~published on November 23rd, 2018~

A/N:

Are you having fun with this story?

*

"Huh? What do you mean?" Phana is confused. "You are my boyfriend. I love you. That's how I look at... you." And then his eyes widen in shock while the realization hits him. "You mean... like..."

Wayo nods.

"But you say it has never changed! And come to think of it, it sure has never changed!" Phana is further confused. "But..." He looks at Wayo in confusion. "But... he never liked anyone before you. He was just playing around before he... But..."

"Want to make sure?" Wayo challenges Phana.

Phana looks at Wayo.

"What do you want to do first? Confirm about P'Beam's feelings and his real reason that for the first time in his life he said he can't do something like Engineering, or do you want to know about P'Forth's feelings first and as to why he shared his food and drink with P'Beam...?"

Phana blinks. He doesn't know what to do.

"Either way, I think you'll lose P'Beam at the end," Wayo says softly. "Are you ready...?"

Phana looks at Wayo in defeat.

"Seriously, it will be more reasonable for me to get jealous over P'Beam than you getting jealous over P'Forth, P'Pha~... You love P'Beam too much... Come here you big boy... just imagining there is a chance of losing your 'son' makes you stunned like this... Man..." Wayo hugs his boyfriend while shaking his head in disbelief.

***

Forth shakes his head when his friends say Phana invited them to a party this Friday night.

"Why? I thought you were looking forward to this, being friends again with Pha," Lam says.

Forth smiles. "I do. But not... a drinking party. Maybe I'll invite him later for the barbeque or something."

"Why?"

Forth tries to maintain his smile. "I... don't think I have the strength to see the old Beam back."

"Huh? Why?"

Forth looks at his four friends calmly. "It's been a month since he has done anything with girls because he was busy with SOTUS and all the Moon thing, but he is not busy again. And being away for that long without having fun? He'll probably have 10 girls on his lap. He used to have three girls every day in the past."

Silence.

"Forth, I don't understand," Lam breaks the silence. "Why would it make you concerned?"

Forth blinks. "I thought you knew."

"About what?"

"My feelings."

"What feelings?"

"I love Beam," Forth says in a calm tone. So calm it shocks the entire table.

"I am sorry, you what?" Park thought he misheard it.

Lam is too stunned to react.

Max is gaping wide.

Tul is frozen.

"I love Beam," Forth says it again. And then he looks at his friends confusedly. "Why are you so shocked? I thought everyone knows about that. You four, all the first years, the juniors and even the seniors?"

"We do, yeah! But we thought you didn't know that you love Beam!!" Max loses it.

Forth frowns. "How can I not know my own feelings?"

The other four are confused.

"We thought you are just dense!"

"Or stupid!"

"Or something!!"

Forth chuckles. He shakes his head. "You guys are stupid."

"Since fucking-WHEN?" Lam asks Forth. He is confused too. He has been thinking that Forth doesn't know about his own feelings towards Beam... that he doesn't know he has already moved on from Wayo to Beam or something like that.

Forth takes a long deep breath. "Since the first day I met him."

Silence.

"You mean... first day of SOTUS?" Park asks. "That's how you were able to pick him out in the middle of a thousand of freshmen?"

Forth smiles sadly. "No. The first day of Moon and Star Gathering."

"I thought you liked Wayo back then..." Lam is confused.

"... when I was competing against Phana," Forth continues. "In our freshman year."

Everyone is stunned.

"Forth, that was two years ago," Lam says.

Forth nods. "It was."

"You have been in love with Beam since your freshman year?!!" Tul is shocked.

Forth nods.

Lam blinks. "I don't understand."

Forth takes another long deep breath. "The Moon and Star Gathering started in the second week of SOTUS. None of you were there to cheer me up back then. And I didn't really care about it. I just didn't want to be punished because the seniors thought I was not taking it seriously or would embarrass my Faculty. So I tried to the best I can and attended all the meetings. That's when I met him."

