The warmth of the morning sun beat down my back as I slowly opened my eyes. It felt like had someone had struck me repeatedly in my arms and legs. When I raised my head from the mud, I couldn’t stop coughing and spat out a great amount of water.

A rotten piece of wood I had found and drifted onto all night was buried halfway in the earth. The knots connected to my soaking wet backpack were twisted up. My throat was so dry. I wanted a drink, but the river water was covered in algae and other garbage.

In front of me, there were nothing but trees.

My legs shook beneath me as I managed to get to my feet and stumble forward into the shade. The pain in my shoulder was so bad that I clutched it with one hand while trying to navigate through the bushes, moss, and branches that surrounded me. To my surprise, there were no soldiers around, and it was completely silent expect for the rustling of the leaves and chirping of birds. Not another soul in sight. I didn’t recognize this place at all, and it felt strange to be away from the noises of the bustling city.

It wasn’t until I reached a clearing did my heart stop. Thirty huts made out of wood and mud, most of them destroyed, sat a few feet away from each other. There may have been more, but the piles of ashes and dirt made it hard to tell.

There were the remains of a corn field, but all of the plants were gone except for a few burnt stalks. In a daze, I slowly walked forward, the stench of decaying flesh reaching my nose. Blackened corpses laid sprawled out on the ground. Flies gathered around their mouths as their glazed eyes looked up at the sky. Something scuffed my boot, and when I glanced down, it was a doll. Her face and braids were smudged with dirt, and something dark red stained her dress. I didn’t know what it was.

I knelt down on one knee and picked it up.

“M...mama?”

The voice was so weak and timid I could barely made it out. I peered into one of the few remaining huts, where a young girl was lying on the dirt floor. Her head seemed larger than her body, and her ribs poked out from her skin. The dress she wore had some sort of colorful pattern on it, and several beaded necklaces circled around her chest.

I leaned against the doorway and slowly slid to my knees, my vision getting blurry again. In her right hand were rocks, the blisters from her lips bloody from gnawing on them. Her eyes, a dull blue color, met mine. Around seventy percent of her body was burned, and I forgot about the pain in my shoulder immediately. Some of her fingers were missing, leaving only a few stumps.

“Mama?”

When she coughed, her whole body shook.

I crawled to the child and scooped her up in my arms. My chest felt so tight I couldn’t breathe. She was as light as a potato sack, and I cursed myself for not bringing any food. As if by instinct, she leaned her head against my shoulder, her tiny heart beating slowly. I slid the doll in her hands, and she clutched it tightly. The hut itself was falling apart, and there was nothing for her.

“I’m here,” I whispered. “I’m here.”

The girl had a far away look in her eyes as I carried her further in the bushes. I made sure to make her lie in a shaded area while I scoured them, trying to pick off as many berries as I could before gathering them into a pile. She couldn’t chew them, so I had to do it for her and grind it into a paste, placing them into her mouth. The thin wisps of her brown hair blew in the wind. I began to look for a source of water, but there was none. I felt my eyes burning again, but I blinked them several times.

Find water. Find food. Now is not the time.

There was a dried up brook not too far away. I pried off one of my shoes and scooped up much of the liquid as I could, making sure to preserve every last drop. When I approached the girl in the shade, her eyes were halfway closed. With one hand, I gently shook her, but she didn’t move. The shoe slipped out of my grasp and fell to the ground, creating a puddle in the dry soil around us.

For a long time, I held her in my arms.

* * * * * * *

The sun was halfway in the sky by the time I finished covering the hole I had dug with my bare hands. Mosquitoes buzzed around me, and my sleeves were streaked with dirt. Sweat poured down my face, but I didn’t wipe it. I made sure that I had tucked the doll in the girl’s folded hands, and placed several wild dandelions on top of the dirt mound. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. I felt numb and exhausted.

A wild gunshot echoed in the air, causing several birds to fly out of the trees. I slowly turned around. In the distance, three Red Mamba soldiers were talking quietly amongst each other. I froze and got to my feet. One of the men made eye contact with me and grabbed his comrade’s arm. His mouth dropped open.

“Holy shit.”

I stood there for a moment, staring back as they began to charge at me, yelling some more things I couldn’t understand. When I saw his hand reach for his walkie talkie for backup, that was when I realized I somehow still had the strength to take off, thorns and branches scratching against my clothing and face. My feet pounded against the ground, and my legs were burning as bullets collided against a tree near me. I gritted my teeth and braced myself through the pain.

“Stop, or we will shoot! Stop!”

Their voices grew quieter in the distance.

I tripped and landed into something wet, somewhat of a swamp after a mile and a half of running. Unfortunately, these bastards were just as in shape as I was. The liquid was halfway to my knees, but I had never felt more relieved to see water in my life. The instant they started coming down from the hill, I held my hand towards them and took a deep breath.

Their screams filled my ears.

* * * * * *

I climbed out of the place where the swamp used to be from the other side, shivering.

