1.22.2

Aftermath

“Captain?” Romo pressed. “What’s the word?”

The old man sat down, and again, Astrid realized she’d never seen him sit. But all formal pretense finally dropped at the feet of utter exhaustion.

“Rue confessed to being a member of the S.O. She claims to have joined weeks before we landed on Endra. It had been mostly informal, until we brought Astrid on. She has been in contact with them ever since.”

Tenya, floored, finally ceased her pacing to stare in disbelief.

“She told you that?”

“Yes,” London answered tiredly. “She actually gave a heart-felt plea that I should ‘see reason’ and join those supporting this ‘movement’.”

“Captain, you know we can’t do that,” Anders rejected.

“Of course I know we can’t, Anderson. The fact she thought I might only proves how far she’s gone. It saddens me to say it but… Rue is lost to us.”

Astrid stared at her hands, despondent.

“What the next move?” Romo asked.

The captain relinquished a long sigh and bowed his head. He rested his elbows on his knees to lean forward.

“I offered her lenience, in that I would advocate for an Honorable Discharge with the brass if she gave up what she knows. I thought she might consider it, if for no other reason than protect her family's legacy in the Service."

"You think that will work?" Tenya wondered.

"Only if she believes the S.O. will be labeled a terrorist group. Then the charges become a lot worse.

“Regardless, she will serve a period for the attack, but Discharge only frees her to pursue the goals of the S.O. more directly. She will be more motivated to do so now. They'll appreciate her skills and provide a cause for which to employ them.”

“So, what does she know?” Romo drew close to hear.

“She’s not saying.”

“After all this?!” Tenya gaped. “She’s still not going to tell us?”

“She says she’ll think it over, but I don’t think she’ll come around,” the captain explained, sounding defeated. “She doesn’t trust us anymore.”

He looked into the faces of his team, and Astrid followed his gaze to each.

Each one, as far as Rue was concerned, chose her. In a scenario where Astrid was the enemy, the rest stood as traitors.

“Then Dell and I will go through her things,” Romo decided. “Communications, gear. If there’s any trace of how she contacted them or how they coordinated, we’ll find it.”

“Sadly, this will maybe afford us one more lead. Even if that means we have to look inward.” Captain London threaded his fingers together, then sighed deeply. “But work quickly. I’m ordering a night of mandatory Shore Leave for the ground team.”

“Sir?” Anders inquired for them all.

“Romo's right. You need to get your heads on straight before I send you into the next fight.” Captain London stood, though it seemed to take him a great deal more effort to rise to his feet. “We need to conduct a service for Commander Kendall. We need to lick our wounds, process our state of affairs, and remind ourselves that it isn’t always going to be like this.

“And I need a night with the rest of the crew. To disclose the news and take their temperature on all this."

“I’ll have Hammond take us to Independence. It’s a civil station, well within Earth’s controlled space. Safe, secure, and a military favorite. No one will look twice at a crew stumbling in for some spontaneous leave. For the moment, it’s our best prospect without the risk of running into unsavory types.”

“If that’s your wish, sir.” Anders accepted.

Somber nods agreed.

