Alright, so this is it, the epilogue. I can’t believe this story is finally coming to an end… it’s crazy…

PLEASE, read until the end, however mad you are or whatever. Trust me, you’ll be MUCH happier if you read till the end, okay?

Also, please read the author note at the end that explains what to expect next for spin-off and sequels alright? Because I won’t be answering questions about it in the future. The answers are there.

Oh and also, sorry for making you guys wait that long, I didn’t mean to but because of Irene, well electricity was dead (I uploaded chapter 87 at my moms, yes I actually went to my mother to upload this chapter for you guys, how pathetic? ;P) and when it finally came back at my house, internet was dead so ya… I was supposed to put the epilogue up sooner… it’s all stinking Irene’s fault! 0_0

Now, you can enjoy! :D

I’ve been waiting a while to finally post this one! lol

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I could feel the sun, streaming through the French doors, warming my cheek. But I kept my eyes close, not wanting to get out of bed just yet.

I rolled around on the bed, my hand reaching beside me but they fell on empty sheets.

Of course they did…

I rolled again and held the blankets tightly, trying to find sleep but unable to because of the damn sun.

So instead I sat in the middle of the bed, holding my head in my hands.

I sighed heavily and then turned my head in my palms, my eyes falling on the letter lying on my drawing desk.

I got up from my bed and took it and then cradled back in my sheets and read it again, for about the hundredth time…

Dear Pumpkin,

If you’re reading this, well it really sucks to say the least… I know I promised you I wouldn’t die, but I guess I can’t control everything, can I? And I know it’s creepy and why did I wrote you this letter if I told you I wasn’t going to die, did I lie to you, how the hell did I know I’d die… (you’re already over thinking by now, I know it Pumpkin) well I guess after you lose someone so fast, like I did with Jay, you become aware of things like that… and ever since, I write letters, will if you will…

And well, with my head condition, I guess I always have to be ready for the worse. And I’m not going to lie, it scares me. I know I don’t talk about it with you that much but it’s because I’m scared that if I said it out loud it’ll happen, if I ignore it, if I don’t put it out there it’s like it doesn’t exist you know?

But hey, for all I know I might have been crushed by a concrete wall, so no point in worrying right?

So as I said, I write these letters… but this is the hardest one I ever had to write, because what if I do die?

I’m not scared for me; honestly not at all, death never scared me. I’m just scared for you. I think it’s safe to say you love me Pumpkin. And I know what death does to the ones that stay…

So please, don’t destroy yourself over this. Everyone dies at one point. I guess my time had come, that’s all.

I just want you to remember that I love you more than anything. I always had, I always will, what ever happens afterwards, if there was anyway I could be with you I would be, you can trust me on that.

I waited too long to finally have you.

Trust me, if there was a way, I’d be with you right now…

Wouldn’t it be cool if I came back as a ghost? I mean you gotta admit it Pumpkin, that’d be awesome! Tell Josh if I am, he’ll believe you!

I’ll come for you! I promise.

Look at the stars, go swim in the Creek, sleep in my bed, our bed, read my books, I’m there… I’m everywhere…

And I love you.

No one’s ever made me as happy as you…

I don’t know if I’ve told you this by now, honestly Pumpkin, I feel like you’re my reason for everything. You’re the reason why I wasn’t the one in that car, why I didn’t die instead of Jay. For years I’ve wished for things to switch, to have been the one dying instead of him, because people needed him more than they needed me, loved him more than they loved me. Even with my head, I was doomed from the start. And if it hadn’t been for the accident I’d probably have died sooner. But luckily, because of you they found it. And because of you I stayed alive. And now I’ve had you… Because of you Pumpkin I stopped feeling this way. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I knew I made you happier, made you forget about your problems… and for that, because being with you made you happy again, that was a good reason enough to be alive, and not have died in the car. Because my Lexi needed someone to make her laugh, and for some strange twisted reason I did…

And you can’t even imagine how happy that made me…

You made me happy Lexi.

For years I’ve tried to cope with my brother’s death. I thought I could patch myself by being with Kendal, I tried drinking, I tried being a jerk and stop feeling but it never worked because what I really needed, what I always needed was you Pumpkin.

And now, I’ve finally forgiven myself. All because of you.

So even if I’m dead now, it doesn’t matter for me anymore, because I’ve been happier with you for these past few months than in all my life.

And I’m so sorry… Sorry for not being here right now, for not holding you in my arms and telling you stupid things to make you laugh.

I can say stupid things if you want to.

I’m sure you’ll be laughing through your tears, wiped them away Pumpkin, don’t cry, you’ll work things out, you always do.

So stupid things… That’s a tough one…

Well if the reincarnation thing is true, I hope I won’t reincarnate as Alex’s asshole and I don’t need to explain myself now, do I? I’d like to reincarnate as a griffin! Those things are AWESOME! Come on! Admit it’d be cool if your reincarnate boyfriend was a mystical creature!

