Chapter 30

"I'm kind of surprised she's not coming with us," I said, glancing over to him before looking back out the windshield at the lengthy road ahead. "I figured she would want to return to her natural habitat with how long she has been away."

He scoffed but didn't find it that humorous. Maybe because I've been making cracks like that all day. Could I help it if I'm excited today for where we were going? Or even more excited Clare wasn't coming? Luke wanted her to come I think because he was desperate to get closer to his wife too. It was obvious they were growing apart and, like he said, he wasn't giving up. However, Clare didn't want to go for some reason. I think Luke knows but I honestly couldn't care. Hey, she wasn't going. That was all that matters.

"How long is the ride there?" I asked as we turned onto the highway. In the small space of his truck, we were crowded with how much we packed. Well, most was strapped down in the back on the truck's bed but we were taking quite a bit for our trip.

"A few hours I think," he said, glancing to me and smiling before looking back to the lanes ahead. His hands gripping the wheel and eyes focused, I took that time to observe him out of the corner of my eyes. He wore another one of his mussel shirts, this one a faded red and he was supported worn blue jeans to go with it. His hair was messy as usual, the side of his face showing the end of his lips slightly tilted up. "I've been there before," he went on. "My dad and I use to go up there during the summer and we had the best time."

I chuckled. "I can imagine. You're dad is pretty awesome. Hell, your whole family is amazing," I said, looking out the window at the passing cornfield and blue sky. It felt strange, those words leaving my mouth. It was kind of like a complement. Or something positive that sounded weird leaving my lips.

"It appears like that, doesn't it?" he said. I looked to him and saw a twinkle in his eye that told me there was more. "Things have been hard in the past. Francis just got out of some bad things and he still has trouble telling me everything. Shannon can be a very cold person at times and sometimes, we don't hear from her in months. And my dad is gone, a lot of the time."

"Why is he always gone?"

"Business. You wonder why I have so much money? His dad, my grandpa, died in a car accident and left us all of his money and property. He was successful in life so we got it all and more. On top of that, my dad is successful on his own. He's at the top of a company that deals with entrepreneurship opportunities and other discoveries of new businesses with a lot of potential. In fact, all of this together, is enough so Shannon, Francis, and I will never have to work. All this money, it kind of makes us grow apart even more. That's why I work as a cop; I want to be a normal guy that has what he earns from hard work."

I always did wonder how he was so rich. Now I also knew why he still works. I really admired that, that he had a job because he didn't want to have everything for nothing. This world wasn't fair. But when the opportunity came, he wanted to try to be as fair as he could.

However, I didn't like the way he was trying to show his family life wasn't as good as I thought. I understood he said that not to hurt me. He did it because he wanted to make things clear that he wasn't perfect with a perfect family. I think he even told me this because he wanted to connect to me more because he recognized I didn't have a great family life or past either. He was trying to compare and show he understood. Yet, it pissed me off at the same time too.

I scoffed lightly. "Okay, so you're not as close as it seemed. Now what, I'm suppose to see that we are more alike in that way? Am I suppose to say, 'oh sorry you have such a shitty life?'" I was being unfair. I just was unable to help myself. I didn't look away from his frame - which stiffened from my words. He was driving so he couldn't really look at me. But his glance to me showed a shocked expression that also said I was taking it the wrong way.

"No, no wait, that's not--" he started but I cut him off.

"I get you didn't mean it in that way exactly. But you still have no right to even think for a minute that that isn't a perfect family. It is. I know you are just trying to make me feel better. But those are such small things. Who are you to compare my family life to yours? I would take your family as my own any day than the damn illusion of my mothers love and my life."

He sighed, his smile now gone. Looking to me once more, I saw his eyebrows were dipped and he looked worried at me. "Albany, I..." he looked back to the road, sighing again and pursed his lips. "I've told you before that I understand you. But I can't fully just because I realize how complicated your past is."

"No, I don't want you to think you understand or even have an opinion of my past." I groaned. It always annoyed the hell out of me that people had options of me. I had nothing against people having opinions. But when they don't know the truth about me, all of it, it hurts. But even if I were to tell someone the whole truth, it wouldn't matter because they wouldn't see that as the truth when I am insane. "You can't even begin to comprehend my past," I said, shaking my head. We weren't exactly arguing but it was clear we disagreed and the air around us was becoming tense.

Glaring out my window, silence started growing between us when he didn't answer at first. Nothing but the sound of passing cars or the trucks hum. When Luke did speak, I kept staring out my window. It didn't mean I wasn't listening though.

"Well then why don't you start talking to me about it? I wasn't trying to compare my life to yours exactly. I just want you to know a little bit more about me."

I sighed, not figuring at first that that was the reason. Trying to keep my pride, with a blank face, I looked towards him again. Though he couldn't put his eyes on me, he would hopefully hear how strong my voice was. "Well then I'm sorry I went at you for that. But that aside, I don't see the point in talking about my past. It's irrelevant, you wont believe me. What's the point?"

