the Netherlands was brutal. Even though the flight was only about an hour or two, my back was broken in all the worst places. I could barely stand right and I sure as hell couldn't sit.

When we finally arrived at the apartment we'd be staying at for the next four days, I let out a sigh of relief and made a beeline to the first room I could find. As soon as my suitcases were out of my hands and the door was shut, I fell face first onto the sheets.

A sigh of content left my lips as I pressed my face into my covers. My back still hurt, but it was a little better now that I could get some rest.

The apartment we'd be staying at was in Amsterdam and the place seemed really cute. The outside of the apartment looked more like a townhouse. It had the same long and thin look with a dark red brick exterior. The roof was like any other roof and the door was absolutely beautiful with it's dark oak doors and golden knob and trimming.

There were only three bedrooms, but there was enough space for everyone to get their own spaces to sleep. Each bedroom had a pull-out sofa that doubled into a bed. I told Julia that we could share a room again, but she looked hesitant, casting a look over at Jude. I took that as my queue to drop the subject.

It was around 6 in the afternoon and we decided that we'd order something to eat and eat it in the living room. I told them that I didn't care what we ate, it just had to be warm and filling. All I had today were stupid packed peanuts that tasted like cardboard.

I dozed off for a few minutes, but was stirred awake when a knock sounded at my door. The room had darkened considerably and outside, the sky sun was slowly falling down the horizon. As the door swung open, I turned to get a look at the person at the door, but let out a groan as my neck constricted. As I dropped my head down, my back froze up in pain, too.

I let out a small cry into my sheets, "Ow,"

I heard the door shut and the bed dip next to me, "Eden?" I was sure it was Atlas calling my name, there was no point in turning around... But I did anyway, causing another wave of pain to shoot down my back.

I fell back into my previous position, wincing when I tried to get comfortable again. I sighed, "Fuck, everything hurts."

I was dressed in a cropped tank since it was incredibly warm when we left France. I didn't bother putting something else on because it was also very warm here.

But when Atlas placed his hand on my lower back, I felt the temperature in the room rise up about a hundred degrees. The warmness of his hand spread from the point on my lower back to my fingers and toes. I sucked in a breath.

"What's wrong?" He asked from behind me, "Did you sprain your back or something?"

His hand moved up and down my back and I squeezed my eyes shut and pursed my lips. If I didn't hold myself back, I'd probably say something embarrassing as hell again. I sucked in a rush of air through my lips.

"Uh," I breathed, "I think so,"

He sighed, letting out a small laugh, "I didn't know you were so fragile, firecracker."

If I could turn my head and shoot him a deadly glare, I would've. He should be glad I was inconvenienced in the moment. "I'm not fragile, Foreman. I'm actually pretty flexible."

He stopped for a moment and I could feel the smirk on his lips before he even said anything, "I guess you'll have to prove that to me one day, huh?"

I rolled my eyes and buried my head deeper in my covers, hiding the obvious burning in my cheeks, "Whatever,"

He let out a small laugh and I felt him get off the bed. Rustling was heard from behind me and the bed dipped even more than the first time, "I can help,"

My eyebrows rose softly, but my eyes widened when I felt his legs on either side of me. I froze, moving my head to the right a little and caught a glimpse of him.

"Are you on top of me right now?" I asked, ready to get up and push him off me or something. My face was burning and all I wanted to do was run into the bathroom and hide.

Atlas pushed my shoulders back onto the bed, causing me to wince. He sighed, "Eden, just relax for a moment."

I sighed and let my body sink into the bed. I let out a sigh once I was fully comfortable and closed my eyes. A jolt ran down my back when I felt Atlas's hands move my hair to the side, his hands trailing down the rest of my back. He stopped at my waist, placing both of his hands firmly around them.

A small wince escaped my lips and Atlas gently pressed his thumbs over my back, "It hurts here?"

I nodded, letting out a small groan, "Yeah,"

I watched him nod from the corner of my eye and he glanced at me, "I'm gonna lift your shirt up a little, okay?"

