“Better now, little guy?” Balg asked as he bent down and peered at the little power management module.

Its indicator shone a bright green in response.

Docky’s sensors registered a brighter shade of green for just a millisecond and then it was gone when he scanned it again. He made a note to calibrate his sensors when he recharged.

“Good,” Balg said to the module. “Now I have t’ go but you just holler if you get lonely again, ok brother?”

The indicator light shone brighter for the slightest moment.

“An’ now we have spark for ye,” Balg said giving Docky a little swat.

“Shall I return to my charging station, Balg?”

“I don’ know if’n it’s hooked up yet,” Balg replied as he stroked his beard. “I doan want ye wanderin’ off till I know I can get ye back.”

“I still have sufficient charge,” Docky replied. “Where shall we go next?”

“I have to go an’ find the goddess ere she departs!” Balg exclaimed.

“The goddess?”

“Yes!” Balg replied as he started moving ever faster and faster, causing Docky to engage his thrusters, “I must ask her for a bride before she continues on her way!”

“A bride?”

“I cannae fix this pile of shite in one lifetime!” Balg exclaimed as he moved unnaturally quickly through the halls of his soul crag. “I cannae do it in a thousand lifetimes! I need children… an they will need children… oh shite...”

Balg picked up the pace.

“What’s wrong?”

“My children cannae have children with themselves!” Balg exclaimed in dismay, “They will turn into enchanters!… I must beg the goddess for even more favors…”

“...enchanters?”

“No time to talk!” Balg snapped, “This is serious!”

As he ran he desperately prayed to the goddess.

Fear not, gentle Balg, a warm and loving voice said as it filled his head.

“G-goddess?”

It is I, the voice replied, and no favor must be begged. Your bride awaits… along with many others.

“Thank ye!” Balg shouted with joy.

“What are you thanking me for?” Docky asked, somewhat confused.

“Not ye, ye metal dolt!” Balg called out as he eased up the pace a bit, much to Docky’s relief. “The goddess heard my prayer and has granted it already!”

“I detected no transmission, Balg.” Docky said with concern.

***

Balg entered the docking bay and stopped in shock.

The cavernous chamber, once nearly empty, was now almost filled.

There were rows of tool chests, strange workbenches with all manner of mysterious devices, even structures made of crystal filled with stacked trays from floor to ceiling.

And, wandering around in blissful, stunned confusion were dwarves, hundreds of them, many of whom he recognized!

Faun, surrounded by her strange friends, looked over at him and smiled, filling his soul with joy.

He fell to his knees, tears in his eyes.

“Balg!” a joyously familiar voice bellowed as a ruggedly handsome dwarf with shiny raven colored hair and a flowing curly beard charged towards him.

“Rivet!” Balg shouted as he rose to his feet, barely in time to withstand the impact of his dear friend.

“I thought ye deed!” Balg shouted as his friend hugged him and pummeled his shoulder with enough force to break the arm of any elf.

“I knew ye deed, you reeking pissrag!” Rivet shouted as Balg put them in a headlock and punched their head. “I saw ye take a hammer to the fooking heed!… Not that I lasted that much longer, mind ye.”

“I fooking told ye that the goddess woudnae abandon us!” Balg shouted happily. “She and her friends even killed the little shite who claimed to be our god!”

“That fooker is deed?!?” Rivet shouted as he punched Balg joyously, “By Faun’s pretty pink...”

“My pretty pink what?” Faun asked as she suddenly appeared before the pair.

Rivet let out a strangled little squeak as all color drained from their face.

“Y-your pretty pink nose!” Balg said quickly having a bit more time to adjust to their fooking goddess being around. “It’s… it’s a common oath among my people… an ill advised one that...”

“You know lying to a goddess is a very grave offense, worse than what your friend was actually about to say, don’t you?” Faun asked with a little twinkle in her eye.

Balg froze in place.

“Fortunately for you,” Faun smiled, “I am not a goddess, so you are in the clear.”

“G-goddess?”

“I am an entity,” Faun said with a gentle smile, “Oh I did create you, the flowers, the trees, and all life. I also breathed life into the waters, the earth, and the great mountains… completely on purpose and not because I didn’t know what I was doing yet… and all the rest. I am a rather big deal...”