I could be a unicorn too… you know… once a long hard one, always is… (I’m winking right now, just go with it)

And yes I know I’m an asshole (not Alex’s) and that that’s no way to treat my mourning girlfriend/love of my life (can I write wife too? Because I would have married you! There’s no question about it… I’m sorry if that makes you sad, but it’s true… And you would have been the mother of my children too, and you’d been a perfect one at it! You might still be one, because you CAN move on Pumpkin, you HAVE to move on. Well not if I’m a ghost and I’m still hanging around… or your personal unicorn (I’m winking again)) so yes… me, asshole, blah blah blah… Give it to me Pumpkin, I’m sure you didn’t expect to get a letter like this? I should get extra point for that oh and by the way, I hope you’re wearing the sexy French maid outfit while reading this, it would make my wandering soul very VERY happy!

I hope you’re laughing a little now, and please don’t be mad, and don’t tear this letter because you’ll regret it when you’re done with that stage of mourning. Because one morning my love, you’ll wake up, and even though things are still the same, even though I’m not here anymore, you’ll get out of bed, and be able to face your day without thinking about it, and maybe even find happiness somewhere else…

I just want you to be happy, that’s what I always wanted, even if that means with someone else, even if that means you have to forget about me in order to do so.

Just be happy my Lexi, your pretty face wasn’t meant for sadness, your beautiful smiles can’t disappear and I need to hear that contagious laugh of yours whether I’m up up in the sky or down down in Hell, or just a rotting corpse under earth.

I needed you Lexi, but you don’t need me. You’re a strong girl, and do not deny it, you are!

You’re my strong girl and I love you for that, I love you so much, I love you so much that sometimes when I’m holding you in my arms it feels like there’s never going to be a way I’m going to be able to show you just how much I love you, to share it with you, like I could squeezed you so tightly you’d probably choke, and still that wouldn’t be enough.

No one can ever get enough of you Lexi…

God I love you Pumpkin… I love you, I love you, I love you.

With all my heart and all my soul.

And even death can’t stop that…

And there’s so much things I would love to say, so much things I would want to tell you… But as always I don’t find the words because the words become meaningless, they don’t matter in the end what matters is that I love you.

I love you my beautiful overreacting, unobservant, imaginative, sexy, with just the most perfect thin little waist that I’m mad about, hilarious, smart, Pumpkin.

You’re my Lexi.

And I’m your Blake.

For ever and always.

With all the love that the Universe can contain

Your jerky smirking dumbass who’s madly in love with you

Blake

PS: Remember that time you kept jumping around me, wearing that it’s-definitely-see-though shirt I always teased you about while I was sitting at your new drawing desk and you kept asking again and again what I was doing and what I was writing? Yes, well now you know what I was writing. Also, in a few seconds I will throw you on our bed and make love to you. Just a heads up.

Slowly, I wiped the tears off my cheeks and held the letter against my chest, cradling it to me, and then lay back in my bed and waited for the sleep to finally come.

When dream land seemed at my reach, freezing hands encircled my waist.

“OH MY GOD,” I yelled trying to get away from the cold hands and chest and feet that were pressing against me.

All I got was a chuckle.

“Get away! You’re freezing!” I laughed.

“Well you should be warming me up for once,” he answered and pressed his nose in the crease of my neck making me squeal.

“How’d you get so cold,” I asked him and started to rub his arms around my waist.

“I went running outside,” he mumbled against my skin.

“But it’s sunny,” I whined.

“Yeah, but it’s pretty darn windy, it’ll probably rain soon,” he answered and kissed my shoulder, his arms encircling my waist. His hands touched the paper in mine. “You reading that letter again,” he groaned.

I turned around and kissed him on the lips, my arms wrapping around his neck.

“Yes I’m reading that letter again…” I half smiled.

“Sometimes I really think you like to make yourself cry on purpose, Pumpkin!” Blake chuckled and smirked a little.

“It’s a beautiful letter alright, I love it! And I’m going to read it as much as I want!” I told him, pressing my nose lightly to his.

“I never should have left it on my table, you sneaky little thief,” he chuckled again, and squeezed me tighter against his chest. “Only got it out because I have to re-write it, since it’s not up to date anymore!”

“You lazy boy! It hasn’t been up to date for years now!” I chuckled too and nibbled his lower lip with my own.

That was all Blake needed to go all frantic and then he was slipping his hands under my shirt trying to tear it away from me.

“No, no, Blake, stop it,” I told him, but my voice was pretty weak.

“You’re gonna have to try harder,” Blake whispered against my lips and crushed his body over mine.

“Blake, it’s Saturday morning,” I tried to say but his hands were getting more and more urgent and were making it hard for me to argue.

“I don’t care if it’s Judgement Day, I’m going to…”

Blake didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because we heard running footsteps in the hallway, coming to our room.

I smirked at Blake who fell back beside me, his arm over his face.

“I hate Saturday mornings,” Blake mumbled when our door burst open.

“Mommy! Daddy! Come on! Let’s go! The cartoons are on,” our little three years old ball of energy yelled, rushing to us and started to jump up and down on our bed.

I laughed and grabbed him around the waist, tickling him and ruffling his brown hair.

“Daddy, daddy, save me,” Jayden yelled, laughing.

