Chewing intensely on my lower lips, I stare at Ashley's wheel while she takes a sharp turn at the end of the street. My anxiety makes my fingers battle aimlessly as they sit on my thighs.

We've been driving around for the past three hours in search of Gray, and with each passing second, my heart plummets in my chest. I wouldn't have been this worried if he wasn't trying to escape the claws of a deadly gang. He had people out for his neck- the enemies of the Cagers and the Cagers themselves ever since he left the group.

I've seen the movies. I've seen how they treat people who escape or attempt to leave a gang. Even though I knew I shouldn't compare real life to dramas, I still couldn't help myself.

I try Gray's number again for what might be the hundredth time, but I get the same response as always. His phone has been off since the morning, deterring any contact with him.

Zyair, Elliot, and I are on a group video call, talking about the areas we've scoured. Ashley and I drove together, while Zyair drove with Fawn, and Elliot drove alone.

We are trying hard not to show our panic, but it's apparent from Zyair's voice just how worried he was.

"Lord knows, I'll personally kill this boy if this is some bitchy dramatic disappearance because of your breakup, " Zyair grits, grabbing his steering wheel tightly with both hands.

"Your reason for ending the relationship is dumb as fuck, by the way. I'll forever let you know, " Elliot chips.

I let my head fall back into the headrest and let my hand through my hair. I was aware of my wrongs and didn't need them rubbing it in my face.

"Let's not misplace our priorities, okay? We are supposed to be talking about how to find him, not criticizing Dove for his disappearance, " Ashley says, placing her hand on my shoulder.

My shoulders which I didn't realize we're tensed, relaxed under her touch and sympathetic glance.

"Although I still think it's pretty dumb you fell for Luca's words. We all know Luca does do whatever the fuck he wants, " She adds, her words a spiteful tone.

"I honestly thought Luca was a good guy," Elliot voices his opinion. "Can't believe you guys were once a thing, making out and shit, " he fake gags.

"Oh please," I respond with a scoff, feeling my annoyance build up. "The words good guy or bad guy aren't written on the fucking forehead!"

"Obviously, " Elliot rolls his eyes. "If they were, the words 'hoe' would be imprinted on Zyair's forehead." His mocking tone and pouted lips caused most of the ride to laugh.

I could only smile a little. It was close to nighttime, one of the business times in New York City. A time where workers go to bars, clubs, or restaurants to wind down from the hectic day. A time where friends eat dinner together in a fast-food restaurant. A time where some people show off their talents on the street or in the subway station. A time where most people are at ease and free from the stress of the day.

A time that makes me lonely and sad at the moment. I couldn't help but think that we were too late. Dreadful thoughts filled my head at the story that might come on the news tomorrow.

Ashley must have noticed my uneasiness because she placed her hand on mine, rubbing it gently with her thumb. Her thumb felt different. I was used to Gray's touch and his touch alone.

"Gray would be fine. I promise we'll find him."

Lies. She shouldn't make promises she couldn't keep. Searching for Gray in New York was the same as searching for a needle in a haystack. Nearly impossible to find.

"I can't think of anywhere else he might be, and it's killing me because that means..., " I trail off, glancing into the night sky, afraid of my thoughts.

But my thoughts didn't seem to mind me as they filled my heart with panic. That means he didn't disappear of his own will, maybe someone abducted him, or worse-

I shake my head and start singing Love cycle by Enisa out loud, mixing up all the lyrics, and doing anything to get out of tune with my thoughts.

"If you're trying to get us killed, Dove. Please. just say so, " Zyair says, a nonchalant tone to his voice.

I keep quiet because I wasn't in the mood for Zyair and his jokes. But I soon begin to chew on my nails anxiously again, oblivious to everyone and everything they were saying.

There was only a single thought churning the wheels of my brain.

