Chapter XIV.V – Anxiety

Sunlight peered through the curtains falling on Arthur’s face. His eyes squinted before slowly opening up. It was the first time that Arthur slept long enough for the sun to come out first. Every morning would start the same for him. He’d wake up, look at the clock, drink water, and wash his face. Afterward, he’d go for a run and have breakfast with Sophie. Today, she wasn’t home. She was with Ari.

Sitting on his bed, he grabbed his phone and just held it in place. It was turned off. His typical cheerful smile was absent. The truth was, it was all due to the small device in hand. He wanted to look at the messages to see if anyone contacted him, but simply couldn’t. Not like he didn’t know how to, but simply couldn’t. . .

Walking into the kitchen, he just walked past the electronic kettle. Even though he felt like making some tea for himself to go along with a simple breakfast, he didn’t. The fact that he was eating alone meant that he could enjoy it on the couch in the living room. He knew for a fact that Sophie did that as well, regardless of Ryung insisting that they eat at the table.

With every bite, he looked at himself in the reflection of the turned-off TV. Truth was, he wanted to watch something. No matter what was playing, he always found it entertaining. The remote was right in front of him, yet he couldn’t force himself to do it.

Why?

Arthur sighed. He already knew the answer to such a question. Anxiety.

Every time Arthur would touch his new phone, he’d think back to how much it probably cost. Sophie could have gotten it and used it properly, but instead, it is wasted on him. There were so many features he didn’t know about, and loads he has heard but not been able to use. Some of them would be very useful.

What if I break it?

These were the thoughts he’d always think back to. He was afraid of doing something wrong. Every time he’d try something on his own, he’d fear that something unexpected might happen. Simply put, he didn’t understand it.

What if there is something I’ve forgotten?

Metal in the microwave was one of his big fears, but even worse was the idea that something similar was not told to him because it was general knowledge. Even the first day that he left the hospital, he was almost hit by a car because people assume you know how traffic works.

Will they laugh again?

No matter what Arthur said, he wasn’t being truthful when brushing off teasing comments about his knowledge or abilities so easily. He felt crippled in the new world he found himself in. Even so, he did appreciate the effort others put into explaining things to him regardless. Yet the anxiety he feels each time he tried was unbearable at times.

Pride?

No. It wasn’t his pride that was getting in the way. He always had to be perfect. If he wasn’t that could have been the difference between victory and defeat. The thought of just how many died due to his incompetence over the years. True, many lived because of him, but the souls that weighed on his heart were countless.

They act as if it’s OK.

Arthur didn’t believe that to be true. If he made a mistake and broke something, how would everyone react? When he went to the store, a kid dialed a wrong number on his mother’s phone and got yelled at. Just being forced to say hello to someone has made a mother invoke her wrath, what would happen if he broke it?

How mad do they get when it doesn’t work?

Teens, his age yell and complain all the time about why something works slower than expected or isn’t working. Some even fear their parents because the phone they got was brand new yet it already malfunctioned. If they could mess up, it was highly likely that Arthur could as well.

There is just too much. . .

He was surrounded by unknowns at every corner. Not knowing the name of things that surrounded him. When he met up with Don, he got scared of an elevator because it was unexpected. What would have happened if he was in public, like the mall? People would think he was crazy. He’d hear whispering the same as he listens to at school all the time.

Arthur just wanted a peaceful life, one where he doesn’t even have to be noticed. For this reason at school, he’d avoid grabbing attention. Except for when it’s during class to answer questions. He enjoyed challenging Nabi to see who’d be able to answer more, but even that became uncommon after a while.

Anxiety.

It wasn’t that he was unable to learn if he truly tried, Arthur simply didn't truly try.

Arthur sighed.

Chapter End.

Thank you for reading.