I frowned for a second and then quickly decided that I didn't mind at all. I nodded, "Yeah, okay."

He lifted my shirt up an inch and placed his hands back down on my bare back. A shiver ran down my spine and I held back any sounds that were bound to escape my lips.

Atlas's hands moved over my back, gently pressing the heels of his hand into my back and kneading the kinks out. I could've fallen asleep about a hundred times, but then I'd remember that Atlas was the one making me feel this way and jolt awake. I let out a small breath and felt my back loosen and my body relax.

"How are you feeling?" Atlas asked, a hint of a smile shining through his words.

I nodded, a sound of approval sounding from my lips. I didn't put up an argument when Atlas's hands moved up my back and to my neck and shoulders. When his hands started to massage my shoulders, I let out a sigh.

"That feels good," I gasped softly, my eyes fluttering close again.

Atlas let out a small laugh, his lips suddenly an inch away from my ear. With his hands rubbing up and down my neck, his warm breath softly caressing my ear, and his body pressed against mine, I was on the verge of imploding. I sucked in a breath.

"Does it?" He asked, his hands loosening from around my shoulders and trailing down the length of my back. I bit back a shiver that cascaded down the length of my body.

"Mhm," I nodded, my lips parting softly when his lips came in contact with the curve of my ear. I fisted the covers in my hands as Atlas's fingers buried themselves in my hair. Atlas's lips pulled into a smile against my jaw.

He parted his lips causing a wild and warm feeling to drop into the pit of my stomach. "Want me to stop?"

I don't know if I was planning on saying anything, but by the small breath that escaped my lips, he continued. He pulled back a fraction and lifted himself off me for a second. As I opened my eyes and started to fall from the high Atlas always seemed to thrust me, I let out a soft gasp as he turned me on my back.

When our eyes met and he settled back on top of me, I felt my body turn into putty in his hands. He lowered his lips back onto my jaw and I pulled him closer to me. He smiled against my neck, "You seem to be feeling much better..."

"Yeah," I think I whispered, but I couldn't be sure. All I was feeling and thinking was Atlas. The way his lips felt against my neck, the feeling of his hands on my body, his hips pressed to mine. My hands in his hair, the other on the nape of his neck pulling him impossibly closer.

My body was begging, aching for him and I think I knew I was close to having him.

His teeth dragged against my neck and my grip on him tightened. I felt his lips press against the base of my neck, slowly pulling into a soft smile.

"You want this, too." He said, a statement and not a question.

When he pulled back, I sat up. I let out a small sigh at how different my back felt. It didn't hurt anymore, but it was hard to focus on that with the way Atlas was staring at me. His lips could've easily taken mine in a searing kiss. His eyes burned with mine and his hands were still all over me and my legs were still loosely wrapped around him.

"What's stopping us?" He asked, his grip on my waist tightening as he pulled me even closer to him. I was staring up at him, my head tilted up a fraction. I found myself breathless both from how ethereally beautiful he looked from this angle and the way my body was pressed to him in a way that shouldn't be okay.

What was stopping us exactly? Nothing except for the fact that I can't physically press my lips to his and tell him that I want every part of him. Or the fact that there is so much going on under the surface with Atlas and maybe he's not ready to let me in completely.

"So many things," I breathed.

His eyebrow arched and I felt my lips pull into a small smile. I nodded, "It's true,"

He frowned, "No, it isn't."

I gave him a look as I stared up at him to which he pursed his lips, "Like what?"

I sighed, looking away from him for a moment, "You won't let me in, Atlas."

He stayed quiet for a second as I stared at the loose thread peeking out of the comforter we were sitting on. I felt Atlas's finger against my chin, moving it an inch to look at him. I stared up at him.

"Then just ask," He said and my eyebrows rose a fraction. He let out a small laugh, "I trust you, Eden."

This time, my lips parted. "You trust me enough not to blab to everyone about your business?"

He smiled, softly, "I trust you a lot more than I probably should."

A small smile stretched across your face and I nodded. We untangled our legs from each other and laid down, our backs flat on the bed and our arms pressed to the other's.

