I hadn't realized how self centered I was until today.

Until now.

My little sister, the one I was supposed to protect was knocking on my door, crying for me to open it.

But I didn't.

Because I was a coward.

Who only thought about himself.

I didn't want to see her tear stained face as she begged me to help her.

"I know you are in there," Aylin whimpered. She stopped knocking on the door once she realized I wasn't going to open it.

I was glad she did. I don't know how much longer I would have been able to ignore her cries.

Despite what everyone thought, I cared.

I cared about them more than I would like to accept. And it scared me.

Because caring would only bring pain.

Everyone leaves.

Like Mom left.

Like Aylin was leaving.

"Dad will send me away tomorrow." Her soft voice came from the other side. Her back pressed against the door as she slid down the floor, "Is it my fault, Ezra?"

It's not.

I followed her actions and leaned against the door.

"Why doesn't anyone love me?"

I do. I love you.

But I didn't voice out my thoughts. Because there was nothing I could do to validate my claims.

"I don't want to go." She started crying again, "Help me, please."

But I don't know how to, Lili. How was I going to make her understand that?

I don't even know how to help myself.

"You are a superhero. You must have a way." She echoed the lies my naive self had uttered years ago. "I know you can save me."

But now I regretted lying to her. It was only a moment's greed that had led me to lie. I had wanted to hold her admiration for a little longer.

Even though I never deserved it.

I stayed silent, still continuing the pretense that I wasn't in my room intentionally ignoring her.

Minutes passed but she showed no signs of moving from outside my room.

I don't know for how long we sat like that in silence. But every second was painful enough to feel like an eternity

Maybe she had fallen asleep while waiting for me to open the door.

Maybe I should open the door.

Maybe all she needed was someone to talk to. Someone who would assure her that it would be alright.

If lies would make her feel better, then maybe that's what I should tell.

"No, don't touch me!" I heard her aggrieved scream. I instantly opened the door, afraid on what caused the sudden shift in her mood.

It was Dad.

He had picked Aylin's sleeping form from the floor, supposedly to place her in a more comfortable surface to sleep.

But the sudden movement had waked her up and now she was struggling against his hold to let her down.

"It's okay. Go back to sleep." Dad muttered, raising his hand to move the stray hairs from her face. But Aylin flinched back, afraid he would hit her again like last night.

"I'm not going to hit you," He sighed, taking his hand back.

"I will take Lili to her room." I offered, knowing Aylin was uncomfortable near Dad.

Dad complied. It didn't take Aylin even a second to jump in my arms from his hold. Guess she was really desperate to be away from him.

At that moment, I saw a rare emotion flickering in Dad's eyes.

Adoration.

For Aylin.

It was rare but not surprising.

I knew Dad blamed Aylin for Mom's death. But I also knew he loved her.

Just not enough.

No one seemed to understand him.

He was a victim, too.

A prisoner trapped in his own mind.

But I understood him. Even if a little. In many ways, he was the same as me.

While I maintained my distance from Aylin so I wouldn't get hurt, he did it so he wouldn't hurt her.

Dad never was cruel to her. He never really hurt her like Diego did.

But he didn't stop Diego either. Instead he fueled the anger in Diego's heart.

And all of us turned a blind eye to it.

Because we weren't the ones at the receiving end.

Maybe I shouldn't have. I should have been better. I should have protected her.

"Why didn't you open the door?" Aylin asked, rubbing her eyes to remove the remnants of sleep.

"I was asleep," I lied.

She believed me.

"Will you stop them from sending me away?" She asked, her face lit up with a newfound hope.

She overestimated me. I was nothing like the brother she had portrayed me as in her mind.

I wasn't the kind, reliable, loving brother she thought.

I was selfish, helpless and ignorant.

But I wanted to protect that image of me in her mind. Even if for a day.

So I lied, "I won't let them send you away. I'm your superhero, remember?"

"Thank you!" She hugged me tighter, placing a kiss in my cheek. "I love you the most!"

I told myself it was worth it.

If lying made her happy even for a split second, it was all worth it.

But it wasn't.

I wished I hadn't lied to her, given her fake assurance when tomorrow came and she was dragged to the car waiting outside.

When instead of looking sad, she had looked at me with betrayal swimming in her eyes.

"You can't be a superhero. Superheroes don't lie." She had whispered to me.

And I had realized losing your loved ones wasn't what hurt the most.

Losing their trust hurt a thousand times more.

... ... ...

Nine years later and I still hadn't won that trust back.

