《More Than Anything Else (Tooru Oikawa)》Feelings
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Daichi grabs my hand, getting me to turn around to face him. I look up to see our faces are millimeters apart. I draw in a sharp breath, surprised at our close proximity. His gaze flickers down to my lips and mine do as well to his. He then moves forward and kisses me. I close my eyes and rest my palms on the front of his black and orange uniform. His lips feel a little chapped and not as soft as Oikawa's, but its nice.
Nice? Is that all I can describe it as? This is Daichi Sawamura you're kissing. You've liked him for years! You have to feel something from it.
But I don't feel anything besides his lips pressed to mine.
Nothing.
I pull back and open my eyes. Diachi wears an almost confused expression as he stares back at me. I guess he sees my troubled frown since he speaks up. "You didn't feel anything either, did you?"
It was the same for him? So I'm not going crazy. But what does this mean? Why don't I feel anything?
I shake my head at him. "No, I'm sorry," I mumble.
"Don't apologize," he tells me. We stand there in silence before he asks me a question. "Is it because of Oikawa?"
My chest flutters at the mention of his name, and the realization hits me.
All these feelings. Everything I feel around Tooru. Is this why?
I think back to Monday. The feeling in my chest when he kissed me. The tingles throughout my body that lingered even after he pulled away.
These feelings. Do I love Tooru? Was I so focused on Daichi that I completely ignored my own feelings? Do I love him?
No. I don't love him, but I have these feelings for him. I feel like I'm drawn to him. I want to be around him. I want to make him smile and laugh. I want to be with him
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I want to be with Tooru.
"Y-yes," I say, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize..." I trail off, embarrassed at my admission.
Daichi gives me a small smile. "Like I said, you don't have to apologize. I understand. I think there might be someone else for me as well."
I give him a confused look so he continues.
"Well with Michimiya-san helping me out with you, I got to know her more," he confesses. "I guess we both didn't realize our feelings until now."
"You like Yui-chan?" I gasp.
He laughs nervously. "I guess I do."
"Well then, good luck to both of us then," I say.
"I guess there's going to be no dinner Sunday?" he asks me.
"You can use that time to celebrate with your team after you win the finals," I tell him with a smile. "Good luck out there today."
His face breaks into a smile. "Thank you," he tells me. I watch him walk away as he heads to the gym entrance.
Did that really just happen?
I lean against the wall, take a deep breath and let out a long sigh.
Well this has certainly been an interesting development.
I really like Tooru. It took me kissing Daichi to realize it. Now what am I gonna do? I rejected Tooru on Monday. Is it wrong to take it back? Would it be cruel? I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.
But I have to tell him how I feel. I don't know what he'll say to it, but I should just tell him and let him decide how to go from there.
I start to make my way towards the stairs still deep in thought. I pass by some loud Shiratorizawa players, but I pay them no attention as I walk down the hallway.
Now thinking it is one thing. Actually confessing everything to him is a whole other ball game.
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Oh God, what if he's moved on already?
No, that's way too fast.
But is it?
Stop. You're overthinking all this and making yourself freak out because of it. Just calm down and focus on the game today. Focus on cheering for Asahi, Daichi, Suga, and the rest of the boys. That's what you came here to do.
"Asuga-chan! There you are!" I here a shout as I walk down the bleacher steps. I see Yui waving at me from the front row.
"We really thought you got lost for a minute," Mei tells me.
"Sorry, I ran into a few people so I took longer than I thought," I explain as I sit down. I look out at the court in front of me. My eyes automatically land on the Aoba Johsai captain. I swallow, nervously.
Yui stares at me with her eyebrows knit together. "Did something happen? Who did you run into."
"Just some annoying boys from another team, Tooru, and Daichi," I mumble.
She raises her eyebrows in an expression telling me to further explain so I do. I tell them everything that happened and they eat it up gasping when I tell them that Daichi kissed me and when I confess that I like Oikawa.
"I knew it!" Yui exclaims. "I called it from day one!"
"Weren't you trying to help Daichi get with me?" I ask, confused.
"Well yes, I did tell him that, but I did really ship you and Oikawa," she explains. "You always got this look in you eye when talking about him. He always seemed to be able to cheer you up. You just took forever to finally realize it. Damn woman, you are dense sometimes."
"Ouch," I mutter.
"I'm not wrong,"
"I didn't say you were," I huff.
"So when are you going to talk to Oikawa?" Mei asks.
That's a good question. I should probably wait until Monday. If Aoba Johsai wins, they'll be busy getting ready for the game against Shiratorizawa tomorrow. If they lose, I don't think Oikawa will be in a talking mood.
"Probably Monday," I say.
"Oh my god, you two are finally getting together! I'm so excited!" Yui squeals. "You guys are gonna be so cute together."
"We don't know how he'll react," I comment.
Yui rolls her eyes. "I was only with you two for a few minutes and he couldn't keep his eyes off you. Plus there is the fact that he kissed you and told you that he likes you," she tells me. "I hope you actually didn't forget that since that only happened on Monday."
"But I rejected him," I say. "What if he's moved on?"
"Honey, no one gets over something like that that quickly," she laughs. "Trust me. I know."
"So you still like Daichi-kun?" I ask her.
"Of course," she admits. "How can I not?"
I bite the inside of my cheek, doubts still plaguing my thoughts. I look out at the teams getting ready to start and find Oikawa again. I feel that knot in my stomach again even if he's only talking to one of the middle blockers on his team. His hair looks a bit messier than usual, but that might be due to his warm ups and him running his hands through his hair, nervously. He still looks good. He always looks good. God, I'm such a girl.
As I stare, he looks up at me and our eyes meet. I feel my face grow warm, but he just smiles at me and waves. Wave back, Asuga, I tell myself, forcably lifting my arm and waving back at him.
Why am I like this?
***
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