(PSA: Please don't steal the work written in the chapter. I hope that goes without saying. TW: suicide.)

the bed next to me, small puffs of air leaving her lips as she dreamed about things much more pleasant than I.

A thin sheen of sweat slicked my forehead and I quickly wiped it away, taking a deep, calming breath. I was warm all over and frustratedly kicked my covers away. I was dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, but yet, I felt like I was sweating buckets and found it hard to breathe.

I stumbled out of bed and glanced at myself in the mirror, grimacing slightly at my smeared makeup, chapped lips, and knotted hair. Looking around the room, my eyes landed on a bikini I had brought out a few days ago to wear to the pool. It was a simple dark green bikini.

I quickly grabbed it and as quietly as possible, slipped into the bathroom and got changed. I attempted to brush my hair and got halfway to the top before giving up. I washed my face and brushed my teeth and slipped my bikini on.

After deciding that I looked okay enough, I slipped out of the bathroom and grabbed an oversized linen cover-up to slip on over the bikini. Once I had slipped my sandals on, I grabbed my keycard and made my way out the door.

As I neared the elevator and wondered if the pool was even open, I stopped in front of Jude and Atlas's room.

I was almost sure Atlas wasn't asleep and wondered if he'd even want to join me downstairs. Jude was a pretty heavy sleeper compared to everyone else. You could bang a pan over his head and it'd take him a long while to even stir a little bit.

So, with a deep breath, I knocked on the door.

After waiting there a few seconds, the door clicked open and Atlas's eyes landed on me, a small frown on his lips. His eyes were squinted as they adjusted to the bright lights of the hallway.

"Hey," I smiled, nervously.

He rubbed his eyes, helping them adjust to the light and smiled to himself, "What do you want?"

I smiled, "Will you come with me to the pool?"

He frowned, "I was sleeping,"

I gave him a bored look, "No you weren't,"

At that, he cracked a smile and nodded softly before he closed the door. I waited there a while before he finally stepped out of his room. He slipped out of his sweats and shirt and was now dressed in a pair of black swim trunks and a black tee with a small white logo at the corner of the shirt. In his hands, he held a notebook and behind his ear sat a pencil.

I smiled at him before turning around and leading him down the carpeted corridor and towards the metal elevator doors. When we were finally in the elevator and making our way downstairs, Atlas looked down at me.

"Did you sleep much?"

I shook my head, "Just a little bit. What about you?"

He shrugged, smiling softly, "Just a little bit,"

I smiled and nodded, waiting for the elevator doors to fully open before walking out. I glanced back at Atlas as I made our way down the halls and towards the pool. His colored eyes were on me, watching my every step and every move. I turned back around and slid my keycard against the scanner. When it beeped open, I swung the door open and held it open for Atlas. He walked in and I followed.

The smell of chlorine hit my senses and I took a deep breath. I took tentative steps to the chairs, careful not to slip on the water spilled on the floor. I slipped my bracelet off and placed it on the chair, taking my cover-up off after.

My eyes met Atlas's as I dropped my shirt onto the chair and watched as he slipped his shirt over his head. My eyes widened as my eyes ran over the smoothness of his stomach and ran over the soft ridges of his abdomen. I took in a deep breath, quickly looking away before he realized.

I kicked my sandals off and made my way to the edge of the pool where the water ebbed. I stepped forward and let my feet splash in the cool water. Then, as I heard Atlas make his way to the edge of the pool, I walked forward until I was waist deep in the pool water.

I looked back at Atlas, a small smile on my face. He had settled with just standing on the edge and I frowned, "Come in,"

He took a few steps forward and when he was knee-deep in the water, I slipped underwater. I swam blindly for a few seconds before I opened my eyes and looked around. The pool's floor was tiled white and the sides were a dark blue. My chest constricted and I moved to the surface.

When I broke through the surface, I blinked my eyes open and moved my hair from my face. Atlas stood leaning softly against the edge of the pool. Droplets of water traced their way down his chest and down his stomach disappearing and mixing with the rest of the water.

He watched me and I frowned, tucking my hair behind my ear, "What?"