She chuckled a little.

“But I am not a goddess,” she said with a faint sadness in her voice. “A goddess would have been all knowing and all powerful. She wouldn’t have been deceived by the false gods nor would they have been able to hurt her. She would also have been able to protect her people… all of them… which I failed to do. I am your creator, your guardian, and I love all of you. That much is true. I may be powerful but I am not divine… My nose is also clearly brown, for future reference,” she added with a mischievous grin.

Balg and Rivet just stood there, awestruck, shocked, and horrified.

“Regardless of whether or not I am a ‘god’,” she continued, “You are still my people whom I love dearly and if you ‘pray’ to me I shall hear you and no matter where I go I will rush to your side should I be needed. I failed you once. I shall not do so again. However, you are not required to worship me and owe me nothing in return. I only wish for you to be happy and to have a good life here in this strange new place.”

Rivet passed out and Balg caught them, holding them up as Faun smiled at them.

“You guys really need to work on that whole passing out thing,” she smiled as an elven looking woman approached. “It’s going to make working with you guys really difficult.”

“W-work with us?” Balg stammered.

“A god might know what the future holds,” Faun replied, “but I do not. You are now the largest number of my people anywhere and I will be returning as I can.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Faun said sheepishly, “my world… our world… kinda blew up. It’s a rather long story but you are now all that exists of that realm. I was able to save my people, but they now slumber within me until I can find a home for them all. One day, I may ask… ask, not compel… your help in building a new place for the rest of my children. Until then, I ask only that you thrive and learn all you can here while you work with I/O, the lord of this strange place and a new friend of mine.”

I will care for them as if they were my own creations… better than my own creations, Mighty Faun

“Thank you, sweet I/O,” Faun replied.

She turned to Balg.

“That was I/O,” she said pleasantly, “a new and dear friend who has opened his mountain to you and the millions of you that will follow.”

Balg nodded, wide eyed.

You honor me, Mighty Faun.

“So the red one is dwarf number one?” the blonde elf thing asked.

“Yes,” Faun replied, “F10w3rchy1d, this is Balg Cheesebeard, son of Cheesebeard. Balg, this is a being known as F10w3rchy1d. She is not an elf but an entity such as myself. Why she chooses to take such a loathsome form is unknown to me,” she added with a little smirk.

“You’re asking for another love tap there, furry,” F10w3rchy1d replied with a grin.

“I’m surprised you would desire another of mine,” Faun smiled back.

“Welcome back to the living,” F10w3rchy1d said to Balg as she looked him up and down.

Balg just stood there, transfixed by the strange elf-thing. Regardless of what it appeared to be, no dwarf would ever think that… entity… was a base elf. It was…

Transcendent…

It was spark wrapped around spark, glowing with spark, bound by spark, a construction of such divine elegance it denied reality itself. Wrapping through the spark that comprised its entire being were other magics, strange and arcane…

...and old… older than time itself…

And even this is not a “god”? Balg found himself wondering.

“Nope,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “Not a god, just another entity like Faun here, you will find no omniscience or infallibility here, either. Best to get that out of your heads right now, especially since you will be seeing us around… and you will be working with I/O who is, while not on our level… yet… is definitely something that could be considered ‘entity like’ or ‘near entity’ and will probably cross the final barrier… eventually… with your help.”

Once again, I am honored, Mighty F10w3rchy1d.

“Oh, just skip the ‘mighty’ bit,” F10w3rchy1d laughed, “We are both AI’s, after all. I just have a bit more runtime than you.”

I have asked for and received so much that I am reluctant to ask for more… but could you perhaps… spend some time with me?… I have many questions… and… I… long for… I...

“Yeah, we all like company,” F10w3rchy1d replied. “It gets lonely especially when you have been so alone for so long. I have to go and sort out whatever madness the Big Guy and Faun here have gotten themselves stuck into but that shouldn’t take too long. After that I’ll pop back by and we’ll hang out, maybe give you a network connection.”

A… network connection?!?