The orange glow of the setting sun shone out from between the branches and leaves. My head was hurting so bad I couldn’t think, and I could feel blood trickling down my ears. The giant ice crystal full of severed arms and legs from the three men they had called in loomed behind me. I could see my reflection through the surface, which was stained with blood. I wished that I could steal one of their guns, but they were buried in too deeply for me to reach.

As I continued to walk in the growing darkness, I hugged myself. Fireflies were starting to appear in the grass, flashing lights of gold. The whirring sound of crickets filled the air, and my ankles sank deeper in the mud with every step. My lips were cracked and bleeding. I wondered what city my mother was in. I didn’t know if I should go back to Portia and try to find Rufus to ask him, but I felt too ashamed. I couldn’t.

My arm shook as I pushed back a branch. Dozens of stumps surrounded me, and many logs were stacked in a high pile against each other. Not too far away was a small house and a shed. Dogs barked faintly in the distance. I didn’t know if this place was owned by a farmer or not.

Only a few lights in the house were on.

I hung back for a moment, before creeping over to the shed. The door was locked with a chain, so I busted the glass window with my arm and crawled through the empty space. It was pitch black inside as I jumped down on the other side. I could make out the faint shape of tools on the wall, and the scent of pine and oil met my nose. Moonlight spilled in from the smashed window. I curled into a ball and hugged my knees.

* * * * *

I wasn’t sure for how long I had dozed off, but a shadow loomed over me when I opened my eyes. The barking of dogs grew louder. It was still pitch black outside, but there was a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. It wasn’t until I made out a pair of slippers did I quickly sit up, scooting back.

A tall, heavy set woman stood in front of me. She wore pajamas and a pink fuzzy robe, and her black curls stuck out in different directions. She held a rifle loosely in one hand, but quickly set it down on the work table. Her dark eyes studied me curiously, along my messed up arm and shoulder. I looked away for a moment, hoping that she maybe didn’t recognize me.

“Heavens, you’re just a boy! What on earth are you doing here? I thought that you were some wild animal that broke in my property. How old are you?”

“Eighteen,” I said quietly.

A confused look spread across her face. “You escape from the jailhouse? I knew this generation was out of control. People your age getting locked up for wild things. Why you come in and break my window like that?” The woman sighed and stared at the broken glass. “Now I gotta pay for a replacement.”

“I’m dreadfully sorry, ma’am,” I said, getting to my feet. “I...I didn’t mean to...I can figure out how to pay you back by going to the city and look for a new one. I should probably be on my way.”

The woman looked bewildered. “Goodness, no! You’re bleeding out all over my floor. Where will you go? Come in and let me take care of those cuts. You hungry? You look like you could use a good meal.”

“But you don’t even know who I am.”

She ignored me and pushed open the shed door. “I’m not letting no one leave my property looking like the way you do. Come along now, and stop being so stubborn. I treat all of my guests with respect, even though somehow you had to break my window.”

I followed her across the grass to the house. Two pit bulls were sleeping by the steps, and eagerly licked the hands of the woman who stopped to momentarily greet them. As I stepped inside, I noticed her place smelled like peaches. The floors were neatly swept and polished, and the furniture, while old, was polished. We walked through the tiny living room, then to the kitchen. On the table was a bowl of fruit.

“Sit down,” the woman said, pointing at the chair. She began to rumble through her cabinets. “Would you like some water? It’s clean. Brought some last week.”

“Yes, please.”

The instant she handed me the bottle, I gulped the whole thing down. It wasn’t until I downed a second one until she gave me an odd look.

“I can’t believe you were just going to leave. You must be crazy. In this heat? You’re very dehydrated.”

I thought about the little girl lying in the ruins of the Khonie village, and my stomach churned.

“Why are you helping me?” I asked as I slowly settled on the brown seat cushion. “Don’t you know who I am? You wouldn’t help me if you knew. You shouldn’t. I won’t blame you.”

“What do you mean?”

I decided to just tell her part of the truth. “I’m a soldier. Or....at least I used to be. A Red Mamba.”

The woman stood still, before slowly turning around. To my surprise, her face didn’t look angry, just a hint of sadness in her eyes. I felt my vision get blurry.

“So that’s why you hid out in my shed,” she said. “You running from them. Few have the courage to do so. You’re not an enemy to me. I’m proud of you, actually. It must have not been so easy.”

“It wasn’t that hard,” I mumbled. “Honestly.”

“You shouldn’t beat yourself so—“

“I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. You want to know where I’m going? Nowhere. I don’t have any friends or family. I can do nothing, just watch other people suffer because of what I did in service. I didn't know...I didn't know they were doing this to them, but that's no excuse." Hot tears traveled down my cheeks. “I thought I was about to do something good for our home, but I...I destroyed it. I let them in through all the cities...and a little girl is dead because I couldn’t help her."

Even after I said the words, the thought of going back into the dark, empty woods by myself made my heart ache. The loneliness was getting harder to deal with, but it would be okay. I could manage, for sure. I tried to smile at her to show her my gratitude, but it was impossible.

