt pocket. “It’s fresh. It is a fat one, so it will last for two days. I have plenty more in the kitchen. I have many things!”

He didn’t say anything.

I sat down next to him, wondering why he was so quiet. My smile slowly faded away. Had I hurt him by getting up and leaving him without him knowing? Without saying goodbye? The thought pained me for a moment, and I reached for his hand and placed the letters where they needed to be.

“I’m sorry,” I wrote. “I didn’t mean to be so inconsiderate. I had to get you food, because I didn’t want you to go hungry. You’ve given me so much of your own and…” I lowered my head in shame. “Please forgive me.”

“What? Oh, no, no. It’s not that at all. I’m not mad at you,” Adlai said. He seemed to snap out of the trance he was in. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing. And you don’t need to pay me back for things, you know. Being cooped up in here can get pretty rough, anyways. Fresh air does wonders.” To my surprise, he gave me a small smile, although there was a pained expression in his eyes.

I put the yucca root down. “Are you ill?” Panicked, I placed a hand on his forehead. “Do you have a fever? I should make some tea. No, soup. That is better. You lie down.”

He gently gave my palm a squeeze, shaking his head. “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. We just need to focus on getting everyone out of here safely.” His large brown eyes narrowed with determination. “The sooner, the better.”

I felt again in my pocket and pulled out the rectangular object. “I found this outside while getting food. I don’t know what it is, but it smells really good. I hid it from the others because I wanted to share it with you. It should keep you nourished. Would you like some?”

He took the bar from me and grinned, though I knew he forced it. “Chocolate?”

“What is that?”

“It’s candy. Not really food, but you know, soul food.” Adlai broke the bar in half and handed it to me. As I placed a large piece in my mouth, it felt like stars were dancing on my tongue. I grinned and tried to hand him a piece, ready to tell him to try it. But he didn’t take it. As he slowly pulled down his hood, I noticed that his brown eyes had been lingering on me for a moment, filled with a deep longing for which I did not understand. I stared back at him, and he quickly avoided eye contact with me.

“Are you sure you okay?” I wrote, repeating myself. “You must tell me if you are ill.”

He released a shaky breath. I wanted to, more than anything, tell me what was on his mind. He smelled heavily of cigarettes.

“Yeah,” the Sandwich King faintly whispered.