it was a small ceremony.

not small as in only family and friends like the big named celebrities do. small as in no more than three people came to see you lay to rest. it was just the same as when if you grew up, small and lonely.

the eulogist spoke some words about you, gathering all the information that wanda, pietro, and bucky could write down on one paper.

describing your life, your goals, your dreams, your accomplishments.

everything.

bucky felt out of place. feeling like only pietro and wanda should be there as they have been friends since forever, but wanda insisted, knowing that you made him happy and bucky made you happy.

it's not like you planned for your funeral to be this big gigantic breathtaking event that winona ryder would just show up and send you off with some poetic words. no, you didn't even know this day would come-----you knew you were gonna die, but you weren't ready.

pietro was the first one to hear the news as bucky called him from the hospital.

pietro was a man who never cried, he remembered when he was younger he would, but in the past years, he found himself not crying. but when bucky told him everything, he was first in disbelief, repeating, "no, she's not dead, she can't be," denying it like if he said it enough, then it would be true.

his voice started cracking as he kept going, his disbelief falling through its cracks. pietro finally broke down, screaming at the top of his lungs, all that built of guilt from

the past coming back in a hailstorm as he heard he lost his best friend.

he started blaming himself, as he thought, 'maybe i shouldn't have sold her this drug' or 'maybe i should've stopped her a long time ago.' but there was no use to it.

you were dead. he couldn't bring you back.

pietro hung up abruptly as he dropped to floor, the phone crashing down with him. sobbing, curled up to a ball and wishing that this wasn't true and that he would wake up from this horrible nightmare.

wanda found out next.

she drove home from work with thai in her hands and a smile on her face. she planned to surprise visit you, binge some movies, eat thai, and more.

as she opened the door, she saw a glimpse of blonde on the floor. pietro sobs were silent, barely audible in wanda's ears as he was still curled up on the floor.

her eyebrows furrowed, wondering why pietro was on the floor. walking up to him and kicking his body, giving him a little nudge.

"hey piet, what are you doin-"

"she's gone."

"who?"

"y/n. she's gone."

wanda squinted het eyes, confused on his choice of words "was she just here..." her words slowed down as pietro looked at her. his red puffy eyes and remembered how hoarse his voice was, and then it clicked.

her eyes widened, her food dropped out of her hands, and she raised her hands to her mouth as her eyes started to water.

shaking her head, she cried out in disbelief, "no...pietro...no."

pietro didn't say anything else, because she knew.

her best friend was gone, and she was never coming back

she fell to her knees and wailed at the top of her lungs as she felt every part of her body breaking, slowly making its way to her heart and slowly cracking it to pieces.

wanda yelled and yelled, no, as she couldn't fathom this news, she couldn't live with the fact that you wouldn't be anymore. she wished she did more. she wished she pulled you from chase earlier. she wished that she got you to move in with her. she wished that she did something! anything!

and maybe this wouldn't have happened.

maybe you would still be alive.

and as her brother silently sobbed in the hell of his own. wanda screamed in agony, hoping this pain went away, hoping that she would feel whole again.

bucky was numb.

he couldn't believe that this was happening again.

why did he let this happen again?

bucky was balling as the ambulance drivers pulled him away from your already cold and lifeless body. they were trying anything to keep you alive, but he knew you were gone, the sound of your last breath on repeat in his head.

he was silent on the way to the hospital, being in the back of the ambulance with you, grabbing onto your hand, and the last piece of hope like you were still alive, but he swallowed the hard truth.

you were gone, and you weren't coming back.

bucky cried once more as he saw your body being wheeled away for the cause of the death, as he had a big guess to what it was.

the doctors asked him to call your next of kin or any relatives you had.

he was suggested calling your mom first. now learning your dad was in prison, and the hospital would probably call him sooner or later. the doctors brought him your files, and you called the number under her name.

no answer.

bucky was bittersweet knowing that this number was probably not in use anymore, and the address listed was probably long gone.

bucky then felt it was right to call pietro as he felt you would want wanda and pietro to know. hearing him break down on the phone made bucky feel sick to his stomach, feeling like he shouldn't be in this position. that ya'll shouldn't be in this position.

he already lived through this once, and now he had to do it again.

now the three of them, above the closed casket. already cried enough tears and just silently looming over your loss. they didn't know what to do now, the eulogist being finally finished with his speech, it was silent. just the sound of the birds following in the air, the wind crinkling the leaves, and the faint sound of children playing in the distance.

"does anyone have any words to say? just before we finally lower the casket."

bucky looked at wanda and pietro, and they nodded at him, knowing that he had lots to say. wanda didn't feel like speaking, knowing that she would cry again and pietro didn't know what to say, couldn't sum up everything about you in only a couple of words.

bucky didn't either, but he wanted to say goodbye.

the brunette nodded at the eulogist and then switched places with him, next to him a portrait of you smiling, your life being conveyed in that one picture. bucky sadly smiled at the picture as he passes by, stepping up to the plate, his breathing quicking.

"um- i," bucky coughs out, looking down to his feet then up to the sky. he was fiddling with his fingers out of range from the three, "y/n- y/n was-."

bucky coughed once more, then closed his eyes, tears prickling to show. bucky thought about his dad and evie's ceremonies, scared to even cry at the funeral feeling like he didn't earn it. feeling like he could've done something to prevent them happening. he cared so much about them and he cared about you.

bucky opened his eyes slowly and let the tears flow.

