“Fucking normies are so slow!” Wick complained for the sixth or seventh time as Corvayne waited for the people they had picked up to carefully make their way under the waterfalls. Corvayne had spent about three hours to get from the entrance to the first treasure chest he wanted to grab. The good news was that the goblins had not yet formed into a super-cell, so opposition was sparse. He guessed the big goblin had yet to arrive or hadn't figured out how to make the little groups work together. Without organization, the scattered groups were much easier to fight, usually five goblins at a time. Wick also had improved her use of the spell disrupt, and Mister I joined in with his bow.

“When it was you and me, I had to wait for you to rest as well.” Corvayne reminded her as he jumped up and pulled himself to the hidden ledge. He quickly flipped the chest open, took out the rapier, drank the green potion, crouched down and handed her the sundial, and took the boots and the backpack and potions of healing himself this time. Switching for the running boots he felt suddenly much, much lighter.

Wick laughed while looking up at him. “I was in worse shape than them and I didn't complain NEARLY as much. Wait, isn't it weird that I'm still in better shape? Also, are you SURE you wanted to drink that? We are clueless about what the hell it does!”

Corvayne shrugged and lowered his voice as he put his legs over the edge of the hidden cave. “If we are stuck in a time loop I'll give you the next one and maybe it will give you some sort of boost?” He let Wick give him some space on the path under the alcove and lept down, splashing a puddle that had formed on the dark blue stone. Mister I was keeping an eye on the people making their way to them now. Having spent hours with them, Corvayne had at least a pretty good idea of who they were.

Jake was in front. He was the beard and flannel guy.

“Hey, Corvayne?” The man spoke and Corvayne did his best not to roll his eyes. “We need to find a source of food and shelter soon... or get out of here. You said you're waiting for someone to show up, but WE need to get out of here. Sooner or later those packs are going to start hunting us.”

Jake was a manager of something or other in Cascadia. Jake also wanted to be the manager of the group. Wick had almost immediately started ignoring him and refused to use his name. Corvayne had tried in a ten minute conversation to explain that he had done this before while dancing around details that gave literally but Jake didn't seem to acknowledge Corvayne's experience at all. Perhaps he assumed Corvayne was a monster too? Over the first two hours the man had so many complaints and demands, often of a completely obvious nature, that Corvayne started acting like his father did as a way of avoiding blowing up at the man. He would just stare at him when he spoke then walk away or wait for the man to falter.

Jake turned to Mister I. “Look, we need to arm everyone...”

The Monk laughed, and grabbed his own wrist and held it up, fingers wiggling. “I might not be a licensed doctor but I can tell you, we are averaging two arms a person here!”

Jake turned to Wick. Wick stored the sundial away, which caused the man to notice Corvayne had the rapier.

“Wait, you found something?” Jake took a step forward and gestured at the blade.

“Yes. The airfoil rapier will be my offhand weapon until I give it to Hari.” Corvayne kept his voice neutral.

“You have a spear which needs two hands.” Jake pointed at the spear, as if Corvayne didn't have it on his back nearly every moment he wasn't in bed. “We should be spreading weapons out.”

Corvayne handed the rapier to his shadow hand. “I have three hands.”

The man took a step back, but then folded his arms and stepped back up. “You nearly missed a group of monsters, what happens when they get to us and rip us apart?”

He did NOT miss any packs. Jake had urged everyone to back up instead of wait where they had been told to hold and they backed into a wandering group. Corvayne was not going to get into another five minute fight where the guy ignored him.

“Goblins are about the size of a child and as strong. Kick them over, then stab them a few times. Pick a spear off the ones I kill if you are worried about getting jabbed.”

The second man, Dave, put a trembling hand on Jake's shoulder. “Stop arguing with him. For god's sake, he could just ditch us!”

Dave was bald, wore camo, had age lines in his face, and seemed pretty close to a total meltdown from blood and monsters and things trying to kill him and eat him. Corvayne picked up that Dave had gone to the park to watch birds in for a few hours and that was all the excitement he had wanted for the day. Corvayne gave the man some credit as he had a walking stick and had killed a goblin by himself while Corvayne was killing two packs together. The problem was Dave had curled up in a ball afterwards. Mister I had to treat him for shock, and eventually just use the prayer of mending to get him walking. That was another ten minute delay. Corvayne wished he could reassure Dave that he'd get them through the tower safely but the last time he tried to do that Jake got pushy about how they should go right to the exit.

The third guy, wearing all black and tactical gloves, was huffing as he came up on what was becoming another group discussion by Corvayne. “I'm hungry.”

Corvayne felt bad that he had tagged Gary as 'the flabby one'. He was starting to think that Grunt and himself were extreme outliers in physical prowess, and Hari wasn't a good 'average' to tag people with either. The most out of shape of the group, Gary was also the only one who tried to come up with Corvayne and Wick to engage a group of goblins. Corvanye gave him full points for enthusiasm but was not happy about having an extra person he not only needed to actively protect in a fight, but also was out of shape and only seemed to get that the goblins had better weapons then his hunting knife once he got stuck by a spear.

