《Legend of the Lost Star》(Chapter 843) B14 C23: Thoughts
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Under Isabelle’s coaxing and support, Gaius hobbled downstairs, descending flight after flight of stairs. Instead of the Cradle of Creation — the name he’d given this tower — they were actually staying in the Library of Ancients. With the help of Nexus, Gaius had created a passageway between the two places, thereby ensuring that he was still nominally linked to the others.
If he had a choice, however, Gaius would have chosen not to do such a thing. Having a passage open meant that the others could actually make their way here, like what Isabelle did, and although Nakama and La-Ti had promised to stay inside obediently, there was still a considerable risk of them running out to look for him.
The Abyss Sovereign, the person responsible for the largest act of creation ever since the formation of modern-day Orb, was powerless when dealing with his siblings.
At any rate, this was the only arrangement the others would find acceptable. The others had initially wanted to stay in one of the many rooms inside the tower, but Gaius had put a foot down on their suggestion. For one, he didn’t know what the effects of living here did to normal people — this place was full of spectres. Second, he had relocated the Oblivion Portal here; given what he’d read of the place with Isabelle some time ago, he didn’t want to expose the others to its influence any more than was necessary.
His careful considerations, however, was clearly ignored by Isabelle, who was still leading him by the hand. That said, there was literally no point in complaining; she had forced through a provision that allowed her to visit him anytime.
“Something on your mind?” Isabelle asked.
“Just wondering when the Five Lands and the great gods will attack,” Gaius replied. “It’ll be epic, at the very least. Does it excite you to know that your spouse is going up against the whole world by himself?”
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“Only a horrible wife would think that,” Isabelle replied. “Do I look like a horrible wife to you?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Gaius shook his head, and then pulled her into an open room. “Let’s go down later. I want to spend some time with you and you alone. That alright?”
Isabelle glanced suspiciously at him. “Doing that here doesn’t seem like a good idea, though. Like you said—”
“There’s no bed here, so what are you thinking about?” Gaius flicked her nose gently. “The Library is better equipped, so if you want…”
Nexus popped up from his shirt. “Come on! I’m still here, dummies! Go get a room…I mean, go get a room without me being here!”
“Just relocate your consciousness to another statue then, dolt,” Gaius replied, before stuffing Nexus back into his clothes. “And no, I’m not intending on that here, at least…I just wanted to spend more time with you alone, you know.”
“Didn’t we just do that?”
“There’s a difference,” Gaius replied.
Isabelle leaned forward and bopped his head, a small smile on his face. “You are a very odd person. But if you say there’s a difference, then there’s a difference. So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Your thoughts on what I’m…about to do. Your personal thoughts. Not one as my partner. Just yours.” Gaius conjured a table and chair, before sitting down on it. “People will die. By my hand, indirectly or otherwise. I tell myself that I’m doing it for the greater good, on and on, but I’ve come to realise that these words were also used by the Human God, over and over. I…am scared.”
He looked at Isabelle. “Am I just a monster, who is willing to trample on the lives of others for my dream? I knew, full well, that the Five Lands and the great gods will attempt to do something about Celestia. And yet, I continued down on this path, setting the stage for an all-out war once more.”
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“On a personal basis…” Isabelle made a sad smile. “I think you’ve done more than enough a long time ago. You owe no duty to this world. Your original vow to safeguard Orb from the Abyss was more than enough. I…there’s no need to tear yourself up further inside to do all this. Do you know that I want to smack you around? You promised to stay with me forever, but you decided to pull some stupid stunt like this. If you lose, that’s the end. I…”
Gaius hung his head. “I’m sorry. After everything we went through…I guess I should have asked you about all this first.”
“Don’t worry. At that time…you seemed obsessed with trying to find a solution,” Isabelle replied. “You felt…different. Changed. It’s great that you returned to your normal self, so I’m not really going to complain.”
She pouted. “But it would have been nice if you told me about your thoughts and everything, you know. I couldn’t understand why you felt so cornered. In fact, I still don’t understand why you felt this cornered back then either.”
Gaius fell silent for a moment. “When I saw the soldiers trampled by their superiors, when I saw the soldiers of the Five Lands fight against each other…I had a feeling that I alone could do something. That I, the only Demigod who dared to enter the Wildlands, had the ability to stop these meaningless deaths. At some point in time, my goal had changed. I didn’t just want to protect the world for Nakama and La-Ti to grow up in. I…wanted to protect the weak and exploited.”
He smiled bitterly. “It was a logical progression, if nothing else. The war to end all wars…this is the result.”
“The war to end all wars, huh.” Isabelle exhaled out slowly. “This was your original hope for the Great War, which flickered out when the demons chose to pull their punches. In the end, casualties came from internal conflict…”
Gaius nodded in silence. “Conflict and competition are a primal instinct for all life. I knew that long ago. The Demon Sovereign just laid it out explicitly. Therefore, no matter what I did, it was pointless. When Oculus told me about his plan, it was as if a world only I could save stood in front of me, at that very moment. And so, I decided to save it, in accordance with my will and my wish.”
“You dummy.” A sad smile entered his vision. “You dummy.”
Gaius smiled back and held her hand. “I guess I am, right?”
She bopped his head again. “I’ll follow you to the end.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t know you were…hurting this much back then.” Isabelle squeezed his hand. “Dummy. Come on. Let’s go back. Our time with them…is probably limited.”
Gaius nodded and followed her out.
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