"y/n was special- she- she was someone who touched all our lives in many ways, she-," he paused and took a deep breath, "she touched my life in many ways. when she came into my life, something in me sparked, something more than i ever had. the conversations we had——we had were natural and never felt forced. my shitty jokes, no matter how shitty they were, and they were, she would laugh either way. my brooklyn baby. she made me into a better person."

bucky looked down again, slowing his pride, "i wasn't the best to her. i deserved to be the person she believed me to be. i lied to her. and justified it with ill means, then pushed her away when she tried to explain. she tried so hard to better herself, and i am proud of her, i am happy that she got to live her life, and i'm happy that she got those days of happiness, and i am happy she kissed me and loved me. because without her, i wouldn't be myself. i wouldn't have changed without her."

bucky looked to the sky and smiled.

"i love her, and i will continue to love her, and i will never stop loving her."

—— ❦ ——

as the casket lowered to the ground, bucky closed his eyes, not bearing to see this sight, he didn't want this to be last memory of you, he closed his eyes and thought about your smile, your laugh, echoing out the sound of the whirring machine. as it came to its final destination, pietro came up to him and patted him on the back as wanda silently sobbed and smiled by his side.

"she's okay, bucky. she's finally okay."

pietro and wanda then walked away giving him a last somber smile and disappearing into their next step of life without you.

bucky looked down to the ground, fully embracing pietro's words, you were okay, you were finally not in pain anymore, anymore grief. you could just be free, in a place of wonder, and unknown. bucky looked up to the sky and whispered, "i love you." simply, cause he meant it.

bucky didn't know why he looked up to the sky. was he looking for something? he didn't know what something was yet. bucky didn't really believe in any religion, not wanting his life to be "part of a plan and everything happened for a reason." there was no reason for you or anyone he loved to die. but he did believe that you were somewhere else. bucky's train of thought stopped as he spotted a black figure under a tree not so far away from your ceremony.

he didn't seem to notice that they were there the whole time, watching him talking, watching them cry, and watching you lay. he furrowed his eyes, pissed off at this creeper not having the time to deal with any of this.

he fast-walked over there with aggression, tapping the person's shoulder, flipping them around, their black floppy hat covering their face and the all-black outfit giving ambiguity.

"who are you?"

the mystery person took a long drag from their cigarette, the ember falling off the stick, and then flicked it to the ground, smashing it up.

"that girl's mother."

bucky eyes widened, here, he was now standing in front of your mother. she took her sunnies off, staring deep into bucky, squinting but not glaring. her eyes similar to yours. quiet, but full of hope, but her hope was barely even there.

"i felt like it wasn't right for me to speak or even show my face there. not that she wouldn't oppose——it didn't feel right. they called me, you know, the hospital, more like tracked me when i didn't answer at first, and told me everything, couldn't believe it honestly..."

she paused and looked into the sky, but getting a fuller look at her face, her sunken out face, almost looking lifeless and dull. so similar to yours but different in a way. bucky wondered if you were going to look like that when you got older, maybe.

"i liked it."

bucky snapped out of his thoughts, hearing her voice once again. her sunglasses now back on her face.

"what?"

"your speech- obituary- whatever it was. the way you spoke about her——i'm happy that she found someone. she deserved to be loved," mrs. l/n started lighting up another cigarette, seeming like she was trying to distract herself, like from crying. her sunglasses gleaming in the low light, "ever since she was born, when i saw her face, i wanted to get sober."

"her little eyes just ogling at me made me want to live for something. i did well for myself, going at least two months sober living, my life with her and her dad, everything was so good. then one day, we got into a huge argument, and we fought. things escalated, cops were called, he went to jail for a day, and they almost took away my baby...my own baby. god, i went off the deep end."

she stayed silent after that, inhaling a few long drags, blowing them into the sky, like she was looking for something, looking for a sign.

"i wished better for her. the days when i couldn't move, and she had to walk to school when she missed the bus, because he was gone and i could barely breathe. and i ached when she said she loved me and i couldn't say it back——i couldn't say it back."

bucky heard her voice crack and get lower, and when her words finished, silent sobs started radiating from her mouth came out, like this was the first time she cried in forever.

"god, why couldn't i say it back!"

she kept crying as her cigarette fell down to the dirt ground, the ember the sizzling and crackling never going out but never being in use.

bucky didn't know what to do at the moment, feeling out of place but still trying to give comfort. he grabbed the woman in his arms, softly holding her as she cried in his arms.

"she spoke about you a lot," bucky spoke quietly, trying to soothe her, "she only spoke goods words and never said anything bad. she appreciated everything and she knows you tried. she knows you tried."

nova speaks...

AND THATS A WARP.

well we have the epilogue left

but i wanted to say goodbye on this chapter

thank you all for who has sticked

besides me and this book since january and sorry for the slow down of chapters when school started.

i know some may not like the ending but personally it

made sense but i kind of hate how i wrote it but neverless im always proud about what i type.

i do want to revamped this book soon and revise it

for the better but that will probably be next year

anyways again thank you

and see you next time.

HQYLOFT