Chapter 15, The Night We Met

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the night we met, I didn't want to meet you but it happened and now you left a memory that I can't get rid of.

The sun has set and I was walking back home alone, I didn't want to take the bus because I remembered something that I didn't want to remember, I walked past the bus stop and continued down the street.

I knew that I had to turn back around to take the bus but right now there was something that I needed to do, I turned the corner and stopped at the corner store before walking inside and walking to the back of store to the drink area.

I grabbed a watermelon monster and walked to the register to pay for it, I walked outside of the store and continued down the street, crossing it before walking to the small lake that was ahead.

I sat down on the bench and stared at the water before opening the monster and walking closer to the lake, as I poured the drink into the water, I took a deep breath and tried to think of all the good things that had happened this year so far before I began to cry.

Tonight marks three years since an incident happened that left me scarred, I didn't want to remember it anymore but it was something that I wasn't allowed to forget.

When the can was done, I dropped it down into the lake and watched as it floated away, today was the day that I let go of someone online, they were manipulative and just toxic all the way.

After dropping them, their friends had messaged me about them doing things they weren't supposed to and I felt like I was stuck in this friendship that I didn't want to be in, they used things against me to trap me in the friendship and I felt like I was just in a hole that I couldn't get out of.

So I decided to confront the friend and tell them that I couldn't stand being their for them when they use everything against me when I needed space for myself, they tried every excuse in the book but it didn't work on me anymore and I blocked them on everything.

I'll never forget the words they told me to make me feel worse about myself, they tried to make me feel like I was a horrible person and when that didn't work, they decided that they needed to bully me because I decided to drop them.

All the threats and all of the insults that they said made me feel worse about myself and it did end up scarring me, words can scar you the same way actions do.

I didn't know that until that night, and everything began to come crashing down, when I finally got out of the friendship, I felt like I was being lifted up from a ocean.

Being able to wake up in the morning and not worry about what's going to happen was the most refreshing thing ever, I knew that I was going to be okay and that nothing was going to happen to me.

But the fear of them coming back and restarting what they couldn't finish is haunting, I don't understand why people think that's such a good thing, I don't understand why people do what they do at all.

We're not staying on this planet forever, so why would you make your life to be such a horrible one? Why decide to harm others just for the kick of it? That's not a fun thing to do.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the night we met, I didn't want to meet you but it happened and now you left a memory that I can't get rid of.

I spoke as I looked down at the lake, watermelon monster was their favorite type of monster flavor so I pour it in the lake every year just to show that even if we aren't friends anymore, the memories they left carry on.

When the can was nowhere to be seen, I walked away and walked up the street and continued until I passed the store, I walked to the bus stop and sat down on the bench as I waited for the next bus to come.

I consider myself lucky and strong, I crumble under pressure but always remind myself that I have taken care of myself since Karmen was born, there's nothing that I can't do.

Self love was something I thought I couldn't do until that beach day, I realize my worth and realize that if you can't treat me like your queen or princess, don't treat me like a peasant.

When the bus arrived, I got on and sat in the back, I didn't bother with my earbuds or phone, I just wanted complete and utter silence for the moment, I wanted to thank myself for saving me that night.

I didn't a pretty good damn job when saving myself, that's the one thing I'm sure that I'm good at.

Not everyone is able to handle your negativity and bad attitude, not everyone can survive that, but everyone is always given a choice to stay or leave, once you take your pick, the rest is all up to you.

Sometimes you save yourself from a bullet that was aimed at you and sometimes you put your head right in front of the gun and allow them to take the shot.

But with every bullet wound you have, you remember to never make that mistake again because you don't have enough blood to bleed and give to them.