"Well, since you think it means nothing to me, then what would it hurt?"

I groaned. "Waist of my time. And since you wouldn't believe me, even if I told you all of the truth, it wouldn't be the truth to you. I have problems with people judging me because they do it under lies, which you must consider to be the truth." I sighed. "Just forget about it." I looked out at the lanes ahead of us with many cars. My eyes up, I didn't see what he was doing until he was done. I felt his hand rest over mine lightly from where it was resting on the seat in the middle between us. Looking down, his strong hand slightly grasped out of comfort. I loved his touch, his warm skin and strong hold. Plus, it was out of comfort.

Looking up at him, he wore a neutral face as his other hand remained on the wheel, face forward when he spoke. "I doesn't matter whether I will believe it or not. If you tell me anything, I will know it is reality to you. Because to you, this really is happening in your head even if its not on the outside. If you tell me about yourself or past, I will be able to make an opinion. Not on what to believe really happened and what didn't. But on you as a whole, on the strength you possess, and the personality you have. I want to know what happened to you. Because real reality or not, whatever you have to say, occurred in your brain and that's all I have to judge on, the truth you see it as."

I thought over his words. I wasn't sure what to make of it. It did make sense. Putting aside that I am insane, he saw that whatever I see as the truth is real in my head. He was just curious to know about what I believed happened. Because then, if I tell him what I believe, he will see it through my eyes. No matter what I say, he knows its real to me and therefore knows it is also the truth in my brain. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him though. I never really spoke of my past after a while because nobody cared or believed what I was saying.

But what he was offering, it didn't matter. He would only recognize that it was the truth because to me, it was.

"I don't know. It would be nice to receive a fair judgment of who I am personally beyond whether I am insane or not. I just never bothered before because that is all that ever mattered: that it was all lies anyway."

"But even if they aren't true, whatever you have to say, it wont matter. I just want to know what you think happened. Maybe I will be able to understand your actions around Clare more if you tell me how bad she was with you in your past. And when I say that, know I am not accepting these as facts but rather what you see it as. If you say she beats you, that is what happened in your mind. Okay?" he said, pushing.

I paused before going on. His hand was still over mine and I realized that it gripped mine harder at persisting. "And if I tell you anything, I want to know more about you," I said. I phrased it as if that were, in some ways, a deal. All that did though was cover my true curiosity and therefore embarrassment because I was truly interested in him too.

He smiled and nodded, glancing back to me. "Sounds fair."

"But not right now," I said. "I'm really excited right now, going on this trip and the last thing I want is bringing both our moods down at talking about my past. I know how interesting I am and amazing I am to you, but lets wait until later, alright?"

He laughed. "Okay then."

Changing the subject, I said, "So we can start with the small shit. Like what station is pop on the radio?" I asked, smirking. The radio wasn't on but I wanted to change that. I've never gone on long trips before like this so I was looking forward to music.

I could just tell he rolled his eyes before he spoke. "Can't we listen to country?" he whinnied.

"Hell no man! I put up with that shit-dropping shit before. Yours ears would thank you for some pop," I said. He sighed even though a smile remained on his face. Reaching between us, he put the radio on and was able to find the station I wanted. It was in the middle of a song I hadn't heard before but I could tell it was pop.

"Oh god," he shook his head with a disgusted look on his face. "This is awful music."

"Bitch, you can deal with it," I said with over attitude that made him laugh and glance to me. Both of his hands were back on the wheel but when his eyes reached mine, I couldn't have asked for more of an intimate moment. Sure, I bet it was only one way for me but it sent sparks up my arms and I could feel myself slightly blush by the time he was looking at the road again. Damn, though I enjoyed how close I became to him, I hated how open my reactions were becoming.

***

A few house later, we took an exit that had eventually lead us down dirt roads with nothing but trees. There seemed to be nothing out here. It reminded me of where he took me before to go swimming. Throughout the whole car ride, we were listening to my music but now, he turned it off and said we were getting close.

"Are we going to an actual campground?" I asked.

He shook his head, his hair blowing in the breeze as was mine from the open windows. Most of the ride, they were shut with the air conditioner on but now that there was literally no cars around and we were going much slower, he shut it off and opened the windows. The loud noise of the tires on dirt road were surprisingly relaxing. As was the sight of him.

"No way," he said, smiling. "The reason we are here is to get away from everyone, including the press. I didn't want to take any chances."

That shouldn't have been too surprising. A few days ago, he nearly punched some dude in the face that was at our house to harass me. He was sick of all the attention and couldn't stand some of the news headlines. Of course, between the two of us, he was more easily provoked by the public because he wasn't use to it and it really upset him. But it was getting to me to. My whole life, it was spent with harassment because I was always known as the insane local. But that's how it was forever so nothing was ever new. But with being found, that caused for a much larger case of chaos and apparently a longer one that was becoming annoying. We needed a break and one with no exceptions. That must mean we are going way out where there is nobody. Hell, I can't complain. A couple days alone with Luke... well, you get the picture on how I came to be excited.

