There are moments in everyone's life where the narrator of your own story has to take a step back and look at the finished work and evaluate if it's actually worth telling.

My 'finished work' wasn't so finished yet.

I opened my eyes.

The atmosphere was serene and so, so clean.

Everything was white.

"Cami? Are you awake, sweetie?"

My social worker's voice cut through the calming fog, however.

I jolted at the sound of her voice, angry that she was still allowed to be anywhere near me after hearing my father tell me over the phone that they were basically in league together to take my inheritance money.

Her honey blonde hair assaulted my eyes and the sickly sweet smell of her perfume attacked my nostrils.

Joanie Grant—the worst social worker in the entire state of California, and she was mine. How lucky must I have been?

"I—I can't—"

I couldn't talk.

I'd sustained the same injuries Grey had during his attempt, it seemed. I could still make certain sounds, though, so maybe they weren't necessarily as bad as his.

The thought of Grey there, dangling from his belt strap hung on the doorway of his closet...

I couldn't motion for the trashcan before I was hurling my guts up onto the floor beside us.

"Can I get some help in here, please!"

A nurse in sky blue scrubs came rushing into the room with a small puke bag, almost like she'd been expecting this to happen.

My social worker came up behind me and rubbed her hand down my back as I continued hurling into the small plastic bag.

I hated her touch. I wanted Grey's instead.

Grey...

"Is—is he ok-okay?"

"Who?"

"Grey."

My throat was angry with me. It was scratchy and irritated and ready to give out on me at any moment, but still I pushed the words out.

"Grey Hartingrove? He's in another hospital, your foster mom called me after he had some complications, but it looks like he's doing better. She wanted me to be here for you since she couldn't be."

I admired Maria for doing the next best thing, but wished she hadn't sent anyone at all.

A boy with dark blonde hair poked his head in the door.

Alec.

His appearance was rough, hard edged, bedraggled. Almost like he'd been waiting a very long time for me at this hospital.

"Cami? Are you okay? Can I come in?"

I nodded my head, if only because I'd wasted my talking capabilities asking about Grey.

"I was so worried. They arrested Colton right after they took you to the hospital. I think...I think it's actually gonna stick this time, the charges."

"I'm sorry, Alec is it? Cami is resting and she needs her privacy, so if you don't mind—"

"No!"

I didn't know where I found the strength to speak up against her, but I knew that I didn't want to be alone in the room with her.

Alec edged around the puddle of puke still on the floor and sat in the chair to my left, completely ignoring Joanie.

Good, I'd ignore her, too.

"Grey had some kind of reaction to the anesthesia and Parker's been with him the whole time. He slept in late for school but when he woke up and his mom said they were at the hospital, he took off on Grey's motorcycle and he's been there ever since. Grey coded once, but they got him back. He's stable."

I nodded my head. Good. Some of my anxiety lessened, but it wouldn't ever really go away until I could see for myself that Grey was actually okay.

"Do you want to hear what they arrested Colton for?"

Another nod. I wanted to make sure the charges stuck.

"Aggravated assault and attempted sexual assault. We'll see how well those charges will stick, but with all the girls coming forward, he's probably going to be facing a lot of time."

He must've sensed the question in my eyes. Other girls?

"Victoria and a few other girls from school went to the police station after he was arrested and began giving their statements on how he assaulted them at parties. It's been so long since most of them, but one of the girls had a ton of evidence, photos, videos, that kind of stuff...It was Leah."

Leah?

Leah, as in the girl who'd been with him since he'd thrown me out like day old trash.

Leah—the girl who'd helped him bully both me and Mori?

I only wished I could figure out what was going through her mind—what had happened between the two of them that had allowed her to gather so much evidence against him.

I could only hope that it was enough to send him away—for good.

"Anyway, I didn't want to leave you here since I rode in the ambulance with you. I had to lie and say I was your brother. I didn't want you to be alone."

My eyes watered. I only wished I could've said my thanks, but with the state of my voice, I doubted I could squeak out another sound.

