I watch the sun rise over the horizon, my mind empty, but my heart heavy. Too many dangerous thoughts hover in place in the dark corners of my mind, ready to fall on me at any moment, drowning out everything else.

What horrible mistake am I going to make next?

Am I too weak to protect those I love?

Am I really even a leader at all, or am I just pretending?

I close my eyes, turning away from the daylight slowly rolling in through the window. Somewhere deep inside of me is a cold ball of rage, the same that inspired me to try and become someone greater. Even now it boils inside me, offended by the world that does not bend to my will.

I’m offended by cruel unfeeling mother nature, forcing us to compete in an endless death game. Under her reign, kindness and mercy is a weakness. Beasts eating beasts to grow stronger, and people living in much the same way.

The Unified States of Mana, while in some ways better, are no more acceptable to me. Here there is no care for personal choice or freedom. Your place in society is chosen for you, and your greatest freedom is what hobbies you choose to pursue. Societies rules are left intentionally unclear to inspire fearful self-censorship, and this is all upheld by slaves who do not even know that they are slaves.

Frey and Arduelle have only shown me their best faces, but it is already enough to know that they are not rulers who I would freely bow to. They allow any cruelty to take place in their homes so long as certain strict rules are abided by. Do not leave, and do not cause a fuss. Should you be slain by beasts, they will not intervene.

Being forced to live by rules that I condemn, feels like someone has taken a cheese grater to my soul, shredding me little by little.

Yet, I am still self-aware. My own actions, while excusable, can be criticised as easily. My own decisions are flawed. To call my attempts at ruling over others imperfect would be an understatement.

I must strive to do better.

I open my eyes to the newly risen sun, snuggled in my blankets, while hugging tightly to my new fluffy plush toy.

Am I the image of an empress?

Hardly.

Is my appearance childish right now?

Almost certainly.

Do I care?

Not at all.

If the emperor can walk naked down the street without getting judged for it, then I can surely stay cuddled up in a blanket hugging my soft toy.

Vii stirs, rising from her bed before crawling her way to me, leaning on my shoulder when she arrives at my side.

“You wake up early.” Vii says.

“I do.”

“But you always just sit there.” She says.

“I do.” I reply, “I’m thinking about things.”

“Hmm?” She hums questioningly, shuffling about for a comfortable position.

“What do I want to do? What do I want to become? Why I act as I do?” I say, “Some morning introspection, I guess. To get ready for the day ahead.”

“Sounds strange to me.” She says. “Don’t you know all that stuff already?”

“I think I know it, which is why I need to question myself like this. As people we change every day, and I want to be in control of that change. I don’t want to someday become someone that I’d hate.”

“Is this because of what you said yesterday?” Vii asks, her face close to mine.

“Partly.” I reply. The words that I said, and the ego I felt burning inside in that moment, is all a part of me. A strong part of me that gives me the strength to clear away all my uncertainties. But if I’m not careful, that same ego will leave me blind to my own faults.

We settle down quietly, staring into the distance as we think to ourselves. Vii stays by my side until the others rise with the morning.

Eshya, as usual is the last to rise, and it gives me hope that she might be back to her usual self, but when she does crawl out of the bedding, it’s instantly clear that everything is not okay. She glares down at her own hands as she lets out a low hissing breath.

“You okay, Eshya?” I ask her. Pushing myself off the ground and setting aside my fluffy toy, heading over to her side.

She looks around the room, taking slow controlled breaths. She opens and closes her fists slowly, and her facial expressions twitch strangely as she meets my eyes.

Her gaze feels cold.

She shakes her head and turns away from me, but I can’t quite guess what emotion is making her act this way.

“I’m… not well today.” She says. “This is that thing that I’ve mentioned before. I feel apathetic. Cold. Dangerous.”

“Do you want to take the day off?” I ask, thinking back to the last time. I didn’t see much of her through it, rather she spent most of the day in bed.

“Want to? Sure. We can’t afford it, though. I have to go to class and train.” She replies. “Could you give me some mana?”

“Just give me a second.” I say, grabbing my bag of jerky.

