Chapter 35

Because it was late, Luke couldn't do anything regarding Mark until he spoke with the other cops and sheriff. So we were going home now. I kind of wished he could do it now just because I wasn't ready to have this awkwardness between us again as we were going home. But it was inevitable - and very noticeable after he dropped Francis off.

I wasn't good in awkward situations. I didn't like them a damn bit. I enjoyed putting people in them but I didn't care to be a victim of one. Because right now, it was sucking bad. Not to mention, I'm not the kind of person that operates well in such a tense air since my personality goes against awkwardness.

I was looking out the window into the darkening sky; my mind was still conscious of the space between us and the events of earlier today. I couldn't stand it. Internally groaning, I forced my eyes back into the reality of the truck and slowly turned towards where Luke sat, silently driving home. His eyes on the road, I could still tell they were somewhere else. In deep thought, in his mind trying to fix something somehow. I sighed. Well… here goes nothing.

“Alright,” I said for the first time, breaking such an intimidating silence. “Are you not saying anything because of what the doctor said or because I never told you those things until now?”

He pursed his lips slowly, not at first acknowledging that I said anything. I didn’t think he wanted to answer but after a minute of more silence and the convincing thought that he wasn’t going to answer, he glanced over to me. “I’m just….” He took in a deep sigh. “I’m just thinking."

“Yeah, I noticed. When isn’t someone thinking?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. He didn’t react or really respond. His eyes moved back to the road as he continued driving. I was about to just shut up and let him be a pouting bitch but he finally spoke up.

“I know that what the doctor said was shit. It's just... I didn't see that coming.” He trailed off, eyes still focused ahead. He shook his head, back to pondering over his thoughts. He didn't say anymore and I didn't push for him to again.

But I was certainly thinking that over; why is he pondering if what the doc said was a bunch of bull? I'm kind of surprised that he didn't bring up everything that happened after that. I mean... out of everything - Mark, our past, Francis - he was still hung up on what happened at the doctors. What was that suppose to mean? I didn't know but I could just feel something... something changed. I could just feel it and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

It wasn't until I heard him shut the engine off that I realized we were home. Falling away from the place my thoughts took me, I glanced to Luke, back in reality. Rolling my eyes at how tense he was, I turned towards the truck door on my side and started opening.

"Wait," Luke said just as I felt him grip my arm to stay in place. Still sitting there, I looked over to him in question, trying very hard to ignore the feeling of his hand on my arm. Looking into his beautiful jade and emerald eyes for the first time in a while, my stomach started to hurt. My whole body ached in desperate need for this man. Everyday, my attraction towards him grew stronger and so did my feelings for him.

I recognized that I was falling for the guy a little while back. But in my position, I was the last person who knew anything about love. It was questionable at first just because I wasn't sure what it felt like, falling for someone. But now, I see that I am at a new stage of attraction. I wanted him and badly. My insides burned with need as I took the sight of him in. Damn, why does he have this effect on me?

He stared back at me and I couldn't read his expression. I hated when that happened. I can't tell how he is feeling with a blank face showing. Though it was clear he was feeling something; he just continued looking at me for a minute.

"What?" I asked. I wanted out of the truck and away from him. I can't have him so why dangle him in my face? Fucking torment was what it was.

He let go of my arm, leaning back up in his seat, eyes still on me. He pursed his lips. "In a day or two, we are going to search Mark's house again. But before we do, you need to pay him - and everyone else - back."

I groaned, leaning my back into the seat and rested there. "Well except Francis," I mentioned.

He raised an eyebrow, eyes slightly growing. "You stole from him too?"

I shrugged. "Hey, up until you introduced me to your family, he was just like all the others. Anyway, he said I didn't need to pay him so we are all good there."

Luke brushed that topic away, shaking his head. He looked ahead again and away from me as he continued to speak. "Besides him, how many people and how much all together as well as each?"

