A white sedan drove along a dusty road, nothing but cacti and a red building slowly approaching. The land was flat, nothing but the mountains rising in the distance, nothing to block the burning heat of the sun overhead. The car bumped over the desert road, if a hardened trail could be called a road.

The car pulled in front of the red stone building, guarding the entry to a fenced ranch behind it. The door opened and out stepped a man, his features hidden behind a black helmet and black armor. He closed the door to the sedan and stepped forward.

Bob swore as he felt his neck suddenly stop while his legs continued forward, landing right on his butt. He scooted back and turned his head, swearing again. For the third time today, his red cape was caught in the door of the sedan. He stood back up and brushed the dust off his bottom, then opened the door. This time, he gripped the end of the cape firmly in his hand and far, far away from the door as he closed it once more. Bob swore in his heart that if he ever designed a uniform, there would be no capes.

But well, that was kind of El Capa’s thing.

Bob cursed as the sweat dripped into his eyes. Was it really necessary to wear a full helmet at all times? The sun overhead beat down upon him as he stepped through the desert landscape.

Bob walked towards the red stone building. He nodded to the caped guards as he entered into the ranch, heaving a sigh as he stepped into the shade. He greeted the serving lady as she carried the boss’s refreshments, desperately averting his eyes from the drops of water forming on the sides of the glass.

Bob hesitated just a second before stepping back out into the sun. One does not wait for El Capa in the shade.

The man himself was standing in the center of a fenced area. A black hat with a circular rim outlined in red. A black opera mask covering his eyes. Black shirt and pants with high, white socks. And of course, the iconic red cape he was most fond of.

“Ah, minion! It is good to see you.”

Bob nodded.

“Patrón”

El Capa gave a bow with a dramatic flourish. The bull behind him took its chance, the earth thundering as the beast sped towards the distracted man. With a twirl of his cape, El Capa danced around the raging mass of muscle and horns, the tip of his rapier poking the bull’s side. The bull cried and continued running. Once it had gained some distance it dug its hoofs in and whirled around, eyes locked upon the blade shimmering in the noon sun.

“Did you get it?”

Bob nodded, pulling a small cloth package from his pocket. He unwrapped it, revealing the plant within. El Capa turned his gaze upon the green bulb.

“All seedless. Fifty percent more product per kilo. ”

El Capa smiled as he stepped to the side. Bob bit down a curse as he jerked his hand away from the bull that stopped but a centimeter from the fence.

“Ah, with this my organization shall reign supreme. I shall have the best Soot on the planet! I can already taste the gringo cash.”

“You’ll taste nothing but the cold talons of justice.”

All eyes turned to top of the ranch, upon which stood a man. A handsome, muscular man. Or at least muscular, his face was hidden after all. He wore a white lucha libre mask, his eyes outlined with blue wings and a golden beak painted over his nose. His torso was bare but for the cape of white feathers covering his shoulders and stretching down to his ankles. His white chest hair was visible for all, except for the blue bird tattooed in the center. On his legs were his blue spandex pants blending into his white boots.

“Ah, it is a great day to be graced by the presence of the Icy Falcon! Not only will today mark the start of my new empire, it will mark the end of my archnemesis. Minions, attack!”

Bob sighed as he and a dozen other caped minions shuffled out into the open, pulling out their revolvers, handguns, and shotguns. Bob kept his finger off the trigger, and so was able to quickly let go as Icy Falcon spread his ‘wings’. Bob grit his teeth as snowy wind blew past him, the cold piercing through his armor and straight to his bones. A block of ice lay at his feet, his revolver in the center. Bob dropped himself to the ground with the rest of the minions, who were not able to maintain their balance with sudden blocks of ice appearing over their hands. Bob crawled his way into the shade as the Icy Falcon flew overhead, snowflakes falling in his wake.

“What are you doing, you incompetent fools?! Must I do everything myself?!”

“Face me, El Capa. Don’t get cold feet.”

Bob unhooked the blasted cape, wrapping it around the shivering serving lady huddled in the corner. Then he walked out of the ranch, and did not look back.

And cursed. Of course the door and wheels of the sedan were frozen too.

“Heroes are so annoying.”

El Capa leapt to the left as the Icy Falcon shot past him. He grit his teeth as the chill pierced his bones, but it’d take more than a cool breeze to stop El Capa! He hid rapier under his cape, and with a twirl launched a jab to the blind spot in his rear. A thin block of ice barely stopped the blade but a centimeter from the Icy Falcon’s eye.

“Come now, Señor Falcon. At least make it a challenge for me.”

Icy Falcon flapped his cape and then held it open, catching the gust of wind and gliding away from his foe. He pulled the cape back and then hurled it forward, daggers of ice shooting towards his prey.

El Capa laughed as he twirled to and fro, flashes of light encircling him. Shards of ice fell harmlessly around him, melting immediately under the desert sun. A shadow passed overhead. El Capa looked up and cursed, shielding his eyes from the sun and jumping to the side.

And raised an eyebrow as the Icy Falcon flew by, not coming within a single meter of him.

“That’s just disappointing, Señor Falcon. You missed your one opportunity! What were you even aiming for?”

“Your cape.”

El Capa glanced over his shoulder. Sure enough, his cape was extended out, ending in Icy Falcon’s grip. The icy winds blew off his hat as he felt a tug on his neck and a white gloved fist filled his view.

El Capa shivered as he came to. He couldn’t feel his legs or his arms, with good reason. His hands were encased in giant icicles growing down from the ceiling of his ranch, his feet likewise trapped within pillars of ice. Icy Falcon landed before him, kicking open the fence gate as he approached.

“A dirty trick, going for a man’s cape, Señor Falcon.”

“A bird of prey cares not for the squeaking of a mouse.”

“Yes yes you win the day congratulations.”

El Capa’s mouth curled upwards.

“But what have you really accomplished, Señor Falcon? Oh you’ll take me in I’m sure, maybe I’ll even go to a prison. But we both know nothing will change. I’ll kick back, relax, and then be out in a week. Maybe I’ll even make some new friends. My minions will return and continue my work, and then we will continue this dance. Round and round and round we go until maybe one day, someone makes a little slip? Hard to keep your balance on ice. Deep in your heart, you know, don’t you? You will never stop me. Not in any way that matters.”

The Icy Falcon looked up to the sky and stood still for a moment. Then he looked down until he was staring El Capa in the eye.

“Maybe not. But I might not have to.”

With that Icy Falcon crouched down, and then leapt into the sky with a flap of his cape. Revealing a bleeding, snorting bull, staring El Capa straight in the eyes as it adjusted the position of its front leg.

“Motherf…”

Bob took another drink from his water bottle as he drove down the road. He could see a tower of smoke in the distance. Several trucks passed by him, carrying green uniformed soldiers. Bob ignored them and continued on his way, driving towards the smoke. Eventually he arrived in a small town near burning fields, stepping into the local church as he pulled on his helmet. Beside the dimly lit pews stood a cop lighting a cigarette.

“Looks like there was some trouble?”

The cop shrugged.

“They need to show the gringos some effort, so they burn some small farms in Sinaloa. But what can we do? Nobody important gives a damn about this place.”

Bob pulled out a small package and a wad of cash.

“We’ll see about that.”