《Playing with the Dead: The Dark Art of Bullshit》Grog - CH 18

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I was nervous as I traveled through the many convoluted alleyways and city streets. Maybe it was the darkness, but I was convinced that the streets were maliciously designed to confuse the average village folk. It was eerily quiet, except for the occasional sound of an owl and whistling of the wind. I always thought that the wind would be blocked by the large stone buildings, but it seemed to find its way through the curving paths.

After some time, one thin thread of dark red mana merged with another. I figured the red mana flowed to a singular point, something was pulling it, shaping it. Crash! Something heavy fell to the ground in the distance. I could not see well in the dark, so my mind wandered trying to make sense of the noise. Was it the sound of a serial killer ogre dropping the body of their victim out of a three story window, or maybe the sound came from meat smugglers who were tired carrying their load of illegal seal steaks. Both of these options were one of many unnerving possibilities, so it was no surprise when I decided to run like a coward.

I huffed as I ran, albeit somewhat slowly, down the curving alleyways until I came across a plaza with a fountain at the center. There, in the darkness, I saw three dark figures that I couldn’t make out in the darkness. A large box, or something like a large box stood next to the mysterious people. The red mana drifted into it, as if the box was a vacuum. I hunched over and listened to their conversation.

“I’m afraid without your Vorpal Key I can’t let you in. You know the rules. No key, no entrance. If the church were to weasel their way in, then it would be my neck on the line, and that’s if I’m not smited first.”

“But I have business in this city, very important business.”

“Aye, if it's that important you shouldn’t have lost your key. Collect your thoughts and think through where it might be.”

“I know where it is! It’s just inaccessible. You don’t want me bringing more attention to this place than I need to.”

“Is that a threat? Dracus doesn’t take kindly to threats.”

“No. No. I wouldn’t cross Dracus for a million gold pieces. Believe me, I like where my tongue is. It’s just that there might be an investigation if I steal it back from the sniveling guards who confiscated it.”

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“Confiscated a Vorpal Key! What if it somehow makes its way into the hands of the Church. They've got plenty of holy fools in all sorts of places and crevices! They might even be watching us right now.”

“Relax. They’re outer gate guards. They think it's a karma detector. No way will they bring up that they took it. Besides, it’s not like just anyone runs around with the right mana composition to set off that thing, let alone knows its purpose. To the average eye, it's just a good luck charm.”

As the three strangers turned away from me, I decided to move closer. Unfortunately, in the dark I failed to see a pebble that I kicked. Clink. Clank. It tumbled louder in the dark. Sounds always seemed to travel farther without light.

“Who's out there! Come on out or we’ll find you and gut your guts out.” shouted the hoarse voice of the third silhouette. He had yet to speak. I presumed he was the guard. I decided that it was in my best interest to not show myself, so I ran into the darkness, scrambling away from the bad men who talked about Vorpal Keys.”

The problem with running for your life is that you tend to forget where you’re going. Survival is the priority, and directions get put on the backburner. The good news was that as I ran further into the darkness, the panicky voices of the silhouette figures became quiet until I couldn’t hear them anymore. The bad news was I had no clue where I was, and it was dark.

So much for a tour guide, I thought. It was illogical and unreasonable to blame Rose for not being here, but it made me feel a little better. As I unhelpfully looked around at nothing in particular, I began wandering aimlessly through the city. I was looking for anywhere to hunker down in the cold night. In the morning, I’d figure out where the Inn was and demand a refund! So much for some quick reconnaissance.

There, among the stone buildings crammed together, was what looked like an opening. Dark mana that I was familiar with exuded from the entrance. As I crept closer, I realized it was a sewer that was dry from a lack of rain. It still smelled a little bit, but the stench paled in comparison to Alric’s catacomb. My nose had already grown numb to gross smells, so I only gagged a little bit as I crept down into it. No sane person would climb down into a place this smelly, so it was unlikely that anyone would come down here.

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As I leaned back into the dark sludge, something poked my butt. It was sharp like a bone; it probably was a bone. I picked myself up, and squinted at the dark bones before me. They were smaller than the bones of a human. I concluded I had found the bones of a dead rat. A very very large rat.

Contrary to popular belief, bones for rats are built with large quantities of food scraps. This one may have eaten like a king, and now it sat next to me dead. Even fat rats weren’t immune to the degradation of time. I felt conflicted as I resisted putting the good bones to use. It was a waste letting them sit here, but it was dangerous to cast magic. Then again it would be good practice.

The temptation to raise the dead was too great, so I attempted forming a rat. Maybe rats were superior beings since I struggled to raise the complex bone structure of the dead fat rat. All the little bones did not fit right. The ‘rat’ I created looked squished and the legs were stubier than they should’ve been. The unholy screech that came out the mindless undead mouth convinced me that it was uncomfortable.

I disconnected the mana threads, and started again. I fought with bones, until the legs weren’t stubby and the tail wasn’t crooked. It took much willpower to keep the bones together. Whenever my concentration waned, the poor rat would collapse into an inanimate pile of calcium. I named him Scraps, a fitting name for a pile of scraps.

Scraps let out an unholy cry as I called him that for the first time. It was louder than I expected and the sound echoed out of the chamber. My heart beat as I heard footsteps in the distance. I didn’t want to get gutted. I was surprised at how persistent the three silhouette men were. At least I assumed it was them.

My legs cramped as I tried to crawl away from the staccato of feet. They grew louder, before a deep voice spoke.

“It’s against city policy to be crawling around the sewers. The fine is hefty, so you better leave before someone more strict will find you.” The deep voice paused. A match was lit, and a large ogre stood in front of me. In his hand, he held a broom.

“You’re not with the box men?” I asked.

“Box men? I’m afraid you’ll have to be a little more specific. I don’t know any men made of boxes. If you say they’re out there, I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”

“No. No. They had a box and talked about Vorpal keys.”

“Don’t know what those are but that sounds shady. Best stay away from things you don’t know. That’s my policy anyway. Names Grog.” said Grog. Grog looked down at the undead rat that I had forgotten to destroy.

“That's an undead. That’s banned across the kingdom. I’m afraid that I’ll have to report you. Nothing personal of course.”

I nearly had a heart attack, as my mind raced to explain away the rat. It was too late to get rid of it now.

“No, you’re mistaken. This is my pet. I’m afraid my pet rat has been cursed with a terrible illusion.”

“That’s not believable. But you know what, I’ll let it slide. I like to say what happens in the sewer stays in the sewer. Well, except for the trash. I gotta carry that out of here.”

“Do you happen to own a groggery?”

“No, that’s my cousin Grog.”

“So you share the same name?”

“No, I’m Grog; he’s Grog. It's the enunciation. Completely different names.”

“Uhuh.” I couldn’t hear the difference.

“Well, I’ll be escorting you out now. Best I don’t get in trouble with the city. Make sure to get rid of that rat thing. It’ll freak people out if they see it.”

“What rat thing?” I lied. While Grog was distracted I had pulled the mana from the rat after commanding it to crawl into my hood. I was going to keep Scraps if it was the last thing I did.

“I guess I’m seeing things.”

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