《Playing with the Dead: The Dark Art of Bullshit》Leaving - CH 23

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I backed away as Miss Alice leaned over her desk. I panicked and reflexively willed Scraps to form. Funnily enough, his bones weren’t actually crushed. For now, he hid beneath my hood.

“What have you done!” I shouted at her. Scraps clawed at my back as if to add his say to the argument.

Miss Alice raised her eyebrows. She looked at me as if I was the crazy one. It was like I hadn’t just found myself in a decrepit moldy room.

“What have I done? I should be the one asking you that. How’d you break the enchantment? I must know before I get you to leave for good. You weren’t supposed to see past what I wanted you to see. Not, without the proper gear, of course. You were mucking up my business.”

“I didn’t do anything. Let my friends go out of whatever that was, and I’ll be on my way.”

“So is it that you don’t know what you did? If it was a fluke, then you’d have been pulled back into the illusion the moment you stepped out. I’ve yet to witness someone once inside the illusion figure out they were in the illusion. So young necromancer, without a Vorpal Key how did you manage to pull yourself out of my influence? If you can answer that, I’ll let your friend Azog go.” bargained Miss Alice.

“How about Rose? She owes Azog for her service, and I just wasted hours running down halls trying to find her.”

“Fine, I’ll let the tour guide free as well.”

“How about the rest of them?” I asked. “All those people lined up on these hard wooden tables. Why don’t you set them free as well?”

Alice let out an exasperated sigh.

“You act as if I've turned them into vegetables. When the time comes for them to leave, then they shall leave, darling. I am losing my patience, and your questions aren’t cute. Tell me how you escaped.”

I did not trust Miss Alice or whoever this lady was, in the slightest. I was certain that the moment I handed her the information she wanted, my freedom wouldn’t be so simple as walking out the door. She was a deceiver, a fraud, and an enchantress. As I stood there, I could see the red mana flowing towards her, as she siphoned it into her body. She was waiting for my answer, waiting to place me back within her warped reality. So I lied.

“I heard a voice telling me that the world around me wasn’t real. Like a divine calling from the heavens, telling me that something foul was going on…” I rambled, trying to buy myself time. I willed Scraps to climb down my back, as I tried to take the attention off of the rather large rat.

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“And this, erm, voice. Did it sound like anyone in particular? Do you happen to know who it was that was speaking to you?”

“No. I can’t say I do know where this voice came from, other than that it came from the heavens. It is truly magnificent that holy gods would reach out with their warmth and hospitality.”

“Gods? You’re a necromancer. Necromancers don’t deal in gods. This voice must’ve been something else. A competitor perhaps? Is this some ploy to take my territory, or my allotment of the mana? Whoever they are, they’re smart.”

“Yes, I’m smart.”

Miss Alice laughed.

“As if you’re behind all of this. I’ve watched how you behave within my spells. You’re not particularly clever, and are likely being pulled around like a puppet. Outsiders like you don’t understand what is at play, anyway. Now be a good boy and describe in detail what happened when the realization occurred. I want details.” demanded Miss Alice.

“Well, I don’t really have a good memory of what happened. My memories are a bit fuzzy.”

“As they should be. No, tell me what happened the moment you realized you were in an illusion till the moment you saw reality again.”

“Well, there was a flash of red and then I was free.” I lied.

By this point, Scraps had covertly crawled under the desk of the lady who was interrogating me. I was proud of my pet undead rat for not squealing horrendously during these trying times. It was as if the rat was cognizant enough to realize that this would, in fact, be a bad time to speak up. The truth was my pet rat was dumb as bricks. Not an ounce of thinking went into its head, and it was only a coincidence that my rat kept quiet.

To Miss Alice, I was a rat: an insignificant measly creature who was beneath her. What she failed to realize was that even rats have some value. Scraps bit down on the woman’s toe, and she let out an enraged scream. Magic flame ejected from her finger vaporizing Scraps for a second time. This time in reality. There wasn’t even enough time for the rat to squeal.

And while rats did have value, it turned out that rats did not have that much value. I felt a bit like a rat locked in a room with a tiger after witnessing just how quickly she destroyed Scraps. I gulped.

