We hurtled towards a tiny dot on the scanner, my heart pounding in my chest. I was nauseous with anxiety. I didn't know what awaited me on the ship or what I was about to face. I knew that they wanted to talk to me, they had something to say, but I didn't know what it would be.

I assumed it would be something bad. That made sense to me. The Irisians had spent the last however long in prison because of me. I personally bought some of them to Nova. I delivered them to the waiting hands of the Council. It was my fault what happened next.

“Almost there,” I muttered under my breath, knowing that Cas would hear me.

He nodded and I saw him tighten his grip on the controls out of the corner of my eye.

I glanced back at the locked door behind me. The rest of my crew were on the other side and I knew that they couldn't hear me. Even so, I hesitated before speaking.

“This is going to be okay, right?” I asked softly.

I didn't want to voice the doubts that I was feeling. I didn't want Cas to know that I was worried. That I was concerned about what was going to happen.

I could take it. If we landed on the planet or on the ship or whatever the Irisians were staying and they were to blame me for everything that happened, I knew that I would struggle with it but I would be okay. I would remember their words for the rest of my life but I would be okay. I couldn't say the same for the rest of my crew.

I didn't want Peggy or Cory or Cas to hear what they had to say, even though I knew that was selfish. I wanted to protect them. To stop them from ever having to deal with the doubt and guilt that I knew would follow. They were probably already feeling it. I knew that I was. But, to hear the Irisians say that it was all our fault and that they blamed us, that would haunt us all.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Cas said in a light tone that felt so wrong I actually looked away from the scanner to look at him.

He refused to look at me.

His eyes were fixed staring straight ahead, even as his hands tightened on the screen in his lap.

He had doubts too.

Somehow, that made me feel both better and worse. It was better because I liked it when Cas shared things with me but if he was worried, then that meant it wasn’t just in my head. It meant I had something to worry about.

Finally, Cas’ eyes darted towards me and he gave me a tight smile before letting his shoulders sag slightly.

“I know,” he said, gently. “But, it will be okay. We’ve faced the Council, this will be nothing compared to that. We can do this.”

I nodded, knowing that, for Cas to reassure me like that, he must see how anxious I was. I wasn't sure what to do about it though. I wanted to reassure him, to tell him that I was okay and that nothing would go wrong but I was so scared.

For the first time, I was worrying for nothing.

“We will,” I replied. “No retreat?”

“No surrender,” he said, finally smiling slightly. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

There was a faint beeping from the console which interrupted me and stopped me from saying anything else. I glanced at it, saying the red flashing dot which indicated that someone wanted to speak to us.

I hit the button and waited for someone to speak.

“Captain Aries?” Drac’s voice came from the speakers. “We’re approaching the ship now. Please slow and wait for us to secure it.”

“Alright, we’ll pull back a bit,” I said, switching off the autopilot and pulling back on the joystick. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Of course,” he replied.

I watched as his ship and Lep’s shoot past us, flying towards the growing speck we were approaching.

I didn't like it. I didn't like that we now had to bring a security team whenever we wanted to leave Freo. I didn't like that we couldn't just fly as a crew, we had to have more people on the ships. Trained fighters so that, if we were caught, they would be able to defend us.

I hated that there were so many people who had volunteered to escort us. There were too many people who were eager to lay down their lives for us. He thought that their lives were meaningless beside us.

There's a lot that I hated.

I let out an uneasy breath before poking at the screen on my left, switching on the camera. I scanned the faces of my crew carefully, trying to work out if Peggy and Cory were okay.

They weren’t, of course they weren’t, but their expressions were determined.

Vela and Ursa sat in the other two pods, their hands twitching over the controls and their eyes darting about. They were waiting impatiently and I knew that they were prepared to leap into battle for us. It felt horrible.

It set me on edge, having so many people around who were prepared to fight. It made me feel like a battle was inevitable.

Cas felt the same, I think. That’s why his hands darted over the screen in his lap, endlessly checking for updates.

I glanced away from him, looking back at my crew before asking, How’s it going back there?

Alright, Cory replied.

But if Ursa asks me if I’m okay one more time, I may kill her, Peggy added.

I snorted softly.

Why is she so worried? I thought.

She says she doesn’t think I've gained enough weight since she saw me last. She was on the ship that did the handover, right? Peggy replied.

I swallowed down the lump that immediately gathered in my throat at the mention of the handover. I tried not to think about that day. I had pushed it as far out of my mind as possible but it's still crept back too often.

That was the day that Gem died.

Yeah, I think so, I thought, trying not to let it show how much just the mention of that day had impacted me.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. I was dripping the controls so tightly that my hands were shaking and my knuckles were white.

Apparently so. Well, she said that she thinks I should be heavier by now. She doesn't think I am fit to fly. So far, she has given me three power bars and offers another one approximately every seven minutes, Peggy thought, barely containing her irritation.

What? I asked, a genuine smile pulling at my lips.

She does, Cory replied, his voice a little subdued but still entertained. I don’t know where she’s stashed them away.

I do! Peggy replied indignantly. They’re all over the ship! She has some in her pod, some are in the storage near the front of the bay and I’m pretty sure some are in the lining of her seat.

Beside me, Cas laughed softly.

What? he asked. Did she stash them just for today or were they already there?

I truly don’t know but, oh for goodness sake! Peggy exclaimed.

I glanced at the screen and laughed, tapping the button to turn on the speaker.

“Are you sure?” I heard Ursa ask and I had to fight to hold back even more laughter so that I could hear the rest of the conversation. “I have more, you can have this one if you’re hungry. It’s even got real chocolate inside!”

“No, thank you,” Peggy said, flawlessly politely. “I’m full from the first three.”

“Ah, are you sure?”

“Completely.”

“Well, if you change your mind, I have other flavours too!” Ursa offered cheerfully.

“Thanks,” Peggy’s response was less perky.

Right on time, she thought to us. Please can you veto Ursa from being on the next mission with us? I mean, I know she’s got good intentions at heart but I can’t take this.

I glanced at Cas and grinned.

Sure, I can request that she joins us on all future missions, I thought back.

Urgh, Peggy groaned. I hate you. Cas, can I at least count on you to say something?

I looked at him, waiting hopefully for his reply.

I wasn’t sure about his expression. It was perfectly innocent, he could have gone either way.

Sure, you can count on me, he thought back sweetly. But first, can I just ask you something?

What? Peggy thought suspiciously.

Are you sure you don’t want a power bar?

I burst into laughter, seeing Cory do the same and Cas smile at me widely.

I hate you all, Peggy grumbled back, a slight grin on her face.

The red light started blinking on my console again and the smile slid off my face.

I wished that I could ignore it and live in that tiny pocket of happiness but I knew that it was foolish.

“Captain Aries here,” I said into the mic.

“The ship is secure, we’re ready for you to approach.”