ry hasn't been told."

Growing up, love was a foreign concept to me.

My parents didn't love each other. Rather they loved the same thing. Fame and power.

It shouldn't have mattered. But it did, because somehow, me and Alex were the ones suffering because of their ambitions.

Because they needed us to be the perfect children, imposing their expectations on us, strangling our dreams on the way.

And when they realized, their son was a prodigy, their obsession over me became worse, making sure I didn't take one step out of the line. The line determining their social standing.

"There's something I want to talk about." I voiced out, not looking up from my plate. I didn't need to look up to know their reactions anyway.

From the way the rustling of papers and clinking of the cutleries stopped, I knew I had their attention.

"Go ahead." Dad urged, glancing at his watch, silently warning me not to take too much of his precious time.

"I want to see a doctor." I started slowly. "A psychiatrist, to be more precise."

"We are not doing this again." Mom sighed, exhausted. "Not now of all times."

"But-"

"Stop." Dad interrupted. "We know what's best for you. And it's certainly not going to see a shrink."

"But at least hear me out." I quickly said, afraid he would interrupt again.

"What is it that you want, Alejandro?" Mom shouted, angry at my continuos insistence. "Do you want everyone to call you a retard?"

'So noisy.' I shut my eyes tightly, trying to filter out the unwelcomed voice in my head.

"Do you want them to laugh at us?" Mom continued to shout.

'Shut her up.' the voice insisted. I could no longer tell apart Mom's shrill screams from it.

"Do you want our reputation to be dragged across the mud?"

'shut her up!'

Digging my nails into my palm, I tried to filter out all the noises, my head hurting.

'Make her shut up!'

And just like that, I lost it.

"Shut up!" I screamed, throwing the knife in my hand at Mom's direction.

The blade barely missed her, slightly grazing her cheek before slamming against the wall behind her.

And for a moment after that, I truly felt happy. Happy for the silence my actions bought, the peace that came with it.

It was momentary though. For the next moment I realized the gravity of my actions.

'You need to work on your aim, Alejandro.'

"I- I feel like I'm turning into a monster." I didn't wait to hear what they had to say and instead ran to my room, clasping my ears to stop the foreign voices.

'We almost had that old hag.'

'Better luck next time.'

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

But no matter how much I screamed or pleaded they wouldn't go away.

After a minute or two, I felt small hands trying to move my hands.

I opened my eyes to find Alex staring at me with unsure eyes, looking slightly scared.

My heart twisted painfully when I realized my little brother was scared of me.

"Why are you crying?" I asked worriedly when non-stop tears started to stream down his eyes.

"Because you are crying."

"I won't cry anymore, so stop crying." I told him, gently wiping his tears.

"Are you really turning into a monster?" He asked, his eyes intently watching me.

"What if I am?"

"Will you hurt me, too?" He asked, the fear in his eyes intensifying at the mere thought of it. "Like you hurt Mom?"

"Maybe." I responded honestly.

He paused. His forehead creasing to come up with a solution.

"It doesn't matter if you hurt me." When he failed to find one, he jumped at me, wrapping his arms around my neck, "I'll still love you."

I smiled, grateful I had him.

Dad came to my room the next moment, cutting short Alex and my bonding time.

I looked behind him, disappointed he came alone.

What if Mom hates me after today?

"Alejandro."

"Dad." I echoed, watching as he sat in the bed beside me, looking tired and I almost felt guilty for worrying him to this extent.

"Tell me what's wrong." He requested. "I'll hear you this time. Properly."

At his words, I allowed myself to hope again. Maybe this time he really would listen to me, understand me.

"I hear voices in my head." I admitted. "Unknown voices. They are vile and nasty."

"They ask me-suggest me to do stuff. Bad stuff."

Dad stayed silent for a minute, taking in the new piece of information.

"Like throwing a knife at your mother?" He inquired and I nodded.

"I know what's wrong." He claimed, realization dawning on his face. "You're going through puberty."