I’ve been swapping out the snacks every day to ensure that they’re still fresh. I have no idea if food even goes bad here, since apparently bacteria can’t become dangerous at all, but there’s no reason to test the idea on our own food.

“Here.” I offer her a chunk with about 20 units of mana. She’s been consuming more and more mana recently, eating well above her usual servings.

“Thanks.” She replies, consuming the mana and grunting in frustration when the pain hits.

“Are you going to be okay in class?” Vii asks, hopping over to us. “How long has it been since you had one of these fits? How bad is it?”

Eshya grunts, shaking her head and taking a few calming breaths before replying

“It’s not been long, but we’ve been busy, so it feels like a long time.” She replies, clearly enunciating every word. “It’s fairly intense today. I feel… easily frustrated, and not much else.”

“Is there anything we can do?” I ask. Leaning in close and grabbing her hand.

“No.” She replies pulling her hand free. “Just. Try not to bother me.”

“We can’t make you feel any better?” I ask.

“No.” She replies. “I need time. I’ll be fine tomorrow. If not, then the day after. Also, please don’t ask me so many questions…” She grits her teeth and flexes her hands, as she sits there. With a little quiet swearing under her breath, she stands up and starts getting dressed.

I follow suit, looking between my dress and my new exercise clothes. While the dress is certainly preferable, and it makes me feel confident, like I’m wearing a suit of armour, it’s not easily replaced, at least not yet.

Sighing in frustration, I instead wear my new disposable set of clothes. After class today we’re assisting Red with securing the land around our colony, and I just know that my dress would get sliced up by some giant insect, or covered in acidic gizzards, or some such nonsense.

“You have three classes today. Your combat class, dissection, then beast taming.” Nel says, looking between three of us—Adler is still in her own room, not yet taking up our offer of companionship.

“I don’t think I need to explain why you need to be careful today.” Nel says, her fingers tapping worriedly.

“We’ll be careful. Actually, careful this time.” I say, as she glares at me before releasing a sigh.

“It’ll be fine.” I say, rushing up to her and giving her a big warm hug. “It’s just class, and we’re just students.”

“That is until we’ve finished with class.” Eshya says, “I hope that we’re going to see some fights in the dungeon, otherwise we’re wasting our time.”

“You’ll be with us for that, Nel.” I say, trying to sooth her worries, “And with Red and the others around we’re sure to be much safer than on our own. It’ll be good for us to get some practice working in a large group, too.”

“It will, so long as they leave us something to kill.” Eshya replies with a firm nod. Her expression cold and stiff.

Today isn’t going to be the day when we get her back to normal. Nel and Vii give me a few worried glances as they come to the same conclusion, but there’s nothing we can do about it.

“Let’s get going, then.” Eshya says, moving for the door.

“Breakfast first.” Nel orders, “You’ll be doing a lot of work today so you should eat properly.”

“Yep. Yep.” Vii says, hovering by Eshya’s side.

“A good chance to train my digestive system.” I say, already investing my mana properly to warm my guts up for the meal to come.

“Busy class today?” Adler asks, joining us in the hall along the way to the elevator. Vii and Nel busily explain our schedule for her as we head down to breakfast. Eshya hovers around the edges of the conversation, trying to avoid it as much as she can.

Breakfast is simple but it goes down a little easier than normal as I focus on my developing digestive systems. Eshya moves mechanically, her jaws working through the meal, as the rest of us enjoy a little small talk about nothing in particular.

The waitress serving us is someone Nel brought into the dorm to take over some of her own duties. She seems like a nice young woman, but I don’t think she’s worth adding to our list of potential recruits for our dungeon colony. At least, not until we’ve claimed that city, and everything is safe enough that we can have non-combatants strolling around safely.

“Take care, and be safe.” Nel says, waving us off as we head for class. I give her a hug before leaving, which she eagerly returns.

Promising to meet up again when it’s time for our dungeon duties, we head out for our own respective tasks. For Vii, Eshya, Adler, and I, that is combat class, which I’m honestly rather nervous about.

