《All I ever wanted》24. Open up
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Ignoring the blurring calls of my name, I ran. She said it was a mistake, but how do you make a mistake that changes, not just one, but two people's lives.
I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I didn't want to stay there, listening to all her bullshit. You'd think after walking for almost three hours, I wouldn't have the strength to run, but I did.
Keeping my breathing steady, I push harder and go faster. Adrenaline courses through my veins while fear and anger cloud my mind.
The fact that my father refused to speak made me realize she wasn't lying. My mind was frantic with thoughts, "Is it truly possible that the man I've known my whole life wasn't my dad?"
Cold air bit into my lungs, and after several thrusts forward, my legs became tired. My breath came in short gasps, and I lean on the wall for support.
The wall fails me, and I fall to the ground, crouching my knees, breathing in real slow. The hard pump in my chest wasn't only from running, but from feeling alone, lost, and sad.
Whenever I feel sad, I go to my dad. His infinite hugs, familiar woodsy scent, and warm embrace never failed to ease my sadness.
But I couldn't go to him now, for he is the center of my sadness this time.
I remove my hat and sigh, letting my head fall into my laps. Suddenly, everything else that ever made me feel unhappy felt so minuscule.
Eventually, I stand up and drag my legs across the concrete floor, following the sunset blindly.
Through teary eyes, I find myself admiring
the beautiful colors of the sunset. Crimson, amber and tangerine beams were thrown into the dusty sky, its beautiful colors, enveloping the heavens gracefully.
I halt when I find myself at the edge of a lake. A lake view I knew all too well. My sight begins to blur with tears as my mind wanders back to the last time I was here with dad.
I had missed his birthday because I had a cheer competition that day, so I ordered a meal from his favorite restaurant and brought him here later in the evening because this place was where my mum told him they were having a baby.
He had said it was the happiest day of his life. The day he found out I existed. Hearing him tell me the story of when my mum showed him the CT scans never fails to put a smile on my face.
I wasn't proud of a lot of things in my life, but I was super proud of my dad and his love for me. He never failed to make me feel special. But now I couldn't help but feel like a burden. He had showered all that love on someone who wasn't even his child.
I sit on the grass and lean on the maple tree. I stare at the lake, and my eyes fill to the brim with tears. I didn't even know what to believe anymore.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I pull it out, swiping on the screen. I sniff and wipe my tears, squinting to read the words on my screen.
I had fifteen missed calls from dad, five from Fawn, and two from Luca.
I didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. I despised other people seeing me cry. I hated how weak it made me feel.
Just as I was about to switch off my phone, a call from Gray comes in. Gray. Suddenly, I missed him.
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I watched the phone ring until the call ends. He calls again before I switch off my phone, and after much contemplation, I clicked the green button, deciding to just hear his voice before ending the call.
I sniff and wait for him to speak. "Kelch?"
Kelch. My last name? That wasn't my last name anymore.
My muffled cries increase as the events that brought me here run helter-skelter in my mind.
"Kelch, " Gray says again, his voice laced with fear and concern.
I tried to call his name and lie that I was okay, but my cracked voice gave me away. "G-g-ray"
"Where are you?" He whispers.
I look around me and become incapable of describing my location due to the multitude of thoughts storming my brain. "I don't know."
"Turn on your phone location. I'm coming to you."
I nod my head numbly, even though he couldn't see me, before ending the call.
I wipe my tears and try to think of funny things to help lighten my mood. I didn't want to cry in front of Gray. I don't want to burden him with my issues.
After almost twenty minutes, I see Gray's car pull up next to me, the bright headlights, blinding my sight.
I get up and brush the dirt off my pants when I see him get down from his car. "Hey, I got lost and didn't know my-,"
I stop talking when he reaches out to pull me into a hug, engulfing me in his soft, yet strong embrace. "You don't need to say anything, " He whispers gently.
He wraps both arms around my shoulders and pulls me closer, gently rubbing my arm. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of my body pressed against his.
"You can cry all you want. I'll just stay by your side, " Gray's voice was soft and gentle, urging me to let go.
The tears came so fast to my eyes that I wrap my arms around his waist and sob softly into his shirt. I was soaking his shirt, but I couldn't stop the tears flowing out of my eyes. I didn't realize how easy it was to cry when someone asks you to. My tears weren't only for my sadness, but also the comfort I felt in his arms.
I had deluded myself into thinking I didn't need a shoulder to cry on, but my insides were begging for someone to reach out to me. Gray didn't need to say anything for me to feel better because just his presence was enough.
I don't know how long we stay that way before I pull away. He holds me at arm's length and lets his eyes scan my body briefly before resting on my face.
I flinch slightly when his cold hands cup my face, his index finger gently wiping my tears. He closes his eyes and places a soft kiss on my forehead.
He opens his eyes, and his soft expression turns serious. "Who hurt you?"
I chuckle and push him away, heading for his car. He follows me and spins me around when we get to his car. He carries me and places me on the booth of his car, standing over me and trapping me with his legs.
I stare down at my hands, not wanting him to see my blotchy face. "Look at me, Kelch."
Kelch. Only he calls me Kelch, and as much as I didn't like my last name, I like it when he says it.