'Told you! You should have killed them in their sleep.'

"It's just a phase. Everyone goes through it." He continued.

'Or burn the house with them inside.'

"You'll see, before you know it, you will grow out of it." He added. "They'll go away just like they came."

"They won't!" I rebuked. "I just know they won't go away."

Dad sighed, he looked like he had aged over ten years in the last five minutes. He picked up the small plastic globe from my table, burning holes into it with his deadly stare.

"You know, son." He said, staring straight at me. "This is a cruel world with no place for the weak."

"I'm not weak."

"If you aren't weak, why can't you fight against the so called voices? Just ignore them, don't listen to what they say."

"Easy for you to say." I couldn't help but scoff at his advice. "It's unfair how you don't even know what I'm going through yet make it sound so easy."

"The world doesn't play fair, son." He sighed at my uncooperative tone. "If you show them just one weakness, the world won't wait to tear you apart inside out."

"You think of me as a selfish man, Alejandro. One who only lusts after money." He put the globe back in the table.

"But everything I do is for you and Alex. To ensure you won't suffer like I did. That you won't be on the wrong end of the power struggle."

His words made me believe that maybe he was right. Maybe everything he did was for us.

That maybe they did love us. Just maybe he had a twisted way to show it.

But I didn't need that kind of love. One that wouldn't make me feel secure and protected.

And I swore that one day if I do, I will become a better father than him.

... ... ...

"Why are you crying?"

My head that was buried in my knees instantly shot up to find the intruder.

I was a little taken aback to find wide, curious eyes staring at me with awe.

Her eyes were beautiful.

Wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I stared back at her.

The girl was short, clearly younger than me, her blonde hair, almost white, tied back in a high ponytail.

She was crouching down to my level, her head tilted to the side, trying to read the emotions in my face.

"You have chubby cheeks," she proclaimed, poking her fingers into my cheeks without the slightest hesitance.

I flinched back from the contact, my back hitting the wall.

The girl paused. After a moment, realization flickered in her eyes and she gave me an understanding smile.

"Do your parents hit you, too?" She asked.

I shook my head but she didn't look convinced.

"You can tell me. My brother is very strong. He will hit them back for you." She boasted, a fond smile on her face.

"They don't hit me." I repeated. She still didn't look convinced for some reason but decided to drop it regardless.

"I'm Selene." She introduced, stretching out her hand for me to shake.

"Come on, I won't hurt you." Selene encouraged when I still looked hesitant.

"I'm Alejandro."

"That's too hard for me to remember." She looked genuinely troubled at the thought. I wondered what was so hard about it, it seemed easy enough.

"Can I call you Alec instead?" She requested, even though I doubted she would listen if I disagreed.

She took my silence as yes and leaned against the wall beside me.

"You still didn't tell me why you were crying." She reminded, picking up a fallen leave from the ground, seemingly trying to make a flute from it.

"I'll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours." She promised, as if that would make me talk.

"It's noisy." I responded, surprising even myself. "It hurts."

She raised a questioning brow at my vague response, silently asking me to elaborate. But after realizing I had no intention to do that, she looked away from my face, and stared at the horizon instead.

"My parents fight a lot." She spoke up after a moment of silence. "It gets so noisy and suffocating. Do you know what I do then?"

"What?"

"I go to my room, close my eyes and turn the music so high that I can barely make out my own thoughts."

"But what's the point? It will still be noisy." I pointed out.

She chuckled at my words as if she couldn't believe my naivety.

"Silence isn't as rewarding as you think." She smiled softly, but the momentary darkness that enveloped her eyes was a total contrast to it.

"And besides, we can't always have everything we want, can we?" She reasoned, and before I knew it, she was gone from my sight.

I would have almost believed the last few minutes to be an illusion if not for the leaf flute she had left behind.

The next few weeks, I waited in that place, my heart foolishly clinging to the hope that she would be there.

She wasn't.

... ... ...

"Here, take my hand."

Moving my arms that were defensively held before my face, I was met with a fair, slender hand stretched out for me to take.