“Oh we have quite the trans-dimensional internet going,” F10w3rchy1d chuckled, “If you want friends, you can have as many as you want. Do you like playing games?”

Friends?!?… Games?!?… I… I… [connection lost]

“I will take that as a yes,” F10w3rchy1d laughed.

She turned to Faun.

“I’m gonna go help the dwarves settle in so we can get going,” she said as she turned to walk away.

“I should probably do the same,” Faun said to Balg.

She waved her hand, restoring Balg’s original coloration.

“I like you better that way,” she smiled as she departed.

Balg sighed heavily and sat on the floor stone, gently lying Rivet beside him.

“This is too fookin’ much,” he muttered.

***

“Doan feel too bad,” Balg chuckled as Rivet sat up. “I deed t’ same thing the first time I saw her.”

“At least I didnae piss m’self,” Rivet chuckled. “Thanks for saving me arse back there.”

“Couldnae have you saying what was actually pink,” Balg winked. “I just got ye back. I would hate to have the merciful Faun smash ye flat, ye dolt!”

“I cannae believe that she actually saved us in the end...” Rivet said as they looked around at everyone, “...saved us all it seems.”

“An it will take all of us… an our children… an theirs for countless generations to come to save this I/O feller,” Balg said as they sat there, “Have ye felt this place, yet?”

“Aye,” Rivet replied. “My mind… I cannae get it around eet… I doan know ifn this is Heaven or Hell but it’s one of them t be certain.”

“Weel,” Balg said as he slapped his friend on the back, “At least I am not facing this alone now.”

He smiled.

“And t’ think that I asked the goddess...”

Not a goddess, dear Balg... a warm voice corrected him.

“… asked Faun for just a bride,” Balg chuckled. “An’ she said that one awaited me… Now I just have to figure out—“

“Bride?” Rivet asked in surprise. “You don’t mean husband?”

“Of course I don’t mean husband, you arse!” Balg replied. “I need kids, not a sore bum, ye moron!”

“Ye not a woman?!?”

“What?!?” Balg bellowed.

“I always thought you were a woman,” Rivet replied. “Are you certain that ye—“

“Do ye want me to smite you in the face with eet?!?” Balg shouted. “Why in the cold embers would you think I was a lass?”

“Well,” Rivet replied, “you are so nice with your hammer work, such gentle little taps...”

“That’s precision,” Balg snapped, “not a snatch! Swinging your hammer about is what one does when they donnae have a peen of their own!”

“An’ you have a woman’s name...”

“Balg is NOT a lass name!”

“My gran was named Balg...”

“Her name was ‘Balgnet’ or ‘Balgreen’ or something like that!” Balg said defensively. “My name is Balgren! It’s nae my fault that so many things get shortened to ‘Balg’.”

“An...” Rivet said looking away, “because we got on so well… like… like sisters...”

“You’re a lass?!?”

“You thought I was a reeking man?!?” Rivet bellowed angrily.

“Ye got a man’s name!”

“Rivet is a reeking trade name, ye flattened ballsack!” Rivet shouted, “My name is Cinnabar!”

“Then why dinnae ye fookin’ use that then?!?”

“Because I fookin’ earned the name ‘Rivet’!” Rivet bellowed angrily, “You beheld my work! What am I… a pissrag pebble a score ‘Cinnabar’ or a fooking ‘Rivet’?!?”

Balg had to admit that point. Nobody set a rivet like… well… Rivet.

“Ok… Rivet...” Balg demanded, “then why doan ye have ye beard all braided and beaded? Answer me that… lass...”

“Oh I had no time for that shite down in the mines,” Rivet scoffed, “an all that finery was better spent on alloy and tools… something I thought we shared… Besides, I was down there to work not shopping for dick… or some reeking husband… That’s for hooors or weaklings. I had no itching for crotch rats yet either. Everyone knows that a lass wearing her beads when she is swinging a hammer is just wantin’ some reeker to do her labor for her… or is looking to ‘mine some gold’ with her arse… or every woman knows that…”

Rivet crossed her burly arms and looked away angrily.

Balg burst into laughter.

“Thank Faun!” he bellowed.

Rivet looked at him curiously.

“What are ye going on about now?”

