"Grey slow down! We don't have to do this today—I know we have the resources to pay for the surgeon right now but it doesn't have to be rushed!"

I ignored my mom—like always—and pushed through the glass double doors of the out-patient center.

I'd spent many afternoons in this very building receiving stern lectures in a back room offset from the surgical rooms.

The doctor my parents had hired privately to handle the trauma to my vocal cords had a very experimental procedure that would give me up to ninety percent of full vocal use back, and my mother's money was a guarantee that I would have the best of the best.

The surgery had been set up for almost an entire year, but I had never set a date. I had never decided when to do this, despite the ticking clock on the procedure. The more I let it go untreated, the worse it would become.

I had to try. It was now or never.

"Mr. Hartingrove, I wasn't expecting you today—oh, Maria. How can I help you today?"

"Grey is adamant about having the surgery today. I don't want him to lose his enthusiasm for it, but I told him you would be too busy. Isn't that right?"

The doctor must've taken pity on me.

Must've seen the burning desperation on my features, the pain etched onto the writing on the silver strands of my soul that were seeping out of my pores.

I couldn't handle the news—all of it.

My mother and father, the secrets they'd been keeping from me almost my entire life.

Cami...her family and my family's own involvement in the downfall of them.

When would it ever end?

When I finally stood up and took responsibility for my own actions and decided to let the past go and forgive myself. That was when it would finally end...

When I would be able to control the things happening around me would be when I stopped allowing the past to dictate my future.

"Actually, I have availability for this afternoon. Grey, we've been waiting for you to be ready for this surgery for a long while. Are you ready? I'll just have you sign some paperwork since you're over eighteen. Right this way."

My mother had no more arguments.

This was happening.

I'd finally be able to speak again without excruciating pain.

Would it be enough to pull me out of the depths I'd fallen into?

Would it make me enough?

For Cami, I'd try. For Cami, I'd do anything.

I followed my doctor through the doors under the bright fluorescent lighting and stepped into the triage room, ready for my future to finally begin and to put my past where it belonged.

I was starting to regret the fact that I'd eaten with Mori every day at lunch for two weeks straight.

All my classes had gone off without a hitch—even the class I'd shared with Colton—but when it came to lunch time?

Mori was desperate to sit with me.

And she wasn't alone.

I should've turned and ran the other way.

I should've told her I was sick; 'I'm so sorry, maybe next time,' or 'I really don't think I'm up for it'.

I should've...should've...should've...

Instead...

Instead I walked with her, arms linked together and my feet were hitting the ground like a death march, each and every stomp of my black shoes against the ground a reminder that I was one footstep away from seeing him again, willingly.

Maybe it was some kind of test of my sanity.

Like I could prove a point to myself that I could survive this.

I'd survived this villain in my bed...so why couldn't I face him in real life...after the fact?

After what he'd done.

After...

"Where's Grey today? And Parker? You're living with them still, aren't you?"

"Oh, I don't know. I left before they did, and I didn't ask if they'd be in today. Hey, about that..."

Excuse, excuse, excuse....I needed a damn good excuse for this to work.

"I'm getting so creeped out by their dad, Mo. He's making me so uncomfortable in their house. Is there any way I can stay with you at your place for a little while, just until my social worker can find me a new replacement? It's hard for foster kids to have a voice in the system, so I don't even know if they'll move me just because I asked, but I still have to try. If your grandparents can't do it, I totally understand—oof."

I was cut off mid monologue by Mori slamming her entire body into mine in a hug that I wasn't sure I was ready for.

I mean, sure, I was used to Grey and his affection, but this? This was so filled with emotion and a sense of regret from her.

It filled my eyes with tears.

"Of course you can stay with us. I don't care what they say, either. I'll just say you're having a sleepover with me, and you'll just never leave. I hate that he's making you feel that way. There's no way that I'm letting you stay in that house a minute more. God, and to think I actually liked Mr. Hartingrove."

I could've told her the truth.

Could've come right out with the ugly words that wanted to dance across my tongue.

But I couldn't—not really. Not when I knew she wouldn't look at me the same way again.

I shivered in disgust at the thought of pity for me crossing her features even more than the emotion was already on her face.

I couldn't bear anymore.

"Thank you," I whispered into her dark hair that was tickling the bottom of my chin. I'd never hugged Mori like this, not really. She was much shorter than I'd thought.

That thought brought a slight giggle to my mouth but I quickly tamped it down once the sight of the cafeteria doors loomed in the distance.

Mori continued on in excitement like she couldn't sense the anxiety seeping through my pores.

I supposed she couldn't sense it—I'd done such a good job of locking my thoughts and emotions in an air-tight vault that she hadn't even known about my 'relationship' with Colton or the fact that I'd practically been living with him for the majority of the semester.