The other four had never attended the Moon meetings during the time when Forth was their Moon. They only cheered for him on the final night. That's how they met the Craz-Doc gang.

"He came for Phana, the Moon of Medical. But Phana was on the stage. He waited and stood beside me by the stage side. And suddenly he turns to me and asks for my water.

I gave him after he said he doesn't mind to drink after me because I had already drunk a bit of water from that bottle.

He thanked me after. And his teasing eyes captured my heart in its first blink. There was so much depth to them that he was hiding behind those playful smirks.

His voice had this warm feeling. Like it draws you into an imaginary hug.

I thought I was going crazy. But... He is just that beautiful...

... and handsome.

I have never been attracted to any man before that, but he..."

Forth's friends are stunned for good.

"I asked for his name," Forth continues his story, "he told me right away. Beam, Beam Baramee. He smiled and then with one of his hands he tapped my chest with the back of his right palm while asking my name. Sassy. And... I fell in love right on the spot."

Lam blinks. "He's the one who turned you bisexual?!! All this time??!!"

Forth nods.

"But I have never seen you make a move on him!" Park frowns. "Not once!"

Forth smiles sadly. "He fucks one of the Stars the day after we met."

"Owh."

"Yeah. I learned who he is the day after. And since then, I tried to move on. Moreover, he always has girls by his arm. It's difficult to find him without hickeys or lipstick stain. He always has it," Forth says.

"Yeah..." Max nods.

"So you played harder than usual. Trying boy after boy." Park is sad.

"I thought cute boys are your type," Lam says. "The fragile and sweet ones...?"

"The least that would remind me of Beam." Forth sighs.

"... and Wayo?" Tul asks carefully.

"I saw him act sassy towards Phana. He looked like Beam at that time. With less playfulness. I thought I can have this 'Beam'. And then when he confessed his feelings for Phana, I can't help but think, what if I confessed my feeling back then to Beam? What if I put everything I have at stake at that time?" Forth bites his lip.

(A/N: it would be as in the story "Distraction", baby)

"I nearly did it after that, actually. Wayo's confession to Phana gave me strength. But... Beam is too high to reach. Moreover, when he sided with Phana, which is understandable because he thought I was in the way of his best friend's happiness...and... he... I... lost it. All my hope, strength... I just... had it enough.

And I hate Phana for what he did to our friendship. There was no more hanging out with the Craz-Doc again... no more Beam. I didn't even mind if I had to see Beam fuck someone in front of my eyes. I just wanted to see him. I know he doesn't swing this way. This is a major EW for him," Forth says.

No one knows what to say.

"And the days passed just like that. With no Beam..." Forth says in a cracking voice. "Nothing was interesting anymore. Fucking hole after hole became meaningless. So I just stopped."

"You stopped playing because of... Beam...?" Tul is shaking.

Forth nods. "Thank God all of you were being dense about each other's feelings. I got you all to pass my days with."

Silence.

"Why didn't you tell him how you feel at least once?"

Forth smiles. "I did."

"When?"

"In his signature book," Forth says in a low voice. He smiles sadly. "I even got him to say he loves me. I was going to frame it in my mind. But it got better because you recorded it. I have it on my phone. I get to hear him saying he loves me over and over again everytime I want to hear it. With those beautiful eyes who has stolen my heart since the first blink.

And I don't care to hide my feeling anymore. All of you already knew by the second week of SOTUS, so I just decided to enjoy my time with Beam."

Silence.

"You usually do not share your food," Lam suddenly says. "Oh God, why didn't I see it..."

Everyone turns to Lam.

"When we met Beam while he was being chased by the Geography boys and he pulls your jacket to wear, he drank from your glass! You let him do it and drank after him! Usually, you leave it untouched if anyone else touches your food or drinks!" Lam gasps. "You spot him right away in the middle of thousands of freshmen! You turned into this... like Park said, fluffy!!!"

Forth smiles at Lam. "Pathetic isn't it? I am a coward."