“You’re on your own buddy,” Blake answered smiling and as always I almost choked with emotion with the way he was looking at our son. There was so much adoration in his eyes; if it was even possible, it made me love him even more.

“Daddy,” Jayden laughed and then Blake took him out of my arms and started to tickle him too.

“Mommy!”

“You gotta pick a team kid,” Blake smirked tickling more.

I took hold of our son, and cradled him away from his father before he suffocated him. “You know better than to trust your father for those things,” I said shaking my head, and kissed the top of his hair.

Jayden tried to wiggle out of my arms. Oh yes, right, he didn’t want me to kiss him like that anymore because apparently he was old now. Why did he have to grow so fast?

“Mommy, let go, I want to watch cartoons,” he whined.

I laughed but I did, though I kissed the top of his head again, just for good measure.

Jayden hopped off our bed and grabbed Blake’s hand trying pulling it. “Daddy, come on!”

“You go ahead; your mother and I have some serious matters to talk about.”

“You can kiss mommy later, but we can’t watch the cartoons later! It’s right now,” Jay whined again, never stopping to pull his father’s hand.

I smirked at Blake, while he just narrowed his eyes at me, but still got out of bed and grabbed Jayden around the waist, swinging him over his shoulders, while I could hear our kid squeal all the way down to the living room.

Now smiling, I put the letter back on my drawing table and put on one of Blake’s old college hoodie, making my way down to the kitchen.

Aside from the television in the living room, our house was quiet and I tried to enjoy as much as I could our last few hours of peace before the company arrived. My parents and Blake’s were coming over, so were Tyler, Vanessa and their daughter, Josh, Daph and their son, and if their daughter Maika wasn’t sick anymore Alex and Travis were suppose to drop by too. Those two were so protective of the poor child, I almost felt bad for her. But I kind of understood, after all the paper work they had to go through, all the traveling they had to do and all the time they had to wait to finally be able to adopt her, it was normal for them to cherish her so much.

Everyone was basically coming over for Jayden’s birthday. It had been on Wednesday, but everyone was only free to come on Saturday so the party would be today.

I kind of dreaded the whole planning but I knew Jayden would be happy to see everyone, and get a big cake and plenty of presents. Annabelle had already sent him a huge teddy bear she had bought at the Universal Studio in Tokyo. She was staying there with one of her new boyfriend.

In the kitchen I started coffee and grabbed an apple, walking to the living room.

When I got to it, I didn’t walk in; I just leaned against the arch at the entry and smiled contently, looking at my men.

Or boys would have been more fitting.

They were both sitting on the ground, almost right in front of the television, side by side, and now and then, Jayden would push Blake and then Blake would shove Jay just a bit.

Blake always acted just like a three year old and not a twenty five year old around him.

But I wasn’t complaining at all. In my mind, I was only always eternally grateful to just have both of them in my life. To even be here with them.

After Blake’s seizure, I understood the meaning of “never take anything for granted” Even though I doubt I ever took Blake for granted before that, I understood how lucky I was to still have him with me.

Yes, I almost lost him. Blake had a seizure in his bathroom, and because of the intense head pain, had fell, his head hitting the toilet seat, almost cracking his skull. By the time he got to the hospital, he had gotten into a coma.

It’s at that same time that I started to talk with my mother again.

Since she had been an excellent lawyer for many years before changing her career, she had contacts, and one of them was one of the best brain surgeons around. That day he was gone playing golf or something. My mother had been able to have him prep for surgery in the hour after Blake got at the hospital. I also had my father to thank for that because he’s the one that thought about calling her to ask.

So the surgeon did his thing, and after a few agonizing days, Blake finally woke up.

I was there when he did, and I think the only day I cried this much was when the doctor told me that I might not survive when I would give birth to my son.

Yes, because there was a reason for all those cramps I had when I had my period. There was something wrong with my uterus. Bleeding to death while giving birth was a side effect.

But there was no way in hell I wasn’t delivering my Jayden. And so even though both Blake and I were completely frightened about what might have happened, few weeks after our graduation from college, I gave birth to our boy.

I almost didn’t make it, and so did Jayden.

But in the end we both survived and now we were all together, happy and healthy.

Blake had said that to me once, that, “The best is only bought at the cost of great pain”. We had the best now, but it had cost a lot of worrying and crying.

“Jay, do you think we should tickle attack mommy for not having made breakfast yet?” Blake asked looking my way, an evil glow in his eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at him. But of course, Jayden was completely agreeing with his dad so he jumped on his feet and ran to me.

Laughing, I ran away, towards the kitchen, while I hear the little footsteps following me. But then I heard the big man running footsteps.

Oh oh.

I stood on the other side of the center counter, while Jayden and Blake waited by the other side.

“Son, let daddy handle this and when I catch her you can help with the tickling.”

Jayden laughed and agreed.

Oh damn.

Blake looked at me like he could eat me up or something. My eyes widened.

“Blake, easy there.”

“Aw Pumpkin, you know how I am on an empty stomach and deprived of my morning kisses.”

“Don’t you dare tickling me to death,” I pointed at him sternly.

Jayden just kept laughing while we bantered. That always seemed to amuse him.