Chapter 40

Standing in front of my mirror, I didn't like the person I was turning into. My eyes were filled with sorrow, my expression just tired. I'm not great at self observation but I could notice this. I'm blaming it all on these fucking emotions. Emotions are tricky bastards, fooling you to feel something and all it does is bite you in the ass. I missed having sarcasm as my best friend, blocking out the hurt. I missed having no conscious, not feeling anything. I didn't care before and that is what I want now. I didn't want to care about Luke. I didn't want to think over what his problem might be. I didn't want to worry or love the guy. It was just pain; pointless pain at that.

I sighed, running the comb through my now dry hair. I just finished blow drying my hair after I had got out of the shower. It was a process I enjoyed; it felt good to clean up and it made me feel better in return. However, this time I still feel like shit. You could only really see it in my expression though. Looking over my body, that now supported light pajamas, I found I looked the same as I had at the beginning of summer. Nearing an unfortunate end, the only difference is that my skin is tanner. My hair was a bit longer, but the hoops and curls that ran down my shoulders and back were just as shiny and thick as before. How I wished physical appearance could only be that and not grant the access to your inner self like my face was doing. Fucking emotions.

A knock at my door interrupted the silence as well as the repeating pattern of my comb sliding through my hair. It didn't matter which one of them it was. It would suck seeing Luke after how he's been acting. And like I want to see Clare. The fucking bitch was the last thing I need.

Glancing to my clock, I sighed. 7:38pm. Brushing away my previous thoughts, and hopefully the stupid sadness in my face, I headed towards my bedroom door. Opening it and... what a surprise! One of the two other people that live here! It was Luke! Oh fucking joy!

"What?" I asked immediately, looking up into his eyes. He met my stare and I instantly felt my stomach twist and breath catch. So much intensity... feeling... I hated it. It makes me feel so weak, especially because I know it's because I love him. My god, his green eyes could swallow me whole. Standing before him, I couldn't help but want him with all of my being. So tall with a strong build... I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. He was just perfect. Not to mention, unlike me, he was dressed up in a light button up shirt as well as black slacks. His shirt tucked in, his belt hugging his waist and made him look even better. Damn. Could I sound any more pathetic people? I was sounding like a teenage girl.

He took a deep breath, looking down for a moment and breaking eye contact. That was the best move he could have made. I didn't like feeling lost in his eyes. I wanted to be in control right now and it was something I had to maintain.

"Um... I need to talk to you." He said, uncomfortable. Obviously, the tension was still riding between us full time now. It's so strange. I felt so close to him the night he told me about his past and when I fell asleep with him. Now... he's just moving further away, and in so little time. It's shocking how much he's started to pull away from me. Not physically exactly by just avoiding me but you could just feel it in the air; he's withdrawing from me. So you can imagine why I was suspicious at what he had said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it's important."

I rolled my eyes as I opened my door wider. "Fine," I sighed. Walking over to my bed, I turned and sat down on the edge, watching him follow and sit beside me. He was noticeably a fair ways away but whatever. That's a new hobby of his: avoiding me. He's doing pretty good at it. Another hobby he's great at: being a bastard.

Glancing up to where he sat, I stared at him, waiting for him to start. He eventually managed to look up and meet my eyes again. But when he did, they quickly moved over me. His eyes caressed my face and admired my long hair. My stupid heart wouldn't die; it was beating faster. I loved how he was looking at me but I doubt it meant anything.

"School starts soon," he started, getting back on track.

I groaned and answered with obvious sarcasm. "No way! I had no idea that that's what happens at the end of every summer!"

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I've been asking other high schools in the area if they would take you." Now that got my attention.

"Why?"

"Well I told you I was going to get you a better life. I said it might take a while but I would do it," he said, trailing off as did his eyes when he glanced down at his lap. He clearly didn't think this was good news or something like that. He looked regretful, which could only mean bad news. Should it be that surprising for someone like me though? Nope.

"Yeah but what was the point of doing that? I figured I was just going back to my old school."

He sighed as he brought up something that really bothered him in the past. He hated me being tormented. "Your old school. Where everyone knows of you, personally. Where you have made enemies. Where I'm sure some of your upset 'friends' attend. I don't want you going back there. So I tried getting you into a new place. Sure, people would recognize you but not as much.. They will label you," he said, his eyes showing me a flash of anger. "They will be mean and try to pick fights with you maybe. But it wouldn't be as bad. You would have started out with new people anyway since you are a year behind. I also think that with new people, you could make a new impression on them. It would be better."

My breath picked up and I could only stare at him for a moment. That was just... so nice. I was still not use to that kind of treatment, even after so much from him. Despite his assholeness, Luke has made me incredibly excited now. I hate school with all my being and was sure it would be bad. But now not as bad as before.

"So which school will I be going to?"

"That's the thing..." he said, shifting as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I asked several schools to try to get you in. Most said no immediately," he said in a angry tone, pissed at that fact.

"Was it because I'm insane or did they look into my past performance at school."