"We need to star talking about college applications. What are your top three?"

I quickly listed off my list of Ivy League schools and her eyes widened exponentially.

"Well, I'm going to have to work a lot harder to get a better SAT score if we want to go to the same school. If we can't, I'll settle for the same state. What are you thinking, New York City or are you wanting to stay in California?"

"I want out of this state. I don't ever want to come back here again."

Her dark eyes softened as she realized the subtext of what I hadn't spoken aloud.

Even though she didn't know the context surrounding my descent into foster care, it was obvious I'd had to go through some dark things in order to survive. No one got out of the system unscathed.

Mori kept the conversation going even as she pinpointed her spot: directly in the middle of 'the group'.

They were all there.

The three girls: Leah, Victoria and Kennedy. All three wore identical masks of expensive makeup.

Carter was joined by Alec, Parker's close friend, and then Nate who I'd never actually spoken a single word to.

Then, finally, the 'star of the show' surrounded by his adoring fans—Colton sat on the other side of the bench table right in the middle.

Right across from where we would be seated.

Why was I doing this?

Was I begging for an altercation?

Was I desperate for the pain, because I needed some other form of it to distract my brain from the news I'd just uncovered about Grey and his family, from the phone call from my father the night before?

Was I just a glutton for punishment, and this was my own personal type of self-harm?

"Well well well, look what we have here? Cami, nice of you to finally join us. Mo, come here babe. I have a seat right here for you."

Is it bad that I wanted to vomit when he pointed to his lap and Mori just...giggled? Like a little schoolgirl...

"Hi, Cami."

"Hi Victoria."

She was the only one I actually liked. The other girls didn't speak up. The cat probably had their tongues, but I wasn't about to be the first person to say hello after their behavior toward me in the past.

I was scrunched between Carter with Mori on his lap and Victoria on my right.

That seating arrangement wasn't the problem. I could handle that.

It was the evil sneering grin Colton had painted on his face that was pointed directly towards me that had me completely on edge, my heart rate skyrocketing until I was sure my pulse was going to go haywire and my veins would explode right under my skin.

"We were just talking about how Marcus from our remedial algebra class got arrested last night. Can you believe that?"

Mori was the one to become immersed in the conversation, and I wondered how she'd assimilated into this group so quickly.

Maybe Alec wasn't so bad, and Victoria was a sweetheart, but the rest of them? I couldn't see myself being friends with any of the rest of them.

My phone began going off in my pocket incessantly, but I ignored it in fear of what would happen if I took my eyes off Colton.

It was like trying to look away from a car wreck in motion—seemingly easy in theory, but impossible to do in the moment.

"Yeah, I heard that earlier, but no one would tell me what happened. What did he do?"

"Apparently—and you did not hear this from me," Leah started, pulling everyone in closer like she were their co-conspirator.

"Apparently, he got caught putting a crushed up Xanax tablet in Christina Coor's drink last weekend, and he only just now got arrested after all the interviews and everything. She hasn't been back to school since. Everyone says he did it, though."

Victoria had stiffened into a cardboard cutout beside me, her face pale forcing the reddish brown freckles on her face to stand out.

"D-did what?"

Victoria's voice was a hollowed out imitation of what it had once been. Did she know this Marcus or Christina?

Colton was staring laser holes into my head, but I did not waver in keeping his eyes pinned with mine. He wouldn't win. Not yet.

"They said he...you know...sexually assaulted her."

Leah spoke the news like it was some juicy piece of gossip and not some poor girl's life being broadcasted for entertainment.

But when she'd said those words...I wasn't the only one who'd flinched, but Colton didn't miss a thing.

His grin grew once he realized how affected this had made me.

"What evidence do they have? Some girl's word against his? How do they know she's not just making it up for attention? Or what if he rejected her and she got pissed and decided to claim she did that when he's actually innocent?"

I could practically feel the heat of anger radiating off of Victoria beside me, though she wouldn't look Colton in the eye when she spoke again.

"They have tons of witnesses that saw him put that in her drink and watched as he carried her up the stairs completely sober. Her friends tried to go get her, but he'd locked the door. They have her rape kit, you asshole. That's their fucking evidence."

Victoria didn't look back as she gathered up her things and escaped from the cafeteria like it was on fire.

Some inkling of knowing prickled at my scalp, but I didn't want to assume someone else's trauma.

But I knew the stats.

Most abusers didn't only stop once, and they had to start with one victim.

These people had been friends since birth—was I Colton's first victim, or just his latest?

"Don't mind Victoria, Mo. She's just a little moody. Probably on her period."

Mori's head snapped in Carter's direction, which was hard considering she was placed on his lap.

