Chapter 38

I'm not sure what was more shocking: what doctor asshole said or what this bitch was saying. Incest or baby? I think Clare saying she wanted to have a baby hit a deeper nerve but it shouldn't be that shocking really if you think about it. I mean... it was Clare. It still shook me to the core. It was clear Luke was in the same shape. But I was the first to act.

I was on my feet, staring down at where she was sitting. Her eyes were on mine, teasing and laughing at me. She liked how angry I was. And because of that, I forced myself to stay put in that shaky position, standing and just giving her a death glare.

"You... cheap fuck," I whispered unconsciously. I meant it though. Hell, there were worse words I could use to describe such a fucked up being. Since I was the one that broke the silence, and with those words, both of their eyes looked up at me. Luke was dazed and all he could say was something I understood in his spot.

"Albany, go upstairs to bed. Your mother and I need to talk," I only stared back into his eyes, my body physically shaking.

"Why?" I asked, close to losing it. Just the thought... ugh, god just thinking about what she would do.... "Why? Clare wanted me down here. She wanted me to hear this. And it's because she's such a nice caring and loving mother. Not some sick psycho bitch trying to fucking taunt me!" I yelled, my breath going ridged as I buried the hate behind my eyes into hers. I want her to hurt. I want to cut her in pieces and stomp over her remains. I wanted to with all of my being at the moment.

Luke shifted slightly and I drew my eyes to him. He looked physically sick and woudn't meet Clare's eyes. He met my gaze and there was a demand there. That was for me to listen to him. Otherwise, I think he would have exploded there in front of me.

"Albany," he said in a whisper. "Please," he said, begging me with his eyes. "Your mother and I need to talk this out right now," he nodded as if convincing himself that that was going to happen. Ha! A civilized talk? When Luke might disagree with the queen of this house? If anyone, he should be the one to bitch her out but of course, Clare would take that job.

I bit my lip, trying to hide back my emotions. Because really, there was a lot of them over this. I took in a shaky breath and bit my tongue. Fingers curled into tight fists at my side, I somehow found feeling in my legs and started to make my way towards the stairs.

"Goodnight then, you stable fucking lovebirds," I said, loud enough for them to hear me as I headed up the stairs. And the whole way up to my room, I didn't hear either of them say a word to each other. Luke I bet was still trying to take it all in. Closing my door behind me, I collapsed on my bed and just sat there, thinking. There was nothing else I could do after that. I just prayed he said no to her. Who am I kidding though. Like God ever helped a girl out.

***

Looking at my bedside clock, it read 2:00 am. Everything in the house was silent and has been for the past hour. Before that however... well, all I can say is I never heard Clare yell so loud in her life. And that tells you something considering she spent countless days of my life screaming at me. She was sobbing and yelling at him but I didn't know what. I wasn't going to get my hopes up just because she was throwing a fit. And since the yelling between them occurred downstairs, I had no clue what was exchanged. Like I said, I wasn't jumping to conclusions from that though. I did however come to the conclusion that maybe Clare didn't love her husband at all.

So I just spent the last few hours... lost in what she said. I realized that if Luke agreed to have a child with her - which I doubt considering the yelling - but if he did, I think I would really kill her. I mean, that was a life goal of mine for a while but I wouldn't let her get pregnant again if I could help it. I would kill her before she could get pregnant, knowing I would have saved another child from suffering. I would not let her do what she did to me or even Emily again. I'm willing to throw my life away by killing her than let her have another child and walk free.

She told him she wanted a baby in front of me on purpose. That fucked up bitch. She knew this would upset me for how sensitive I was about Emily. And then she just... just had to tell him in front of me. You just don't do that. That's a private conversation between a husband and wife but she wanted me to hurt. That part wasn't surprising. What was surprising was that I let it hurt. I knew she didn't just want a baby to make me mad. But that was part of the reason. And that right there tells you she wont be a mother to a baby if she has another one. I bet she would try to love the baby but it would be a failure. She tried with me but once my dad left, she despised me. And if she could easily hate me after he left, then that love she had for me before that just wasn't strong enough to begin with.

Sitting on my bed, I was staring out my window into the darkness for who knows how long. I was shaking in place, with pure anger and sadness. If he agreed... my life would be over. I would kill her over this. But I also would be seriously hurt and betrayed by Luke. I knew for a fact that he was struggling to stay with her and if he said yes... just to hopefully force him into trying harder... I wouldn't be able to handle that either. I couldn't deny that I loved that man and if he became a father through Clare, I honestly think I would crack and do something crazy besides killing her.

I would find out in the morning what he said. But first, I needed something to drink to calm me down. Since all was quiet in the house, I figured they both went to bed. I just prayed they were actually asleep and not doing the dirty deed. It rips me apart, just thinking about that. But if he agreed to try for a baby, I'm sure sex right now wasn't that out of line like I wished it was. Out of everything, that's the one thing about Clare I was jealous of. Just the fact that he was her husband.

I pushed it far out of my mind as I stood up and quietly walked to my door. Yet, as I was coming down the stairs silently, the thoughts of them were back in my head. Because just as I was heading towards the kitchen through the living room, I stopped when was passing by the couch.