And even now, she detests me. Even though she has claimed to forgive me, I know she hasn't.

"What about you, buttercup?" I turned to face Aylin. She seemed upset ever since I sent her to call Stephen and Zane for dinner.

"I'm good." She responded curtly, her eyes distant.

Was something wrong?

Not thinking too much of it, I bent down to kiss her cheek so I could leave for work. But before I could, she flinched back.

Her eyes held the same look as nine years before.

Betrayal.

But this time it was fiercer than ever before.

"What's wrong, buttercup?" I asked, kneeling down so I could match her height. I was sure something was wrong.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I urged, cupping her small face with my hands. Thankfully, she didn't flinch away this time.

"I'm just a little tired," Aylin gave me a strained smile, turning her head away from me.

I nodded, standing up to leave.

Even after I thought I had changed, I still hadn't.

She just needs time. She will open up at her own pace. I shouldn't pry in her personal matters.

But I was no longer the 15 year old child who would believe his own lies.

I knew better now.

I wasn't tolerant like Stephen.

I wasn't brave like Diego.

Neither was I caring like Kai.

I was still the same Ezra as years back.

I couldn't bring myself to approach her only to be faced with her rejection.

Because that's who I was.

A selfish man.

Who cared about his own feelings more than anything else.

But a small voice inside me urged me to be better. To not leave her to fight the world alone.

To be the older brother she deserved but never got.

"Buttercup, tell me what's on your mind. I promise I'll fix it. Whatever it is." I turned back one more time.

This time, I'll hear her out.

I'll protect her from all the demons in the world.

"You?" But Aylin merely laughed at my claim, "You will fix my problems?"

"I swear," I nodded. I will win back your trust. One way or another.

"Why?" Her mocking tone was gone as now silent tears streamed down her eyes. "You never cared before."

"Why start now? Why now when I'm already beyond saving?"

I stayed quiet. I didn't have an answer. I never did to any of her questions.

"No one is beyond saving, buttercup."

"It amuses me how you all are still so naive." She smiled.

"You are going to be late. You should go." She added softly. All her previous bitterness was gone as she now watched me with tenderness in her eyes.

I turned to leave again only to be stopped by a small hand grabbing the corner of my shirt.

I paused, turning back to find Aylin staring at the ground, her hands tightly clutching my shirt, afraid I would disappear the second she lets go.

I waited patiently for what she wanted to say.

A moment passed.

Then two.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting she let go and walked over to stand in front of me.

"I love you," standing on her tippy toes she pressed a soft kiss on my cheek, "I really do."

"I love you, too, buttercup."

"I know," She nodded, the tears back in her eyes.

"It just wasn't enough," She added in a low voice, so low that I almost missed it.

"Goodbye, Ezra."

I didn't like the way she said goodbye even though she says it every time I leave for work. But somehow this time it felt different.

It felt eerie, uncanny and very wrong.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked her again, pressing my hand against her forehead to check whether she had a fever.

"Mhm, I'm okay." She nodded instantly, a soft smile on her face.

I sighed, if she didn't want to share it with me I had no right to force it out of her.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much of it.

And so I did what I always do.

I ignored it.

I ignored the warning signs.

I ignored the pain she was obviously going through. I ignored the cries for help that she didn't voice out.

I ignored her just like I did years ago.

But fools are those who do the exact same thing over and over again only to hope for a different outcome.

... ... ...

The first thing that came in my sight was a frantic looking Stephen covered in blood.

Then came the stretcher.

Carrying a small body that was all too familiar to me.

Aylin.

My heart stopped for a moment as I numbly watched the medics putting pressure on her right wrist.

But the blood didn't stop.

It was everywhere. Covering my vision in red.

"What, what happened?" I found myself asking to no one in particular.

"I don't know. I don't know, Ezra." Stephen muttered, both his hands tightly clutching Aylin's right hand.

"I don't know."

"She's not breathing." My eyes went to Diego who had spoken. I hadn't noticed the rest of them until now.

"Save her, please." Diego begged. "I know you can do it, Ezra. Please."

I went to Aylin's side. I was relieved when I checked her pulse, it was faint but still there.

"Prepare her for immediate surgery. And call Dr.Iris." I told the nurses and rushed to prepare for it myself.

I couldn't waste even a single second.

After I was done prepping for the surgery, I closed my eyes and took deep breaths in an attempt to bring my ragged breathing under control.

"You don't have to do it, Ezra. Let me and Dr.Louis do it." Iris placed a reassuring hand over my trembling ones.

