《God of the Feast (A dark litrpg/cultivation, portal fantasy)》Chapter 29 Clean up Time
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Appearing in Far Reach this time was very different from my previous return. I was greeted by roaring and cheering. It looked as though everyone in the town was here, lined up in front of the castle to greet me. The council at the front of the group. Even Mal and Elsbeth waited and watched, though they were some distance back.
I dropped the huge slab of rock from the castle wall, and waved back at everyone. I spoke to Sania first through our bond. “I’m here and the block came with me, so it works.”
“That’s fantastic news Clive. So you’ll be gone for the day, but it will be worth it.”
“It will. I’m going to go because everyone is watching me. I’ll speak soon.”
She wished me well before I ended the communication and spoke to those gathered.
“Well, this is bloody unexpected, you daft sods. But I can't tell you how great it is to see you all. Looks like I’ll be staying for a full day this time, so hopefully I’ll get round to see you all properly!”
More cheers.
“Thank you all so much for your hard work here, too. This place is looking amazing. Our people are going to be so happy when we finally get back home.”
More cheers. It was awkward as the whole scene consisted of me just shouting out inane shit and them cheering. Now I’d run out of things to shout. I wasn’t sure how to end this kind of thing.
Thankfully, Johan helped me out on that score. “Okay everyone, we have much to discuss, so go do what you need to do. Sounds like Lord Clive is going to try and get round to see everyone!”
“I am! Also, if those of you who decided to become followers just hang back so I can speak to you, thanks.”
The crowd began to dissipate apart from my five hundred or so followers. I turned away from them for now to speak to Joel who was the first to welcome me personally. Lierin at his side, beaming up at me as he shook my hand.
“Congratulations, man. It’ll be nice to have you around for a bit,” he said nodding at the block.
“It’ll be good to be back for a while,” I replied. “Though I feel a bit shit with the others stuck starving in a stinking fort.”
“They’re all lucky this is possible, mate,” he said, slapping my elbow, which was all he could reach. “Still can’t get over the damn size of you.”
“It’s only gonna get worse. I’m gonna be twenty damn feet in a few more levels,” I lamented. “Though I’m sure once I hit level eighty I can reduce back down in size.”
“I bloody hope so,” Joel replied. “You’re not going to be able to get in the castle if you get any bigger. Even now, I’m worried if your bed will hold you.”
“Floors, fine,” I laughed. “Barely notice anymore.”
“I bet,” he muttered. “We’ve done our best to get you stuff to take back. Obviously, you only gave us a day, so we’re limited, but everyone’s been busy. The Fensalfar in particular haven’t stopped. They’re all knackered from speed growing food and sorting those bow staves out you asked for. To think we all called them lazy bastards when they first came,” he said winking at the nearby Zeine.
“Yeah, everyone was a bit dickish to them, for sure,” I agreed with a wry smile.
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“That’s not the case anymore. However, while we have plenty of fresh produce in that area, we are struggling for meat. We have traded a little with the dwarves, but we could do with more trade from Malatia. I think we need to set up a few farms or something as we grow. The Wultr, in particular, eat a huge amount of meat.”
“Have you broached the subject of trade with Elsbeth?”
“Not yet. We’ve not really spoken much to be honest. Not my fault, not hers either I reckon. But that miserable fucker,” he said quietly pointing at Mal. “Just sours the atmosphere every time and I have to walk away before we come to blows.”
“Well, while I’m here me you and him are gonna have a drink together, and sort all of this shit out once and for all. We’ve all been as bad as each other in our own ways, but we're mates, and that matters more.”
“I’m up for a drink,” he smiled. “I even have a little surprise for you. Just arrived yesterday with the delivery of ale.”
I nodded intrigued. Then looked around for Mal. “What about you?”
“I don't drink anymore,” he said shortly.
“Ah well that’s just great isn’t it? You gonna be one of them?”
“One of what?” he snapped.
“You know fine well what, Mal. Come on.”