Luke was laying on the couch, I could see. Even through the darkness and silence, I could see him from the small light illuminating from the windows. His eye lids were closed as he laid there, his head resting on the couch pillow. The locks of long hair he possessed at the top of his head cascaded down the pillow, the contrast of brown hair on the deep black material making his features stand out. Bare arms with hands tucked to his side, he held a clearly uncomfortable position on the couch. I mean, he was a tall guy and with how muscular he was, he wasn't exactly as thin as a toothpick. As he was sleeping, I could see that he was still in his clothes that we wore today at the fair and it was clear what happened. He was kicked to the couch for tonight. Standing there, looking down at him, he didn't look at rest. His breath was still hard and his face showed thought in the wrinkles of his forehead and the creases around his nose. Luke must be dreaming.

I could only stare at him for a moment. He didn't deserve this. Any of this. It's not like he meant to make her mad for whatever reason she threw him out on the couch. She was just a bitch. All he wanted was to save his marriage and out of everyone, we all knew Clare should be the one that needs to try harder. But instead, it was him doing that pointless work for her. And now on top of that, he was sleeping on the couch for the night. I wasn't surprised to see that she didn't even give him a chance to get changed or grab his pillow.

I was disgusted. Who does she think she is?

Though it was still summer, some nights were cool and that included this one. The windows were open throughout the house and with what he was wearing, he must be cold without a cover. He looked cold but maybe that was just because he was in a crowded position on the couch. As always though, there was the blanket he could have used draped on the back of the couch he was laying on. It was always there to begin with.

Regardless, I internally groaned and leaned forward over him and grabbed the blanket. Watching him as I unfolded the blanket in my arms, I couldn't help but think it would be nice for him to come up and sleep with me in my bed. Hey, it would give the man more room and company. Just looking out for the guy so don't go blaming me for being a pervert.

Quietly, as I held the unfolded blanket, I raised my arms and draped the blanket over his body. But just as the material made contact with him and covered him, I saw that he shifted slightly and his eyes opened. His disturbed expression that was on his face was gone as he opened his eyes to reality. I felt my chest jump at seeing his eyes find mine when he looked up to where I was standing over him. Great. I'm not comfortable showing my soft side, even with him still, and now he saw what I did to keep him warm.

"What are you doing?" He said and his voice was soft but aware. As if he hadn't even been sleeping to begin with. He sat up from where he had been laying down, the blanket still over him but his back now against the arm rest as he looked up at me.

I sighed. "I just... came down to get a glass of water. And... you looked cold," I murmured.

"Oh," he breathed and he pursed his lips, looking down at his lap as he nodded. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he shifted, crossing his legs as he sat there. I didn't like the tension that was now present between us again. It wasn't there earlier at the fair but it had returned now.

Hesitantly, I sat down on the couch next to him. Pulling my legs up, I turned to face him and crossed my legs as well. My kneecaps touched his as our positions matched and we were incredibly close. He took a deep breath, his eyebrows low in sadness. Luke's eyes found mine again. My stare meeting his, the lights from the moonlight lit his features. His beautiful eyes showed damage, his chest moving deeply to the point where it was clearly noticeable.

I needed to know. And his answer would decide my fate. Whether I kill her or now. Whether I spend the rest of my life in jail or not. Though it sounds like a huge deal and a big choice, for me, it wasn't that huge of a step. For so long, I knew I was going to kill her. His answer would just speed up the process. At least, that's all I told myself his answer would do to me.

"What did you say?" I asked, my heart beating nearly as fast as his was. Besides Clare's issues with caring, I honestly... just don't want Luke to have a baby with her. It's becoming so hard, just seeing him with her. I loved him. So if he tells me he agreed to try with her... it would seriously hurt. Hell, it stung my heart now to have the eyerollable hope, the fantasy that one day, I could have him in my arms and show him I love him. I wanted to be with him and not just because I love him. I feel as if he would be free and happy with me. Alive and himself with me. I know, stupid thought. But hey, don't judge.

Staring into his green eyes, waiting, I felt my hands shake in my lap. He sighed a deep breath before he answered me in a soft voice. "Well, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. Shouldn't that tell you enough?"

I sighed in relief. I figured as much but I wouldn't get my hopes up yet. "She wont take no for an answer," I said. "Eventually, she's going to want to have a baby."

He looked down and nodded. "Yeah, I know," he said in defeat. "But for right now, I told her no."

I lowered my head as I looked down and felt my lips part, letting that hard breath escape through my lips in relief. Thank god... Oh fucking thank god. Tilting my head back up, I gave him a small smile which he didn't return. Which wasn't surprising. He was lost right now and I knew it.

"What did you say to her? Why did you say no?"

He gave a humorless laugh and refused to meet my eyes for a minute. After I asked, his body stiffed and the tension that was there seemed to double for some reason. Pursing his lips, he was silent for a moment in thought before he gave me an answer.