"I'm sure both was a factor." His eyes on mine crawled down me again but in just a small instant. I wasn't sure what his deal was but when he looked away, his whole body became more stiff, I could tell. "Anyway, I found one that did let you in. It's small with very good students they say. But of course, I doubt that," he murmured, knowing I would have some issues with the other kids. "Anyway, it took a lot of defending on our part. That means you will be expected to keep your record untouched and unmarked."

"So your asking me to be on my best behavior?" I chuckled. What was I, seven?

He nodded and I scoffed. He looked at me with a more serious eye though. "Albany, this is important. Work hard and try not to get into too much trouble."

I was growing annoyed. "Alright, look. You weren't here for the first 10 years of school I went through. I've learned how to deal with it so it's not your place to bother."

He sighed, hesitating before saying anything else. "I... I know," he said, nodding. "But understand...." he trailed off and bit his lip, thinking something over. The silence grew to be too long too fast.

"Understand what?"

"That I worry about you," he said quietly, not looking at me. "Even just meeting my family, I was worried about them judging you. But with a building filled with hundreds of immature and narrow minded kids, I feel sick just thinking about it."

He cares, he worries.... I can't let that affect me. I ignored how hurt I felt knowing he worries like that. He just can't care for me any more than that. He didn't care for me like I did for him. That's what I needed to remember. "Well... I'll always be fine. I've lived through enough to go through this too. There is no other option so you just need to deal with it."

"I actually looked into home schooling," he said. "But I have to work and..."

I laughed humorlessly. "And nobody else would take the job? What a fucking surprise."

He sighed but nodded. That figures. But what stuck with me was that he tried. Such a strange man... he's trying to avoid me or move further away from me yet he continues with trying to help me. That's the kind of guy he is though. It's not that shocking.

"It's about a twenty minute drive," he continued, his eyes in mine growing with anger. Looking at him, his body language changed, becoming more tense and on edge as he continued speaking. "So I'll try to drive you sometimes but the days I can't, Francis agreed he would drive you. Same goes for picking you up too."

"Alright," I said. I took that in and decided that was a plus. That it was further away and therefore that meant I didn't need to endure a bus ride. Before, that was sometimes just as bad as being at school.

Looking at Luke, he still didn't look happy about it all. Before he let himself think anymore on that, he sighed and moved, standing up from my bed. He turned and faced me, standing in front of where I was still sitting. Looking up at him, I saw his face go blank. Like he forced it. I hate when he did that. Most of the time, I don't think he means to do it but it was clear he was trying to show me some neutral expression. Weirdo.

"That however wont last too long," he said, giving me a small smile. It looked forced. "You are starting driver's training early. Since I'm teaching you, you'll be done that much faster than most kids. And that's because I'm the best driver you'll ever see," he said, smiling to me and it was clear he was trying to make the air lighter. It didn't work.

"That will be interesting," I said under my breath. Giving him my own false smile, I asked, "Thanks for telling me. Anything else?" I pushed.

His eyebrows dipped slightly at my voice, his lips tightening. He shifted on his feet, from side to side as he answered after he groaned. "Yeah, actually," he said in a braggy attitude - which caught me off guard. "Clare and I are going out tonight on a date. We are going to go to dinner and see a movie."

I scoffed, unable to help myself now. Just pisses me off and makes me cringe at the same time. "Oh really? How fucking nice," I sneered. I couldn't help it. That fact was just picking at my brain, taunting and teasing me. It was just annoying too. I mean they were married and yeah, I get he was trying to fix things. But what the hell would a date accomplish? "Going on a date. Like you are a happy couple in a healthy marriage. You're trying to fix it and I give you credit. But that murderer is fucking it up for herself."

He stood there, staring down at me with wide eyes. His eyebrows rose and his lips parted. He shook his head slowly, trying to process my words. Hell, I was trying to do the same. It was like an automatic reaction, no time to think of what to say after he told me. I internally sighed. Stupid ass love.

"Uh...." was all he managed before I cut him off and continued on.

"Oh and do me a favor before you leave. You might want to make some phone calls to loved ones, check your will... because knowing Clare, she's going to kill you and bury you in the backyard just like she did before! But whatever... it's not like you notice anything wrong with her."

Obviously, it hurt like a bitch to know they were still trying to make it last - and this way. But I didn't expect to say something like that. I took a hard breath, finding his disappointed jade eyes. He was angry but more just curious and seemed sad. Like he wanted to know why I would have such a reaction.

It's because I love you, you asshole. That's right! I fucking love you and hate you're with Clare.

I heard him take a deep and shaky breath. His eyes burned into mine, questioning, begging, and sorry. He parted his lips, ready to tell me something but he closed them a moment later, pursing his lips instead. Standing there, looking down at me for a minute in silence, he finally adverted his eyes before turning around. Heading towards the door, he opened it and left swiftly, shutting it a bit harder behind him than he needed to.

I stayed up in my room until I heard them leave a few minutes later. I felt Irritated. But that was my fault. It's not like he was doing anything wrong. I was just being a bitch because I loved him. And whose fault was that if not mine? God's. He gave me all these dumb emotions.