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"Why do you call me that? My name's Dove, " I mumbled inaudibly.
"Are you sure you want to know?" He gives me a small mischievous smile.
I laugh. "Yeah, that's why I asked."
"Well, because it's your last name, " Gray whispers, leaning in closer to my ear and letting his lips graze my earlobes. "And I'll like you to hear for as long as you can until I take it away."
It takes a while for me to understand his words, and my skin instantly becomes flushed. "Now, are you going to tell me why you were crying, " he raises my face, forcing me to look at him.
His eyes were the softest I've ever seen them, asking me to speak, but I couldn't. He already had enough issues of his own.
I shake my head and return my gaze to my fingers. "I'm fine. I don't want to burden you with my problems, " I chuckle.
"Am I complaining?" He asks in a monotone voice.
"You already have enough issues of your own to deal with."
"Can't I deal with both our issues?"
I shake my head again. That was not how it was supposed to be. I realize I never really knew anything about Gray. There were days he'd come to school with bruises and scars, but I never ask what happened because I didn't want to dent our relationship.
Thinking back, I guess, my indifference was what ruined our relationship.
"What about you?" I ask.
"What about me?" He chuckles.
"How was your day?"
His expression shifts at the question, and he purses his lips. "It was good. I played video games all day."
"You never tell me about your issues, but expect me to always open up to you. It's not fair."
"Kelch, I have no issues-"
"I saw you kill someone. Why don't we talk about that? Why did you do it? Why are you with the Cagers?"
I begin to ask the questions I had always avoided because I thought we'd be better off not talking about it.
The questions I thought would lead to arguments.
This time he stares down at his feet, and I hold his face up. He removes my hand, but I clasp his cheeks with my hands, compelling him to look at me.
"I know I can't change anything, but I can listen, " I urge.
I've always known Gray to keep his issues to himself. He's always helping others but never receives help. My shoulders might be small, but he could still lean on them. Lean on me.
He still held a conflicted expression, so I decided to strike him a deal. "Okay, I'll tell you what's wrong with me, if you tell me what's going on with you."
"There's nothing going on-, "
"Just a sentence. You don't need to tell me everything, " I plead.
He bites his lower lip, thinking hard. "And you'll tell me what's wrong?" He asks, and I nod.
"Okay, " He sighs and looks at the sky. " My dad used me as collateral for the Cagers, and now I can't get out. So I have to choose between living to fight and fighting to live."
That was two sentences, but I wasn't complaining.
He looks at me, waiting for me to speak.
"Apparently, my dad isn't my dad, and my dead mother is alive, "
He frowns at me, examining my expression to determine if I'm joking or not. He widens his eyes when he realizes I am serious. "Did Dave tell you that?"
I shook my head. "My so-called mother did."
"And you believed her?"
"My dad was there, and his expressions made me believe her. He didn't even say anything to refute her, " I frown, my lower lip quivering at the thought.
Gray pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. His embrace is warm, and his big, strong arms seem very protective when wrapped around my frail body. "You need to talk to him."
I knew I did, but I was scared.
"What if he says, he's not my dad, " I whisper in his shirt.
Gray pats my hair gently, massaging my scalp with his thumbs. "But wouldn't you rather know, than live in doubt all your life. Sure, the truth might hurt, but at least you'll have clarity on what's real and what's not.
"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't keep running from your problems because they'll eventually catch up to you and eat you raw, kinda like IT, " He says the last word with a growl in my ear, making me laugh.
"Just, talk to him, " He adds in a more serious note.
I smile and squeeze his waist tighter. I didn't know how much I needed him until he appeared. "Gray?"
"Yeah?"
I wanted to say thank you, but instead, I said. " Life is hard. In my next life, I'm coming as a plant."
He seems a bit taken aback by my change of discussion, but he played along with me. "What if you're one of the unfortunate ones used to make food?"
I pull away from him and purse my lips. "Then, I'll come as water. An unstoppable force, " I raise a brow proudly.
He sucks in his breath. "What if you're one of the unlucky ones that get swallowed and come out as pee."
"Can't you just let me have this?" I chuckle.
He grins at me and hugs me again. If only I could stay in his arms like this forever.
"If you're coming as water, make sure you come as a sea, " he says softly.
"Why?"
"So I can come as the beach sand, and we'd meet at the shore, " He replies.
"What if I come as the sea in Australia and you come as the beach sand in San Diego. We'd never meet then, " I ramble.
"That's not possible. It doesn't even matter what you come as because I'll always find you."
"Chessy, much?" I tease with a laugh.
I sigh softly and wrap my arms around his waist lightly. The world around me melts away as I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting the moment to end.
But sadly, his phone rings and he pulls away to pick it up. "Your dad, " He mouths to me.
"Yeah, She's with me, " He says into his phone.
Gray nods again after a while. "I'll let her know."
After the call ends, he turns to look at me. "What did he say?" I ask.
"He said you three need to talk."
"Three?"
"You, him, and your mum."
••••••••••
QOTD- WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?
> Mine is when someone leaves my room door open when they clearly met the door shut.
KINDLY, CLICK THE LITTLE STAR BELOW YOUR SCREEN TO SUPPORT ME 💕
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