《Cheat List || Taekook》Chapter 32

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Nervous. That would probably be the best way to describe how Taehyung felt right now. The boy was slowly walking up the stairs of the apartment complex which he used to call his home. All his memories with Bogum flashed before the grey haired boy's eyes with every step he took closer to their front door, or rather Bogum's front door. Apart from some clothes and personal belongings there wasn't anything left in that house that the singer longed for anymore. The love and warmth it had once meant to Taehyung were gone for months now and this whole complex now only was an empty shell of what used to be Taehyung's everything.

With every step Taehyung took his heart began to beat faster in his chest and the nervous feeling began to become more and more prominent. He had no idea how Bogum would react to what Taehyung was going to say and the grey haired boy could only hope that he wouldn't make a big deal out of everything. Their relationship had gone downhill the last couple of months and Taehyung was pretty sure he wasn't the only one who had noticed that. Bogum surely must have noticed the same thing as well and thus it was about damn time that they would let go of each other. Only then would the two of them be able to open their hearts once more, only this time not for each other but for someone else.

Of course the face of a certain brunette immediately flashed in front of Taehyung's eyes at the thought of love. Jungkook had been the perfect boy in Taehyung's eyes for years now. Ever since the younger had started his career as an idol Taehyung had taken a liking in him and now that he had gotten to know him in real life his celebrity crush had evolved into an actual crush. He was finally ready to admit to himself that he liked Jungkook.

Taehyung didn't like Jungkook for the reason most people liked him. He didn't care that the younger had a lot of money or that he was handsome as hell. Nope, Taehyung had fallen for who the boy truly was. The cheeky brunette who took him on ice cream dates and who made him blush with all the flirting he unintentionally did. Jungkook was so much more than just an idol and the grey haired boy considered himself lucky to get to know the other side of the boy. That side was even more perfect that the one he showed off to the public.

It didn't take Taehyung long to finally reach the front door he had walked through so many times before. To the grey haired boy it almost felt as if he was coming home, only he wasn't. The idea of him and Bogum had already started to fade away in the singer's mind, without a chance of it ever coming back. The older would always occupy a special place in Taehyung's heart, for he was his first love. However one day Taehyung would meet someone who'd take up the bigger part of his heart, the part that once belonged to Bogum. Until maybe one day, they forgot about each other completely.

Taehyung took a deep breath before he raised his hand and knocked on the door loudly. To the singer it would be very impolite if he just used the key that was still in his possesion to let himself in. He didn't pay for this apartment and while it had been his home for quite some time it just didn't feel like that anymore. Funny how he had become to feel like a guest in his own apartment.

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It didn't take long before the door was opened and Taehyung stood face to face with Bogum. The older male looked exactly the same as always. His raven locks messily tangled with each other and the always dazzeling smile present on his face. The older male's face looked slightly shocked as soon as he realised that it was Taehyung that was standing in front of him but as soon as it appeared it disappeared again.

"Taehyung!" Bogum spoke, his voice filled with emotion. Before Taehyung himself noticed it Bogum lunged forward and wrapped his strong arms around the grey haired boy's petite frame. Immediately the strong scent of the older boy's cologne hit Taehyung's nose and the smaller boy inhaled deeply. He had given this perfume to the older male at their last anniversary and ever since Bogum had used it almost every single day, today out of all days being no exception.

An awkward feeling started to appear in Taehyung's chest as they awkwardly stood inside the hallway of the apartment complex. Bogum was hugging Taehyung but the younger wasn't doing any effort at hugging the older boy back. Giving in now would completely destroy his chance at telling Bogum what he really was here for and the grey haired boy just didn't want to give of the wrong idea. The cracks in their relationship were to big and a small hug would not be able to fix everything.

It didn't take long before Bogum removed his hands from Taehyung's frame again and took a step back. A deep red blush was visible on the older male's face and he softly scratched the back of his head while trying to avoid eye contact with Taehyung. He too must have felt how the younger wasn't doing any attempt at hugging him back.

"Well, why don't you come in?" Bogum then spoke, a slightly nervous tone lacing his voice. Taehyung smiled slightly before nodding and following Bogum inside their apartment. A thick atmosphere hung between both boys and to say the both of them felt awkward would be a complete understatement. None of them had any idea what to say or how to start the conversation they were bound to have.

