《BuyMort: Rise of the Windowpuncher - How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona. Apocalyptic GameLit》Chapter 45

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It wasn’t until Doofus stopped nuzzling my helmet and put his paw on my leg that I stopped doting on him and turned to look around. Everyone but Mr. Sada and Phyllis were there, staring at me from a loose semi-circle.

“Oh. Thank you. Everyone, thank you so much. You came for me when it was hopeless to come for me, and I will remember that.”

I spoke from my position on the floor, with a giant malamute in a suit across my lap. As I looked at all of them, I suddenly yawned. Exhaustion came over me in a wave and my eyelids suddenly felt heavy.

Rayna nodded at me with her chin. “You hurt?”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I started laughing. I laughed and shook my head instead of answering Rayna’s question.

My clothing hung in tatters, but thankfully enough anti-Sleem suit remained to give me a semblance of pants. I raised my hands and pulled the shredded top half of the suit off, dropping it with a wet plop to the concrete. Then I took my helmet off and set it carefully on a shelf nearby where it wouldn’t get Sleem juice on it.

Rayna stared at me.

“Use BuyMort. Clean Sleem juice off, all at once,” she grunted. “Just tell BuyMort.”

I stopped and blinked at her before doing what she said. “BuyMort, I’d like to sell all the Sleem . . . juice in this room.”

We stood and waited, as I yawned into the back of my hand. They stood in a semi-circle around the puddle Doofus and I had left until a pod floated down the stairs and warped it all away. Every drop of it was cleaned from our suits, the floor, and anything we had touched. It even got all of the residual acid out of my shotgun.

Molls scowled at Rayna, and then at me, but her scales didn’t change color. She had been at a steady yellow while we were down below, but as soon as we made it out of the basement she paled to her regular scale color. She slid forward and looked at me.

“Tyson, are you alright?”

I shook my head slowly.

“I’m just tired. Exhausted, really.”

I looked her up and down, taking in the extravagant armor and weaponry again with a sigh. More things to understand. More things to make me tired. More BuyMort.

She blinked and flicked her tongue out, before flushing pink briefly.

“I’m glad you’re safe. We were worried.”

She turned to leave, moving toward the stairs.

“Molls wait, please. I’m sorry.”

I stepped up to her as she pulled her helmet off and cradled it. The helmet collapsed its hood covers internally. I grabbed her free hand and clasped it in both of mine.

“Thank you.” I looked her in the eyes. “I mean that, thank you so much. You risked your life to help me, and I won’t ever forget that. I promise I will talk to you about what happened down there soon. As my spiritual advisor and as my friend.”

Her scales flushed a deep pink, but quickly swirled into a healthy purple as a soft smile grew on her face.

“I understand. You should rest.”

She gently reclaimed her hand from me and adjusted the helmet under her arm. I was surprised when she turned back and squeezed my hand one more time before slithering up the stairs.

“Come and see me tomorrow, please. I’m told the Sleem can be traumatic to encounter up close.”

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Rayna snorted, and Molls’ head whipped around as her scales flushed red. She took a quick breath and forced a polite, cold smile at the hobb woman, while the color drained from her scales. Then she vanished up the stairs and into the night.

I sighed again and slumped my shoulders, before pulling off the scraps of my anti-Sleem suit and tossing them on the floor as I walked to the downstairs bathroom to take a shower in the same bathtub I had found Mr. Sada’s dead wife’s upper half stored in. Thankfully, there was no stain. BuyMort had been thorough when it took her. It warped away every cell.

Rayna and Tollya followed me. Tollya took up a position outside where she could hear and guard, but not be part of the conversation. Rayna followed me directly into the bathroom, even when I pulled the bottom half of my shredded anti-Sleem suit off and dropped it in the wastebasket. My loaner jeans from Phyllis’ dead husband had been melted away, and I stepped into the shower in nothing but my starfish. It covered the important parts, and I just didn’t care if Rayna saw my ass or not.

Apparently, neither did she, because she leaned on the small counter in the bathroom as the water began to steam against my shoulders and neck. “What happen?”

I groaned and leaned my forehead against the wall. “I don’t fucking know, Rayna. I got trapped with a buncha Sleem. Can it wait?”

She shook her head. “No. Must know how many. What kind of threat.”

My eyes widened and I remembered her job. The job I had given her.