Sighing, I went downstairs of the empty house and sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and started flipping through channels. Oh yeah, I have a life. However, that was about to change for the night by an unseen force behind the front door. Because a three into watching TV and a half hour into the dumbest show I've ever seen, a knocking sound interrupted and made me look towards the door. Unsure of who it was, I was a little cautious at first. Nobody was home and it wasn't exactly a secret where the town's crazy girl lived. What the hell, I decided. Boring night anyway.

Answering the door, it was the last person I expected for the fact that I was answering the door: Francis. Seeing him standing there put a smile on my face right away. His hands stashed in the pockets of his jeans, he wore a black button up shirt, looking very nice yet carefree at the same time with his messy hair and smirk. I'll admit, he looked nearly as good as his brother. His glasses helped to, made him look older. His hazel eyes through them lit up slightly as they met mine his smile growing before he spoke.

"Looks like you are having a fun and wild night tonight," he said, amused, eyeing my pajamas. "Have you been partying?"

I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. Gesturing for him to come in, he entered and shut the door behind himself. Glancing to me for a minute as he passed me, I saw his eyes flash in somewhat of a tease before he headed towards the kitchen. I followed, watching curiously as he opened the fridge.

"May I ask why you are here? And shockingly for the first time, here by actually knocking first?"

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he turned around and met my eyes again. Walking slowly towards me, his smirk still there, he stopped a foot in front of me. Looking down into my eyes, he cracked his beer open and took a swig without breaking eye contact. I wanted to smile but bit my lip from his staring contest or what seemed like one.

"Well," he said, sighing. "First of all, I was being what most would call a gentleman by knocking since you gave me shit about it before."

I shook my head. "You're just not made to be a gentleman."

He laughed, his teeth showing in a nice smile. "Your right about that. It was more awkward knocking than it would have been just coming in. Last time I do that..." he murmured as he moved passed me and back into the living room. Following behind him, we sat down, him on the chair and me on the couch. He took another drink of his beer before glancing back to me, a smile in his eyes.

"And why are you here? Is your life too dull that you need me to make it more exciting?" I asked.

He raised his hand to his chest and flinched, as if he hurt. "Ouch. That really hurt Albany. Damn," he said, making me scoff at him. "I'm actually here to drop some stuff off to Luke. Where is your secret crush, huh?" he asked, the last part a little louder to piss me off.

I smiled. "Say it as loud as you want because he isn't home. Neither of them are."

He looked confused. "Where are they then?"

I laughed humorlessly. "They went on a date."

Francis's expression changed, into one I rarely ever saw: sympathy. He pursed his lips, looking at me with sorry eyes. He looked so... different, especially from how he was before with that expression. "Would it make you feel better if I said that I think you would be better for him than her?"

I smiled slightly. "Depends. Would you actually mean it?"

He nodded. "Yes. I think you're better for him. I've never seem him the way he is around you. Even around Clare, he keeps his guard up. Not around you."

I considered it. Nodding after a moment, I met his eyes. If only his brother thought the same way. "That helps a little I guess," I smiled slightly. I agreed with Francis. Actually, I always figured that I would be better with him than Clare. It was just very nice to hear that I wasn't only thinking that because I was in love with him; Francis noticed and thought so too.

Trying not to think about that anymore, knowing it was hopeless, I changed the subject and brought up something curious Luke told me earlier. "Hey Luke told me earlier that I'm going to a knew school. And he said that you would sometimes drive me...?"

He gave a slight brush but that smirk and relaxed posture remained. His eyes played in mine, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah that's right. Why? Nervous to be alone with me in a car?"

I scoffed. "No just curious since you don't have to. Plus, that's a long drive."

"Well I enjoy driving. And I have this strange thing where I get paranoid about people having to walk to school - and especially that distance. So I'm more than happy to be able to do it," he said, his eyes shadowing and once he said that, something snapped in my head that made my stomach twist.

The moment he said he was paranoid about me having to walk to school, an image came to my head: Luke walking his little sister to school. My eyes finding his darkened ones, they soon went back to normal. But I could see the pain that still existed in them and made my heart ache.

"You mean because of what happened to Hailey?" I asked.

His eyes were at attention on mine, his breath clearly catching in his throat while his whole body froze. His eyebrows slowly dipping and that darkness swimming back into his eyes and flowing into the past. "How do you know about her?" he asked in such a quiet and deep voice. I didn't see anything recognizable from how Francis usually looks. No smile, no carefree expression and playful voice. I never saw him so serious or sad, sensitive. But I didn't regret bringing it up. I was curious about it.

"Um, Luke told me what happened a few nights ago. It was actually the night we fell asleep together."

A new expression came to his face again and like the ones already presented there, this one was different from the ones I saw in the past on his face. It was one of disbelief. There weren't too many times where Francis was caught off guard or shocked. He was right now though.

He started to shake his head, very slowly in disbelief still. "No, he doesn't talk about it. He's not spoken of it for... years. I mean, my family and I bring her up all the time just so she will be remembered. But not around him. He wouldn't have it; refused to talk about it or get over it."

"Well he told me about it. The whole story and was very open about it."