Where is Gray?

~~~~~~~~~~

11:45 pm

8 missed calls.

5 from dad.

3 from Sheila.

None from Gray.

Elliot had retired for the night while Zyair went off to drop Fawn. We had done rounds searching everywhere we could think of, all to no avail.

At this point, I was no longer anxious more than I was tired of being anxious.

There was a location thought swaying at the back of my head. A place we all thought of but were too scared to bring it up.

"What about The Cager's hangout site?" I voice my thoughts.

Ashley turns to me, a look of shock and unrest written all over her face. "Are you crazy? There? You want to go there?"

"Do we have a choice!" I rais my voice slightly.

"Yes, we do! We have a choice to go home and wait till tomorrow."

I chuckle as my chest heaved slightly. I bite down on my lower lip when I feel them quivering again. "You have a choice. I don't."

"Dove. Come on, " she scoffs, rolling her eyes tiredly.

"Drop me off at the sidewalk. I'll take an Uber," I swallow. I couldn't force her to go.

"Don't be superficial, Dove. Do you even know where you're going?"

The tone of her voice was exhausted, getting me disgusted with her and her attitude of nonchalance.

I can still precisely remember how I felt the last time I got kidnapped.

The chilling thought of being in a foreign place with foreign voices, not knowing if the last breath I take would be the last forever, was one I'd like to forget but couldn't. It was one anyone would feel no matter how tough they might seem.

Gray helped me back then. When no one else was there, he showed up. He showed up the same day, and I wanted to do the same for him.

"I don't. But I don't care!"

"Stop acting dumb! He's probably perfectly fine! It's not even been up to 24 hours yet!"

"WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR 24 HOURS! Hasn't it ever occurred to you that people who get missing and die or never get found ended up that way because everyone waited 24 hours!"

"It takes less than 10 seconds for a bullet to penetrate through your bones and kill you. It takes less than 5 minutes to die from asphyxiation. So why wait twenty-four hours!" I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to lower the heaves of my chest.

I feel a pair of cold hands on mine and open my eyes to see a worried Ashley staring back at me.

"Dove?" she calls, her voice softer than usual. "There's nothing we can do at the moment. We can only go home and wait till tomorrow to tell your parents."

"We can go to the Cagers hang out! They might be holding him there! Who knows what they might have done to him!"

All my emotions clouded me in a rampage. I felt everything from; worry, fear, anger, restlessness, and powerless. But most of all, guilt. It leads the rest.

I did what I had hated Gray for doing two years ago. I walked away. I left him alone, knowing fully well how much he needed him.

If anything happens to him, I'll never be the same. I didn't think I could survive. Just thinking about him in pain right now was driving me crazy.

I fall my head back and let the tears fall. Too tired to make any sounds, I sit there in the silence.

***

Ashley drives me to my house without making so much as a peep of a sound. I could only hear her occasional breathing, the vibration of the radio tapes, the sound of the car tires grazing along the road, and the whirring of the air conditioner.

Suddenly, I was much aware of my environment as my mind voids with zero thoughts. I had to remind myself occasionally that Gray would be okay to stop myself from falling into a pit of despair.

A few moments later, Ashley pulls up into my driveway and turns her car engine off. She turns her body to face me.

I turn my drooping eyes to face her. She replies with a small pitiful smile. "Should I come in and fix you a meal? My infamous mac and cheese?" she winks.

"No, you should head home. Your mum would be worried." I force a smile back with a shake of my head.

"I could call her to tell her I'm staying over at your place?" Ashley tilts her head questioningly.

"It's not necessary, Ash. I just want to wash up and go to bed. I'm exhausted."

What I truly wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry myself to death, but I couldn't tell her that.

Ashley nods her head and leans back into her seat. "Okay. But-"

"Call me when you get home, okay?" I cut her off, opening the door.

Ashley sighs in defeat, running her hands through her hair. "I can get here early tomorrow so we-"

"Ashley, " I smile at her. "I'm fine, honestly."

"Okay. Okay, " she raises her hands.

"Thank you for today."

She smiles with a nod before starting up her car again.

I watch her drive away before walking into the house. The lights in the living room were off, proving that everyone was asleep.

How could they be sleeping so peacefully when Gray could be in possible danger?

Reminding myself that it's only been a few hours, I walked up the stairs and towards my room.

Just as I was about to open my room door, I let the door handle go and decide to sleep in Gray's room. I missed his scent, and being away from him this long was driving me crazy.

It dawned on me that for the past months, Gray was the only person I've seen every single day. I hadn't gone a day without looking at his face or seeing him smile at me.

My heart clenched at the thought of his smile, reminding me of how stupid I was to let him go.

It's fucked up that I needed to lose him to realize I felt this way about him. Tears stream down my face against my will, and I wipe it off with the back of my hand.

Immediately I open his room door, I feel an adrenaline rush at the sight before me.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

••••••••••••••••••

A/n: Thank you all for being patient with me. I'm truly grateful for your support.

😩