Down in the basement of the Masters’ Tower, Esmund and Kirs had gotten rare access to a subterranean room similar to the training rooms found underneath the other buildings. Esmund shifted on his pad again, trying to find a comfortable spot.

For the first time in a while he was actually glad that he’d worn both shirt and uniform coat, even though the coat was the only required clothing. There been a few brush ups with cold weather in the mornings during their runs, but summer still held a grip. Unless you were in a subterranean room with walls, floor, and ceiling of stone.

His shoulders ached from the spear forms from weapon class, though after two weeks point he was starting to get used to it, a little bit. He’d only been practicing for a short time, but was already gaining a feel for the spear. Which had initially surprised him, since he’d thought he would need months and years of work.

Not according to Sansir and Grev, though. The years of work wasn’t learning the moves or even getting comfortable with the spear. The years of work was wrenching a bit more speed out of lunge, understanding timing and anticipating moves ahead of their enemy’s attack.

Also the spear was a simple weapon. A stick with a pointy bit. Can’t stab ‘em? Then wack ‘em. Ranvir had even joined him a few times during warm up sessions, instead of dueling against Sansir or Grev. Apparently, he’d been pleasantly surprised by the spear too.

He shifted again, moving the pad slightly to his right and adjusted his jacket.

“Are you okay?” Kirs asked.

Looking over at her, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling and some of his tension eased.

He shrugged, widening his smile further. “Of course.” Kirs just stared at him, until his facade fell away. He rolled his eyes, and tapped his thumb against the back of his hand. “I’m a little nervous.”

Kirs shifted over to him. “That’s okay. It’s normal to be nervous.” She grabbed his hand, holding it in hers.

“It’s just come so suddenly.” Esmund said. “Before the break, it hadn’t really come up. And then Master Svenar jumps it on me out of nowhere. ‘Two weeks and we’re advancing you’.” He cleared his throat. For some reason, his heart was racing.

“And then those two weeks just-“ He puffed his hands out simulating an explosion. “Gone.”

Kirs’ thumb rubbed against the back of his hand in a soothing motion. “There was some warning.” Her tone was gentle as she spoke. “Dovar advanced much earlier and we knew that while he was more talented, you were comparable.”

Esmund swallowed and pulled her hand closer. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

Kirs sighed. “You’re going to need to learn.” She turned his head to look at her. “You’re going to be responsible for a lot of lives, once you graduate. Not least among them, your own. I’m not gonna have you die on the front lines because you didn’t think ahead.”

Esmund swallowed. Her eyes demanded his attention. Drawing him in like a whirlpool. “I won’t. I promise. I’ll try harder.”

“Good.” Her eyes softened and she smiled leaning forwards and kissed him all too briefly before pulling away. “Now, why are you putting up a front?”

Esmund blinked, a little shiver moving through him. He pressed a smile onto his face. “I’m not.” He shrugged. “I’m a little nervous, but really, it’s not that bad.” The smile came easily to him, naturally after so many years. He didn’t even really notice it.

“You are.” She said, once more intent. “He’s not here, right now. You don’t have to pretend.”

Esmund turned his head, looking down at his hands still smiling. “I’m really not. I don’t tend to get really nervous or anything. There’s just so much energy.” He rubbed her hand with his. “Sometimes it’s hard to sit still, but it also makes me happy, I guess.”

He still didn’t meet Kirs’ eyes, looking down at where they were holding hands. He took in a deep breath, feeling his heart slow down. Why’s my heart racing again?

She pulled her hand free and wrapped both arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “He’s not here, Esmund.” She whispered to him, drawing him closer. “You’re human, you’re allowed to feel.”

Esmund shook his head, but wrapped his arms around, drawing her tight. He kissed her cheek, though he couldn’t stop a smile. His father had always told his mother, Don’t make trouble where there are none. It was often in reference to Esmund himself, when he’d been doing something properly for once, and his mother had been suspicious.

Esmund drew in a ragged breath, surprised by the halting intensity of it. His eyes began burning and tears came unbidden. He tried pulling back, but Kirs had latched on.

They sat together for many long minutes. Esmund’s emotions suddenly and completely out of his control. By the end, he was a blubbering mess, his emotions so disturbed he could barely tell what was going on.

“What the fuck?” Esmund said, his voice thick and unsteady. He wiped at his face with his sleeves repeatedly trying to clear the mess up.

“You tell me.” Kirs said warmly, grabbing one of his hands.

Esmund shrugged, he didn’t really know why he’d started crying. “You didn’t see him after his mother’s accident. Ranvir was in ruins.” He heaved in another breath, though his tears had dried and the emotions were calming some. “As much as she got torn up, his emotions were right there with her.”

Kirs didn’t say anything, instead she simply put her hand on his knee, which he immediately grabbed. “He wouldn’t leave his house for weeks. Even after I finally got him out, we still could only stay on one side of the village. He wouldn’t cross the road to our house, he wouldn’t even let me cross it.” Esmund drew in a deep breath. “I’ve never seen fear like that before. Incomprehensible and irrational. It could be the middle of the day, nothing on the road for miles he still wouldn’t get near it.”

Esmund shook himself. He jumped up needing to move. He cleared his throat. “After a while, I thought he just needed to see me do it to understand it was safe…” Esmund bit his lip, mind retreating back to that day. It somehow both felt so very long ago, and somehow like it was yesterday.

“It didn’t go well?” Kirs asked.

Esmund bit his lip. “When I turned around he was all raw panic. I ran back, of course, but it didn’t help. I’d started a reaction I couldn’t stop. He shattered like a dropped cup and nothing I couldn’t put him together.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve never seen him like that. He was screaming and crying. One moment, he would cling to me like he thought I was dying, the next shove push and shout at me for risking myself.

“It wasn’t until his dad arrived, that we got him inside the house. Still, he wouldn’t go until I’d entered too. Then he stood in the door, not letting anyone leave. It took hours before he calmed down and Gunnor got him to bed.”

“Have you talked with Ranvir about it?” Kirs asked.

Esmund bit his lip. “He doesn’t remember a lot from that time, honestly I’m not surprised.”

Kirs got up too, walking over to him, her footsteps echoing the empty room. The only items in the room was the basket she’d brought along with all the stuff they’d need before Master Svenar arrived.

“Thank you.” Esmund said, a genuine smile on his face. His shoulders felt lighter, his feet barely touched the floor. He’d never talked to anybody about that day. About seeing his brother like that. It was scary, but in a nice way.

They hugged tightly for a minute, before she pulled away. “Do you need more time, or are you ready to begin?”

Esmund took in a deep breath. “I think I’m almost ready.” He shook himself, jumping from foot to foot on the spot. “We’ll give it a try.” He flashed her a smile, though he could tell there was a worried edge to it. He almost suppressed that part and only showed the boisterous energy. It was a nearly reflexive action to hide it, but he stopped himself.

“Right.” Kirs said. She smiled as much with her eyes as her mouth. He felt sure she saw both the worry and that he’d not hidden it. “Well then, let’s get started with the easy part.”

She clapped a hand down on the spot where he would be sitting. “Start with the meditation, I’ll get some of the other things ready.”

Esmund sat down closing his eyes. He heard her start to pull stuff out of the baskets. Inhaling, he listened as she put down candles, then a sack full of obsidian shards, then the dreaded squelching of water. Esmund exhaled and barely suppressed a shiver. He did not look forward to that part of the preparation.