the smell of vodka and cigarettes escapes your mouth as you puff out a cloud of ash from your lungs.

it makes me want to gag.

the sight of your disheveled and bloodshot self blurs my vision as i try and count the wrinkles of exhaustion on your calloused skin.

it makes me want to cry.

the sound of obsession resonates in the room as you take another swig of vodka and lick your lips hungrily.

it makes me want to scream.

the taste of acid fire burns in my throat as you stare at me impatiently through your glossy and depraved eyes.

it makes me want to die.

the touch of your cold, starving lips against mine distract me from the touch of your harsh hands against my skin.

it makes me want to leave.

“i love you” you murmur in my ear in between kisses. i don’t respond and keep my eyes closed; i already know the pools of green in your eyes are only full of deceit and selfish lust. i haven’t seen love in your eyes nor felt it in your touch for months now, so i keep quiet, knowing you only say those words to convince yourself that you aren’t a monster.

i hold back tears while you fervidly take off my clothes. you show me your scars and flesh wounds, begging me to heal you through kisses and empty words. and as always, i promise you to fix your damned soul. so as i drown in the darkness while you lay me down onto the bed roughly, i open my soul and transfer the little life and light i have left within me. you breathe in my vitality eagerly, hurriedly. and as i watch the passion and energy restore into your vicious green eyes, i feel myself plummeting faster and faster to the sinking ground.

by the end of the night, there isn’t any light left in me anymore.