bucky grips onto his beer, the chilled glass freezing up his fingers. the thrill of the pure liquid rushing down this throat. as his fellow bikers, bikini girls, and other townspeople cheered him on.

he ravishes in the cheers fueling his ego, chugging the drink down one by one, not dropping the glass until it's all gone.

already five drinks down, the cold brew of beer soring his throat, creating this agony in his stomach but the soothing feeling of it coming down his throats excused him from stopping.

he wanted another.

he feels the last drops entering his throats, and with a clash, the glass hit the table, and the onlookers went wild.

"another!"

everyone was cheering, and the bartenders kept serving, bucky paying them the amount they needed.

steve, on the other hand, was not with the group cheering on bucky. he was standing on the sidelines, only being seen from the corner of bucky's eyes, staring at him, painted with disappointment. bucky caught onto his look. he bit his lips, his dumb and impulsive thoughts being pushed to the back and bringing back his control to the front.

he shook his head at the bartender, "maybe that's enough for today."

the onlookers sighed while bucky tried to reason with them. some of them grew angry, calling bucky a coward, saying he isn't a real man cause he didn't want to die from alcohol poisoning. but then, after a while, their anger turned to unamusement, not caring about what he was doing anymore. showing that the world moves fast, everyone grabs an interest for a short time, then leaves like it never happened.

steve came over to the boy after everyone started to disperse and went back to minding their own business and doing their own stuff. he sat on the stool next to him, calling out the tender to give them both some straight-up vodka shots. bucky slapped his face knowing this vodka gonna sting where it hurts most, but he needed it.

"i see you're a champion out there," steve looks at his buddy, chuckling at him in a joking manner.

bucky kept his face straight, looking straight forward from the bar. he knew where this conversation was going to go, diving deep into what happened in the past month and what he was going to do about it.

but bucky wasn't ready for that. bucky didn't even want to fucking thinking about that. all the drinking and smoking he did after you left evies made him forget about all of that, and that's what he wanted, that's what he needed. he wanted and needed a distraction. and at first, his distraction from evie was you, but he finally had the courage to drop all the past feelings for her and let her rest, to fully commit to you.

but it all went to shit after he brought you to her house. and he felt like an idiot for that. he knew that it would bring back memories. he knew that suddenly you will find all those hidden merchandises he was hiding. but he was too caught in the euphoria of you and having you with him that it never double-crossed his mind.

and now he knew how that story ends.

"look, steve, i know i disappeared for a good month, and i'm sorry for that. but what i did in the past month made me want to reflect on myself," bucky diverted his eyes to steve, who was still staring at him.

"and drinking is the solution?"

bucky dropped his head on the wooden table, banging his forehead rapidly as those words boomed in his head, "yes, no, maybe! i don't know i really just fucked things up."

"with that pretty waitress from the diner?" bucky eyes widened, swiftly lifting his head up to face steve once more, "how- how you know?"

the blonde chuckled as the loud clank of both of their shots hit the table. they both grabbed the shot cup. steve looked at the brunette, and they both initiated dowing the drink down their esophagus. the sultry tang immediately singed their tasted buds but created a buzzed which made bucky more confident to talk about you.

"yeah, i think her is name y/n. she lives on the same floor as me. i'm surprised you didn't meet each other sooner because your always at my place, but she never really leaves her house, so," steve raised his hand, asking for the whole bottle.

bucky shook his head, grabbing the vodka bottle that steve just order from the bartender's hand, taking a large gulp from it, "yeah, it's y/n, and yeah, i screwed up with her, but it wasn't entirely my fault. she was snooping around and then was being a bitch about evie's death, blaming it on me like i was evie's legal guardian or something. so, it's not my fault that she hated what she saw."

"oh — she found about evie," steve grabbed the drink from bucky's hand, pouring a shot for himself.

"yeah, in the worse way possible. before that day even happened, i was trying to help her with her cocaine addiction. and i thought i was helping her, but then i figured out i just wanted a do over to fix her like i wanted to with evie — hey, steve as a coke addict, how do you manage your emotions?"

"first, not a coke addict- well, i don't think i am, but besides the point. drugs make your whole personally wack, making everything you lack the only thing you possess, not just with coke. and if she uses it to cope with her past trauma or emotions, then probably that's all she references the world as, and cocaine is the only thing that brings her happiness — and maybe you for that small period."

bucky stayed silent, taking on steve's words harshly. letting them soak in his mind to really understand what he was lecturing him about. after hearing what steve told him, he kind of felt shitty. maybe he was at fault? maybe he was the reason she got away?

bucky spoke straight and slowly, "am i a shitty person?"

"but i don't know, buck, from only the parts that you told me. you both aren't ready to be together or a relationship at all. you both project onto each other, and that's just the textbook definition of a toxic relationship."

bucky stayed silent, grabbing the bottle again, pouring another shot, and threw it down his throat. after that statement, he didn't know how to feel anymore. should he hate you, should he try to get you back? he wanted to hate you. he wanted to hate you for disrespecting evie at her own place.

you were just a fling, a fling that was supposed to be a one-night thing. some crack whore who he should've thrown at the curb instead of going into a whole whirlwind of emotions of someone he should've left alone. instead of taking you to the home of someone, he should've helped a long time ago, and if he didn't save her, they would've lived an amazing life together and instead of dealing with a local brooklyn baby.

you weren't his responsibility.

you were a liability.

he didn't need another evie to die in his arms. you were destined to die, you were destined from the moment you were born, and bucky was not going to be there for that.

hearing it more, the crazier he sounded. taking a random girl in his arms and just dropping everything for her. he was mad at himself. and genuinely, he was now mad at you. he needed to forget about you. he wanted to forget about you. he didn't need another nutjob following him around when he could ride the roads of new york finding someone way more stable.

bucky made his mind up, pouring one more shot for him and steve, raising his glass in the air.

"well, to new beginnings."

"new beginnings."

they both took the drink down their throats, and as the tangy vodka went down his throat, it was like a wave of relief washed over him.

❦

you can see how both y/n and bucky both deal with chapter 15 and that was the plan. y/n as the drugs addict she is went on a spiral and basically blacked out the entire time while bucky just used drinks to cope then low key hates u now 🤗

this chapter is so rough. it went through three drafts and i stll hate it 🤕 but i know if i rewrite it i'm gonna hate it more to lets just pretend i like this chapter and if there is any spelling/grammar mistakes then please inform me

© HQYLOFT