“You not gonna have a drink in our new tavern with your old buddies?” Joel said, proudly.
“We have a new tavern?” I asked, grinning from ear to ear. “Nice surprise.”
Joel looked smug. “That’s not the surprise.”
Mal was talking to Elsbeth, then turned back to us with a thoughtful expression. “Okay, perhaps I’ll have one with you. Who’s running the tavern? Did you get Dug?” he asked Joel, who scoffed.
“No way. Dug wouldn’t leave his tavern. He’s spent years building that place up and it's one of the most popular places in Laurel.”
“Sounds great either way. I should speak with the others, now,” I said, slapping Joel gently on the shoulder and giving Mal and Elsbeth a friendly nod.
Next up, I looked at Zeine. “Hey man, Rella is doing great, before you ask. It was her idea to ask for the hearth tree bow staves.”
“And a fine idea it is. At the very least, for the tree itself. Forming those connections will give it and us here, more power. Though those poor Fensalfar in the north with you will benefit greatly with the bows they can make.
“We’ll bloody need them, too. How many can you make?”
“It’s very draining for the tree, but I hope to have the full amount ready for you by the time you leave. Ninety-six, correct?”
“Yeah, man, that’s fucking awesome news.” he bowed at me. “It is a pleasure to be of service. Now I will leave you to speak with the others. I have much to do and so do you,” he said nodding at the eager faces waiting to speak with me.
Hek came next, bowing low. His face serious as always.
“Danivra is doing great mate. I should have her back soon,” I said before anything else. “One tough lady, your queen. I don’t know what we’d all do without her.”
“Thank you for your words Lord Clive. They soothe my troubled mind. As per your request, we have been making weapons with haste. We chose long knives which we can produce more quickly and can be used as short swords by goblin kind. They are not to standard Dokalfar quality, but I believed you would appreciate many good quality weapons rather than one or two of exquisite quality.
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“You believed right, Hek. I can’t thank you enough. Now I’ll just need to carry all of this gear,” I laughed.
“There are void storage options available. I will speak with the others to see what we can come up with for your return,” Hek replied.
After saying goodbye, I turned to the two Clerics of Clive. “Right then, you two,” I said with mock sternness. “What the hell have you been up to?”
Sazor remained serious, but Johan’s mouth quirked up into a small smile. “All willing and eager followers, my Lord. I assure you.”
I smiled in response as we walked over to the group of five hundred Aspirants of Clive. “Hey everyone! I really can't thank you enough for choosing to follow me and the help you provided. I hope you all realize you saved my life. It’s a debt I can hardly repair.”
“No debt, my Lord,” Johan said loudly. “You're risking your life to rescue people in a similar position to how you found us. The least we can do is to make sure we are there for you when you need us.”
“Well, I want to thank you all whatever your reasons and I'm really sorry if anyone felt pressured into swearing to me. If anyone has any concerns, I'm here for a full day, so please come and seek me out. You can speak across the bond as well… I think I hear you. I'm pretty sure I will. Has anyone tried yet?”
There was mumbling from the crowd. A brown-haired human woman dressed in full Issel armor spoke up. “I just tried to speak with you. Did you hear me, my lord?”
“Nope. Not a word. Give me a moment,” I said and focused on the woman.
Frann Elvoy: Level 42. Far Reach Guards woman. Aspirant of Clive. Elman (Human II)
“Can you hear me, Frann?”
“Yes, I can! Loud and clear,” she replied in my mind. “Okay, I’ll break the link and see if you can, then speak to me.”
When Frann spoke again, I could hear her. So I addressed the crowd again. “So, it seems I’ve gotta speak to each of you individually for you to communicate with me. So if you all wanna line up and pass me pass me one by one. I’ll greet you all like hi Gary or whatever, to which you can reply hi Clive. Unless there’s something you really need to get off your chest, then we just go along like that to get through everyone. Then we can speak when you want after that.”
