《BROOKLYN BABY . . . Bucky Barnes》xxii. and i loved you

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"i'm going to kill him."

pietro walked up and down his room, searching for any weapon he could get his hands on so he can shoot chase down. wanda immediately got up from the floor, trying to calm her brother even though she wanted to do the exact same.

you and wanda stumbled into her apartment a couple of minutes ago, you looking drained and soulless. you couldn't cry anymore. you were numb. you cried all your emotions out on the way there, and in some way, you felt better, but then you felt pathetic. knowing that you let your life succumb to this shithole of an existence.

wanda explained everything that happened to her brother, and he became all crazed and blood-thirsty against chase, wanting to immediately gut this bitch up. but you didn't blame pietro for feeling that way. in other circumstances, you would've wanted to kill him too. but you were too blind by the pain aching affection he was giving you and the pain he would've given you if you didn't comply.

you prayed for days like this, the days you would finally be able to break free from your lovesick mind and see the reality of what "love" you and chase had. but you didn't want it to be like this? you didn't want to break free from him in this way. no, you wanted it to be willingly, not this last minute, to save a friendship. your life was a mess already and showing wanda your life-death situation made it blew up all over your face once again.

you couldn't handle it.

"pietro.."

the twins didn't hear your pleas and kept arguing about what to do next. as you kept trying to calm them and yourself down, all they did was argue about that bastard.

"...wanda...guys.."

you started getting aggravated, rolling your eyes, and pulling yourself up from the ground. you dusted off your garments, making yourself look at least presentable. you didn't want to sit here all day and wallow in self-pity. you wanted to do something to finish all of this.

to finish the one thing that was doomed from the start.

you knew what you had to do, and you don't care if you had to do it alone. even if anything bad happens, you're glad because it will finally be over.

you didn't know if you were ever going to stop.

to stop the pain you caused or the pain you keep bringing onto yourself, but you know this will be the right step to help yourself on the right path.

you walked past their door, letting it slam loudly enough to stop the twins from bickering. you didn't even turn back. you just kept walking to your first stop in recovery.

the twins looked onto the door then themselves as the bickering stopped, "should we help her?" pietro asked his twin as he grabbed his pistol from the table. wanda rolled her eyes and took it from his hands, taking the bullets out.

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"no...i think this is something she has to do on her own...but i'll keep this just in case," she stuffed the weapon and its ammo in her back pocket as the twins watched the door waiting for it's next move.

—— ❦ ——

you unlocked your door, seeing chase sitting in the middle of the room. you both locked eyes with each other. a quiet silence filling the room, so deadly and toxic, it was making you choke and scream in pain without even saying a word yet. sweat was dripping from your temples, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes. you took a huge gulp, keeping your gaze on him.

"where were you?" his voice was silent yet booming. his gaze was so powerful. the hold chase had on you was so gripping it made you shatter just thinking about it. like he was practically abusing you with that simple glance, knowing that whatever you said was going to be the wrong answer in his eyes.

so, you told the truth.

"i was at the twin's place, trying to hide from you. cause they know...they know that you almost tried to kill me. and they wanted to call the police and, or kill you themselves, but i stopped them because this is a problem that i keep letting happen, and i going to finish it." you spoke slowly, walking in and shutting the door.

chase slowly got up from his seat, walking towards you with determination. he looked right at you, and you saw how his expression changed from anger to surprisingly regret.

you were surprised indeed. knowing that chase's biggest fear was getting caught in the act of doing something unethical or the fear of someone ever withstanding him. and the fear finally dripped in and modeled the broken pieces of the boy in a shattering way. you saw how his eyes and lips slightly trembled, how his stance became weak, and his palms were shaking. you never really thought you would see him like this.

he was the one who made you tremble. he was the one who made you weak. and at the moment, it was the first time you ever saw chase ripper, the person who first loved you and hurt you, scared of you.

