《The Lonely Girl》23
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One moment, it was only Cami brushing delicate fingers across the ink stained into my skin.
The next, she was leaning closer and closer, the sweet scent of her perfume from earlier in the day still clinging to her soft skin.
The next, she was a fluttering hummingbird, nervous and eyes wide with a question in them that I didn't know the answer to.
She was a masterpiece crafted and painted and made for my desires and wants and needs; like she was created for me, crafted from golden hands and molded into a form that was wholly her own but my biggest temptation.
Still, I kept my hands at my sides.
Still, I didn't move a muscle.
I did not place my hands on her waist nor her neck.
I did not press my body tight into hers, no matter how hard I was shaking to keep myself from doing so.
I did not dare breathe when her soft lips pressed down onto my own, like feather silk and pillowy satin brushing against my mouth.
I stifled the groan bubbling up in my throat; it would've come out sounding like a choking garbled mess, and I didn't want to ruin this moment, not as she placed her hands on my shoulders and tingles spread outward, like a seismic current sending shockwaves throughout my entire body.
In the dim lamp glow of her bedroom, Cami explored my body with her hands and lips, and I allowed her every indulgence because what else could I do but remain unmoving, terrified that she might break this contact and think it a mistake even as she had been the one to make the first move.
She pulled back suddenly, cheeks flushed and pupils blown out from desire and suddenly that haunted, lost look was completely gone, replaced by a divine need and primal instinct driven by this inch of separation between us.
"Is...is this okay?"
Her dark voice filled the otherwise silent air around us, and damn if I didn't want to snap and throw her down on the bed and show her just how okay this was...but she wasn't ready for that.
She might never be ready for that, and the sudden shy look in her eyes had me reaching up and pushing the hair behind her ears, fingers trailing along the skin of her cheeks and tracing the plump curve of her pink lips slightly swollen from her kisses.
I could only nod, too absorbed to pull back and sign, because this was not the time for words.
We didn't need them.
In this moment between the two of us, where the outside world didn't exist, we were floating on a cosmic cloud of stars and moon dust shooting us through the atmosphere.
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And then she was pulling me closer.
I was up out of the chair and kneeling on the bed, hovering over her small body.
She was a restless balm against the burn in my chest; a galaxy of possibilities underneath the heat of my palms.
Dark brown eyes stared up at me through thick eyelashes and their intense need shone through all else.
Smooth hands traced down the bare sides of my stomach, down past my ribs and then around to my back, cupping behind my neck to pull me down further, closer, a needy whimper rising in her chest as I only barely complied.
She wanted more, more, more, and I was scared to give it all to her; scared that she might not be ready for what I had in store for her.
"Grey," she whispered, my name a beckoning plea on those gorgeous lips.
And then that mouth was on the side of my neck, kissing down my scars until I was the one trembling, until I was the one shaking on my arms placed on either side of her head keeping myself upright above her.
She placed those goddamn lips directly on the scar that I wished I could've tattooed over the most, but my mother said it wouldn't be appropriate as I would have to wear a turtleneck to keep it covered.
Didn't she understand that it was the scar that was more inappropriate; that it was the scar that I was most ashamed of?
Didn't she realize that my refusal to speak was the punishment I'd given myself for almost giving up on any and everything in this world, including my entire family?
Didn't she know...
But Cami knew.
She knew how I felt about it, even without having to ask.
Somehow, she knew, and she was trying to tell me that it was okay.
That even though I'd have to stare back at this scar in the mirror every single day and relive what I'd done to myself, what had almost happened...
It was okay.
I was okay.
I didn't need to be ashamed, because she...
She pressed her lips against the scars, she didn't run away from them or hide from the truth of what they meant, and that meant more to me than any pretty words ever could have.
That was when I finally let go, and unleashed the torrent of emotions against her.
That was when I gave her my all, and she didn't run, didn't shy away.
She took it all with a blissful smile on her face and met me.
My perfect match in darkness and in light.
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When Grey finally kissed me back...
It was like the floodgates of pleasure opened and I was able to see what I'd been missing for so long.
It didn't feel wrong to have someone's weight on me, pressing me down into the mattress.
I didn't feel panicked or terrified that I would be taken advantage of.
I also didn't feel that apathy and lack of enthusiasm that I had normally felt in these...situations.
No, I definitely felt something here, with Grey, with his dark gaze staring me down with something akin to wonder in his eyes.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he dipped his body down lower, breaths mingling and energies mixing until there was nothing separating us; until we were combined, his chest on mine, one leg pressed in between mine.
One hand tipped my face up to meet his eyes, thumb underneath my chin and the rest of his long fingers curling behind the column of my throat and tangling with the hair there.
It was what I found swimming in his eyes there that had me inhaling a sharp breath and trying but failing to hide the choked sigh swelling there.
Barely contained lust stared back at me, his eyes pitch black, almost darker than the nighttime terrors that would wrap themselves around my skin late at night...but Grey's darkness was something different.
It was like he was the surety of the night, the constant reminder that there were dependable things in the universe.
The sun would sink every day and then there was the comforting reminder that I wasn't alone in the world; the night was just as lonely as me.
The night had no confidant to spill its darkened secrets to; only the comforting companions of its fellow secret keepers to watch over and listen to, forever endless and forever lonely.
His other hand was planted on my hip, fingers digging into the skin there, but not moving any higher or lower, almost like he was determined to let me lead this, and for that I was grateful.
It was my first time dipping my toes into the waters after what had happened, and I wasn't sure how much of this I could take; but it wasn't like Grey was some test run.
If anything, he was the healing energy I needed in order to push myself back in the waters.
Not the waters swelling high with storm waves, but the waters cool and calm and peaceful where I could tread and keep my head above the surface easily, a sweet swim where the water caressed and cooled instead of drowning and suffocating.
Somehow, I was healing right before my eyes, and I hadn't even known it was happening.
Maybe I would be okay in the end, after all.
Maybe Grey was all I needed to figure that out.
When his lips met mine again, he moved against me.
It was a breathtaking shattering of earths that I knew in that moment could compare to nothing I'd ever felt nor would ever feel again.
It was like Grey had completely ruined all future experiences for me...
but I wasn't upset that he'd done it, either.
I was grateful.
Because this experience erased the last.
His kisses wiped away all traces of Colton.
Every touch of my skin evaporated the handprint that had been seared onto me from the moment he'd taken advantage of my body.
Grey's fingertips replaced Colton's along my back, and suddenly it was his gentle touch that I wished to be burned onto my body.
It was his kiss that I wanted to taste in the aftermath of this moment between us.
It was Grey's fevered and inked skin that I wished to feel and see and remember in my mind if Colton tried to confront me again.
Soft lips parted my own and then our tongues were dancing in our mouths and he was the night and I was the stars dotting the black sky.
His hand had just started traveling further up when a thump nearby shocked us both out of our skin.
"I don't think it was anyone," I rushed out breathlessly, taking in Grey's wild features and expression.
"Yeah, we should probably go to sleep."
I shouldn't have felt the disappointment when he made to move off the bed.
I didn't know where the courage came from, but the word slipped out nonetheless.
"Wait."
He turned, eyes wary but intrigued, still half-filled with that lingering lust and interest.
I didn't say anything, only pulled the comforter back and scooted over so there was a space between us.
He eyed the bed and then me, and then the bed once more before sighing and easing himself back onto the bed.
I had just hit the light on the lamp and turned away from him on the bed to give him his privacy when a strong arm gripped me from behind and tugged me into a warm, solid chest.
I melted back into him and fell into a dreamless sleep surrounded in a pale light of peace.
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