As they came and I communicated with each of them, I did worry I was now going to be overwhelmed with communication from them, but I felt like I owed them all that personal connection, at the very least.
“Before you all head off, I just want to add one last thing. If it feels like I'm panicking or desperate, it’s probably not a good time to try and communicate with me. Chances are I'll be fighting for my life, and I’ll need all of my thought processes for that and while I feel like a massive tit for saying this, if you do want to help me out then pray to me. It’s not because I actually want you worshiping me, but because your prayers actually provide me with the good shit. Ethereal energy. You see, I seem to be attracting more and more powerful enemies, and the only reason I’ve survived is because of that energy.
“We will happily pray to you, Lord Clive!” Frann shouted and a chorus of enthusiastic agreement followed from the rest.
As the group departed, I found Joel was waiting to speak to me again. “Ready for that drink?” I asked, excited to sit in a tavern again after so long.
“Not until you clean your stinking half demon arse up. You’re a fucking mess Clive, and while we all appreciate what you’re going through, while you're here, there’s no reason for you to be walking around like Conan the fucking barbarian with a few scraps of deerskin hanging off you.”
I looked down at my body and took in what he could see. “Honestly, man, I never even gave him much thought. Too busy being kicked from one end of the continent to the other but yeah, I wouldn’t actually mind putting some clothes on again. Seems I've pretty much been half naked my entire time here. Yet you and Mal have always managed to stay well dressed.
“Apparently the path to Godhood road is filled with nakedness,” Joel laughed. “But that’s not necessary today. So go get cleaned up, then you can tell me what’s happened since you were last here. Johan told me you were in a lot of pain.”
“That’s one way of putting it. I’ll tell you all about it over a frothy ale, mate.”
We walked over to the castle together. “I’ll leave you here, but I won’t be far when you’re ready. I’ve a few errands to run before we get hammered, though.”
I offered a thumbs up and a broad smile as he headed off down a side street off the main road. Before moving to enter the castle, I stopped myself thinking better of it and flew up to the top floor instead. Of course, there were windows now, which I had known but forgotten as I continued my way up to the roof.
The two Wultr guards up there bowed as I landed, and I waved it off. “No bowing guys. I’m not that kind of lord unless you want me to start bowing to you?”
They both shook their heads, but looked confused. “No My lord, they said in unison.”
“Cool, and thanks for your hard work protecting the town. You’ll have to excuse me now. It’s been brought to my attention that I really need to get cleaned up if I’m walking around Far Reach,” I said with a wave and headed into the castle from the roof's entrance.
The area we used to have meetings had been completely transformed. The entire floor was now Sania and my own living quarters with comfy looking couches and rugs. The fireplace had been built up with wood for a fire, and above it hung the crest Joel and Lierin had made for me. There were other tapestries too, but I found myself standing staring at the cleaver over the slash marks. It was cool, but it wasn’t very peaceful looking.
Part of me wanted to drop in the largest of the three couches and take a minute to unwind, but a larger part of me, didn’t want to enjoy any of this until Sania was with me. I’d probably break it and scruff the place up too if I did.
There was only one door in the wooden wall that divided our bedrooms from the living space, rather than the two which originally occupied the wall.
Walking through the door, which was clearly made with my twelve-foot frame in mind I found our bedroom was a lot larger, but there was still a dividing wall and another door to my left as I entered.
The bedroom itself now contained a beautiful ornately carved bed with a thick mattress and plush velvety covers. It was huge, too.
Again, I didn’t particularly want to touch it, especially not in my current state, so I inspected the adjoining room instead and my eyes lit up as I located the bathroom. It was complete with shower, sink, toilet and of course a bath. Light streamed in through a high stained-glass window, casting blue and green hues that I found relaxing.
I wanted to jump straight in the shower, but figured I should do something with the beard and hair first, so I made a beeline for the large sink and looked in the mirror.