Not only is Eshya in an unusual state, but I’m sure that by now Freid has figured out what happened to the other teachers, at least in a general sense. If he’s somehow remained ignorant, then their absence from our classes can’t be as easily ignored.

When we do arrive at the entrance of the arena where our first class takes place, we find the rest of our classmates milling about, chatting rather casually. We’ve all been together for long enough that cliques have had the chance to form, friends have found each other, and the quiet kids have gotten rather used to their lot.

Those from wild worlds have generally stuck together, their willingness to accept and adapt to violence making it all a little easier on them, while those of second grade civilisations also stick together, though they tend to be commiserating with one another for their failure to escape their combat talents.

There are no students from first grade civilisations, except for Eshya, of course.

“Round up, and quiet down.” Freid shouts, standing before us with a military stance, far stricter than I’ve seen from him before.

The students around me instantly fall quiet, gathering tighter together. There’s no formation, but only because we’re not trained for that, at least not yet.

In one short moment the students become fearful children again, and it’s as if everything has returned to that first day of class. Only Vii, Adler, Eshya, and I are unaffected by his attitude, though we still pay close attention.

“There are some issues that must be addressed before class begins today.” Freid says, looking over us as he starts a speech that he’s no doubt already carefully written and practiced before coming here today.

“Two of your teachers; Saren, in charge of your beast taming class, and Tera, in charge of your dissection class, have died in an unfortunate accident.” He says.

I’d have expected the students to start whispering and talking if this were any other class, but if anything they’ve found a way to get even quieter still.

“There was an incident with some of the beasts in the cells, and while we still don’t know what went wrong, it seems that the collared beasts, in contradiction to their orders, became violent. Alongside your two teachers, many other collared beasts died, likely fighting one another.

“Because of this disaster I’ll be in charge of both classes until replacement teachers can be found.” He says, “This is also a good learning opportunity for you all.

“Beasts, even collared, are dangerous. They do not follow the same rules as you and I. They do not respect life as we do. They are wild, violent, and will kill for the smallest of reasons. You must be careful around even collared beasts, but much more importantly than that, you must not act like them.”

He starts striding back and forth before us, sounding increasingly genuine and passionate.

“As soldiers and hunters, it is incredibly important for us to value life. We are here training, not to take life, but to protect life. Even the beasts that appose us, are living beings, and when we must kill them, we should do so with respect.”

Hearing him talk, makes it clear how easily our actions can be seen as villainous. I can make excuses easily enough to justify myself.

I hate the way these people use collars, and I hate how little they care about the lives of their soldiers. I hate how they dictate our classes and our futures based off of a god-damn magic trick.

Yet, I know that to many others looking in, I’m still the villain. I’ve killed people, and I’ll kill more to ensure my future is made secure. Not because I’m the good guy and not because my enemies are evil, but because I favour my survival over theirs. I prefer to be the leader in charge, rather than the pawn sacrificed for a greater good.

“Please, keep all this in mind as you take these classes.” He says. “Now, I believe that should be enough for now. Let’s get this class started.”

It takes a while longer before the rest of the students start to warm back up again, his speech apparently affecting more people that I would’ve expected. I suppose that’s what you get when discussing the sanctity of life, after shocking people with the deaths of a few acquaintances.

Some students, largely those of the second grade civilisations, even break into tears. They hardly had a chance to know the teachers, but here they are crying about it. I can only shake my head.

Class progresses as normal afterwards, though the air is a little heavier now as we watch others take their turn in the ring. The rest of the class is slowly getting used to their duties, but they still have a long way to go before I’d seriously consider bringing them to the dungeon with me.

Eshya’s turn comes quick, and I have to supress my worry as I watch her take up a wooden sword. I know just how dangerous they can be in the right hands, so they no longer look like the training weapons I once saw them as.

The beast she has to face is something akin to an ape, thought its fur is rather thin, and its long limbs would likely make it more at home in a jungle than an open arena. It still moves rather quick when its life depends on it.

Eshya doesn’t hesitate to strike out with her glowing blade, though it seems she’s trying to control it better now. The glow only takes the blade shortly before it’s about to hit flesh, which I suppose is an attempt to better conserve her mana.