Slowly Taehyung began to feel nervous again. Seeing Bogum after a week of no contact might seem not too long to people who weren't him. However ever since the grey haired boy had gotten into a relationship with the older male the two of them hadn't spend a single day apart from each other. How do you tell someone you spend that much time with that you're not willing to do so any longer?

"How have you been?" Bogum spoke softly as he walked further into the apartment before taking place on the big couch in the livingroom. The boy's whole body language screamed nervousity and somehow that made Taehyung feel a bit better about everything. If Bogum was nervous then he knew something was up. Taehyung wouldn't visit him out of the blue for no reason. Something was bound to happen and the both of them knew it.

"Surprisingly, good." Taehyung admitted honestly, a slightly happy tone lacing his voice. He had decided beforehand to not lie about anything tonight and that included him finding out he could live perfectly fine without Bogum by his side. Of course the grey haired boy cared a lot about the older male and he truly hoped they could at least remain friends but a relationship wasn't something he wanted with Bogum anymore. He needed to let go of the past in order to move forward.

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"Good. I was worried after you ran away crying last time." Bogum then admitted as he casted his gaze to the ground while a red blush began to decorate his cheeks again. There was no doubt in Taehyung's mind that his soon to be ex-boyfriend felt ashamed of everything he had done. The younger was never meant to see him and Baekhyun and the fact that that happened must have taken a toll on Bogum as well.

Taehyung slowly walked over towards the couch before a small smile began to decorate the boy's face. "I've got good friends." The grey haired boy said as his thoughts immediately shot to Jimin and Jungkook. The first of the two had been nothing but truly a best friend to Taehyung, going as far as to even give him the guest room in his already quite small apartment. The later had of course been there for Taehyung when it had just happened. However he had also been the one who had literally done anything to make the singer smile again and everytime Taehyung was together with him his smile couldn't become any brighter.

Upon hearing that statement Bogum's eyes widened and a hint of jealousy immediately crossed his features. However the older male was quick to wipe that look off of his face again and a small smile took place instead. "I'm glad. I don't want anything other than happiness for you." Bogum admitted before he looked up again and locked eyes with Taehyung. "I miss you. So fucking much"

"I know." Taehyung softly whispered back while closing his eyes and letting himself be completely engulfed in the other's strong arms. The hugs these two had shared and were now sharing had been by far the most favorite thing in their relationship according to Taehyung. He just loved the safe feeling of his boyfriend hugging him.

However while Taehyung might love the feeling of being hugged, he didn't want to be hugged anymore by Bogum. At least, not now. Things between them weren't spoken out and there were just too much question marks in their relationship to continue as if nothing had ever happened. The two of them couldn't go back to that stage, not yet and maybe never. Slowly Taehyung began to unwrap his arms again and slightly pushed Bogum back to create a bit of distance between them. He needed to not procrastinate this any longer, it was time for his thoughts to finally speak up. He hadn't come here without a reason anyway.

"I came here to talk about us." The grey haired boy spoke as he had created just enough distance between him and Bogum for them to sit on a comfortable distance. A look of horror immediately flashed over the older male's face and he frantically began to shake his head while tears immediately began to dwell in his eyes. "No! You can't break up with me!" Bogum pleaded as soon as the other was done talking and a small tear escaped his eye before rolling down his cheek. Taehyung's eyes widened upon hearing the other boy's desperate pleas. He hadn't even said yet that he didn't want to continue their relationship and yet the older male was already begging him not to do it. What the hell was happening here?

Clearly confused, Taehyung decided to raise one hand and put it on the older boy's shoulder in a comforting way. He didn't want the other to be hurt by what he was about to do. He didn't intend to make Bogum feel as useless and unhappy as he had felt. He didn't want any on them to be unhappy. All Taehyung cared for was both their well being and happiness and as they were now, none of them would become any better.

