Chapter 49

Even though I made the choice to runaway, I wasn't being selfish about it. It's either stay here and die or try to live. That wasn't what scared me though. It was the fact that if I didn't run, Luke would be stuck. And I wanted what was best for him; he deserved it.

It was risky but if I was doing this, I knew well enough how upset Luke would be. But it was for the best. And that was what he needed to understand.

I was able to get back to my house as fast as I possibly could - it wasn't too far from the station. I knew Clare was at work, Luke still trying to get Mark.... I had a large amount of time I knew. Just enough to get a few things and leave Luke a note.

I got all the essentials I would need and threw them into a bag until it was crammed to the point where nothing else would fit. Food, clothes, and money. After that was covered in a short amount of time, I moved onto the thing I was anxious over the most: the note. I loved this man so much, I just hope he understood after he reads this letter.

Dear Luke,

I've ran away from you enough times to know that you will try to come after me. Because yes, Luke: I am leaving and running away even though I promised you I wouldn't. But since I've promised you that, things have changed and for reason's you wont be able to understand, I must go. And I ask with all that I have for you not to look for me.

I'm not good at this mushy-gushy shit but you need to know how much you mean to me. You have helped me beyond anything I ever hoped from someone like you. I'd be lying if I said this doesn't break my heart because it does. I will miss you more than you know because you are the only one that really cares for me to the degree that you do. I've never had a friend as true as you, as helpful and caring. Which is why I know how hard this will be for you. You are in so much pain as it is, and especially now, this is the last thing you need. But trust me: it's for the best. Even more, no matter how much I wanted to help you bring Clare down, I can't. My reason for leaving is more important. Because soon, you will be free too. You will find the evidence you need and I more than hope you will find the happiness you deserve later on. With a wife that isn't crazy and the possibility for a new start. I really want that for you; with all my heart I know you deserve it.

I need to tell you thank you. For everything you have done for me to make my life better. For showing me the life I could have had, for making me a better person. I will never forget what you have done for me, what you have sacrificed, because you are the only person that ever has. That's why this is hard; because I will never find a friend as beautiful as you are to me.

Please don't think I wrote this letter to make you feel bad or for an unconscious way to tell you to come after me. Because that is not the reason at all. I wrote this letter because if I didn't, you would have tried to find me. So I ask you, if you care, if you want what is best for the both of us, don't look for me. I will be okay. I promise.

Love, Albany

Surprisingly, it didn't take long to write. Maybe because my hand was going so fast to keep up with my thoughts, maybe because I didn't need to think about what I had to write. And now that I wrote it and had my things, it was time for me to go.

I took the note I wrote for Luke and, with my bag over my shoulder, I walked out the front door. I took a deep breath as I approached Luke's parked truck in the driveway. I knew Clare never used his truck, would never go in there for any reason.

I opened the driver's side door and quickly left the note on the seat of the truck. I knew he would find the note soon enough and I just hoped he would forgive me. I wanted him to understand. And more than anything, I didn't want him to come after me.

After I placed the letter on the seat, I slammed his door shut and soon, I was on my way. And to who knows where. A life worse than the one here. Yes, I was sure. Worse than how it was before Luke came into my life, probably not. It would most likely be how it was before when I ran away and lived on streets for a year. I have a sick feeling though that it would be even harder anyway for the fact that I have changed so much. I knew what it was like to be happy, how to be nice, how to laugh for just the right to laugh. Now, I was going to a life where none of that existed. And that was fine last time I lived on the streets, because I wasn't familiar with any of that. But now, I knew it would be harder. For the fact that I have changed. Ever more for the fact that I was in love and I would never see him again, never look into his beautiful jade eyes. I would have to fall asleep imagining him next to me, his eyes kind in mine and caressing, his protective presence around me. That would be one of the illusions I would need to go on. Because I knew I had to try to go on even if I barely had any hope. Because I promised Luke I would be okay. And I would be. That promise was going to drive me.

***

I wasn't dumb enough to make the same mistake again. I was following the train tracks out of town this time. I didn't know where I was going but I knew it had to be rather far. I hoped Luke wouldn't come looking for me but it was still a possibility. If he did come searching for me, he would know I wouldn't stick around. Oh no, he would broaden his search to the point where I might even have to leave the state to feel completely out of his range.

By the time night came, I was outside of town and that was my goal for at least the first night. I slept in the woods, under the protection of nature. Nobody would find me out here, I knew. Though the woods kept me from being found, that didn't mean I wasn't a little uneasy at first. After a couple months of living back in my house, with a nice bed, walls around me, this felt strange, being back to living under the sky and stars. I loved nature. But I was out in the open, laying on dirt, and it didn't feel right to fall asleep in such a dark woods with unknown noises. However, I did and in the morning, I woke, ate a little, and was off again, walking. I abandoned the tracks as my guide, going my own way, which I didn't know was where exactly. But it didn't matter. Just as long as I walked, didn't stop, and was getting away from home with every step.