If I was watching this scene as the person I was before I came to this world, I’d have thought it entirely horrifying and immoral, but now it just looks like training.

I’ve let myself change.

Our warrior elf is playing with her enemy, and while I know she said that she’s feeling rather apathetic, she seems incredibly joyful right now. She steps around the beast playfully, smiling all the brighter as she spills her prey’s blood. She successfully evades the ape’s swinging claws, before stepping in and stabbing its shoulder just deep enough to cripple its arm.

The beast, however, isn’t willing to concede its life so easily. It tries to counter her, moving with similar speed to Eshya, but with none of the grace. Following a howl of rage, it throws itself at her, and once more earns a small cut along the muscle of its shoulder.

The warrior elf has yet to be touched, each step she takes is confident and balanced as she moves back and forth, evading every attack and finding openings for her own use. She continues bleeding the beast until it finally lays on the ground, it’s muscles and tendons severed at every joint, the beast is able to do nothing more than wheeze out a frightened squeal as she smiles down at it.

She presses the glowing edge of her wooden sword into the beast’s neck, killing it cleanly.

“Your fighting was commendable.” Freid says, though his expression seems more concerned than not.

“Was there a problem?” Eshya asks, meeting his worried gaze with a confidence that brings a smile to my own lips. Seeing her act so brazen brings a spark of joy to my heart. For some reason, I feel only that much happier as she turns to me with the same expression.

It’s refreshing to see a new side to her, even if it’s something teetering on the edge of evil.

“Good fight.” I say, feeding her another chunk of mana before she asks.

She nods and takes her seat beside me, focusing on meditation as she no doubt works through developing her own mana form. She had mentioned permanent development of her flesh that comes with the liquid mana stage, and I am rather curious as to how she’s going to develop herself.

If I were to guess from her showing today, I’d say she’s going to develop her muscles and nerves in favour of anything else. I can already imagine just how beautifully she’s going to dance then.

We each take our turns in the ring.

I personally just use my reactive mana skin to defend myself while pulling mana from my victim until they’re subdued. Thankfully my grappling Skills can still help me out some little bit in this.

Freid is upset with how liberally I waste my mana, which is a frustration, but I do have to eventually learn to fight without using up all my mana.

Vii follows after me, using her wind magic to keep a distance as she slowly wears down her opponent. She closes in when the beast is most vulnerable and executes it.

Adler, of course, just watches on. Her role as a welfare officer more akin to that of a supervisor than anything else.

I still worry how long she can keep the façade up that she’s still collared and as subservient as the rest of them. Though, it’s a worry that I can find no solutions to, so I set it aside once more to focus on class.

Our dissection and beast taming classes go by more quietly than usual. The absence of familiar teachers adding a sombre atmosphere to class.

I do find it a little amusing, however, when I consider that Tera is currently down in the dungeon training a giant insect how to do his job. Not only is she not dead, but she’s still acting out her role as a teacher, in her new home.

Unfortunately, today too, I’ve failed to find any new recruits for our cause. If anything, the rest of our classmates have deepened their belief in the Unified States and their way of doing things.

It seems our success in saving Red, has become something of a marketing failure when it comes to recruiting students. Perhaps I should talk with the journalism club again, put out a few propaganda pamphlets or something.

When class is over, we meet up with Nel and head down into the ruins, then the dungeon, with Korgan and Arn escorting us for safeties sake.

It’s time to clear away the beasts currently nesting in our front yard.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Skills & Stats

~Mana Form:

Current mana density: 776 units

~Mana distribution:

Catagory Current Max. Defence 32% 32% Offense 30% 57% Mana Sense 20% 72% Recovery 0% 30% Gluttony 0% 26% Misc. 0% 30% Efficiency 82% 82%

~Favourited Skills:

-Chip Shredder

-Multi-mind

-Tag

-Mana surge movement

-Mana surge punch

-Reactive mana skin

-Infused delayed Casting

-Fire burst punch

-Annihilation magic

-Mana form flow fixer