The man who looked back was barely recognizable. Dried mud and blood flaked off my face and body. My hair and beard were a patchy brown matted mess. All uneven lengths, between stubble and a few inches long from where I’d been hit with balls of power, amongst other things. Shaking my head and feeling a little embarrassed that I’d been walking around looking like this. I thought back over the people who were with me back north.
Why the hell did no one else look this bad? Why was no one else always half naked, and why the hell did no one tell me how bad I looked? They were all pointless thoughts. No one told me because no one cared about how I looked.
“Still,” I said to my reflection. “You’ve really let yourself slip, Clive, old boy.”
I pulled out my cleaver to try and trim some of the longer sections of hair away when I noticed there was a cupboard under the sink. Not really wanting to shave with a five-foot-long Cleaver, I checked it out. There were bars of soap, scissors, razors, cloths, and a shit load of other stuff all neatly stored away.
I grabbed the scissors first and began hacking into the overgrown facial hair. Once I’d removed the more ridiculous parts, I lathered up some of the lavender and honey scented soap in the eternally cold water and rubbed it into what remained of my beard before pulling out the razor. I looked at it dubiously. Back on Earth I never even used a Gillette, normally opting for the electric shaver to maintain a constant short stubble. Which meant this was well out of my comfort zone. As I approached my face with the gleaming blade, I aimed for my cheek. If I fucked up there, at least I wouldn’t cut my throat. Then it hit me, I had over two hundred Constitution. I’d been stood on by a Gashadokuro, took a right hook of Stada the Gran. Shaking my head, I set to work without a care. My skin, impervious to the blade. As I worked, I remembered Natom complaining about hair not having the same Constitution as your body, and I finally understood why now. How the hell would you cut hair that strong? You'd literally need neuma infused scissors and a razor.
Once my face was clean and clear. I worked with the scissors to make my hair approximately even, though admittedly, I could have extra-long bits on the back that I couldn’t see. I thought I’d done a decent job though, and I definitely looked a little more human now. So I turned to the shower feeling a little excitement at the prospect. I stood for a moment as the water ran, in the vain hope that it would heat up. Some ingrained habit that had kicked in despite there being no reason to believe this would ever happen. I didn't really care either. Stepping in I grabbed the bar of soap already in there and began to work on the ingrained muck I was covered in.
The entire time I was in there I couldn’t help but think about Sania and the others stuck back in the fort. I felt awful living it up in our safe castle, while they suffered and had an insatiable urge to teleport back there and then. I refrained of course. I was many things but stupid wasn’t one of them. Not anymore.
After getting clean, I dried off with a clean towel on the back of the bathroom door and entered the bedroom again to rake out my 4xl Sports Direct T-shirts and shorts and hope that they covered me a little at least.
We had a chest of drawers and wardrobe now, and it seemed the most likely place I would find them.
I was wrong. They weren’t there in there, though there were two sets of massive clothing. A fine linen tunic and trousers that looked very well made, and huge. And a similar outfit only in thicker, more robust looking hemp. It looked like an outfit for more heavy-duty occasions, and as I was clean and smelling fresh and about to go to the pub with my mates, I opted for the linen. Though I would take the hemp ones with me back north.
Once I was ready, I sat on the edge of the bed and contacted Sania before I went out to meet Mal and Joel.
“Hey, how's it going?”
I felt humor through the bond. “How do you think? We’re just sitting and waiting for you to get back.”
“That’s fair. I can’t wait to get back. It’s killing me being here without you all, but… it’ll be worth it.”
“I do hope you’re able to bring food back. If you can, I want you to bring me a whole hog to roast. I’ve missed it dearly.”
“One roast hog coming right up,” I laughed. “I think I can hear your stomach rumbling from here!”
“I am not surprised,” she replied playfully. “What are you doing now?”
“Going to see Mal, mainly.”
“Okay then, go. You don’t have much time there, so you should fit in what tasks you can while you can. I hope Mal isn't too much trouble.”
“Me too,” I agreed. “We’ll speak again once I’m done.”
We said our goodbyes and I headed back out of the castle
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