sometimes you wished you could live in the countryside. somewhere far away like texas or even virginia. it seemed impossible, but you wanted it. someplace so far away that no one could reach you, and it will just be your own little bubble.

maybe a farm with lots of animals for you to take care of, you could grow your own food and maybe start a farmers market. living alone in solitary, just you and him, like those old couples who have a giant white house, a picket fence with a swing on the porch. where you'll watch the sunset and just sit there for hours and hours, maybe it was too good to be true. it was just a silly little dream that would always stay what it was . . .

a dream.

you quickly arose, the gleaming sun hitting the side of your face. you rubbed your temples, focusing your eyes on the current timeframe. "fuck," your head pounded with the memories of last night, making you spit multiple curses under your breath. you turned around to be faced with bucky himself, still soundly asleep. he looked peaceful, almost like a greek god, you wanted to run your fingers through his hair, but you stopped yourself.

you looked at yourself, and instead of having nothing underneath, you had a graphic tee that obviously was not yours and boxers covering your bottom half. you groaned, hopping off the bed. you quickly picked up your ripped fishnets and skirt, trying to not wake up the beast. you headed out of his room, aching from how sore you were. he practically could've ripped you in half last night if he wanted to. even if this was rude, you had to get out of here. you grabbed your vibrating phone out of your jacket on the couch.

you rolled your eyes, pulling it up to your ear as it shook in your hand, "wanda, what the fuck do you want?"

'it's not wanda. why aren't you home?'

your eyes widened, fuck, it was chase. his low and gravelly voice rang your ears like bullets. you could hear his anger flow through the phone, choking you with sound waves. you tried to grab your jacket, as you heard something move in the other room. shit. you panicked, rushing out of the house, closing the door ever so slightly, and running out to the sidewalk. you abruptly stopped yourself from the seeping coldness from the ground. you looked down, realizing you forgot your shoes.

"well, that's just great," you mumbled. you paused as you heard a small voice coming from your phone.

'—ello. . hello?'

"oh shit. um yeah, chase. i'll be home in 30 minutes."

'why 30?'

"10 to find out where the fuck i am and 20 to get back." you hanged up, cutting him off from asking you more questions. well, you fucked up. your head ached more as you walked away further from his place. you looked around the empty area, trying to see any noticeable stuff you have seen before. you scanned down to see a diner not so far from here. well, not too far. you started walking the dirt sidewalk, all cold and barefoot.

your mind strayed to your childhood. you didn't know if it's because you wanted to think about it or you walking home reminded you. you always wanted to push that part out of your mind. it wasn't because you hated your childhood.

you envied it.

those times when you were happy and didn't have to care about adult problems. your parents forced you to grow older than you wanted to. them fighting and arguing, neglecting you from all the stuff you wanted to do. you had to take care of them instead of them taking care of you. you loved them tho, they never laid a hand on you even if they wanted too. they told you that they loved you multiple times, not really saying, but tried to show it the best they can.

you sighed, looking back up, you scanned the area again. you saw your tiny apartment building not so far ahead, you dashed to your apartment door. you searched the piles of clothes in your hand for your keys— which you forgot at bucky's place.

"motherfucker," you knocked loudly on the door, waiting for someone to hear. you waited a couple of seconds, the winter air hitting you as you stayed put. a couple of clicks later, and satan appeared in front of you. you snaked under him as he stood there with a snarl fixed on his face.

you shined a bright smile at him, "what crawled up your ass today."

"where were you! and whose clothes are you wearing?"

"pietro's. needed to buy more drugs, and i forgot my money. so i stayed there then walked back," you headed to the kitchen, grabbing the birth control pills off the table, you popped one in your mouth, the water sliding down your throat.

chase went to the other side of the counter, staring down at you, "you had sex with him."

"ha! you really think i want to fuck my bestfriend? . . . well-"

"y/n!"

you raised your hands up, "i'm kidding! i'm always supposed to take my birth control pills cause i'm a responsible young woman," you mocked wanda. he rolled his eyes at your response. you started to head out when chase blocked your way.

"don't lie to me, y/n."

you pushed him away, ignoring his eyes of fury hitting the back of your head like darts. you walked to the couch, chase went after you, clutching onto your arm. "leave me alone, chase! i'm telling you the truth," you insisted. he pushed you down, the back of your neck hitting the couch hard and fast, almost giving you whiplash.

he restrained your arms above your head, pushing you even harder on the couch. you imagine yourself in this position multiple times, not really in this current circumstance. you winced in pain, his grip tightening. "i will y/n. i don't care. i will hurt you. tell me." he squeezed your wrist harder.

you tried not to give in, his fingernails digging into your skin, "alright! look! it was a biker! i forgot his name, god is that what you wanted to hear." he squinted his eyes, burning holes to the side of your head.

he relaxed his grasp, "i bet he thought you were a hooker, huh?"

your face turns from anguish to confusion, "wha—." he suddenly grabbed your chin, softly rubbing it, "i bet you liked it. going out in the most attention seeking outfit and fucking the first guy you meet."

you stayed silent, you wanted to look away, but his gaze overpowered you, as tears brimmed your eyes. he played with your face, stroking it more, "oh, don't cry baby, i'm just telling you how it is."

you pushed him off, he fell back on the couch with a distasteful look. chase was a narcissistic asshole. he always wanted to be right, and he would manipulate you to agree with him. he would think of all the women he would sleep with lower than him.

it disgusted you on many levels, and you hated that you stayed with him for so long. he scoffed, "of course you liked it," he mumbled into his arms. you quickly got up, sucking the tears right back up. "you took the first chance to cheat on me."

"cheat on you?! chase, you sent me loads of pictures of you kissing that stupid girl."

"so your slut shaming me now?"

"i'm not slut shaming you! god— stop putting words in my mouth."

he crossed his arms, getting closer to you, "then what do you mean."

you scoffed, "you're allowed to sleep with the whole fucking world for all i know, but when i have one fucking nightstand, you go crazy. i don't fucking get it! do you even care about me?"

he grabbed your wrist, his eyes darkened in seconds. "of course i fucking do. don't you know i'm the only one who actually does! you do everything for fucking attention and i'm still here. ain't that enough for you?" his voice was cold and hard. he looked at your shellshock expression, a smirk plastered on his face.

he lowered his face to your ear, brushing his lips across, "now go be a darling and clean up this place." he roughly let go of you, walking away to the bedroom. he slammed the door, leaving a loud thumping sound afterward.

he was right. you hated how he was right. it wasn't even him manipulating you. it was just deep-rooted problems that you never got to fix, you dreamed of one time when you wish he was wrong . . . but it never came.

© HQYLOFT