A few minutes later, the road somewhat faded I guess you could say. The trees were becoming more and more crowded and when it was too much, he stopped the truck. We were so far back in the woods, I was already seeing a complected exit back home ahead. But who cares about that now?

We walked a little through the woods together until it opened up a bit more. But when he stopped besides me, I did as well from the sight. It reminded me of where he took me swimming. Except there was more room here. All around us, there were trees everywhere. But in this specific spot, it was mostly open. Long green grasses up to our ankles stopped growing where there was a home made fire pit in the middle. Stones set in a circle and molded to the earth with age, in the middle lay remains of ashes. A few yards away, a beautiful lake even sat that was like the other. Only there was less trees and more room.

"Is this where we set up?" I asked, glancing up to him.

He nodded and smiled. It was still quite early in the day so by the time we were done, the sun was still high in the sky. We brought one tent and set it up a few feet away from the fire pit. The screen door faced the open water in the distance and it took a while to set up because I didn't know what I was doing. After that, we set up our sleeping bags in the tent which I saw to my delight were closer than I thought they would be since it was a rather large tent. There was a little section in the tent dedicated to our bags too.

To our convenience, there was a fallen log a few yards away laying on the ground. We ended up bringing it back and a few feet away from where we would have our fires. It would act as our seats. Comfortable? Maybe not but that made it even better. I knew camping meant getting dirty and being uncomfortable which was fine. Though I could have done without the portable toilet. Disgusting, yes. But we would have to deal with it. At least we have a lot of food in the couple of coolers we brought, which we set beside the log where we would sit.

We made constant trips back and forth from where we settled to the truck. Luke even brought some chopped up wood with an axe in case we needed more. He made a large stack against a tree and when done, he was quick to unfold a small table that took up barely any room. He set the radio on it he brought and turned it on the country station and it was surprisingly not just static. Too bad too considering it was country.

A little while later, and we were finished. He sighed, placing his hands on his hips as he took in our work. "We did a good job and in good time."

I scoffed. "You did. I didn't do anything because I didn't know exactly what to do." I wiped a bead of sweat away from my face as I took in his form. Even a few yards away from me, I could still see the sun light up the slight coat of sweat on him. Trust me, all it was for me was torture.

"I figured you would know what to do. You are an outdoor girl, I can tell."

"That doesn't mean I have ever been camping," I said.

I saw his eyes widen and watched as something crossed his face, like he realized something. I knew what too when he spoke and the way his voice wavered in the air between us. Our conversation earlier was what he recalled. Now, he wanted to know. Luke was interested in why I have never been camping, what help me back, or whether I even wanted to. I was still a little cautious in answering some of his questions. But I at least needed to hear what they were first. This would be interesting.

***

We were walking through the beautiful woods. Surprisingly for Ohio, it wasn't just brush and dirt. Our shoes walked on the patted long grass around the trees. A soft breeze swept along our skin the whole time and it was nice as it relieved us of our own sweat. Walking, side by side, it was rather nice. The walk and experiencing the woods, that is. I still wasn't sure what to make of the questions he was asking me now.

"Why do you think Clare hates you? I want to know why you think that all started."

I sighed. Not too bad, right? "She and my dad were together where she had me. She even loved me then. But when my dad left very early, she couldn't stand me. She hated my father with a passion. And because I apparently look just like him, she couldn't stand the sight of me. Being on her own, she wanted nothing to do with me. Him leaving took all the fun out of parenting for her. Maybe because she loved him so much at first, she didn't want to deal with me."

He nodded, seeing that as an understanding reason. He didn't believe it and I knew that. He couldn't. But he just wanted to know more behind my thought process and me as a person. I honestly kind of liked it. I never spoke to anyone on a personal level like this. I really never had a conversation about myself before. Even with the people I hung out with before, we didn't talked about ourselves much and when we did, it wasn't really sincere.

"Did your father ever come back?" he asked, a little quieter this time.

I shook my head. "No. I honestly don't care though. He's kind of the cause of my fucked up life you think about it."

"Well since you grew up with your mother hating you, did you raise yourself?" I liked the fact that he was asking me these questions as if he believed they were real. But like he said, he was only looking at this through my eyes and saw it as the truth for now even if he didn't actually believe it.

"Pretty much. I mean, when really little and I didn't know anything, she kind of had to step in at some points. Like getting dressed and showering since I was so young. She wasn't too nice about it. After that though, I was on my own. I taught myself everything else. There's a lot I still don't know that is common sense to some."

"Like what?" I took a deep breath and exhaled in relief of fresh air of nature. Though this was a heavy conversation, being out here in nature, it helped. I was relaxed and surprisingly felt okay telling him these things.