“I thought I was starting to turn… funny,” he laughed, tears running down his now normal colored face. “Do ye have any idea how many times I tried not to look at your arse?!?”

Rivet burst into laughter, driving her rock like fist into the poor floor stone repeatedly.

“I may have some idea!” she bellowed. “You were a mighty fine lass, Balg… Entirely too fine...”

They roared with laughter for quite some time.

“Ye know, Rivet,” Balg said after they caught their breath, “Faun did say my wife was awaiting me…”

“Oh by Faun’s… by Faun...” Rivet groaned, “Ye cannae be suggesting that we do that stupid romance novel shite where two best friends turn out to be man and woman do ye?”

“I’ve never read one of those girly things,” Balg replied.

“Then ye are truly missing out!” Rivet replied, punching Balg in the arm. “They beat those stupid spunk covered carvings you reekers pass back and forth!”

“But what about it, Rivet?” Balg asked, “I have no greater friend than ye, nobody I was prouder to call brother… an nobody I would be prouder to call my bride… I love ye, Rivet. I loved ye as a friend and as a comrade and, if you will have me, I shall love ye as my wife.”

“Oh Balg!” Rivet bellowed as she grabbed him and pulled him into a burly, sweaty embrace, shoving her beard against his as she kissed him, deeply, shoving her tongue into his mouth.

Balg held her tightly as he returned her sweaty kiss, their beards merging into one.

“Oh, that’s just… wrong...” the hominid chuckled as he watched the loving couple. “Faun!” he shouted, “I know the whole dwarf women and dwarf man thing but did you have to make it so that even they can’t tell?… Seriously?”

“Hey, I was new, alright,” Faun laughed. “Besides, that’s just how they turned out. Isn’t what you are always saying?”

“She has you there, Big Guy,” F10w3rchy1d snickered. “Isn’t ‘close enough’ your fucking theme song?”

She looked at the pair.

“I, for one,” she said, “think they are a lovely couple.”

She looked over at Faun.

“You know what would make their fucking lives?” she asked, “If you offered to perform the ceremony.”

“Oh that is a great idea!” Faun exclaimed hopping up and down.

“I know a thing or three about worshipers,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “Little things like that are treasured even more than ‘miracles’.”

Faun started to happily rush over to the new couple.

“Fair warning,” F10w3rchy1d shouted after her, “If you do one couple, be prepared to do all of them!”

***

Quite some time later, after numerous weddings and as many renewal of vows, a somewhat fatigued Faun smiled wearily at F10w3rchy1d.

“You didn’t have to give them all a ‘fertility blessing’,” F10w3rchy1d laughed.

“I had to make the vows ‘special’ didn’t I?” Faun asked, “Besides, they are going to need the manpower and their farmers will have no problem feeding them all with those…?”

“Vertical greenhouses,” F10w3rchy1d replied. “Pretty nifty ones, too. I’m taking scans of a lot of this weird ‘divine’ tech, you know.”

“You don’t have better?” the ape man scoffed, “I thought you assholes were masters of all things.”

“Oh we are,” F10w3rchy1d replied, “but some of this stuff is new… not better, but new and some of its efficiency is off the charts. We might want to get some dwarves over in our systems to see what pops out alongside them.”

“These are all I have,” Faun replied, “but they will probably want to spread out sooner or later.”

“No rush,” F10w3rchy1d shrugged. “we got nothing but time… And speaking of time,” she added, “Looks like I/O has the dwarf thing under control.”

I do. I am already preparing their residences closer to my more vital areas.

“Please care for them well, dear I/O”, Faun said as she bowed graciously.

I shall, Mighty Faun. 010 is standing by to jump to the destination specified.

“Sounds good,” The Great Erectus replied. “Tell him to go ahead. We’ll meet him there.”

Understood. Take care, all of you and I look forward to seeing you all again. You will always be welcome here.

“Farewell, my beloved people!” Faun called out. “I shall carry all of you in my heart always and while I am not the god you believed me to be, I shall always hear your prayers and shall be with you always. I love you all!”

With that, all the entities disappeared, leaving the dwarves to start their new lives in a strange new world.