I wished he would grant me access to meet his eyes. Not because I wanted to get lost in them. I wanted to glare. Was he serious?

When I didn't answer and he finally looked at me, he saw my expression. "What?" He asked, looking down, still making it clear that there was that tension.

"How the hell would I know that? Do I look like the kind of person that would keep track? All I know is that I took a few thousand and they want 15,000 back. And that is just too much, even for you. There was a reason they gave me such a fucked up price - they know I couldn't afford it. They would rather have the pleasure of beating me up again."

Luke's blank faced slipped slightly and only for a moment. He was angry but then hide it again along with the shock of the price. He knew he can't over react like before. Thinking it over, he said calmly, "No." He shook his head.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"That is not what you owe them and therefore, that is not a demand for the money you once stole. It's a threat because they are mad at you and want to steal back from you."

I sighed. "And...."

"Well, Mark was the only one who said anything about the money. Therefore, he is probably the only one that is demanding money. Did you steal from the others that were with him when he beat you?"

"I don't think so."

"Good. So it's only Mark who came up with such a high number. Did he ask you just to pay him the 15,000 and he would take care of giving it back to everyone?"

My eyebrows rose. I was stupid for over looking such an obvious scheme. I'm ashamed; especially since I know all about those. "If we paid, he wouldn't have gave it back to everyone I stole from. He would keep it and therefore, nobody knows in the first place about what he demanded."

"So... we aren't paying it?"

"No. After we arrest Mark, he wont be able to beat you up for not paying him." Luke offered me a small smile. I imagine he was happy. Because he was smart, he saved himself 15 grand. Lucky too because if he was stupid like me, he would have just handed that money away. "In that case, we will search the house sooner than later."

"Good," I said awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Figuring we were done talking, I started to open the truck door again as I grabbed for the little bag with my new crazy pills he picked up. Joy.

This time, he didn't say anything. He just grabbed my hand as I was picking the bag up, stopping me. Looking over to him in confusion and annoyance (because I was still in the truck), I saw him take the pills away from me.

"What the hell? Are you insane too? Because if you are, you are welcome to use them all up."

He didn't smile but rather pursed his lips. He took the bottle of pills out of the bag as we were sitting there in silence. Still not knowing what the fuck he was doing, I saw he was staring down at the bottle hard, his eyes pain-filled and eyebrows dipped in conflict. He was arguing with himself over something.

He frowned. "Clare would give you one each day right? You were never responsible to do so yourself otherwise you wouldn't have taken them, right?"

Tilting my head to the side, I nodded towards him. "Um, yes. That's right."

His lips parted, ready to say something, he bit his lip and didn't. He looked back down at the bottle for a moment more and I knew something within him was cracking. I couldn't figure it out at first but when he spoke, and in such a hopeless tone, I knew.

His voice was a whisper, light and very fragile. "That mean's I'm in charge of giving these to you now everyday. So I must warn you," he breathed. "Don't accidentally drop one in the toilet on a daily schedule. Because I just might not be watching you directly to see you take them. You could get away with pretending to take the pills everyday if you did that when I'm not looking; so don't," he said, stressing that with his eyes as he leaned in, staring into my eyes. "Do you understand? I am officially telling you to not drop a pill in the toilet everyday while I happen to be looking the other way. That way, I wouldn't have witnessed you flushing them down the toilet everyday and therefore, I would be as clueless as Clare." He nodded slowly as he said, "So do you understand what I am saying."

I smiled and though I was very happy right now at what he was telling me to do, it brought pain. Because his eyes were broken. He was going behind Clare's back - and this specific issue was quite large. But he didn't like the idea of me taking pills; not at all. It was clear how much as of now.

I stared at him, unsure of what to say. Before, Clare would always force me to take them. Sometimes, she would watch me do it myself because she threatened me to. Others, I would refuse and she would force me herself to do it. And now... it was like he was giving me a little piece of freedom.