The next day went by the same, the night a little more comfortable. That was what this was: just getting use to it and I'll be fine. Well, that's what I needed to keep telling myself. After two days passed, I was sick of thinking about the same thing. Because that was all there was to do: think and think and think. Walk and think and hope I wouldn't be found. I didn't want to keep thinking about Luke and how much I missed him already. It was quite pathetic what two days walking and thinking will do to you. I didn't need to cry or even question myself on whether I should go back. Because I knew, no matter how much harder this was becoming, that I needed to keep walking with no thought of going back.

My hair still tightly in a bun felt greasy, my body gross, and I could only imagine what I smelled like. It's only been two days and I felt disgusting. Yes, this was going to be hard. I missed my bathroom and shower. How did I manage going through this for a year? Well, maybe because I was so desperate to leave, it was worth it. Life at home with only Clare was worse than this. But this time, I was leaving because I didn't have much of a choice. Other than that, I loved being home with Luke - except with Clare around, it sucked. But even when she was, she was cautious. I actually felt somewhat safe and cared for with Luke around. I think that's why this was so hard right now.

My thoughts wouldn't stop. I wanted to know every second what Luke was thinking, what he was doing, how he was feeling. Because I knew it was shitty. I could only imagine what that poor man was going through and it made me sick to my stomach. Not only was he already stressed, he found out Clare's true side. Now, I run away. I just hoped he would get over this. I wasn't worth him worrying over. Every other minute, my heart jumped at a possibility - did he tell Clare what he found out? Was he looking for me? Did he completely lose it and do something stupid? Did he end up getting to Mark? I would never know and I eventually needed to accept that.

However, I did find out. Because of an unfortunate mistake I made.

For the third day, I woke in the woods at around noon if I had to guess. But I didn't just naturally wake up. I didn't wake from the sun shinning to pry my eyes open. I didn't wake from the sound of a random noise in the woods. Those were normal occurrences that I would have accepted as a possible way to relieve me from sleep. This however, wasn't anything to expect coming from out in the middle of the woods.

It put me on alert instantly with just the feeling. Because I rose from my deep oblivion by a movement. A nudge again my shoulder, a little push. A force. A force against me where there shouldn't be anything waking me that wouldn't be natural in the woods. More than that, it freaked me out even before I looked to see what it was. I figured it was either a person or some animal. But when I woke and jumped, startled, my eyes flying open, I saw in that second what caused me to wake.

I gasped, looking to find the source of whatever woke me and it didn't take any less than a second. Laying on the ground, I looked up to see a man standing over me. He had gently nudged me with his boot I realized and when I saw him towering over me, I instantly sat up.

I didn't recognize him. I was confused. I didn't understand. More than anything, I was already close to panicking. This shouldn't be happening if I want to be free, this can't be happening. My plan was to not come into contact with many people and this was worse: the fact that this dude woke me told me my sleepy unusual state in the woods drew him to me. Or so I though. What made this so much worse, what made my stomach twist in small knots, were the details I took in of him. Neck craning, I look over him and I identified him instantly. The uniform, equipment, badge, the blank face, the stance.... He was a fucking cop. That just figures, doesn't it?

The police officer's arms were crossed, not looking too surprised to find a random girl sleeping in the woods. I wasn't sure what to make of this or why such a stone expression.

"What are you doing sleeping out in the woods? On private property?"

I couldn't answerer, I was so shocked at first. I just continued to stare up at him, eyes wide. He looked like a giant over me with me on the ground. It went with the feeling that was growing inside of me, of feeling incredibly small and vulnerable, lost and caught at the same time. I learned that wasn't the case at all with his actual height.

All but flying birds singing, there was no sound between us as he stared down at me. He had light blond hair but with olive skin, his eyes shield behind dark sunglasses. Expressionless. I didn't like it at all. Cops always give off that sort of air, even Luke did when he first arrested me. At least I could see his eyes though. This dude hid his feelings, his weakness because a person's eyes is key to seeing their personality, who they are.

"I...." I said, the letter slipping from my lips in attempt to say something, anything for an excuse when his words registered. I had nothing to defend myself with, no excuse because I didn't expect this. "Sorry," I blurted out like an idiot.

The man raised his eyebrows but other than that, his face was blank, lips straight. "Did you run away from home?" He asked, voice light in a question, a note of wondering yet judgment.

"N-No, I'm not." My mind came up with an excuse and I hoped it would be good enough; I had nothing else besides the truth. I sat up a bit more, fixing my stare on where I figured his were through the black shades over his eyes. Keeping my voice level and calm, I spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'm actually out camping. There is only a number of nice days left before autumn takes over. I wanted to camp one last time, enjoy nature."

Yeah, yeah I know how shitty of an excuse that was. But hey, I had nothing else at the moment. I watched as he pursed his lips, thinking over my words as he looked down at me. He didn't believe me, I know he didn't. Who the hell would?

