Theo spent lunch absent-mindedly shoving food into his mouth while thinking.

There was a lot on his mind these days, and Sparrow brought some of it back into focus when he’d desperately been trying to not think about it.

Should he accept the mantle of leadership? Would the third step of Tome of Memories truly do what he was hoping? How difficult would it be to use compressed mana for second tier internal mana?

“You’re sighing a lot. What’s up?” Jenny asked. Theo perked his head up, noticing that the conversation around him had died down. Everyone was looking at him.

“Just, got a lot on my mind right now.” He gave everyone a weak smile, and returned his attention to picking at the remaining food he had. Everyone else shared a look. “I just need some time to figure things out, and I’ll be fine.” He reassured, and hoped that they believed him (and that he himself believed it).

Thankfully, nobody spoke up.

---

Combat went by in the blink of an eye. It was all about weight distribution, stance, and how to position yourself advantageously.

Theo felt like he understood the instructions better than he would have a week ago. His muscle memory didn’t change much, but remembering what he was supposed to do was easier.

It was a pretty easy class for him, and Sasha nodded in approval before shifting her attention to the likes of Horace (who needed a lot of attention), and letting people like him and Jade do mostly their own thing.

Good thing she wasn’t spending too much time with him, otherwise she might have realised he wasn’t entirely focused. In the background of his mind, the question of leadership continued to bounce around.

He was afraid.

He was afraid of fucking up, of doing something he wasn’t able to do, of disappointing people.

It was a lot of pressure, and he could feel himself crumpling already.

Theo sighed, and out the corner of his eye saw Drew discreetly peeking at him.

---

Before he realised, he found himself sitting at The Pub once again.

Theo laughed quietly to himself, scratching the nape of his neck.

Someone passed by behind him and bumped into his stool at the bar, muttering an apology as they shook him out of his reverie.

He looked up to see Alan staring at him, in the no-bullshit-but-still-concerned way that only he could manage. Theo took a sip out of the beer in front, raising an eyebrow.

“What big problem is on your shoulders today, boy?” Theo didn’t even roll his eyes at that. Taking in a deep breath, he mulled over how to explain the problem.

“I have the chance do something pretty big and important, but it’s a lot of pressure, and I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a leader. I…” Theo trailed off, afraid that he’d just talk in circles if he continued.

Alan nodded, putting down the mug and rag perennially in his hands. He rested his elbows on the bar counter, eyes roaming over the other customers in The Pub.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that was a born leader. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that everything comes at a price. And growth often comes at the price of discomfort. Most leaders I know learn on the job.” Alan’s eyes settled on burning a hole through Theo’s, locked into direct eye contact.

“How many months ago were you just some kid bumming around here?” Alan didn’t wait for Theo to think and respond. “You’ve grown up so much, and it’s so obvious to everyone around you.”

Theo paused, thinking of the internal magic that now filled his body, all the things he’d been learning, the adventure he’d been on (as stressful as it had been).

“Don’t ask me this again or I’ll beat your ass. You’re good. Now put it to use.”

And with that, Alan turned his head away, going back to surveying the patrons of his establishment, picking up another mug to polish.

Theo sat a bit straighter in his chair (as if a weight was catapulted off of his shoulders and aimed at his worst enemies), as a grin crept onto his face.

“Hey Theo, how’re you feeling?” Turning around, Theo found himself face to face with not only Jenny, Bruce, and Simo, but also Rowena, Finn, and Drew. Rowena in particular looked like she was trying to pretend like she was perfectly happy to be here (the disgust in her eyes was hard to disguise), but everyone was slightly uncomfortable.

Theo transitioned from one smile to another as he took in the sight of his friends, slightly concerned at how awkward they looked. “I’m feeling pretty great. Just managed to figure something out that was bothering me for a while, thanks to Alan,” Theo gestured towards the bar, where Alan was filling two pints at the same time, “so I’m honestly better than I’ve been in days. What’s up, is everything okay?”

The tension left the shoulders of everyone (except Rowena, although hers did lessen). “We just wanted to check in with you. You’ve been a bit out of it for days, so it’s great news that it’s resolved.” Rowena explained.

Blood rushed to his face.

Theo didn’t think it was that obvious (and internally he was wrestling both with the embarrassment, but also the knowledge that his friends had noticed and got together to try and cheer him up).

“Ah. Well, thanks guys, but I’m feeling good now. I appreciate that.” Theo smiled at them, as they milled about for a moment, unsure exactly how to continue (Rowena in particular was eyeing the door).

“How about a round before I go up to perform?” Theo suggested. There were some nods and shrugs (and one very hesitant nod courtesy of Rowena), and before Theo could turn around to tell Alan what was going on, a series of beers had already slid in front of the seats next to Theo.

He raised his beer at them. “Cheers.” It still wasn’t the best beer, but it was familiar, and even after what he tasted at the Guild of Magic, the taste of The Pub had grown on him (like a tumour).

Rowena eyed the drink (the way one would a live cockroach that emerged from the middle of a pie you had eaten half of), as everyone else drank. She took one sip from her drink, and gently set it down (and never picked it back up) as her eyes watered.

She wasn’t alone in her discomfort, however - Drew shook his head and tried to hold back a grimace.

Theo tried not to laugh.

---

Beverages and reactions aside, it was nice chatting to everyone without the thoughts that had been bouncing around his skull.

His set had also gone well, with less in his head to distract him.

Theo reached his shack, and sat down on his bed.

It was night, but not so late that he had to sleep immediately. Humming a quiet tune, a spark hit a candle and illuminated his shack with a warm yellow.

Tomorrow was Valday, and Theo wanted to have the third step ready to help him memorise some music.

---

He held his eyes closed, feeling mana clump and move with his direction. Theo didn’t go straight to the third step, instead circulating normal, non-compressed mana around Tome of Memories, just feeling all his senses bring back memories. The smell of the candle and everything around him reminded him of, well, his shack.

Theo sighed, clearing his head. He compressed mana, guiding it along where he had normal mana a moment ago.

Everything became vivid.

It was clear, not like when he’d stacked Meditation with Self Awareness, but more of an understanding of this present moment. If sometime in the future he ever smelled this kind of candle, or felt the rough padding of his bed, he would be transported back to this moment.

He played around with differing levels of compression. To no surprise, the more compressed the mana became, the sharper the clarity of his memory.

Theo went back to non-compressed mana as he opened his eyes, trying to get used to utilising Tome of Memories in situations where he wasn’t sitting down in silence, with his eyes closed.

After a while of practicing with all levels of compressed mana and various scenarios, Theo wiped the sweat off his brow, snuffed out the candle with a whistle, and went to bed, excited for class and a chance to see how just good his memory had become.