I shook my head, "No, I will do it."

I have to do it.

I know I can save her.

I will save her.

I am her superhero, remember?

I will prove it today.

I will prove her wrong.

I will always be her superhero.

But when twenty minutes later, her pulse was so faint that I couldn't even feel it anymore, I doubted whether I truly could snatch her away from death's grip.

The only thing that still gave me hope was the beeping from the monitor that rang through the room.

Until it no longer did.

"Time of death-"

"Shut up!" I interrupted, "She's not fücking dead so don't you dare!"

The nurse's eyes widened in fear at my angry tone. But she was wise enough to shut up after that.

"Charge the defibrillator to 200." I barked out.

"NOW!" I growled out when no one made a move to comply.

"Charge 200." Dr.Louis pressed it against her chest. Her body jolted up only to fall again.

"Clear."

Nothing.

Not even the slightest change.

"Charge it to 300!" I shouted.

She can't be gone. I know it. I will save her. I will.

"Charge 300."

"Clear."

Why wasn't she responding?

The other surgeons looked up at me. Their eyes holding sympathy and pity for me.

Why?

Aylin wasn't dead. I know it.

"Charge it to 360!" I shouted again.

Even if she is dead, I will revive her. I don't fucking care but she's not leaving.

Not again.

I won't allow it.

"I said fucking charge it to 360!"

No one made a move to comply. Because they had already accepted that she was long gone.

"She's gone, Ezra." Iris spoke up gently, her own voice trembling a little. "There's nothing we can do."

"No, you don't understand. None of you do." I told them. "My Lili is strong. She's stronger than all of you. She's been through worse and made it out alive. She will get through this too. I know it."

"Ezra, it's too late. Her heart stopped minutes ago."

"Give it to me!" I snatched the defibrillator from Dr.Louis's hands. If they weren't going to do it, I will.

"Charge 360!"

"Clear."

I pressed it against her heart. Again. And again. And again.

But it was pointless.

"Time of death, 03:35 EST." I announced before storming out of there.

Where did it go wrong?

Was it tonight?

Was it that day when I refused to open my door?

Would it have been different if I had stayed home tonight?

What if I had tried a little harder to know what was bothering her?

Could I have saved her?

Or did she have her mind already made up?

What if I had cared a little more? Shown her how beautiful the world was to leave it behind?

Maybe then she wouldn't have done it.

She would still be here.

When I returned home, she would still be there whining after losing against Diego and Noah in a video game.

Or cuddling with Kai as they both would fall asleep in the library.

She would still pester Stephen to watch horror movies with her because she was too scared to watch them alone.

But this was never going to happen again.

Because she was gone.

And this time, she wasn't going to come back.

My eyes fell on Iris, crouching down on the corridor floor as she sobbed.

I was jealous of Iris.

Even though Aylin knew her for mere months, she still trusted her more than me.

And it hurt. So fucking much.

"We are extremely sorry but we couldn't save her." I heard Dr. Louis break down the news to my family as I stepped inside the waiting room.

Not even a second later, I was pinned against the wall by a furious Kai.

"What type of sick joke is this?!" He growled, his eyes burning with rage.

"It's not a joke. She's dead." I pushed him away.

"You...you're lying. She's not dead." Kai muttered, nodding to himself.

"Did she tell you to do this? Is she still mad at me for ignoring her today?"

"I'll apologize. Tell her I'll apologize." He said, his desperate eyes searching my face for any signs of deceit. "Just stop this joke, Ezra. It's not funny!"

My eyes roamed around the room for my other siblings. I had hoped the rest of them would take the news better than Kai.

But if possible they looked even worse.

Noah had stormed out as soon as I confirmed it while Eve was still looking at me with wide eyes filled with hope that maybe it really was a prank like Kai claimed.

Diego was sitting on one of the chairs, rocking back and forth as he kept chanting something in a trance.

"I want to see her," Stephen demanded.

Just as he said that, the attending nurses strolled the stretcher out of the operation theater.

"No, no, it can't be." Stephen shook his head as he willed himself to raise the white cloth covering Aylin's corpse.

"Please, no." Stephen whispered to himself, his eyes fixated on Aylin's pale face.

I turned around to leave. I don't think I can take any more of this pain.

It would be so much easier if it was me lying in the stretcher instead of her.

Dying seemed so much easier than going through this pain.

But even through this pain, my mind was finally seeing the truth as it was.

Aylin was right.

I could never be a superhero.