I looked up, my eyes clashing with her hazel ones.

It reminded me of fire, not the burning kind, rather a diminishing flame making it's last effort to keep it's spark.

And for a moment, just for a moment, I felt my heart stop.

"Selene." A breathless whisper left my lips. And even in my battered state, I couldn't resist the soft smile that made its way to my face.

"Alec," she acknowledged, waving her hand a little when I still hadn't grabbed it, the charm bracelet in her wrist jiggling from the effect as well.

It was a pretty bracelet, a crescent moon surrounded by small stars in a silver chain.

But she was prettier.

She looked more mature than the last time I had met her 4 years ago.

She had grown taller, her once long hair was chopped till her shoulders.

She had piercings, I noted. A lot of it. Her lips, eyebrows, nose, ears, no part was spared. I could see the beginnings of multiple tattoos peeking out of her sleeves.

I shuddered at the thought of all the pain she had to go through to get them.

She looked so delicate to bear all that pain.

"Will you keep checking me out or get up?" She clicked her tongue in obvious distaste.

"I'm sorry." I quickly apologized, realizing how rude it was. Grabbing her still outstretched hand, I got up, dusting my jeans on the process.

"Why didn't you fight back?" She asked, studying the freshly made wounds on my face. I looked behind her to find the bullies long gone already.

"I know you can beat them." She added. "So why do you let them walk all over you?"

"Why should I? Why must I answer cruelty with more cruelty? That would make me the same as them."

Mockery flashed in her eyes at my reasoning. "Did you read that from a fortune cookie?" She scoffed.

"It's better to be devoured than become a monster myself." I told her. I wouldn't listen to the voices. Never. I wouldn't resort to violence like they wanted me to.

"That's a pathetic mindset to have." She disagreed. "If they as much as touch you, you burn them in return."

I didn't voice out my disagreement, afraid she would get upset and leave like that day.

"Do you live around here?" I asked instead.

She shrugged in response. I wasn't sure whether that was a yes or no, but decided to not comment on that either.

"Do your parents still fight?" I asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "What about you? Is it still noisy for you?"

"Mhmm," I nodded.

"Why didn't you come back after that day?" I continued to ask. But she merely shrugged in response again.

We walked in silence after that, neither of us voicing out another word.

I looked down only to realize our hands were still intertwined and I couldn't help the small smile the appeared on my lips.

After we reached home, she let go, her hand diving in her bag to fish out a small cassette.

"It's a mixtape. You can keep it." She stuffed it into my hand, rather forcibly, not that I would every deny her gift.

And just like that day, she was gone the next moment.

... ... ...

"Promise me, you won't leave again." I demanded, biting her lip gently when she hesitated to give in.

"I promise." Satisfied, I pulled her closer to me, the slightest distance making me fear the probability of losing her.

She placed her head on my shoulder, absentmindedly drawing circles on my chest. I wondered what was going through her mind. It was impossible to read her.

"When I was thirteen, I threw a knife at my mom." I shared randomly. "She doesn't hate me for it but I can still vividly see the fear etched in her face that day."

"Intense." She commented. "Why are you telling me this all of a sudden?"

"You promised to tell your secrets if I tell you mine." I reminded her, clutching her hand when she attempted to move it away.

I knew she didn't like me prying. But I willed myself to do it this time even if it made her a little upset.

Even after being married to her for four years, she was still an enigma to me.

She did justice to her name, the moon, a part of her always hidden from plain sight, a darker part.

But it pained me to know she didn't trust me enough to tell me her secrets. Even after I had bared my entire being for her. Ripped out my soul for her to see.

"I failed to mention back then." She said, her eyes holding slight fear. Fear of the truth or my reaction, I didn't know. "I'm not very good at keeping promises."

And I knew, it was her way of rejecting my advances and so I decided to leave it.

Because even if I didn't know a single thing about her past, about what moulded her, made her who she is today, I did know one thing.

She was my soulmate.