He shook his head, smiling softly, "Nothing,"

I gave him a lopsided smile and turned back around, slipping back under the water. We swam up and down the pool, brushing past each other every once in a while, our fingers softly sliding against the other's for a moment.

When Atlas slipped out of the water, I decided that I'd follow him out and take a break. I walked over to the seats that were reclined all the way to the back. Atlas grabbed two towels from the rack and handed me one. I smiled up at him and watched as he dried his hair and hung the towel around his shoulders. I dried myself off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I then laid on my stomach, my feet softly kicking up and down.

I looked to my left and watched as Atlas pulled out the notebook he bought. His eyes met mine and he smiled. I frowned questioningly, "What?"

"Remember how you said you wanted to write that letter...?" He asked and I felt my cheeks burn red.

I nodded, swallowing my embarrassment, "Yeah,"

"We'll, that's what we're going to do." He said, moving closer and copying the way I was laying down.

My eyebrows rose, "I don't have anybody to write a love letter to,"

My eyes met his and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lip, "I think that's better,"

I frowned, laughing slightly, "How?"

He shrugged, looking down at his notebook in thought, "That way you can write what you feel like love should be like. Imagine what it would be like being with the person you love. Instead of building off of past relationships, you build one in your head,"

I smiled, "Uh, okay. I guess,"

He nodded and handed me the notebook. It was open to a blank page and with it, Atlas handed me a charcoal pencil. I smiled at it, tightening my grip on it.

"So, what do I do?" I asked, glancing at him.

At that, he laughed, "Just close your eyes and think about it. Then write whatever comes to mind,"

I nodded and let my eyes flutter close. I tried to think about what it was like being in love and let my mind flit back to Keldan. Sure, I thought I loved him, but now all that flooded into my mind were bitter thoughts. I shoved the memories away and tried to invent what it would be like to fall in love with a person.

My shy glances and his confident gaze. The way his fingers danced across my skin and the way I clung to him as if I didn't want him to disappear from my clutches.

I began to write, but stopped as the pencil touched the paper.

"Wait," I said, looking back at Atlas, "Who do I address this to?"

He shrugged, "Maybe by a nickname you'd call them by or a random name..."

I nodded and began to write.

Love,

I try to remember the first time I looked at you like I wasn't already falling for you, but came up empty. The moment my eyes met yours I knew, I knew there was no going back.

I groaned, dropping the pencil onto the notebook, "It sucks,"

Atlas moved closer and pulled the notebook towards him, his eyes running over my words. His eyes met mine for a second before, he nodded, "It's good,"

I rolled my eyes, "No, it's weird."

He let out a small laugh and I picked the pencil up again, handing it to him, "Show me,"

His eyebrows rose and I pushed the pencil to him and he took it. He pulled the notebook towards him and stared at the paper for a second before he started to write. I watched the lead slide over the paper and marvled at his handwriting; it's smoothness, it's curves.

When he wrote a few sentences, he handed the notebook to me. I glanced at him before I started to read the words.

My darling, my love,

The stars could fall and the moon could shatter, the sun could burst and the seas could flood. As the world panics and cries, as the world doubles over and dies, my eyes would close, happy that I had the chance to press my lips to yours for a moment and run my hands through your hair.

You may not be in my arms as the ground rumbles, but I had you. You loved me and I loved you.

My eyebrows rose as I turned to Atlas, "Woah,"

He let out a small laugh and I groaned, trying to ignore the way my heart was racing with his face inches from mine and his words ringing in our ears.

"Now you try." He said, handing me back the pencil. I took the pencil from his hand and frowned.

"You're really good at this," I frowned, tapping the pencil to my lips.

He glanced at me, "Just write from the heart,"

I nodded and stared at the paper that was slowly filling. I placed the lead to the paper once more and began to write.

My world,

As the sky is blue and the grass is green, I would do anything to have you in my arms again. As the earth circles the sun and the stars glitter the sky, my lips sting with the want to press my lips to yours.