"Oh, really? So women can only be passionate about a topic when they're on their period? That's pretty sexist of you to say that, Carter."

"I—it's not sexist, it's the truth! Women are more emotional, especially on their periods."

"Actually...men are technically more emotional than women...like, do you not realize that anger is an emotion? Do you see how often guys get angry, and how violent they can get when they get mad?"

I could've kissed Mori for pointing that out. The guys at the table stiffened, brains working in a way you could tell they hadn't before trying to find a way to dispute what she'd just said.

"Hah, she's totally right. Maybe we should take the nuclear codes from the men, they're unstable."

Kennedy and Leah dissolved into laughter at her joke and...I didn't not agree with her...

"God, men are such babies. I heard that women sit so much better for tattoos than men, too, because they can't handle the pain."

"Right? Like, women are conditioned to ignore our pain or we're criticized. Like...pretty sure my period hurts more than your cross tattoo, Chad."

The more Mori, Kennedy and Leah joked about men, the angrier Carter and Colton became, though Alec at the end of the table didn't seem to hear a single word.

With each joke and jab about men, Colton's staring, creepy smile turned more sinister until I was crawling in my skin.

My phone vibrated a call one more time and that was when I decided to get up and accept it, especially considering the energy at the table was growing more and more unstable as the moments passed.

"Where are you going?"

"Someone keeps blowing up my phone. I'll see you after school? I need to drop the car off at Grey's but after that can I ride with you to yours?"

"Wait. You're driving Parker's car. You're always with Grey. What's going on, are you like...living with them now?"

i turned to answer Leah, but Colton beat me to it.

"Of course she is, she's homeless, you know that right? She's jumping from couch to couch, paying for her room and board with sex. It's what she did with me. Isn't that right, Cami?"

The entire table was silent for a moment, like they couldn't believe what had just come out of Colton's mouth.

"I—that's not what—"

"Oh, come on now. Don't go trying to change the tune, now. You did live with me for about two months, right? I mean, you practically pimped yourself out for a roof over your head and a hot meal."

He wasn't wrong. No, in fact, he was absolutely right, and that was what made my eyes water.

That was what made the hairs stand up straight on my arms and stay there.

It was what made my stomach fall to the floor with the confused and almost betrayed look on her face.

"Cami? What the hell is he talking about? I thought you guys were just talking and you ended it. What is going on?"

My phone chose that moment to ring once more, and though I needed to pay attention to one of my only friend's perception of me completely falling into the gutter at that moment, my brain decided to read the phone number flashing across my screen.

Parker had been calling, and calling...and calling.

So had Maria.

Alec suddenly spoke up into the group once my phone stopped flashing.

"What the hell? He did what? Is he okay? Shit...okay, I'll be there soon. I will. Stay there, don't move. I mean it, Parker."

"What's going on?"

My heart almost came up through my throat.

"It's Grey, isn't it? Did he...did he—" I cut myself off. I couldn't bear it to ask the question.

I was ready to sink to my knees in agony if Alec gave the answer I was dreading.

"No, no, he went in for his surgery today, but there were complications. I rode to school with Carter, you said you have Parker's car? Can you take me to the..."

"To the where? Come on, let's go."

"Cami, wait."

Mori stood up off Carter's lap and latched onto my arm.

"What is going on? You're not telling me everything."

"I know and I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything you need to know, I promise, but I need to make sure Grey's okay. This...it's probably all my fault, and—"

"How is Grey having surgery and having complications from it your fault?"

"Because I—" I cut myself off, all the listening, nosy ears interrupting my almost word spew that would've told them everything, everything I didn't want them to know.

"I'll tell you later, once I make sure he's alright."

"Okay. Let me know how he is."

"I will. Thank you Mori."

Alec stood impatiently, his dark leather jacket already on and black satchel bag already slung across his shoulders.

"Yes, I just have to get my stuff. Here, take the keys."

Alec didn't waste time catching the keys I threw him, and I didn't spare the rest of the group another look as I darted down the hallway to the room where I'd placed my things for the lunch hour, fully intending to come back with the last thirty minutes and finish up the editing on a paper due.

That wasn't going to get turned in.

There were a lot of assignments I wouldn't be turning in that day.

Grey.

Why would he jump into surgery so quickly, and how was it available on such short notice?

Had it already been planned, and he just hadn't told me yet?

I didn't know the answer, but I knew I needed to be there for him, even if he didn't know that I would be there.

The door to the classroom banged shut with a menacing thud, and chills erupted on my skin.

"Finally. I thought we'd never get to be alone."

My neck nearly snapped in half as I realized who stood in the doorway, blocking my only exit.

He leered at my body like he owned it, and I swallowed down the bile rising up in my gut.

So, this was it. This was my final demon to face before I could get to Grey.

"Colton."