“Look, we can work out this misunderstanding.” I diplomatically spoke up.

“How dare you! You’ll pay for that.” growled Miss Alice. It was not a very pretty growl.

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I witnessed the mana pooling around her hands, so I was able to jump behind the tweaking Azog, as a spell blasted into him. Was it selfish to use Azog as a meat shield? Possibly. Although, I’d rather be selfish than dead. Azog had a freakish constitution so I was sure he’d be fine.

The spell slammed into Azog, sending him stumbling backwards. His leather gear he wore was singed, but failed to catch on fire. I'd have to ask where I got such indestructible clothes. I figured it had to do with his past profession, whatever that was. He refused to elaborate when I asked him about it. The spell, however, failed to knock Azog out of his trance. Instead, he turned and punched his freakishly large fist through the rotting wood walls. There was no telling what Azog thought the wall was, but whatever the wall had been, in Azog’s mind, it deserved destruction.

Miss Alice looked perplexed. It was one thing to tank her spells, sure, some of the stronger warriors and adventurers could take a hit or two. No one happened to dodge her spells, let alone predict where her flaming blast of destruction was going to be before it left her arms.

As I purposefully stood in between the rows of people laying on wooden slabs, Miss Alice was in a bit of a predicament. It was one thing to blast unruly customers that got in her way of total hotel domination, it was entirely something else to shoot agreeable customers who might even go on to become repeat customers, possibly even VIP spenders.

“Looks like we’re in a little bit of a standoff. Trust me, I’ll make sure to dodge what you throw at me, and it's the people behind me that will take your fireball to the face.”

“You wouldn’t dare dodge my spells. That's what cowards do, and you’re better than that darling. You wouldn’t want to harm anyone would you?”

“I’ll harm who I want to harm, and if that means standing behind all these wonderful people then so be it. Maybe it’ll give me more bones to work on when they’re dead.”

Miss Alice scowled.

“That is very unbecoming of you, Mr. Necromancer.”

“In fact, unless you free my friends, I’ll even start messing around with their feet!”

Miss Alice looked repulsed. My heart beat as silence ensued. Miss Alice contemplated her options. People messing with clients' feet would be scandalous. If anyone found out her clients feet were touched during their stay, she’d… have less business. That wouldn’t do.

“What are your proposed terms?” demanded Miss Alice.

“Azog, Rose, and I will leave this dump and never return. We won’t get in the way of your business.”

“You won’t enter my territory or you’ll forfeit your life, and word doesn’t get out about the illusions. That’s what makes Esmeralda’s a better experience than anything you’d find in the dull real world.”

“Deal.”

Miss Alice snapped her finger, causing Azog to come out of his trance. He nearly jumped out of his body as he realized he wasn’t inside a nice hotel anymore. He backed away from the wall of people sleeping, horrified by the lack of hospitality.

“Where are the comforts?” were the only words to come out of the broken man’s mouth.

“And what about the tour guide?” I said.

“Fine,” grumbled Miss Alice. She snapped her fingers and one of the disheveled bodies flung upright. She had manic eyes as she looked around. She closed and opened her eyes to try and pretend like this reality was a dream.

“No. No. This is not Esmeraldas. Take me back to the Princess suite. I was in the middle of getting a manicure. How did I end up here?” Rose rambled. Her hands shook like someone who had just seen the devastation of a war. It was devastating to find out that the Princess suite was no more.

“I’m afraid the three of you are permanently banned from Esmeralda’s Inn. If you dare come back, you’ll be killed on the spot. Nothing personal of course.”

“This can’t be happening! What about the two extra days of bliss promised to me! I’m a princess and this is not how you treat princesses!” Rose shouted. She stomped on the floor like a petty child.

“You were a princess. Emphasis on were. It is in Esmeralda’s contract that if the clients you recommend are unruly, you are terminated from the Tour Princesses Recommendation Program. Sorry.”

Rose turned to face Azog and me. Her face was bright red and she barely held her tongue from saying things that princesses shouldn’t be saying.

“Well, Azog hired you for two more days of showing us around. Let's go find another Inn to stay in. I think I know the perfect place.” I said.

“Oh, I’m sure you do. You, you evildoer!” responded Rose.

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