“Right. Yeah, sorry. There’s a lot of them, down there. A very large quantity.” I rolled my face on the wall to look at her. “You know that infestation on the news?”

Rayna scowled and shook her head. Tollya leaned in from the doorway. “I do.” She shook her head and curled a lip. “Sada. Always watching TV.” Then she looked to Rayna, and her demeanor changed back to serious. “Big infestation nearby. Category three at least.”

I pushed off the wall and let the water blast my scalp. “Yeah. That’s us. We have that hiding beneath our feet. Category three sounds serious enough to describe what I saw.”

Rayna’s scowl deepened. “Categories scale to breeding capability. How many orbs you see?”

“Dozens,” I answered immediately.

Rayna drew her breath in with a hiss. “You kill any?”

I ran my hands through my hair, scratching at my scalp in the hot water. “Loads. Even got a big orange one when I sabotaged their ship. Gave me the MortBlock for their turf.”

Tollya hooted a laugh and raised a fist to her mouth. “You bag orange orb?” The hobb stood tall in the doorway and thumped her chest with a fist, before raising her chin at me. “Respect. Sleem-slayer.”

Another chuckle pushed its way out of me and I leaned back against the wall in the shower.

“Yeah, I’ll take that. I killed a lot of them. Didn’t get that wall of slime thing though. That one bothers me.” I scowled as a thought crossed my mind. “But there’s a lot of them left down there too. We’re going back in tomorrow, with much better equipment, and we’re clearing them out for good.”

Rayna nodded. “Clearing them out highest priority?” She turned to Tollya and shrugged as the other woman grumbled something to her. “Too dangerous. Shame, good morties if possible.”

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That cut through the distraction of the shower, and I turned to blink at Rayna. “What’s good morties?”

“Tollya said if there’s that many we should try to contain them. Make Sleem farm.” She shrugged.

I stood in the shower for a few seconds, letting the hot water run across my face while I thought about what she had just said. “Yeah alright, I’ll bite. What the hell is a Sleem farm?”

Rayna shook her head and crossed her arms. “Dangerous.” She glared at Tollya, who shrugged and gave her a small smile in return. “If you can contain Sleem, and feed them, they breed. Can’t help it. Can kill and sell them then. Regular income, always buyers for Sleem carcasses.”

“But dangerous because they’re Sleem, and they’ll do what Sleem do, I get it.” I shook my head and cut off the water. As I dripped for a few minutes, I thought about the possibility. That entire underground base was down there, full of Sleem we could use if we had the right resources.

“Rayna.” I spoke as I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my waist.

“Yes?” She didn’t move from her position at the counter.

“I got a good map of almost the entire complex. What would you need to do this right? With no danger.” I blinked up at her as I toweled off.

Rayna took a deep breath. “Boss, that . . .” Then her slate, pebbled eyebrows rose and she looked at Tollya outside. “More hobbs, first. Equipment. Expensive equipment. To clear them is expensive. To contain them is more expensive. To get farm up and running is massive expense. Morties. Need plenty of morties. Millions.”

I nodded and scrubbed at my hair with the towel. “Can the spider ranch pay for it, in your experience?”

Tollya laughed, and Rayna puffed out her cheeks at the other woman. “Yes. Eventually, if market holds. Silk and the animals to weave it are stable demands, even on unstable worlds like this. But it’s a risk.”

The towel went back around my waist, and I walked past Tollya. The exhaustion was starting to really make itself known, and I stifled a yawn as I reached for my anti-Sleem boots and helmet. BuyMort had done a great job cleaning my boots, every bit of slime was gone from them. It had been really caked on too. Wonder how much of that lake in the hangar my new MortBlock covered. If Sleem remains were really worth farming, I would be stupid to ignore another natural resource right under my nose.

I stopped on the first step, holding a pair of light green boots and shotgun in one hand and a high tech, mirror surface helmet in the other, with a towel as my only clothing.

“Will you help me do it?” I asked Rayna, point blank. She handed me the partially dissolved grenade bag.

The hobb woman scowled. She looked at me, then glanced back at Tollya. “If we do it right. Hobbs not expendable.”

“hobbs not expendable, damn right! I trust you Rayna.” I tucked the helmet under my arm and started swiping through my affiliate page. After transferring most of the rest of my personal morties to the security department, I swiped it closed and looked back at Rayna. “I just dropped half a million morties in your discretionary fund. That good to protect us through tonight? Maybe get started on tomorrow?”