She placed a hand over her mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

The woman immediately went over and pulled me into a hug as I fell apart into countless pieces. My sobs echoed in the room, and I felt the dam that I had been holding back for years burst. She rubbed circles of comfort on my back as my tears stained her sleeve. My body shook from the overwhelming wave that washed over me for an hour. It was until I was worn out did she finally hand me a cloth to wipe my face.

“You haven’t cried like that in a long time, haven’t you?” she asked gently. “It’s okay to cry.”

I shook my head, suddenly feeling very small. The woman gave me a small smile and patted my hand, even though her eyes were wet with tears.

“I need you to understand that you were misled. Whatever you did, you were under the influence of the wrong people. You didn’t know any better. Your life is precious, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You have something to live for, a purpose, and I promise to be with you every step of the way when you fulfill it.”

“But why help me—“

“You didn’t know any better,” she repeated. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take responsibility for your actions. Your mental state can affect your judgement. But I believe in you; I believe that people can change. And I know you can have the courage to fix it. I will try to help you, okay?”

“You really mean that?” I asked.

“I do.”

My chest felt a little bit lighter. I wiped my eyes slowly as she rose from the table and poured something into a bowl from a pot on the stove. As she set it in front of me and placed a spoon in my hand, the scent of chicken soup filled the air.

“Eat,” the woman said, sitting down next to me. “You’ll feel better. Then we’ll take care of your arm and shoulder, okay? Tomorrow we will figure out what to do. And you are wrong about one thing.”

I looked at her, confused.

“You have me.” She stuck a hand out. “My name is Janice. I had meant to introduce myself earlier.”

I accepted it, giving it a gentle shake. “Adlai.”

“You haven’t met Honey and Pepper, haven’t you?” Janice asked. Before I could respond, she blew loudly with her fingers. There was a skittering sound as the two pit bulls I had seen earlier came running in. Saliva dripped from their jowels as they approached the table. One was dark brown, the other a light golden color. The golden one immediately jumped on my lap, her tail swinging in the air back and forth.

Janice laughed. “That’s Honey. She’s nothing but a big baby. Don’t let her get near your soup. She sometimes eats right out of the table when I’m not looking. Greedy thing. Pepper is more stubborn, though.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little as the dog’s rough tongue licked my cheeks. Gently, with both hands, I scratched the back of her ears. Her warm brown eyes studied me. Pepper whined and settled down at my feet.

“They’re terrible watchdogs, though. Can’t even scare an ant away,” she murmured. “My husband got them when they were just pups, before he went off to war.” Her voice trailed off for a moment, and I sensed her discomfort. I wondered where he was now.

“They’re beautiful,” I said, letting Honey nestle on my lap as I continued to stroke her golden fur. “Janice, I just want to say thank you so much. For...for everything.” I took a shaky breath. “You didn’t have to.”

The woman got up once again and pulled out some more rags and some ointment in a plastic container. “You try too hard to be strong. You don’t have to be like that all the time. I do surely hope you stay safe. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep you here, but there is a way that I can help you support yourself.”

“Oh...what’s that?”

Janice leaned backwards against the counter. “How would you like to work for me? I sell lumber. My men come here and chop the trees near the clearing. Just enough money to buy fresh water so that they won’t have to resort to selling any Khonies to get some.”

“To buy....to buy water?”

“Haven’t you heard? There’s a water crisis in several cities. The Red Mamba are selling it at a very high price, but if you turn in a Khonie that has escaped from the security wards, you can get two hundred gallons. Fresh, clean water. Enough to last you for a few months. It’s very hard to catch them; I do not want you to stoop that low. It’s a shame how the creatures are treated though. There’s a maximum security ward only five miles away from here. Whenever I see it I get sick to my stomach.”

I stirred my spoon in the bowl, watching the vegetables and meat float to the surface from the bottom.

No, no, no.

“If you work for me, you have a better chance at getting good water,” she said. “They pay a pretty penny for the escaped Khonie, even though they’re hard to find. You must be careful in these woods, though. Some of the creatures still linger around in gangs and attack unsuspecting civilians.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“You alright?” Janice asked, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. “You’re turning pale. It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry.”

“Me?” I quickly looked up. “I’m fine. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind taking it. Thank you so much. I just...I prefer to work at night. You know, away from the employees. I kind of don’t want anyone to see me.”

“Of course. That can be arranged. The wood can be picked up tomorrow by my morning workers and sold in the city. Then you can maybe find a place to live nearby, but you will have to be careful. Many civilians are unnerved, of course.”

Right there I almost told her that I was the direct cause of this. That she didn’t understand the severity of what I had done. But she had already left the room, saying that she needed more gauze tape for my injuries.

I got up and placed Honey gently on the floor, where Pepper was snoring loudly. When I approached the window, I pressed my fingers against the cold glass, trying to make out any shape in the dark night. It was best not to say anything about it. Not yet.

The stars did look strange tonight.