Over the many years of his life, Joe had learned one valuable lesson. Never, ever let yourself explode.

He took a deep breath. Then another one. Then got up. Then unpluck himself from under his demi.

“Go and sit there.”

His hand pointed at a place between the others and away from him.

“Mas…”

“Do. Not. Talk. To. Me.”

His finger still pointing away. He almost used her seal. Almost.

Whether she felt the magic stir or just heard the familiar tone, Neira run away towards the place her master pointed at. She sat there, hugging her knees and trying to look as small as she could. She was a good girl. Good girl.

Her body shook. She tried to stop it. she was a good girl. A good girl.

But still her body shook. Master won’t punish her, would he? She was a good girl.

***

Breath in, breath out. Breath in breath out. Imagine all the negativity escaping you alongside the exhaled air.

Joe tried to recall the voice of the meditation app he once used as he sat cross legged and counted his own heartbeat. His anger influenced all the horrible choices he made in his life.

Breath in, breath out.

“JOE, I THINK WE NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION. THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A NECROMANCER DOES GRANT YOU SOME LEEWAY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, BUT I ADVISE YOU NOT TO ABUSE IT. THERE WILL BE… CONSEQUENCES.”

“Please leave me be.”

“IF THAT WAS SO SIMPLE PEOPLE WOULD BECOME IMMORTAL EONS AGO.”

Wrapped in a black towel and dripping wet, Death materialized before Joe. Black rubber duckie sat atop her milky white hair.

“WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME TO SKEW MY SCHEDULE SO BADLY?”

Well, since his day went to shit already, Joe gave up on his meditation then summoned his quest screen and showed it to her. Death skimmed the red text and paused at a familiar line. Failure to complete the quest in allotted timeframe will result in death.

“AH, YOU GOT ONE OF THESE. SO THAT IS WHAT IT WAS. I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING URGENT.”

“It… ins’t?”

“THERE IS NO COUNTDOWN AS OF YET SO YOU HAVE NOT REACHED THE STARTING POINT OF THE QUEST. YOU MAY IGNORE IT FOR THE TIME BEING. I SURE WILL.”

She slung her trusty scythe over her shoulder while readjusting her towel with her second hand since her newly expanded assets threatened to escape.

“I AM PUTTING OUR APPOINTMENT ON HOLD UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. OR AT THE VERY LEAST UNTIL YOU DEAL WITH ALL THIS SHEBANG. ALTHOUGH, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF READY TO DIE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND NOTICE. I SHALL COME GLADLY.”

*DING!*

By completing a special action, you have earned a new skill. Today is the day! Active skill. Cost: None. Cast time: Instant. Effect: Summons Death in your final hour.

*DING!*

By completing a special action, you have earned a new skill. Not Today! Skill passive. All near Death events will no longer trigger her presence. Unless asked to attend, Death will ignore all future notifications and requests pertaining to your life. WARNING! This skill does not make you immortal! If you die, you die. It just may take longer than normal to process your demise and liberate your soul from your expired shell.

“AH, YES. YOU MAY TAKE THAT TOO.”

A black hourglass covered in slime and with Joe’s name on it, materialized in the air and fell into Joe’s hands.

“IT KEEPS ON BUZZING AND MAKING OTHER WEIRD AND ANNOYING NOISES.”

“Is that…”

“YOUR LIFE CLOCK, YES. IT MEASURES YOUR LIFE. IT IS ALSO TAMPER-PROOF SO NO ADDING FREE YEARS TO YOUR LIFESPAN.”

In the past some mages tried to subvert their death by sneaking in and flipping the clock upside down. Suffice to say, that does not work. Although, in Joe’s case? Well, sand in his hourglass flown in every direction.

“DO TAKE CARE OF IT. IT IS FRAGILE.”

“Well, thanks. I guess?”

Once more alone, Joe spoke to himself. No longer angry, he watched in fascination as the cloud of black sand rattled inside his hourglass, spreading ominous whooomp-whooomp-whooomp sound.

It also, for no apparent reason, kept on leaking familiar black slime.