No feeling could possibly compare to the way your fingers feel against mine or the way your arms feel around my waist. I love you the way the stars love the midnight sky, I love you the way the flowers love the afternoon rain.

With a small sigh, I placed the pencil down and passed the notebook to Atlas. He softly tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes ran over the words. He glanced at me, his eyes flickering from my eyes to my lips before returning to my eyes.

"This one's a lot better. I like it," He said and I smiled.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded, shrugging after.

"But..." He said, smiling softly, "You could do a hundred times better,"

I frowned and nodded, sliding the notebook back to me. I pressed the pencil to the paper and started to write all the things I could possibly think of at the moment.

My beloved,

I sit here, my thoughts consumed by you and only you. The faint smell of your cologne that's plagued my senses for years making my vision swim and my heart race. And as my eyes flutter close at night and my breathing begins to even, you are all I dream about.

My ear pressed to your chest, your fingers tight around mine. Your lips pressed to my temple and your fingers tangled in my hair. Your sweet nothings hit like bullets and your I love you like raindrops.

My love, my beloved. As I sit here, dreaming, smiling, I'm lost in your laugh and in your smile. I'm lost in your eyes and in your kisses. I'm lost in a dream I never want to wake up from.

I passed the notebook over to Atlas and eagerly watched as his eyes ran over my quick handwriting. His eyebrows scrunched up over some words and his lips parted at others. When he read the last of my words, he looked at me, a soft smile on his lips.

"Is it good?" I asked, a smile erupting on my face.

He nodded, "Yeah, I got lost in it."

I smiled, proud of my work, "Huh, this is easy."

Atlas laughed and I passed him the notebook. He frowned at me and I passed him his pencil back, "Write me another one,"

He smiled and took the pencil from me, "You want me to write you a love poem?"

My cheeks burned red and a shiver ran down my spine from both the cold and the way he was looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders, "Not to me exactly, but for me."

He nodded but frowned as I shivered once more. He reached behind him and picked up his shirt, handing it to me.

I looked down at it and looked back at him, "You're cold, put it on."

I smiled, hoping the redness in my cheeks wasn't too obvious. I sat up a little and slipped Atlas's shirt on, letting out a small sigh as I was engulfed in the warmness of his shirt. I settled back down next to him and watched his face contort into one of utter concentration.

I fiddled around with the oversized sleeve of Atlas's shirt until he was finally done. He passed the notebook to me and tucked the pencil behind his ear. He watched me as my eyes glided over his words.

My love, my darling, and my everything in between,

The way my heart breaks in my chest when you smile my way, the way my head swims when your fingers trace my skin, the way my senses heighten when you laugh or smile.

I know it'll be hard letting you go, I know it, I know it. I know it'll be hard to move on if I ever will, but if you ask me, it's worth it.

If I could have your touches and your kisses now, then I'll take the pain tomorrow. If I can hear your laugh and see your smile today, I'll take the ache tomorrow.

I'll take the tears and I'll take pain. For a day with you could equal a lifetime of memories and a night with you could equal a world of thanks.

Yours truly,

Atlas

My eyes met his and I tried to come up with something to say, but all the words were stuck in my throat. My eyes flickered to his lips and my head spun with the thought of his lips on mine. I remembered the way his lips felt like against mine yesterday. Even if they barely touched, I was hooked.

"I—" I started, but couldn't figure out what to say. No, that wasn't it— I had hundreds of things to say, but couldn't get any past my lips.

"Speechless are we?" He asked, a soft smile on his lips.

I blinked and nodded, "Uh— that was really good. It's for me?"

He shrugged, a small smile on his lips, but his eyes wouldn't meet mine, "Sure. I mean, yeah."

I nodded, a small yawn escaping my lips. I hid my face in my arms and let out a small laugh, "Quite the poet you are,"

He let out a small laugh and when I looked up, his face was in front of mine. Even though this has happened dozens of times before, the way his eyes flickered from eyes to my lips, to even the smallest features on my face made my heart light up in my chest.

He raised his hand up and traced his fingers on my hairline and down my cheek. When his fingers were pressed to my jaw, he tilted my head towards him.