"Anyway, I'll let you get some rest and let the nurses talk to you. I was going to call Parker and ask him for an update on Grey and how he's doing too. I can grab your assignments from school, too, if you have to miss a few days...no one would blame you if you did. Alright, well, I'll talk to you later I guess."

I stopped him from leaving by reaching out and grabbing onto his arm as he passed.

Our eyes locked and I sent him a meek smile and nod of gratitude, squeezing his arm with my hands in goodbye.

Once he was gone, though, my social worker turned her sky blue eyes on me and narrowed them, almost in irritation.

"Your father told me he called you last night. And then this happens right afterwards...I only hope this isn't some kind of a cry for help. All you have to do is sign the papers that I give you and we can have your guardianship and Power of Attorney transferred to me. What do you think about—"

"Excuse me, are you Miss Astor's legal guardian?"

The nurse who'd been in to clean up my puke and give me the barf bag had reappeared, and my respect for nurses had suddenly gone through the roof as she eyed Joanie beside me with a keen suspicion.

I shook my head vehemently.

No, she was most definitely not my legal guardian.

"I'm her court appointed social worker."

"Ah, I see. Well, I need to speak with her legal guardian, who I have on the phone right now. If you wouldn't mind leaving so I can let Miss Astor here in on her condition as well as her legal guardian, Mrs. Hartingrove."

Joanie brushed off the intrusion and flicked her blonde hair behind her shoulder. She pinned me with a look in her eyes that told me that this conversation wasn't over, but if I had anything to say about it—it definitely was.

"Thank you," I whispered to the nurse, realizing that I could still whisper even though it scratched my throat with a vengeance.

"Of course, sweetie. Maria, can you hear me?"

"Yes I can hear you. I would be there if I could, but with my son in the ICU here..."

"No I understand. I have Cami here listening so I'm going to go ahead and list off the injuries she came in with. Cami, does that sound okay to you?"

I nodded my head and she began.

Slight bruising around my windpipe. Bruising on my ribs and around my wrists from when I'd been pinned down on the ground by Colton.

"Overall, you're in great health and once the swelling around your throat goes down, it should be easier to talk and swallow. We can release you today, I don't see any issues with your discharge. We can send the papers to you virtually through your email, Mrs. Hartingrove, since Cami isn't eighteen yet and can't sign them. Does that sound alright?"

"Yes, that sounds wonderful. Thank you for your help with this, I would be there if I found some way to split myself in half and be there for both of them at the same time."

But...why?

Grey was her child, not me. She didn't owe me anything.

After what Parker had said about her true reasoning for fostering me, I had just assumed her caring and sweet nature was all just an act to trick me into wanting her to adopt me.

I didn't ever stop to think that it could ever be...authentic.

"Of course Mrs. Hartingrove. Alright, I'll give the phone to Cami in case she has something more to say."

The nurse handed me the cellphone just as my own sat on the chair beside me began buzzing incessantly.

"Cami, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," I whispered, wishing that I could just speak normally. Was this what Grey was going through?

"Good. I can't believe that happened at school, but you know he's been arrested, and he won't be getting out on bail. We're going to make sure they set it to an amount his family can't pay."

"Thank you."

My whispered words barely broke the barrier of the sounds bouncing back to me through the other end of the phone.

Beeps and scattered conversations and muffled yells from across the room could all be heard. She must've stepped out of Grey's hospital room to talk to me and the nurse.

"How's Grey?"

"He's—he's going to be okay. They think he had some kind of a reaction to the anesthesia, but with all the other surgeries he's had, this has never happened. We're keeping an eye on him now, but they're telling me he—"

Someone was yelling, loudly.

"Call a code!"

"What? What's going on? Hello, this is my son's room, what's going on!"

I could only sit in stoic silence as the blankness wrapped around me.

I curled the comforting bliss of numbness around me with trembling fingers as Maria dropped the phone on the ground.