"You let people build this 'ForthBeam' thing! You..." Tul comes to a realization. Forth never lets people do anything he doesn't like. "You intended to act cute during the Moon gathering and give the gas to burn the Moon courting Moon thing with Beam!!"

"Posh was right when he said you nearly cried for giving Beam 100 laps and 1000 push-ups punishment!!!" Park yells too. "Oh my God! Forth!!!"

"Oh my God! Why are you doing this to yourself?! Why don't you confess to him, get a proper rejection and move on?!" Max is confused.

"Because I like to live in this illusion of mine," Forth says softly. "Beam has no heart. He will always be Beam Baramee, the Casanova. He never takes anything seriously. He rolls out of the Medical in his third year to join Engineering, freshman year... for what? To join the brotherhood so he could be saved while fucking around."

Long deep breaths color the table.

"He knows what the gear represents and yet he just gave it away," Forth says.

Silence.

"What do you mean he gave it away?"

"When?"

"Who to?"

Forth shows his right wrist. "Beam gave it to me."

Everyone is stunned.

"He said my bracelet looked like trash. So I can wear his instead," Forth says. "Playing this 'ForthBeam' game rose my illusion higher. I even got to take care of his 'heart'. Even if it was just something from SOTUS for him, but I am taking care of it with my whole heart."

Four pairs of eyes are looking at the gear on Forth's wrist.

"Beam gave it to you?"

"That's Beam's?"

"You sure Beam meant it that way?"

"Have you asked him properly why he gave it to you?"

"Told you, he thought my bracelet is too worn out. It looked like trash. I even hinted him if he wants my gear. He told me to keep it."

"Hint him?" Lam frowns.

Forth nods. "I always hint him. Seeking for an opening to raise the bar from being a friend to more than a friend. But he keeps friend-zoning me."

"I am sorry, I can't picture you giving hints.... explain it in more detail," Park says.

"Just like I asked him to say the 'I love you' words. I asked him..." Forth says. "...this time I asked him, 'Now what to do with this' while pointing at my gear... and he told me 'that's your heart, P'Forth... give it to someone you like for it to be taken care of'... He rejected me subtly."

"I think he doesn't get your hint, Forth," Tul says.

"What did you say to him after that?" Max asks.

"That I'll keep my gear safe," Forth says.

Lam is facepalming himself. "Oh my God. Can I give up on you...?"

"He helped us, babe. Let's help him," Park says.

Lam sighs. He looks at Forth for enough time. "I think Beam hint you too."

Forth shakes his head. "I don't think so. He... just teased me. That's what he does. He doesn't hint at me."

"He did!" Lam insists.

"Like what?" Forth asks.

"He gave you his gear and told you that your gear is your heart and to give your heart to someone you like for it to be taken care of!!"

"But he gave away his gear because he is not into this kind of thing... It means nothing to him," Forth says.

"He talked about SOTUS in his talent show! He changed a lot during SOTUS, he even specifically said that your gear IS YOUR HEART and you have to give it to someone who can take care of your fucking-HEART!!!" Lam loses it. "No way it means nothing to him!"

Forth is stunned on the spot.

"Beam even rolled out of the Engineering when you did not give your gear to him after he gave his fucking-HEART to you!! Didn't he??!!"

Forth blinks seeing an angry Lam.

"Aarrgh!! Have you ever seen him back off???!!" Lam really is stressed out right now. "He is the last man standing during SOTUS! He presents something, even though absurd... for the talent show even though he has no talent! He fucking rolled in another faculty in his third year just because he wanted something!! Nothing scare him!!! His feeling for you...?!! Will DO!!!!"

Forth is confused.

"Aaarrrghhh!!!" Lam is giving up.

Park is laughing. He taps on Lam's shoulder and looks at Forth. "Forth. I am telling you this because apparently, seeing from your own point of view, you can't see it."

Forth looks at Park. "Hm?"

"Beam loves you."

***

A/N:

Thank you for the help proofreading it, @Darzls .

Dear readers, see you on Monday and have a nice weekend!