Gary had part of a blood soaked bandage wrapped around his arm, as Mister I brought first aid things with him. Corvayne looked at him and softened his tone. “We'll go up a floor to hunt for food in an hour or so, but we are clearing the tribes out down here as our main goal. Anyone who stumbles into this place, we want them to have a fighting chance.”

“Right, and we need the EXP. You guys gotta get up to the level of this hunk here.” The girl in the back added, walking while taking pictures. Of all of them, Corvayne was most wary of her. Jake might try to stage an ineffective mutiny. Dave might never step foot in the woods again. Gary might be an extra hazard for fighting. Corvayne could work around all that.

Seru was a problem for three reasons. First, she had grown up every sunday playing the 'lord's game' and thus had ideas about what they should be doing. Most of those ideas were really smart like staying together. Move slowly and stay aware of your surroundings. Follow the guy who knows what he's doing. Then she had announced what Corvayne was doing was 'grinding experience points'. That had won Gary over to his side but made Jake and Dave more convinced that Corvayne was stalling or nuts like her.

Second was that she was making passes at him. This was partially Wick's fault, as he told her immediately on being asked if he was good with 'all his spears' that he was dating Wick, and Wick had replied too fast for his liking that they had an open relationship. He didn't feel like entertaining Seru as she veered into making crass offers. If she was accomplishing anything, it was just making him miss Hari's far classier flirting. Perhaps Seru was just teasing him as a response to stress. Or she was having a religious experience. After all, she had asked him twice if he was sure he wasn't an agent of Gygax. He was about 95% sure.

The third problem was the big one. Seru was some sort of self promoter, and wanted to share them with the world. “I always like, wanted to do journalism!” She said while snapping pictures of everyone and everything. Wick hid her face every time she saw she was getting filmed or a picture taken but Corvayne had heard Seru say that she had a million followers. He had already died once because they had got the wrong kind of attention. Now, someone was following them with the intent of effectively shooting up a signal flare to alert people to Corvayne and Wick. While waiting for the group the fifth time Wick and him had agreed on how they were going to handle the problem.

That phone was going to take a long dive off a ledge before they finished the tower.

Corvayne tried to pay attention to Jake again but the man was saying something like “The interpersonal skills and tactical experience I have is...” It had been five minutes, so Corvayne just stopped listening to whatever Jake was accusing him of and spun and started walking for the next island. Wick somehow got her timing perfect to turn and walk right at his side. Mister I jogged up to his other side but the other four were always a distance behind.

Wick said. “You know, if he really wants to go it alone, we don't have to stop him.”

Mister I nodded. “Sometimes you can't stop a lamb from running into the wolf's jaws.”

Corvayne looked at the man. “Aren't you supposed to help everyone?”

“I'm the kind of monk who knows better then to carry the scorpion across the river!”

They made their way up to the next floor after another hour of killing goblins. There were a few blessed minutes while the others stared at the night sky with the wrap-around effect and impossible number of shimmering stars. Corvayne spent an hour clearing out around the lake. The color-splattered headless dogs were familiar enough now that he could confidently run at groups of them and dispatch them before they could leap past him. Gary had taken a goblin spear and tried to fight a dog along with them near the end, forcing Mister I to use more gauze and disinfectant to deal with a large wound on his lower back before cooking up some of the monsters Corvayne had killed. The poor monk couldn't catch a break. The moment he started prepping dinner for them Jake came up to ask Mister I if he was really going to eat dogs and if he had any idea what they were, if they had parasites or poison.

Corvayne thought it was impossible for Icariii to get genuinely angry but one glance at the monk's face as Jake grilled him made Corvayne append that. The monks true religion was the grill, it seemed, and in the face of blasphemy Mister I looked like he was snarling. He decided to let the Monk deal with Jake for a while. The problem Corvayne wanted to work on right now was leaning against a tree, trying not to let their tender butt touch the bark.

Corvayne put his hands on the man's shoulders and looked him in the eye. “Dude.” That was how you level with someone, right? “You're going to run out of blood. Just guard the others back there with you if we miss something. Call out for help.”

Gary laughed. “It's okay! Seru told me I'd get more EXP by training harder. The DM prevails. The dungeon provides, right? I feel lighter already.”

Every time he heard the D1 word he felt his forehead throb with a slowly building headache. “You feel lighter because you're missing part of your butt that dog clawed off.” How did it even get behind him?!

“It's okay! I'm pretty sure I hit level 2 now. You'll remember this as the day you got your strongest disciple.”

That word sent warning flares up in Corvayne's mind. “My strongest what?”