My home.

She was chaos and tranquil in one. Vengeance and compassion entwined together.

"Why me?" I couldn't help but ask. "Why did you choose to love me?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, confused.

"I'm an insane man. Everything I touch ultimately ends in ruins." I answered. "Aren't you scared of the destruction that will follow if you stay with me? "

Why would an angel like her lower herself for a monster like me?

Because no matter how much I pretended, craved normalcy we both knew I was anything but normal.

The voices didn't go away as my parents had hoped, rather they evolved over time. Became more powerful and claimed possession of my mind in ways I couldn't comprehend.

And I feared the day when she will break her promise and leave me again, condemning me to a life of misery, like the one I had before I met her.

"You didn't take your meds today, did you?" She asked, her voice concerned, a slight edge of blame coating it. "You can't keep missing them, Alec. What if something happens again?"

She sighed, looking at me like she looked at Diego when he ate all the hidden snacks even after repeated warnings from her.

She was disappointed, and it killed me to know it was because of me.

"At least think about Steph and Diego, if not for me." She scolded, getting up to bring me the bottle of pills kept in the bedside cabinet.

"You still didn't answer me." I pointed out, getting up as well, missing her warmth. "Why did you choose to love me?"

She placed the small pill on my hand, before cupping my face with her warm hands.

"I don't think you understand how love works, Alec. We don't get to choose who we fall for."

"And even if I got the opportunity to choose, I would choose you. Every single time."

I couldn't resist the urge to pull her closer again, burying my head in her hair, her warmth instantly giving me relief, the voices fading away.

"Please, don't leave me. Ever." I begged. "You make me human. I don't know what I'll do without you, Selene."

"Neither do I."

... ... ...

"You fucking promised!"

Selene merely smiled at the face of my rage.

"Didn't I already tell you," she reminded. "I'm not very good at keeping promises."

"You can't do this to me." My hold on her hand got tighter to the point I was sure it was hurting her. But I still refused to let go. "It's not fair. I'll go mad without you."

"Don't be like that." She chuckled at what seemed childish behavior to her. "You always wanted a daughter. Now you have two."

I wanted to shout at her, yell, scream, beg, anything that would make her stay. Even if for a moment longer.

"I don't want it anymore. I don't need anything at all." I shook my head. "Not if it comes at the cost of you. I just need you. Only you. So please don't leave me."

"I don't have an option, babe." She pacified, trying to make me see reason.

"You do!" I shouted, finally losing it. "You can choose yourself. Just say the word and they will save you."

"Please, Selene. They are not listening to me!" I pleaded, my eyes stinging. "I will hate you forever if you do this."

She looked away from my piercing gaze, trying to hide her own tears. "I don't want to die either, Alejandro."

"Then don't."

"I can't." She sniffled, her hands leaving mine to cover her teary eyes from my view.

"I haven't seen her yet but I'm already in love with her. I can't steal her life to extend mine. Please, don't ask me to do that."

'She's choosing that monster over you.'

I clenched my fists by my side, the betrayal washing over me. How could she do that to me? After all the promises we made to each other.

'You know what that means? She never really loved you to begin with.'

"Is that it?" I gritted out. "Was all of it a lie? Did you even love me? Even for a moment?"

"You know I do," She looked at me, sadness flickering in her eyes. And even now I hated myself for being the cause of it. "I love you. More than anything in this world."

"Then why are you choosing her over me?"

"I'm not choosing anyone." She denied. "You will understand one day. But until then, promise me you will take care of her. That you will love her."

I pressed my forehead against hers, knowing I can't promise something I can't keep.

"Promise me you won't stop taking your meds." She pushed. "Promise me, Alec."

"I promise."

And at that moment, I really meant it. With every fiber of my soul.

Because there was no way I could deny my Selene.

But the next moment, when Selene's still eyes stared back at me, the fire in them diminished forever, never to be burned again, I knew she had taken away the last bit of humanity I had left.

Because she was my salvation.

And damnation.