"Ask away," Atlas sighed and I sat up a little, leaning my head on my arm as I hovered over him a fraction. His blue eyes met mine and I frowned.

"I don't know what to ask," I said to which he chuckled, the soft rasp in his voice making my vision cross for a moment.

"Ask anything and I'll try to answer," He shrugged and I sighed, thinking to myself for a moment.

As I stared at the soft, yet sharp features of his face, I thought back to our time at the pool. When he told me that he was depressed and used to cut himself.

My eyes fell to the tattoo of the knife on his forearm. I stared at the chilling beauty of the dagger and on the date engraved into the metal, 04.21.21. Then, I knew what I was going to ask him.

"What happened that day?" I asked, my finger trailing over the ink on his warm skin. He glanced down at his arm and picked it up, running his fingers over the drawing.

He sighed, smiling softly, "Diving right into it, huh?"

My eyes widened and I rushed in, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I'm sorry I asked—"

Atlas shook his head, "It's okay. I don't mind,"

I watched him with curious eyes as he stared at the tattoo. He took in a breath, "It was a few days before I turned 17 and I was going through a rough patch with my depression. I was so used to relying on my medicine and wondered if there would ever be a time where I didn't need them.

"I thought maybe I could surprise my family and one day, come home from school and say Hey, I'm better now. I don't need my stupid pills anymore. It was a dumb idea and I don't know where it came from. Those are one of the first things doctors tell you when you start using that medicine: Don't miss a day or it will get worse.

"Well, I did anyway and I thought I was getting better until the next morning. Those thoughts just kept coming at me: Your family hates you, they don't care if you get better or not; You're never going to get better; Might as well end your life now and spare them the headache later."

My heart was breaking with each word that fell from his lips. I wanted to hold him to me and never let go.

Atlas sighed, a nostalgic half-smile on his face that caused a shiver to run down my spine.

He continued, "Well, the first day was bad and the second was worse until a whole week passed of me locking myself in my room, skipping school and slipping back into my room through the window, and slitting my wrists in the bathtub. For a whole week, that's all I would do and think about."

Tear drops slipped from my eyes and my bottom lip trembled. The way he sounded as he spoke made my heart shatter and fall to the bottom of my chest. How could someone so perfectly real and true hurt this much? And how is it that nobody noticed?

"Then on the 21st, the day I turned 17, I did it. Everyone wanted to take me out to celebrate 17 years of living when all I wanted to do was stop. They made reservations the day before and when I told them that I was too sick to go out, they said that they could cancel the reservation and go out tomorrow. I told them to go without me.

"They left and all I remember doing was walking around the house and staring at the walls I grew up in. I didn't know it then, but I knew I was looking for something to make all the hurt in my body stop. I wandered the house for an hour and then I finally stumbled upon this dagger that my parents kept near their dresser.

"It was a family heirloom thing and I remember thinking it was perfect. I took it back into my room and shut the door. I opened my window and laid down on my floor, staring at the pale moon in the sky. I remember silently asking myself why the moon wasn't smiling at me? I took that as a sign and pulled the dagger out of its cloth wrap."

He paused and stared at the drawing on his forearm. I quietly wiped away the tears off my face and took in a breath. Atlas glanced at my blotchy, tear-stained face and gently held my face in his hands.

He stared at me for a moment before he said, "I stabbed myself, Eden."

A strangled breath left my mouth and an involuntary sob escaped my lips. A person as perfect as Atlas could fall into the lowest depths the universe had to offer and he looked unaffected. He looked as if he didn't have to go through the hardest shit in the world. It tore my heart to shreds seeing him smiling at me like this.

His purest eyes and his realest smile made me want to curl myself into a ball and cry for hours. I wish I knew him before he fell so hard because this strong guilt settled into the pit of my stomach. This guilt wasn't because I felt like I needed to be there for him, it was because the person I was sure was my other half was hurting and I didn't even feel it.

