For any upcoming Necromancer, crafting the perfect plan is a necessary art form. Unlike warriors who can run into battle like the dull headed brutes they are, every possible advantage a Necromancer has comes from arduous preparation and a moderate amount of scheming. Necromancers are a feeble sort of people, who only get their protein through eating scraps and odd bits. Without adequate muscles, the brain is the only way to have an edge in battle, and the best Necromancers wield their minds like a sharpened spoon: flexible, unassuming, brilliant.

My delusional mind thought that maybe this was going to be the heist of the century. Sure, the stakes were somewhat low and the facility somewhat unsecure, but I was certain we’d pull it off in style. The problem I faced was convincing both Azog and Rose that this was a good idea, and that the three of us working together could pull off practically anything. Well, not anything. But this was something I was fairly confident we could accomplish.

“So the plan is to steal back the faulty device the guards used to deem you a saint? I am morally above being a thief.” said Rose as the three of us stood outside the guard quarters.

“How are you all of a sudden some morally righteous? Don’t you remember trying to steal every last coin we had on us during our trip to the city? Harness that evil and slightly greedy feeling I know you have deep down inside you.”

“I’ve changed, Arthur. A person worthy of the tour guide program would never steal.”

“You’re still trying to earn your way back into that program? It’s not even real.”

“That’s rich coming from you. You believe in magic.” scoffed Rose.

“Magic is very real. I’ll try and animate the dead pigeon if you don’t believe me.”

“Yeah, I bet you have puppet strings already attached.”

“What is it with you and magic, anyway. The evidence is before our eyes, yet you pretend as if it isn’t real.”

Rose hesitated. A dark expression loomed over her face, her frown deepening. Her back hunched the same way a goblins back hunched when they were angry. I wanted to sprint away from the danger.

“That’s none of your business. I know the truth and that is that.”

“That is that. I don’t feel too good about robbing from upstanding guards.” Azog chimed in.

“They stole the device first. This is basically taking it back and giving the device the use it was designed for. That Vorpal Key won’t reach its max potential hissing at travelers walking by. Look, I know the two of you are skeptical, but the benefits outweigh the costs. Rose, if we get the Vorpal key, I might be able to plead your case to Miss Alice for the princess program at the Vorpal Key meeting. Azog, you wouldn’t want that thing’s potential to go to waste would you?”

“Well, if it was a person, I wouldn't want its potential to go to waste.”

“Just think of that Vorpal Key as a person then. It sure does hiss like a person.”

“It hisses like a kettle,” Rose hissed at me.

“Fine. If you two want out of the heist, that's fine. It’s perfectly fine that you want to go back to your unfulfilled dreams sad and depressed. The future is bright for the three of us, but it won’t be unless we do something about it.”

Rose and Azog looked at each other before nodding.

“I’ll do the heist, but your plan isn’t good enough” said Rose

Azog nodded as if he agreed with Rose.

“Go on.”

“You can’t just tiptoe your way into sleeping quarters and think that you won’t be heard. Even drunk sailors wake up at the slightest sound. Also sound travels louder at night, so climbing through the small hole-like window is bound to cause a commotion. Frankly, without a proper plan, that Vorpal key is as good as gone.” explained Rose.

“Aye, the lady has a point. We aren’t going to accomplish our goals without a little reconnaissance and some good distractions. Once we know the layout, it’ll be a piece of cake. Trust me, this isn’t my first rodeo pilfering a rare artifact.”

“Then what do you exactly have in mind?”

“I suspect we can get a tour of the place if we ask.”

“Ask? We’re stealing from them.”

“They don’t know that. They only know of a couple of sinners and a holy hole inspector. Tell em you need to scare the fear of the gods in us. The local dungeon is usually connected to the bottom of the guards’ quarters. Some guards even sleep in the dungeon to save a bit of coin from time to time.”

“And nothing will go wrong? This is foolproof?”