"Atlas?" I asked to which he seemed to snap out of the little dream he was in. His eyes met mine again and I smiled.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

He nodded softly, his fingers falling from my face. I smiled, nervously. The question has been bugging me for a while now. The way he pulls away when he remembers something, the way he'll lock himself in a room sometimes...

"Why do you pull away?" I asked, my eyes taking in every emotion that flitted past his face. "I mean, why do you get really down sometimes?"

He smiled, "I know what you meant,"

"Oh," I said, letting out a small laugh, "Sorry,"

He shook his head, "I have moderate to severe depression and by default insomnia."

My eyebrows rose softly and then everything started to make sense. His eyes were on me gouging my reaction to what he had just shared.

"Mine's isn't as bad as others get it, but sometimes..." He drew off and I nodded.

"That time you got really sick and said it was just a bug..." I said, realizing that my intuition was right and he wasn't sick that way.

He shook his head, "I stopped taking my medicine and that was the..."

"Oh," I nodded, briefly looking away before turning back to him. "Do you hate it?"

He let out a small laugh, "Yeah, it sucks most of the time. I can barely do anything and just lay around thinking about the worst things."

I watched his eyelashes move and his lips twitch. I took a deep breath, "Can you help it?"

He shook his head, "Rarely,"

I nodded, wanting to ask the question that's been burning in my mind for the past two minutes. "Atlas?"

He met my eyes, "Hmm?"

"Your tattoo?" I said, pointing to the drawing of the knife on his forearm. "Is that-- I mean, have you ever cut yourself?"

He shrugged, "Part of the process,"

I frowned, my eyes glossing over at the thought of him sitting on a freezing bathroom floor, cutting himself to feel something other than the incredible grief inside of him.

"How often do you do it?" I asked, my finger running softly up and down the ink of his arm. My finger softly hovered over the date engraved on the knife.

He hesitated with his answer, "I haven't done it in a while. It's been a while,"

I nodded and tried to get more comfortable. I flipped over and laid down on my back, resting my head near Atlas's arm, his face hovering over mine, his eyes flitting about my face.

I sighed, "I'm sorry that you feel this way,"

He cracked a smile, "What do you have to be sorry for?"

I shrugged, raising my hand and brushing back a loose wet curl from his forehead. "Everybody has someone to make them feel like they're worth it, like they don't have to cut their body to feel something other than sadness. I'm sorry that you didn't have a person like that before,"

I dropped my hand and placed it on my stomach, watching him watch me. "It's fine. Compared to a few years ago, I'm handling everything much better."

I smiled, "Good, don't die on me okay?"

He let out a small laugh, the rasp in his voice a mere undertone, but the amusement in it obvious, "Wouldn't dream of it,"

We stayed like that for a while, doing nothing but staring and memorizing every inch of the other's face, listening to the ebb of the pool water, and watching the sky turn into lighter and lighter colors.

His hand reached up and touched the necklace I had hanging from my neck. He fingered each thin bead that was strung into the necklace, his eyes never leaving the jewelry hanging from my neck.

"What is this?" He asked.

I pressed my hand to my necklace, "Oh, it's just something I made at home when I was 11."

He nodded and I smiled, sitting up slightly to unclasp the necklace from behind me. Atlas watched as I pulled back the black and white necklace and held it between us. The necklace was mostly black except for a small part of white right in the middle.

I sat up in front of him and held the necklace, "I want you to have it,"

He shook his head, a small smile on his lips, "No, it's yours."

I shook my head, closing my eyes for a second, "Not anymore,"

He gave me a look and when I raised my hands to put the necklace around his neck, he didn't fuss. I planted my forearms on his shoulder and blindly clasped the necklace behind him. When I was done, I sat back down, smiling at how much better the necklace looked on him.

"Thanks," He said and I nodded, looking back towards the pool for a second.

I turned around and watched as the sun rose behind the glass window in front of the pool. The sky lit up hundreds of shades of blue, orange, and pinks. The sounds of birds chirping could be heard from inside. The pool water glittered as the sun's rays hit the surface.