“Very well.” London resumed. “I’ll see to it, then. Make sure things are in order before we dock. We can only spare an evening. Once you return, it’s back to business.”

~~~

Astrid grew accustomed to the oddities of space travel. Indeed, it seemed they spent most their time “on their way” to elsewhere. Usually, she filled the time with study and training.

But this time, loftier duties prevailed.

With such a drastic shift in such a short time, and the crew resolved in the task ahead, it seemed only right that the Aldebaran hold a small vigil in the War Room for its fallen commander.

Candles bloomed over the briefing table, and while Karth’s body remained in storage, the team collected his armor, cleaned it, and propped it between the candles in effigy.

A soft warm light bathed the room. Astrid stood back, against the wall, and made it her penance to feel the fizzle of pain in each crewman who came to say goodbye.

The white noise, muted by grief, also somehow bound them. She could feel it so clearly, she had to wonder if they could.

If somehow, the Statics could sense how such a shared loss connected them. The Bridge crew and Ground Team observed no lines. They intermixed with staff and crewmen Astrid hadn’t yet connected with or named. They all stared listlessly, together, at all that remained of their commander.

Even Sugar and Tilly took to the War Room to pay their respects.

Tilly talked a little of how Karth most respected her desire to be left alone. An odd thing to praise, Astrid thought. But as the woman spoke, genuine appreciation rang in her voice, sad and forlorn.

Astrid ached to be seen and heard. And in a way, Tilly, too, wanted to be seen for who she was. For what brought her joy. Tinkering and working. Indulging in her skill in solitude and peace while the chaos whorled around her. She sought to stay ever in the eye of the storm, and the Engine Room provided her that.

And Karth, Tilly explained, honored that. She said he never teased her or goaded her to come out. That he came to her on mechanical and engineering matters with respect to her experience and opinion, and never asked her to be any different than she was.

In that way, Astrid felt she came to know the elusive young woman better. And deemed, they did, in fact, have Karth in common, at the very least.

It seemed everyone who spoke revealed how the commander found his way to them under the ranks and labels. That he knew them, though he never made a show of it or lorded it over them. He held a knack, they shared, for cultivating their personal inclinations to their most true and purposeful applications.

Astrid found herself wishing she could've known what he’d seen in her. But more than that, she longed for that talent. To see and connect with people. To help them be their best selves, as Karth seemed to.

He never showboated over his rank or asserted his superiority as an officer unless absolutely necessary. Yet, somehow, he demonstrated all the traits of an extraordinary leader.

Which is what Anders described, when he spoke up. That though he aspired to be a respectable officer, it was Karth that taught him what it meant to embody one.

It was a tearful, somber event. And when the grief of those in the room threatened to overwhelm her, Astrid’s crystal thudded awake in the dim dark.

She wrapped it in fingers, to not make herself a beacon. But the sensation of literally holding their collective pain in the palm of her hand brought tears to her own eyes.

For all its tragedy, she found it… beautiful.

“Hale,” Captain London called after all others shared. “Do you wish to say something?”

Astrid blinked, caught unaware. She surveyed the small sea of faces, now all turned to her expectantly.

“Oh… I…” Frankly, she wasn’t certain she deserved such a moment. She had, after all, cost the man his life in the first place.

But there the crew stood. Looking to her, waiting. As though she were as welcome to her pain as they were to theirs. A kindness she wasn't convinced she deserved.

And even completely unprepared, she could not reject the invitation.

Astrid swallowed and held her crystal beneath her hand. She closed her eyes to escape their faces, just for a moment. To summon his. To try to remember him as clearly as possible, at his best and warmest.

“I remember every conversation we had,” she started. “From the moment he led me here. Every time I felt lost, or scared, or confused… he provided clarity.”

As she found her words tumbling forth, she willed them to strengthen. To share what he brought her.

“He always seemed to know what I needed. Even when it was just giving me the space and honesty to find my own way.

“He told me we don’t get both truth and safety. And that… we never get to know if what we’re doing the right thing. That we can only make decisions based on the information we have and hope for the best.

“He said, 'always'. I realize now he wasn’t just talking about us, or the mission. He was trying to prepare me for life,” she determined. “He spoke of free will.

“Commander Kendall gave me understanding of the one gift denied every Channeler. In those words, I think… I think he wanted to teach me what it was like to make a choice and have to live with it. That’s not a lesson given easily.

“And it can’t be taken away, nor could I hope to return it. Not to him, anyway.”

When Astrid lifted her eyes, she found the faces of all that shared such blessings from their commanding officer. Anders, Tenya, Romo, Dell, London, Shaely, Hammond, Ricks, Carl, Tilly. It nearly broke her, but she used it and plunged on.

“Looking at all of you… looking at me, like I’m one of you… You’re making a choice, right now. That’s what Karth was saying. We’ve already made the choice.

“I belong here, now. Captain London gave me the opportunity, but Commander Kendall made me understand that I decide that.”

Finally, Astrid dropped her hand. Pale blue light swelled against the soft yellow glow. An outpouring of faith shined for all to see, and she couldn’t hide it.

“He wanted me to own that I choose this. That I choose us.”

She looked over the crew. All of them. To Captain London specifically, then the faces of those she’d come to care for.

To Tenya, Romo, and Dell, those she trusted most. Until her gaze finally settled on Anders.

“I choose us.”