"A lot of reasons," he breathed, his eyes finding mine again and my stomach twisted at the intensity packed behind that stare. "I mean, after we got married, it was assumed we would start a family together. But... not this quickly. I expected to have a baby when I'm like 30 or something. It's too soon. That's what I told her, that it's just too soon. And before I could say anything else, she was crying and screaming. I never saw her act up to that extent before. It really must have hit a nerve from what I said but... it just makes sense to me." He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head in disbelief. "She didn't even give me a chance to explain a fucking thing. She went on about how she would be too old to have kids by the time I would be ready - which is bullshit. I mean, I told her I would be willing to do it before I'm thirty for her. Even maybe in a year or two but she wouldn't have it. She was so upset," he said in a daze, swallowing hard as he looked down. "She didn't give me a chance to even show her my argument. I have reasons but she was done listening by then. Clare went upstairs after I started telling her she was over reacting and being a bitch. So she kicked me to the couch." His eyes searched mine again and he looked shook up now that he explained what happened to me. "I can’t believe I called my wife a bitch,” he said quietly, his voice overfilling with sadness at that fact. I could tell he really regretted that. He wasn't the the type to do that.

"So you called her a bitch. She was being one, Luke. You didn't do a damn thing wrong," I said as I leaned forward without thinking and rested my hand on his arm in comfort. His strong arm under my palm, I could feel he was slightly chilled. But in what we were discussing, that was the last thing on his mind. He let the blanket rest over his lap and over mine as we sat facing each other. "Your reasoning is very understandable and easy to accept. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Just because you don't agree with her, that shouldn't mean she should throw a fucking fit like a five year old." I shook my head in disgust. She seriously was being a baby and it was incredibly pathetic. "She wouldn't even let you explain your reasons. Such a bitch.... what were your other reasons, anyway?"

"Well... in all honestly, the one reason I gave her wasn't even the main one. I don't want to have a baby when our marriage isn't doing too great. And... well," he said, having a hard time getting this out. "I think if we had a baby, it would give us more reason to try to work things out. So that would be a plus. But that shouldn't be any reason at all to have a child. You do it out of love and a healthy relationship with your wife, not a desperate move to save it - which is how I feel like I would look at it. I want to have a baby when our marriage is strong and perfect and loving," he said, talking at a faster and more panicked pace. On instinct, I felt my hand crawl down his arm, my finger tips sliding over the small hairs before I reached his hand. And when I did, I felt his fingers catch my hand and hold it in his lap tightly. A somewhat unconscious move, it felt nice and I felt him use it for support. "It's not a marriage anymore. It's a fight and it shouldn't be. Hell, what am I saying? It has always been a fight...." He looked away, his lips parted as he breathed harder.

"What do you mean it has always been a fight?" I asked, watching him. He didn't say anything at first and wouldn't meet my eyes either. He wasn't ignoring me, he was just thinking of everything and lost in his mind. "Hey," I said, raising my other hand and reaching forward, cupping his cheek and guiding his head back towards me to look me in the eye. He looked ready to lose it. "What do you mean it was always a fight?" I asked again in a softer voice.

"We just got married. A few months ago. And that is still hard to process, knowing I'm married. We got married before we even had time to be engaged. It was so fast. Now, I just want to get use to being married and loving Clare. Wanting a baby all of a sudden is just a new level of shock."

"It sounds like you weren't ready to get married," I said, dropping my hand at seeing his eyes locked on mine. My other hand still in his, I squeezed back with reassurance.

He shook his head. "I wasn't. I'm not the type to fall in love then get married immediately. I only met Clare over a year ago and I planned to date her for at least a few years before getting married."

Confused, I asked, "What happened then to make you get married?"

"My grandmother always talked about me growing up and getting married, probably because I was the most likely to get married first. That was her dream, seeing me get married. She was so excited when I started dating Clare last June since I haven't dated much in the past. Several months later, we found out she was really sick and didn't have much time to live. That news came at the end of March, ten months since I met Clare, and she told me that before she died, she wanted to see me get married. She didn't push, pressure me to do it... but she was always there for me. And I felt like I eventually would marry Clare because I felt so right about her. So I figured I might as well do it then before she dies." He seemed to age before my eyes at the memories that came back to him. He took a deep breath, a saddened expression becoming deeper. "It was a rushed process. I mean, I quickly proposed by the end of the month and our engagement lasted just over a month. We were married at the beginning of May. My grandma died a few days after our honeymoon."

I could only stare at him. I mean... what the hell? It doesn't matter if he assumed he would marry her eventually or that he wasn't pressured. He was still rushed into it and if you ask me, that's not a great start to a marriage. Looking into his eyes, it was clear that he didn't regret it though. He loved his grandmother that much and obviously missed her. I understood him. I honestly did and though I don't think it was right to get married, who am I to judge his relationship with his grandmother? The downside was the relationship with Clare, the negative side of it that came about after I showed up a month after they got married. A month. That was all. It was still hard to picture them getting married just a month before. I can see where he's coming from, in being shocked.

"Do you regret marrying her that early?"

He sighed. "I don't regret marrying her. Would I have rather done it later, yes. But that's over with now."

I nodded, understanding where hes coming from I guess. "Yes, you married her and that is that. But now, she brought up having a baby. Don't give into her," I told him, holding his hand slightly tighter. I hope he didn't hear the desperation in those last words.