“Master Corvayne, I'm going to be a spearman like you. Train me like you were trained! I'm tough as hell, and I'm one of the highest ranked Dented Shield players in Cascadia, graduated top of my class at New Seattle Community College, and have over 300 confirmed kills in PVP on-”

“The only people I could hate enough to ever inflict my own training on are the same people who trained me.” Corvayne said, while creating a scene in his mind of the man who killed him getting his ass beaten by Mugs-Empty-Again to 'toughen him up'. It made him smile a little.

“Master Corvayne, I want to use weapon magic like you do, I can endure any suffering! This wound is nothing.” Gary looked like he was going to cry. “Break every bone in my back if you have to!”

That comment brought him back to seeing Lady Blood Claw get mangled by that monster. He turned to Gary.

“I would advise you to totally forget all this when you get home. Take up... making things for coffee tables as a hobby. Go hiking somewhere that doesn't have swarms of monsters.”

“Master, I understand... you want to test my enthusiasm! I will kill a monster dog by myself!”

Corvayne breathed in, held his breath, then breathed out. Calm. Stay calm. “I will not take you as my disciple if you attempt to fight a dog alone.” Because you'd be dead, Gary.

He thought being the only translator was bad. Hari and Mosh were a blessing. He'd hug them both when he saw them. They listened to what he said!

As if summoned by his own thoughts to contrast Hari, Seru strolled up to him. “Hey Corvayne, wanna go skinny dipping?”

“There are fish larger then you in the lake, so stay in the shallow area.” He didn't bother turning to her and focused on a problem he might be able to handle. “Don't watch her, look at me. Now listen Gary, if you want to train, you can do it once we reach the village on floor three. I'll at least show you the basics of the forms, how to do the spear dance which is a fancy name for stretches. But the key thing is that no matter if spearman says things like 'A spear always goes forward' or 'the point will guide you' or 'a spearhead is the front of an army' what you really need to remember is that you use a spear to stay away from whatever your jabbing to death. Your job the next few fights is to stay a good distance away and focus on watching what I do when I'm not doing 'weapon magic' as you call it.”

“Oh, you mean like how you somehow run backwards at the same speed most people run forwards?” Gary had been paying some attention at least.

“I'm spending most a fight trading ground for cuts and jabs that will bleed my enemy out.” He nodded. “When your leg heals, assuming we are still in here, you'll start by jogging and doing drills with your feet while holding your stick.”

“Master yes! Thank you for teaching this worthless disciple!” Gary dropped to his knees to bow. “Oww. The grounds kinda hard here Master Corvayne!”

Corvayne's eye twitched. “Please don't call me Master or use the... d word... it makes me feel really weird. Like I'm starting a religion or something.”

Seru hadn't actually gone away and her voice made him turn to her “Don't worry Corvayne, if I'm ever on my knees in front of you, it's not worship.” She gave him an overblown wink. Corvayne sighed.

“I'm really not interested Seru. My goal coming in here was to gather my friends and now it's getting you home.”

“You can come in here after you take me home.” She pointed to herself and laughed, then leaned into him pushing his shoulder.

“I don't think you get it... I appreciate the thought but I've got my hands full as is.” Corvayne thought about how Hari at least had taken time to get to know him. The pushiness was the worst part. Take a hint!

“Hey, compared to Wick, I'd actually fill your hands.” She demonstrated by cupping her chest and making what he guessed was a duck face at him.

“Are you saying you don't think Wick is... good enough for me?” Did he want to know? His job was to get her to the fifth floor. Do not get mad.

Seru smiled and pushed her chest into his arm. “Corvayne you are such a nice boyfriend but if she was really into you, she'd not like, totally give me the go-ahead to jump your bones. You could do WAY better, maybe she like, knows it?”

“I really love Wick.” He felt his teeth grinding a little. “She is exactly what I want. I don't want to sleep with you. Please get off me.” He pulled his arm away from her. Did this work on other people?

Seru doubled down, rubbing her hand on his chest and laughing then lowered her voice. “Well, I mean, she looks like a dork. She dresses like one too. You are a cut of meat, you know? She looks like the kinda person who brews potions for the real heroes. I mean, c'mon. What's your story anyway? You know, I bet I can teach you a few tricks that your bookworm can't. There's a nice stretch of beach behind those rocks if you don't mind a little sand.”

Enough was Enough. Corvayne looked over at Seru. The smug look on her face sealed it. “Say, you want to make me famous, right? With all those photos you took?”

Seru's voice went closer to normal. “Yeah, dude! You could be a movie star. You guys are going to get some killer exposure.”

If only you knew how killer. “Can you show me some of the pictures you took?”

She held the phone out. Corvayne plucked it from her, and used [Cross skill: Expert throw] to launch it far enough to fly off the platform. It was a nice toss in his estimation. Right up there in satisfaction with hearing the [Backstab] noise.

Seru slapped him. “What the FUCK!? That thing cost me 3000 credits!”

“It's okay because Seru? You could do way better.” He couldn't help but smile as he strolled away from her to get some monster meat.