“I have yet to get caught by pretending to be someone I’m not.”

From the outside, the quarters of the guards of Nosturdam seemed pretty humble. The small and modest building did not draw eyes to it; it was dwarfed by the surrounding buildings and especially the large walls that kept the citizens of Nosturdam in and strangers out. However, there was more to guard quarters in the same way that there is more to a kobold nest. A deep labyrinth of poorly designed dungeon cells lurked just below the unassuming exterior of the guards’ building. Perhaps, the strange planning was due to centuries of different rulers with different ideologies, or perhaps it was due to the uncaring underpaid workers who were a result of numerous budget cuts.

I knocked on the unassuming door.

The guards who worked for Nosturdam learned the layout quickly, or else they ended up lost in one of the many confounding caves. With a three day no show policy, it was vital that you didn’t get lost. That was why the man who opened the door had a rope tied to his leg. He carried a small satchel of emergency bratwurst. I recognized him as the senior guard who had let us into the city.

“Ah, if it isn’t the holy hole inspector. How can I help you?” asked the guard. He stared daggers at Azog and Rose and held his satchel a little tighter than he normally would. Like any good guard, he remembered the faces of those he judged worthy or not so worthy of entering the city.

“Well, these two are tough to crack. I figured they’d see the light if I scared god into them and show them what would go wrong if they chose the wrong path in life.”

“Certainly. For someone as righteous as you, I can definitely show you three around and even offer up a couple of open cells for these troublemakers. Personally, two weeks should be enough to straighten them out.”

“Well, err, I thought maybe you could just walk us through. No need to lock them up. It isn’t as if they have done anything wrong yet.”

The guard snorted.

“Do you think so little of us that you don’t think we’re proactive in our detaining processes? If you lock them up after they’ve done the crime, it's too late. The key to any good guard station is to lock them up before they commit the crime. That way no one gets hurt.”

“How do you determine who's going to commit a crime?” asked Rose.

“That intuition comes from years of experience. Trust me, we the guards of Nosturdam are fool proof in our pursuit of justice.”

I frowned.

“Well, what happens when a new recruit makes an arrest?” I asked. I figured that new guards may lack the required experience for this approach.

“Well, they make mistakes from time to time, but it's a learning process. Anyways, enough, with this chit chat. Let me show you around the place.” the Captain said nonchalantly. He beckoned us inside.

As we walked into a perfectly ordinary room of bunk beds numerous contraptions and devices lay haphazardly laying about. Some were sat on top of beds, others laid under beds. The evil looking stone mask on the wall was giving off all sorts of strange mana emissions. It was strange but my mana sense was going crazy following the different trails of mana. Even with my mana sense the Vorpal Key did not stand out among the trinkets.

“What are all these trinkets?” I asked, overwhelmed.

“Oh, the men on the force like to confiscate things from time to time. It’s a hobby to collect some souvenirs from work. Look, this ole thing is one of my favorites. I took this bad boy from a pair of villains larping as heroes.” The senior guard pulled a small box with a large crank attached to the end. As he cranked the handle, all of the life mana was pulled out of the air and sucked into the box. My skin felt cold as a part of my life force left me and traveled into the box. It wasn’t much, but it felt wrong.

“This thing is like a portable air conditioner. Every time I crank the handle the room feels a little bit colder. Isn’t that cool!” exclaimed the senior guard.

I was certain the box was stealing energy from the living and the slight chill he felt was his life force being siphoned out of his body. This was no air conditioner, but it wasn’t my place to tell the poor man that.

“What else do you have? Maybe some good luck charms?” I asked. I needed to see where he kept the Vorpal Key.

“Ah. You’re a man of fine taste, holy hole inspector. My wife calls this stuff junk. Can you believe that?! This stuff is what makes working on the force worth it. Maybe I can show you some of the cooler stuff I’ve got stashed down deep within the dungeon."

“I would like that.”