There was running, shuffling, crying.

"Get a crash cart in here, now!"

"Please, please, PLEASE! This is my son! That's my SON!"

Her voice broke the sound barrier, but I stuffed my ears with cotton and stuck my head underwater.

Still, her shattering cries made it past my defenses.

"Grey! GREY!"

"Someone get the family out of here please."

"NO! No no no no no no no!"

"Ma'am, please—"

There was nothing else on the line but static.

And then I handed the phone to the nurse calmly.

"She said she signed the documents you emailed. She said it might take some time to send because of the signal in the hospital. Can I be discharged please? I just want to go home and lie down."

"I—"

The nurse hesitated, but noticed the withdrawn and pathetic look on my face.

"Just this once. I'll let you get dressed. Do you have a ride?"

I nodded my head. Talking was so, so painful.

"Alright sweetie. Let me get you some papers on how to take care of your throat and your rest instructions and doctor's notes to miss school for the next week. Wait here."

I didn't wait.

I didn't wait because Alec appeared at the door again.

"Parker just called. He left the hospital and...wait, are you allowed to leave? Already?"

I only nodded as I pulled the thin, scratchy hospital blanket away from my legs and waited for Alec to continue explaining what was going on.

"Parker needs a ride. I was going to take him to the hospital again, but...do you need a ride, too?"

"Please."

Alec turned away as I stepped into my uniform skirt underneath the hospital gown, then slipped the white button up over it and tucked it in.

Next came the socks, boots, jacket.

I was a mechanical robot incapable of feeling.

There were clouds in my brain, fogging up my thoughts and filling my head with sweet, blissful nothingness.

I knew there was somewhere I needed to be. I knew something had happened to me, and to Grey, but I just...didn't care anymore.

At least Alec was taking me out of this god awful hospital.

I could still feel grateful, apparently.

I didn't ask why Parker had left the hospital when his brother had almost just died—where his brother was likely dying at this very moment.

I didn't ask why he couldn't just drive himself back, either, or why Alec had to go pick him up.

I didn't ask a thing at all, only ripped the hospital bracelets I'd been given off my wrist and grabbed up my backpack from the collection of my belongings in the corner and followed Alec out of the building.

No one stopped us.

The drive was shorter than I'd expected.

The area was familiar. So, so familiar.

Green pastures and an imposing mountain in the distance grew closer.

The sun sprayed down onto the ground and reflected off a few stray pools of water in refractory diamond light.

I did not ask Alec why we were there.

I followed him out of the car on foot, trudging through dirt and weeds and wildflowers up to my knees.

I did not react when he reached the mouth of the cave.

I did not breathe as Parker came into view, shouting obscenities at the walls and slinging paint darker than a Stygian Sea.

I did sink to the ground, knees scraping against grey rock beneath me.

I did inhale a shaking, slow breath that stained my lungs with the scent of paint fumes and still water.

"No, you didn't hear anything, did you? No..."

"No, Parker I haven't heard anything. I think he's still in stable condition."

Except he wasn't.

Grey wasn't okay. Grey wasn't in stable condition.

I'd been on the other end of the phone when Maria had collapsed in on her grief and anguish.

Like a tether to the other side, I felt his connection to this world snap like the branches of a tree in a howling windstorm.

He's gone.

He's gone.

Gone.

gone

gone

gone

gone—

Someone was shaking me by the shoulders, spitting in my face and asking me, how, how, HOW DO YOU KNOW and then—

But then his body fell forward, his forehead brandishing a fire onto mine and then his arms were around me in a punishing hug, punishing me with pain for the things I'd done and what I'd said and—

and then my arms were around him, my eyes leaking onto his shoulder and none of us moved until pain splatter drip drip dripped down onto our shirts and mixed into our hair and painted us the color of night and grief and an anguish so deep it bellowed out into a yawning abyss of eternity spooling out before us.

He's gone.

Grey, Grey, Grey...

Gone before I ever really knew him at all.