"Then what do you expect me to do?" Taehyung then spoke as he raised his other hand as well and softly wiped away the tears that leaked out of the older boy's eyes. "You know we can't go on like this Bogummie. Our relationship isn't healthy for the both of us anymore. Continuing now would ruin all those perfect memories we made together and I don't want that to happen. You can't force me to stay with you, only to loose you completely in the process." Taehyung spoke as he wiped away more and more tears from the other boy's face. Never before had he seen the older male cry. Bogum just wasn't the type to cry and yet here they were with Taehyung comforting the one he had once loved more than anyone else, the older one of the two finally letting go of everything and showing Taehyung how he really felt. Ohh how Taehyung wished Bogum had let this amount of honest shine through his tough façade back when he hadn't decided yet to move on.

"I can't loose you Tae. You're my everything." Bogum then softly whispered before he looked up and locked eyes with Taehyung once again. "Just give me one more chance, I promise I'll treat you the best I can." The ravenette said while a hint of hope was lacing his voice. It was as clear as crystal that Bogum wasn't ready to let Taehyung go yet. He just didn't want to loose the one he still loved so much. However his own actions had slowly driven the grey haired boy away from him, until they were too far from each other.

"You won't loose me Bogum. I still want to be friends with you." Taehyung then spoke while scooting a bit closer to Bogum and wrapping one of his arms around the taller male's back in a comforting way. Bogum softly shook his head before a sad look became visible on his face. "That isn't enough Taehyung. I can't ever forgive myself if I let you go for good. Just tell me you didn't close the door for me completely, I need to know I still have a chance." Bogum then spoke as he then closed his eyes while a deep sigh left his mouth. By now the older male's cheeks were completely wet with tears and to Taehyung it was pretty clear he was beating himself up from the inside.

"I'm not going to lie to you Bogum. At this moment I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, however I do believe that we never know what the future will bring us. Let's start as friends and see were we go from there." Taehyung then spoke, a smile visible on the singer's face. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he couldn't help it. He hated the look on the other's face and it hurted him a lot to see Bogum cry like this. He still cared about the older male a lot and Bogum would always hold a special place in his heart. Taehyung had no idea what the future held for him and maybe he was bound to get back together with the crying boy in front of him someday. Who knows, right?

Immediately Bogum shot up as a hopefull look began to form onto his face. "You haven't given up on us completely?" The older male asked while another stray tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. Taehyung smiled lovingly at the older boy and shook his head. "Now is not the right timing for us anymore Bogummie but maybe in the future fate will bring us back to each other again." The grey haired boy spoke as he wiped the last tear of the older's face with his thumb. As much as he wanted to hate the boy in front of him he couldn't. They had been through hell together but the two of them had also spend a lot of happy moments together. Taehyung would always care about Bogum.

Bogum smiled through the sad look on his face and slowly reached to take one of the grey haired boy's hands in his own. "I hate the fact that I lost you today baby. However you also gave me a second chance and for that I am so thankfull. I will win your heart back Tae. I won't stop until I'm finally able to kiss you again." The ravenette spoke while softly squeezing Taehyung's hand. A determinded look was visible on his face and somehow that made Taehyung feel warm inside. Bogum still loved him eventhough he had been with another man. He still thought Taehyung was the one for him and that truly made the grey haired boy feel special. The Bogum he was seeing now was the one he had once fallen in love with and damn, he had missed that boy like crazy.

Taehyung softly leaned forward before wrapping his arms around the taller boy's frame once again and burying his face in the broader boy's chest. " I'll look forward to it. Show me exactly how much I mean to you." The grey haired boy softly whispered before he closed his eyes softly to enjoy the moment to the fullest. Bogum softly wrapped his arms around Taehyung's body before planting a soft kiss on the boy's head.

"You have to promise me something though baby." Bogum spoke as he tangled his fingers in Taehyung's messy locks and started to stroke the boy's head softly. Taehyung smiled upon the nice feeing of the older's fingers brushing his grey locks and he wrapped his arms a little tighter around the other's back. "Anything."

Bogum smiled upon hearing that answer and he lovingly continued to brush his fingers through the other's hair while softly rubbing his back with the other arm. "You have to promise me that as long as we might get back together you won't run around kissing and getting together with other men. I hate the idea of you with someone else." The ravenette spoke and softly Taehyung nodded while letting himself get lost in their hug completely. The idea of not being in a relationship or living together but saving themselves for each other purely so that the other wouldn't get hurt sounded amazing to the grey haired boy. It was this version of Bogum that he really loved and he wasn't in fact ready to let that version go yet.

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