"you sound crazy, you know that?" chase was now in front of you. his voice was lowly, grimy. he was trying to intimidate you or seduce you? his hands slithered their way to your waist, and you didn't oblige. you felt the coldness of them on your bare skin, making you shiver with disgust. knowing that you still miss his touch.

you looked down to the floor, then looked back at him, your hot tears slowly falling on your cheek, "chase...what we have, isn't healthy. it was never healthy. we were doomed from the start. and we tried and tried so many times, and we fail at it in the end. and we both need to realize that to move on. we have to move on."

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"y/n-"

"no chase, i know you're going to say we make it work, but we don't. you push me around like a ragdoll, and i allow it cause you were the first person who ever said they loved me, and knowing myself, i thought no one would ever love me again, and if i left you, i felt that i would never be the same, but i know...i know that someone out there loves me, and i don't need you or even them anymore cause i know i can be loved, and i can love again."

chase looked down for a second, then looked back to you. he roughly let go of your waist, walking away from you and kicking down his chair. you flinched a bit, squeezing your eyes a bit but opening them up real quick.

"it- it's- it's him right! that biker, huh? you just ran off to the first guy who fucking said he loved you and would stick his fucking dick into you, but he doesn't love you anymore, right! cause you are still here! you were scared of your feelings, and i know you didn't say it back. you came back to me, and i know that you will give up this whole stupid charade. because in the end, you always come back to me..."

you looked at him with disbelief, your eyes widening at his hateful words. you wanted to reject his statements, but knowing it hit your skin deep, but you weren't going to let him win this time.

never again.

you got even closer to chase, done with his shit, done with him playing you and manipulating you into staying, you were actually fuming, you really let this man control you? you really let him take pieces of your life and dignity away.

you shook your head, "no chase...you know——i know that what you did to me. what you fucking did to me was the last fucking straw! you hurt me! you almost killed me! and then we——no, you acted like it never happened! you were supposed to protect me. that was what you promised- you promised when we first came to this town, but now i know that you broke that promise, and you can never fix it."

all your tears were dried up, you weren't sad anymore, you were fucking angry, livid. you were done with all the bullshit chase put you through, and you wanted him gone from your life. you wanted him to not be the cause of your happiness, anger, or sadness no more. chase eyes shook, seeing you stand up to him for once in a long time. he was surprised more than how he would initially react, but he didn't want you to have the last words. he was going to win.

or so he thought.

chase got closer to you, "y/n," his hands brushed your shoulders, and you immediately slapped him away, which made him hiss.

"you aren't going to manipulate me out of this one. we're done chase, i want you out of here by tonight, and if you're not gone by then, i'm calling the police and telling them everything, and i don't care if i get called a liar or people don't believe me. i just know that in my gut, i will feel way better than i ever did when i was with you."

chase looked you up and down, shaking his head. he was at his last point. he brought out the fake tears, dropping to his knees. he didn't want to lose you, not yet. you looked straight down at him as he latched onto your ankles, begging, "y- y/n- you can't- you can't just leave me here. i'm sorry! okay! i can treat you better than that stupid biker! and i'll be better! i- i- i love you.."

"and i loved you."

you shook him away from your ankles as he kept pleading. you started walking away from him, and as he kept pleading, his begs and cries of forgiveness quickly became puny threats of anger and frustration. you really won this match.

you beat him.

"you- you can't just fucking leave me here!" he chuckled, "you fucking slut...you fucking whore! i knew you would leave me! after everything i did for you! fuck! you will regret this. you will regret this, bitch. no one is waiting for you! no one! i'm the only one here for you! and you will see, you"

his threats started fading to the background as you finally tuned him out of your life. tuned him out of your world. you opened the door, looking at the lowlights of the porch lamps and the stars of high shining so bright. taking a deep breath, you smiled to yourself. maybe before, you would've cried, fucking go on a drug spiral, and then run back to him. but this time, you didn't care. his words meant nothing to you. nothing mattered at the moment.

just the sounds of happiness filled your ears, knowing that you finally did something for yourself and you finally beat him.

you slowly shut the door, and as the screams and threats got louder, you looked to your door, knowing you will be back and hopefully he will be gone, but that didn't matter right now.

your mind got quieter as you walked down the road to encounter your next challenge to the right steps of your life.

© HQYLOFT

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