"god, why does this happen to me?"

bucky was pacing around his dining room, his hands on his hand, mentally slapping himself in the head, trying to think straight. his brain was pumping with the memories of you. flashing with old times with evie and burning with the harsh remark against you from his talk with steve.

he was actually going crazy, knowing this was karma. a destiny, a fate, a following of an effect from the things he said and did in the past. every single thing comes to bite his ass, and bucky didn't know what to do.

"fuck!"

bucky slammed his hands on his table, ultimately making it shake, his cup holding his tea falling to the ground and shattering into pieces.

bucky made a tsk sound looking down at the pieces of glass on his floor. the silence consumed him, and he started picking each piece back up. while he was grabbing the shattered glasses, he gradually pieced all the information he has barred away ever since evie died coming back to you. his eyes started burning up, liquid spilling from his tear ducts. the hot tears slipped down his cheek, slowly dropping to his feet. bucky didn't even realize he was crying. he didn't apprehend the fact that his life was miserable.

his life absolutely sucked, and he was running circles around his whole life trying to accept that fact. his dad is dead, his fiancee is dead. his sister sees him as dead, and he barely saw his mother anymore. he only occupied himself with enough junk to keep him from thinking about it. from thinking about why he's here, and why he does this, or why he can't just run away from this rotten town and never look back.

while bucky dumped some of the pieces in the trashcan, it clicked something always held bucky back. something always did. either ranging from dirty work back in the day that he needs to fix to his mother visiting him. or just meeting a random pretty girl.

in theory, it was usually just a one-night stand, letting go of all his pent-up frustration into an attractive dame he saw at the bar. but it was more than that. it was like once he laid his eyes on a pretty girl, he would do anything, and i mean anything, to keep himself stuck in this retched town. but it didn't mean that he didn't care for his people back here, his biker gang and such. it's just . . . he knew his time here was concluding, and he needed to spread his wings before he ends up like the rest of the townspeople.

the night bucky met you, he told his gang he was finally getting out of town, knowing that staying would turn him into a brain-dead monster living in his past grief of evie. and he was happy, the whole day he and his gang, his friends, all went on one last thrilling adventure just doing their usual goofing around, and everything friends do.

but unexpectedly, he saw you.

he saw you all alone sitting at the bar. he felt in his core that you were an outsider, not born around these parts. you struck his heart as you intrigued his mind, and as he walked up to you, he felt like a magnet was bringing you to closer together, and when you finally said his first words to him, you both got latched on.

and the talks, the talks you both shared during this short amount of time felt so natural. even though you both originally only came for the sex, which in fact, was breathtaking. but you stayed for bucky, and bucky stayed for you, everything you guys did and had felt like reincarnated soulmates finally finding each other after all the despair in each other's life and death surrounding them.

but it was too good to be true.

you two were doomed from the start.

cocaine-addicted hopeless romantic darkened by the trauma of their childhood and a biker with a knack for helping people, doomed by the trauma of being in the army.

who would've known?

a knock startled bucky from his thoughts, making him wipe his tears from his cheek. he picked himself up from the ground, collecting the rest of the bigger shards, deciding to sweep the tiny shards later. dusting off his shirt, he walked up to the door. heart racing, blood pumping, his mind was scrambling, he was highly hoping that you came back so he could apologize and tell you what he's been storing in his mind.

he was wrong——he opened the door to be greeted by his best buddy steve, leaning on the door frame giving him the cheekiest smile he has ever seen in a while. bucky sniffed a little, chuckling at the blond, "what're you so smiley for."

"finally asked natasha out, and not just to fuck around, like a real date."

bucky raised his eyebrows, chuckling a little, "really? like your not fucking with me?"

steve nodded and chuckled even more than the brunette.

they both fell silent after, their laughs lingering just starring at each other. bucky smiled, bringing in steve for a hug, "fucking happy for you, stevie. one of the best news i heard in years."

the brunette let the boy in, closing the door behind him. "so what's my favorite boy wonder been up to."

bucky sighed, "not the best to be honest, my world is spiraling out of control, buddy."

bucky fell silent, looking down to the ground, then looked back up at steve, "i- i- she came here, y/n. she came over steve, and i feel like such an asshole. when she did, the thought of our talk in the bar just came back to me. knowing that i am still in love with her, and i just used excuses to close in all my feelings and excuses all the shitty things i did to her! and then i just fucking shut her out!"

steve looked at him, running around his room, throwing up all his feelings, spilling everything he wanted to ever say since the fight. and bucky was finally breaking down his shell, finally breaking down in front of steve, letting all of his tears out. and just letting himself be vulnerable for the first time in a long time.

"i know me and y/n aren't the best pair i know that, but i was the one who ignited everything, and it all blew up on me! i should've known better to play a knight in shining armor, thinking helping her will help me, but in reality, i should've pursued her cause i actually wanted to know her, be with her...and now i know that, and i don't know how to fix it steve."

bucky knees fell to the ground, his sobs oh so silent but loud at the same time. steve looked onto his best friend, walking right to him and squatting down to his face level.

"woah. woah! i got you, buddy. i got you."

bucky wiped his cheek, shaking his head, chuckling, "it's funny...never really cried in a long time," he snuffled, getting up from his knees and wiping his clothes down. steve got up with him and patted his back, "nothing bad about that. you need to let your emotions go once in a while."

steve walked past him to his kitchen, grabbing a couple of glasses and some bourbon. bucky took a seat on his island as steve poured some whiskey in their cups.

"look...i don't know how you're going to fix this, but i know you can. you just have to see things from her perspective. her emotions don't work like she wants them to, she will be impulsive and vulnerable, and you just need to soothe that. you need to forgive her first before she can forgive you. and if she doesn't say sorry, then i guess it's over. i know it's been tonight since evie but if you really want this with y/n, and i mean really, then fight for it."

the blonde pushed his glass to him. bucky looked at it, ultimately grabbing it and drowning it down. the stinging sensation of the liquid going down knocked some sense into him. just filling all the broken pieces together for a while and letting him know that he can do this, that he can save this relationship, this spark, that you two have.

"besides, i think you're better than her current situation."

bucky swiftly looked up at him, "what do you mean by current?"

steve looked back at him, widening his eyes a little, "oh shit...i- i should've told you this a long time ago, i- i just- i just keep forgetting about it," scratching the back of his next, steve knew that he kind of fucked up, and knowing that all the coke made him forget, he was about to regret this.

"yeah...you better stay sitting for this."

❦

....yeah hello 🧍‍♀️

IM SO SORRY OMG.

with writers block and traveling i'm sorry

for not posting for like a month omg.

expect a new chapter by then end of this week

(i'm hoping 🫂🫂) yeah...

i hope everyone is doing well and yeah this act is

about to get rocky 🪨🪨🪨

© HQYLOFT