"Yes," I said in a small voice, so taken over by what he was doing for me. "Thank you," I said.

"For what?" He said, louder this time and acting clueless. "Not at all giving you the option to not take them? Because I didn't," he said, stressing that with his eyes again and I could feel shivers run over my skin, being released through the standing hair on my arms. That was the last we spoke of that as it was promised in between the lines. And above this tension filled air that was still present along with a new element from Luke: sadness.

***

He didn't knock - not like I was surprised. Francis always was bold and had a strange assumption that he was welcome to every place he went. Besides the fact that this was his brothers house too though, the man walked in like he fucking owned the place.

There are two sides of Francis - or so it seemed. There was the sarcastic and playful one, flirtatious and fun one. Then there was the one I met a few weeks ago. The one that walked away from our old friends; wanted a new life with his daughter. One that was responsible and honest. Yet, I realized that wasn't two sides; that was him all together.

Because when he walked into our house like he owned the place, his cocky smirk on his face, I saw the Francis I use to know. Yet at the same time, with that boldness and smirk, he walked in with his hand in his daughters, there arms swinging playfully as they entered. Staring at him just walk in here, I watched him look down to Brook and that smirk grew - not faded - into a bright smile, eyes shinned with a happiness and love that was wonderful to witness.

Not sparing me a damn look as I was sitting on the couch, both didn't pause or break their stride as they left my sight and disappeared into the kitchen. Well then. Excuse me for actually knowing what manners were! And yeah, that's huge coming from someone like me.

Standing up after I heard them in the kitchen, I walked towards where they went. Walking into the kitchen, I crossed my arms as I took in the sight. Francis was already rummaging through the fridge - sacred territory - and Brook had just slid into a chair at the table."

Staring back to this somehow managing father, I said, "Sure, come on in Francis! It's not like knocking is still around or anything."

He glanced over to me and that casual smirk grew when he saw me. He was in a comfy looking pair of jeans and a navy blue muscle shirt. He dressed like his brother, I noticed. Plan and yet, very appealing to the eye. Peering into his eyes through his thick lenses, I saw he was happy to see me and just in a good mood in general. But I knew he was worried. He and I both were and with good reason.

"Hey, Albany!" He said as he faced me. My back to Brook, I knew where his eyes went when he looked behind me. Loving eyes glancing to his daughter from where she was sitting behind me, he glanced back to me with that same look for a second before it faded. He smirked at me again. "And don't start," he said, pointing his finger at me in accusation. He started looking in the fridge again as he continued talking to me. "You're the type that would and probably has done the same."

I shrugged. "That doesn't mean you can't still knock."

"Hey, if you didn't want handsome men like me in your house, there are locks on doors for reasons."

I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. Besides this joking around, I was relieved he was here. I mean, I was sweating the moment Luke left today with worry. And with good reason. We knew how violent Mark can get and how witty he can be.

That's why he came over I assumed from the look in his eyes. We both would have spent the day worrying over Luke. I knew that he must have been in worse situations. I mean, he is a cop. And I was, as was Francis, positive that he would be fine; I just couldn't shake the feeling of being anxious though, especially since we both knew Mark really well.

"Anxious too?" I asked in a smaller voice.

He nodded as he sighed and shut the fridge empty handed. Looking at me, he stepped slightly closer to speak lower to so maybe Brook wouldn't head. "Distracting the mind can help," he said. I was right; he was here to keep himself busy and honestly, it made me smile. For the past hour, I was sitting on the couch thinking about him and I shouldn't. Neither should Francis.

Though I was worried, lately... he's kind of pissed me off. It's been over just a day since we told Luke about Mark. And yet, he is still acting weird around me. Not because of what he was about to do - or rather, is doing now - but because of what my doctor said I think. Either that or he was being guilty over going behind Clare's back with my medication. It would make sense if he was upset over lying to Clare. But it made no sense to dwell over something a doctor said that was clearly false. Yet, in the air around us, the later possibility became more obvious; there was tension between Luke and I, more so than with him and Clare.

