you stared at the gleaming light shining in the room while you sat up, wrapped up in the blanket, deep in your thoughts.

you didn't regret last night.

but you did regret all those things before last night.

all the things you said to bucky, all the cocaine you did, your childhood, everything. you felt sick to your stomach. but at the same time, you knew you had to change. you couldn't be a new person, there is no way to start over, but you can change now. you can look back at your past and start working for the future. you picked at your nails, nervous.

when you woke up, you noticed bucky was gone. you looked at the counter where a sticky note was placed. bucky basically spelled out that he had to get something from the store, and he'll be right back. you took a big sigh of relief and even chuckled when you saw he drew a smiley face at the end of the message. but that didn't ease your comfort. you were scared to encounter bucky and tell him all this.

nervous to finally own your faults.

but who wouldn't be afraid? after years of convincing yourself. that you needed this, and it was good for you.

you finally have fallen into that hole you dug yourself and stayed there willing, knowing there was no way out, but you felt comfortable in that fact.

but when a new factor came into your life and built steps to get you out of that hole, you were afraid to fall back inside. afraid to even look at the hole ever again. even if you did fall back inside, those steps still were present.

even if splintering and weak, they still held you up.

you snapped out of your thoughts as you heard keys jangle and steps be taken outside of this room. bucky swung the door, his hair was put backed, you saw how his hair was grown back some length, and it looked subtle but nice. he was fully dressed in a tight-knit shirt hugging his muscle and some basic blue-washed jeans. in his hands was a bag from the market and a chilled glass of water in the other.

"an emergency contraceptive pill." he shook the bag in his hand, lay it down on the bed, "just in case you didnt take your birth control, i bought some snacks, which are in the kitchen if you want some," he rubbed his neck, bubbling down on how offensive his might all be, but you didnt take it that way, you liked that he cared.

you looked at him with pleasant eyes and a grin, "yeah, it's still at my place——probably lost it, " you tried to make light humor of it to make him feel better.

you both stayed silent as you both looked at each other with a smile. bucky sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbing the box with the pill inside, handing it to you, and then placed the glass next to you.

you got the box open, the cardboard falling to the ground, and the tin packaging of the pill inside, popping it to your mouth and drinking the chilled water.

"no babies for this girl, ha," you spoke silently as your set the glass down on the side. bucky sat there for a couple seconds, avoiding eye contact from you.

the silence was awkward, and you knew why.

you told bucky you loved him and then fucked right after. it's not like you hated fucking bucky. he was amazing at it, of the world type of sex that was just a plus to this amazing man. but you guys haven't talked to each other in a long time, and you couldn't muster a word to him in any sense.

"I'm going to make some tea." bucky said, turning his body around, about to leave the room once again.

"no!"

bucky whipped his head around to your voice.

"...no, um...can we talk?"

bucky slowly nodded his head, "yeah, yeah, we can." he spoke quietly as you pated the empty space next to you. bucky from his original spot to the space that you patted, he brought his hand to your hand and interlocked your fingers.

you took a deep breath and looked down at your interlocked hands, "for as long as i remember, my life was filled with nothing but despair. my parents were addicts of their own, i almost had to drop out of school just to take care of them, and the streets didnt make me feel safe either. love was never in my parents' vocabulary, i would get occasional, 'im so proud of you,' or ' i'm sorry, next time.' but no words could replace love."

"i love my parents, and they loved me too in their own ways. but as a child, not hearing your parents ever mention that word can break you in many ways, and it did."

"after chase and i were out of our honeymoon stage, i love you was barely even there. it was only there when he wanted to apologize for leaving me for days or when he pushed me to the ground. he might've thought it was genuine, but it wasn't, i knew he didnt mean it, not anymore."

"and then bucky, you said you loved me, at my darkest moment, you still loved me, and i just couldn't shake that feeling. i was this mess you only met a couple of weeks ago, and you loved me. and even though i couldn't say it back then, i knew deep down i did, and again i was scared. and i'm still scared now, but you've already seen all my scars, my truths, and lies, and i don't want to hide from you anymore."

you held his cheek, rubbing them with your fingertip, looking into his eyes, "i love you bucky, with every part of me."

you brought your lips to his lips, kissing him a soft peck, tasting a hint of coffee as your let goes from him, " i know that's a lot to process, as we just..."

you made a sexual gesture with your hands as bucky broke his silence with a laugh, shaking his head.

"even in serious moments, you never fail to crack me up," bucky grabbed your waist, making you gasp with an oof, and kissed you once more, a smile cracking between each peck.

"god, i love you more than you even know it, y/n," he whispered into your lips as you chuckled at his remark. you got off his bed with nothing on your body, picking bucky shirt that he left on the floor, and you turned back to him, noticing him staring at you.

"i'm going to take a shower, breakfast at the diner?"

bucky nodded with a small grin on his face, "yeah, breakfast at the diner?

nova speaks...

AND THATS THE START OF THIS LAST ACT

y'all are not ready, will be lots of fluff though so 😻

this is basically a filler chapter, but the plot will

i will hope y'all enjoy this last couple chapters

and i hope i can update sooner

and yes i am in class 😁

© HQYLOFT