When I told him yesterday that I hated the fact that my soulmate was probably thousands of miles away from me, I had no one else in mine but him. I didn't care if he wasn't my legitimate soulmate, but I'd make him. He was mine to keep and hold whether he knew it or not.

I trailed my fingers along his cheekbone, willing the tears that pooled in my eyes to dry. He held my hand to his face and took in a breath, "When they came back home, they knocked on the door and when I didn't respond, they thought I was asleep and left me alone."

At this part of the story, his eyes started to water and I pulled him to me. He buried his face in my chest and I pressed my cheek to his head, tears falling from both ur eyes. He held me to him, his chest rising and falling heavily, "Jace came into my room to wake me up. He brought home a cupcake so we could blow out the candles together. When he walked in, he didn't know what he was looking at. He started to cry and tried to wake me up."

I stifled back the sob that threatened to escape my lips. I held Atlas closer to me and pressed my lips to his head.

"Athena came in and saw me on the floor hanging between life and death. Jace was covered in my blood, tears streaming down his face, the cupcake he brought me strewn to the side. Athena started to scream. When they took me to the hospital, they weren't sure if I was going to make it. I flatlined on the surgery table and lost too much blood."

I wanted him to stop. His body was shaking in my arms and his breathing was shallow. I wanted him to stop making himself relive this. I'm sorry I asked. I'm sorry I asked. I'm sorry I asked.

"When I was finally stable, I woke up two days later. Mom was distraught and she looked like she aged a decade. Dad wouldn't meet my eyes and kept telling me that he failed me. Jason and Athena never left my side. Selene would cry every time she would look at me. Jace was still confused, but knew that there was something wrong with me. He cried because he was scared.

"Jude and Dawson didn't know about it until the next day. Mom and Dad put me back into therapy and made sure I took my pills every day. They ripped out the bloody carpet in my room and replaced them with new ones. They took the dagger and gave it back to my grandparents. They took me out of school for a week and hid every sharp object in the house. When the scars started to become too obvious for them, they took me to a doctor and had them removed.

"I did nothing, but follow along. I was so lost and felt completely drained and alone. I had no one anymore. They all treated me like I couldn't be trusted anymore, like I couldn't make decisions for myself. It hurt more than the feeling of bleeding out alone on my bedroom floor."

A sob escaped his lips and he pressed his head into the crook of my neck. I burned my fingers into his hair and felt his tears slide down my collarbone. He took in a breath, "I— I was mad that I was still alive for a few weeks. I was seethingly angry all the time and they finally noticed when I finally broke down. Then, just like that, everything was back to how it was."

I sucked in a rush of air, "A— Atlas?"

He took a deep breath, his voice wavering slightly, "Hmm?"

I pulled his head back, my eyes meeting his teary, blue eyes. His lips were raw and his eyelashes were wet with tears. Still, he was beautiful as ever. My Atlas; My beautifully flawed, perfectly imperfect Atlas.

"If you still feel like nobody cares, I want you to know that I do. I want you to know that you're everything in the world to me." I sighed, pulling him closer to me.

"You and I, Atlas, no more putting this off." I breathed. His eyes flickered about my face, falling to my lips for a second before locking with my eyes.

After he told me about April 21st, I was scared that he'd slip through my fingers. I was scared that my time with Atlas would be over before I knew it. I was scared that whatever it was we had would be cut short. I couldn't begin to imagine what it would feel like knowing that you met the person that was perfect for you and not being able to tell them.

Atlas took in a breath, the beginning of a smile stretching his lips, "No more putting this off,"

The wild feeling in my stomach was back and as I pulled his face to mine and pressed my lips to his, I felt my body jolt. The warmth of his skin against my palms, the feel of his soft lips against my burning ones, the brush of his nose against mine made my eyes flutter close and my nerves to finally awaken.

Atlas's lips against mine were unsure for a second before he feverishly pressed his lips against mine. His hands slipped from around my waist and took my face in his hands, applying more pressure to my lips with his own. As a warm feeling pooled in the bottom of my stomach, I was sure nothing could feel as wondrous as this feeling right now.