He finally removed his sun glasses to look at me, the blue digging into my light brown. I was a little relieved, I didn't feel as vulnerable.

"You're camping," he stated, as if seeing how it sounded. I woud think it would have sounded pretty funny from his view but I was contained in silence and fear. I didn't want to go home, I couldn't do that. I could get killed and Luke wouldn't be able to be free of her. "Not in a campground, not with anybody, not with much of any equipment. And on someone else's property."

Oh yeah, when he said it like that, it sounded like the truest of all bullshit told. I was so screwed. I was fighting with myself whether I should just get up and run. I nearly did when I realized something that made my heart beat harder, my chest jumping. I now suddenly wished he hadn't taken his glasses off.

I was Albany Higgins, one of the more recognizable faces around my home town and outside. But that was just talking about normal regular citizens. This guy was a cop. If he does his job right, he should have recognized me the second he saw me. I knew every cop close to my town - maybe even around the state - knew what I looked like. I was famous as it was. Now, I ran away again. The police would be looking. And now, one of them found me. I found out it was from my own damn fault.

"This is private property?" I asked, playing dumb. I watched him carefully, ready to run any moment. He didn't seem to have recognized me yet so I kept my place, knowing if I ran, it was natural for him to chase after me.

"Yes. The man that lives back in these woods," he said, glancing to the right and into the woods where he was indicating that man lived. I squinted my eyes and if he hadn't pointed it out, I wouldn't have been able to see a structure quite a ways back behind some trees. It was hard to see now so there was no way I could have noticed it last night. I looked back up at the man as he continued. "He spotted you walking through last night and called us this morning to check up on things."

Of course. The place I decide to sleep just happens to be on the private property of some paranoid jerk.

"I didn't know!" I blurted out, becoming more nervous by the second. I instantly got to my feet and faced him. I noticed just how tall he was now, and it was pretty funny. He looked about the same age as Luke but had the height of a twelve year old; I was taller than him! To be fair, he had a strong build and looked in shape but I wasn't as worried as before. In fact, he was rather small, I figured I could outrun him. After all, I got a good night's sleep, I was a fast runner in general, and this was the woods. I loved nature and knew the texture of the ground like the back of my hand. But before I just ran, I wanted to try to get away with just walking away and saying sorry and I didn't mean it, wont ever do it again. "I'm sorry, I will leave right away." I said, picking up my bag and a few other things I took out - like my sweatpants I used as a pillow. (Yeah. Because everybody that goes camping uses their cloths as a pillow). I swung my bag on my back and faced him again, not nearly as worried. I became nervous with what he said next though.

He sighed. "Well I can't let you do that, Miss. Higgins."

My eyes snapped to met his. It was clear now that he knew me. He knew this whole time it was me. I was going to run. And I knew I could outrun him. So naturally, the first words that came to my mouth: "Alright, look here copper," I groaned. "How much will it take for you to walk away and report nothing happened, nobody was here, and let me go." I could outrun him but it didn't mean I wanted to. Because then he would report it and it was likely I would get caught later on with the police aware I was around here somewhere. That was one more thing to worry about so running was the last option.

He ignored my words. "I'm sorry but you're step-father is going crazy and the sooner you're back, the sooner we will have him off our cases."

I felt a pain reach my stomach at hearing that, shivers running up me knowing Luke was doing whatever he could to find me. I really hoped he wouldn't try to find me like I told him but who am I kidding, it's Luke. I felt so incredibly sorry for him to have to go through this. I just wanted him to be free but he wouldn't have it; hell, he probably didn't even realize what would end up happening if I come home: he would be stuck.

Looking back into the officer's eyes, I groaned. "So 700 dollars isn't enough for you to have not seen anything?" That was all the money I brought (stole from Luke) but it would be worth giving up if it meant not going back home.

His straight lips finally broke that stance. He smirked down at me and his eyes were slightly amused. "Sorry but no. You need to come with me," he said, serious now. He tried to grasp my arm or guide me but I wasn't going back unless I'm forced. So I would have to run.

I wasn't worried about getting caught by this little man. He was so short, I was surprised they allowed the guy to be a cop. I wasn't judging him people; just saying I wasn't scared of him catching me. I figured it would take a bit to lose him out in the woods but I was confident. I mean, how hard could it be to lose a midget on my tracks? No, I wasn't going to let him catch me.

***

I was sitting in the back of the guy's police car, handcuffed and pissed that he caught me. How did he catch me? What was worse was it didn't even take him long to get to me. I guess it was my own fault for being so stupid. I should have figured that since he is a cop, of course he would get me. He's had training and just because he was a little shorter than me didn't mean shit. What he lacked in tallness he made up for in strength and speed.

I tried regaining my dignity mentally all the way to the police station. As he was driving, I recognized this town and some of the buildings. I went through this town before; it was where I spent my first few nights after I ran away the first time. Except, unlike now, I didn't get caught. I guessed it was a few hours from home when driving. I went the distance I expected and was happy I went this far. I was disappointed my journey ends here.