Rayna swiped her own affiliate page up and blinked at the amount a few times before nodding. “Of course.”

I began trudging up the steps, and saw Doofus come to the top to check. He wagged his naked tail at me, now free of his anti-Sleem suit, and I grinned back up at him. “Hey Doof, good boy. You waited for me.”

Rayna called up after me. “I’d need to bring in more hobbs, more of the BlueCleave tribe.”

I turned at the top of the steps and looked back down at her. “Go for it. We can sustain more, right?”

“That’s the thing.” She crossed her arms. “Coming out of storage for this means giving up space. Can’t make them go back after the job is done. If they come out of storage, they live and work here.”

I nodded, getting the idea. Storage sounded like a fun place.

“I trust your judgement, and we’ll make it work. Bring as many as you think we need and can sustain. We try for containment, but clear ‘em if we have to. I need to sleep, we’ll go back in there tomorrow.” She grunted and turned to speak with Tollya, and their voices faded behind me as I walked for the guest bedroom.

Doofus jingled faintly as he climbed the stairs beside me, and I turned to glance at his collar. He wore a strange device on it that I recognized as the sonic weapon from his suit. Smart dog, going around armed. He got way more than anybody ever gave him credit for.

As we reached the top of the stairs and the open, inviting door to the guest bedroom, Mr. Sada’s voice rang out from the end of the hall. “Tyson! You’re back, good! Can we talk a moment?” He had his employer voice on again.

“Yes, Mr. Sada.” I called down to him. Doofus looked at me and then turned to plod in the guest room. I heard him jump up onto the bed as I trudged down the hall to Mr. Sada’s room. I set down my stuff on the end table in the hall, and swung his doors open fully. Hord was there, sitting in a chair looking out the window. He nodded at me as I entered, then glared at my wardrobe. “Yes, Mr. Sada?” I repeated.

He looked up from his TV finally and took in my towel. “Shit so-.” He stopped, swallowed hard, and started again. “Shit, Tyson. What happened to your clothes?”

“Your secret basement tenants burned it all off when they tried to eat me,” I said, crossing my arms.

He blinked at me a few times. “Right. Hey, you’re welcome though. I paid to fund the whole expedition down there to rescue you.”

“Whole thing? Really? Generous. You paid for Molls’ clearly custom gear, and even for Doof’s suit and weapon?” My disbelief was clear in my voice.

He blinked a few more times, scowling. “Well, no. I got a bunch more ammunition for those hobbs you hang around with so much now.”

“It’s been one day, Mr. Sada. Speaking of which, I really need to get some sleep. You mind if I crash in your guest bed again?” I sounded as exhausted as I felt.

He shook his head. “No, man. Just . . . what happened?”

I sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “Everybody and that question.” When I looked back at him, he was hanging on my words like he usually watched that TV.

“Look, I got separated, trapped, chased, and eventually really badly injured by the slime monsters you let take up shop in the basement. There’s a shit-storm of them, though significantly fewer now.”

He winced. “You killed some of them?”

“Mr. Sada,” I started. “I killed a lot of them. I even killed their leader, cause its MortBlock transferred to me.”

Then my eyebrows raised as I remembered the ship. “Which reminds me, your rent contract was never anything real. Good news though, they do have a ship, and it was in working order. Bad news, I sabotaged it because they’ve been using it to wreak havoc on the nearby area.” I uncrossed my arms as I finished. “We’re going to go handle the rest of them tomorrow, once we get the funding from the spider farm.”

He nodded and his lips went tight. I expected him to complain again, but he just looked uncomfortable for a moment before speaking. “Tyson, why don’t you grab something to wear from my closet? It’s weird talking to you in a towel.”

I blinked and yawned, before shaking my head. “I’m grateful, Mr. Sada. Really, I appreciate that. But I just want to go to sleep. I’ll tell you all about my misadventure down below tomorrow, and happily raid your wardrobe at the same time.”

My former boss blew his cheeks out and shook his head with a shrug. He suddenly couldn’t wait to get rid of me. It made me suspicious, but, at that moment I just couldn’t care.

All I wanted was to sleep.

With a small wave, I turned to leave, and he happily went back to his TV.

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