That's why it made me mad. He wasn't exactly avoiding me but we didn't speak or do things like we had been. Then again, it's been only over a day. I felt though as if he didn't want to spend anymore time with me or something. I know, it sounds ridiculous but he has given Clare much more attention than before - which was fine. He was trying to fix his marriage and I understood. But our brief and strong friendship seemed strained now and I wasn't sure what to think. What hurt more was that though there was tension there and a loss of the closeness, my feelings were growing for him. I was worrying over him like crazy and I shouldn't. Clare should have this gut retching pain of what he was doing today, not me.

"Brook and I," he said, walking over to the table where she was sitting. “Are starving our stomachs off.” My eyes following him, Francis knelt by his daughter that was sitting so they were at eye level. For the first time, I got a good look at Brook. The last time I saw her, it became evident that she wasn’t my biggest fan. So I wasn’t surprised that she looked guarded. I was use to this kind of behavior; yet, I kind of wanted her to like me. Maybe just because she was Luke’s niece and maybe it was for the reason that she resembled Emily to some extent.

Looking down at the two of them, I saw Francis’s expression was loving and beautiful as he looked at his daughter he was squatting down next to. Brook, though clearly looking uncomfortable at first, showed a small smile towards her dad. She then glanced up at me and her smile stayed, though it looked a little forced.

“What do you guys want to eat. The fridge is getting low so you can only imagine how upset this makes me. So I’m sorry about that,” I told them, looking at Brook.

Both eyes looking at me like that… it was clear that she was his daughter. Besides her hair and eyes, her nose and lips were similar and the way she was smiling… even if just a small smile, it looked like his famous smirk in a way. As our eyes were meeting, I saw her body slightly relax before my eyes. And relaxed, the way she held herself somehow was the same as the way he held himself; with pride and a care-freeness.

“What do you want, sweetie?” Her father asked her. She looked down at him again and grinned.

“I want… a banana split. With extra chocolate!” she said, her voice light. She wasn’t shy either.

Francis chuckled and stood up, looking at me as he faced me again. He gave me a more playful smile, automatically making me smile. It was strange… I mean, with Luke it took forever to get use to anything relating to politeness and being nice. With Francis before, our relationship as somewhat friends was a teasing and sarcastic one. I mean, we were nice but in our own way. It was different, just treating him like a friend in a different and more mature, nice way. It seemed even more important though with his daughter in our presence. It was really… something different.

“Well hell, I can go for that Francis! If we had that here though,” I said, looking down at Brook. “I would have ate it already. But we don’t so what do you suggest?” I asked Francis.

He smiled, his eyes teasing in mine and playful. He smirked as he crossed his arms, staring down in my eyes. Thoughtful and playful… strange and I liked it. The issue with trying to distract myself today though was that Luke and Francis also resembled each other. When I looked at Francis, I didn’t think of Luke right away. But he came into my mind often when Francis looked at me with kindness. But when he started looking at me like he was now… with care and a genuine smile, Luke was in my mind instantly. I just wasn’t use to it yet but after a while, I will be. I hope anyway. I need to stay distracted as did Francis today. At least until Luke gets home.

“Hmm…” he said, in deep thought and tapping his chin. I smiled at him, enjoying this so far. “How about we order a pizza first and then, we will go out and…” he turned around swiftly and leaned down towards his daughter’s face in excitement. “Get banana splits!” he squealed in a light voice, making Brook smile widely, her teeth showing and all.

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Thanks daddy!”

I chuckled and my eyes found Francis’s again as he straighted up again, smiling himself. I bit my lip and shook my head, not believing this is where the day was going. Hey, it beat worrying. Though I could tell that throughout today, there would be the background noise of a ticking clock in my head, just waiting for Luke to come home, safe and just as he was this morning.

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