《Discordant Sonata》Chapter 17: Lullaby (Part 1 of 3)
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Hi everyone! Like with most people all over the world, 2020 has not been kind to our family. We've lost a few family members and I've been going through some health issues (thankfully not COVID related) which, as you can imagine, has left me short in both time and inspiration.
Thankfully, things seem to be looking up lately and I was finally able to finish this chapter. It's actually one of my favorites to date, and I hope you enjoy it too.
Thank you so much for reading ♥
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(Mood Music: Quiet Beauty - James Todd)
Chat Noir laughed so hard he was practically gasping for air, and his heart thumped like a drum in his chest.
How many times had they done this? Was it five? A dozen? A hundred? Racing Ladybug across city rooftops felt so normal, so natural, as if he'd done it a million times across countless different lifetimes. Whatever the case, there was nowhere else he'd rather be.
"I win!" he announced, breathless, as he landed on the solid ground of the Dupain-Cheng bakery's balcony, promptly followed by his partner.
The light of the moon illuminated her graceful frame as she caught her breath, and it took all of Chat's willpower not to gawk as a bead of sweat made its way from her temple to her cheek, then trailed down her jaw and onto her neck.
"Only because you cheated!" Ladybug chided, trying (yet failing) to hide an amused smile.
Chat put a hand on his hip, cheekily cocking it to the side as he caught his own breath. "I bet you could've won if you really wanted to. Were you trailing behind me on purpose to check out my assets? Or don't tell me that you've never been tempted to take a peek?"
Ladybug raised a quizzical eyebrow, and a beat later replied with an impish smirk, "Well... I never said I haven't."
Chat's eyes grew wide, his bright, chartreuse-green sclera becoming more visible than Ladybug had ever seen, their faint glow a stark contrast with the red color that bloomed on his cheeks.
Ladybug giggled (How dare she be so adorable yet still so attractive?!) and stepped towards him, placing her finger under his chin and closing his mouth with a small click. When had his jaw popped open??
"What's the matter, Chaton? Can't handle when somebody flirts back?" she teased, her face mere inches from his.
Chat suppressed the urge to squirm under her touch. They'd flirted countless times before, but why did his chest feel so tight when they did so lately?
Trying to compose himself and insert as much confidence as he could into his voice, he cleared his throat and straightened his posture. "I'll have you know that I'm a very desirable bachelor in my day-to-day life! I happen to have more suitors than I can shake a stick at!"
He'd said it jokingly, expecting to get rebuffed; but Ladybug gave him an exaggerated pout, tapping her mouth with her fingers (a gesture he couldn't help but follow closely with his gaze).
"Ohh, I see.... Should I be jealous?" she said as she looked up at him through her thick eyelashes. "Do I have competition?"
Chat reached for her hand, slowly bringing it to his lips with a slight bow. "Never," he replied, with a bit more conviction and candor than he'd intended. "Nobody could ever hold a candle to you, Milady. Your wit, kindness, and beauty surpasses them all. It is you alone who holds the key to my heart."
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Now it was Ladybug's turn to get caught off guard. His words were theatrical and over-the-top, as usual; but there was sincerity behind them. There was something about the way he'd said them that made it feel... real. She couldn't help but shyly look away, her cheeks a bright crimson hue, and she tucked some hair behind her ear as she always did whenever she was flustered or nervous.
"Flatterer," she said timidly, attempting to deflect the compliment.
"It's not flattery if it's true," he replied with a wink.
Ladybug stared slack-jawed, and could only stutter out an ever so eloquent "I-I-I..." By this point, her entire face was as red as her suit, and she covered her face with both hands in embarrassment. "Chaaaaaaaat!" she cried helplessly in defeat.
Chat let out a hearty laugh, giving her a quick, comforting squeeze. He'd won this round of impromptu chicken. Deciding to have mercy and spare her from any further teasing, he changed the subject.
"Anyway, it's too bad I can't be the one to drop you off at your house, Bugaboo. It would be the gentlemanly thing to do. But alas, I'm lacking in the whole 'majestic white steed' department," he remarked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the brick wall.
She laughed lightly through her nose. "Well, we're not exactly your average, run of the mill coupl– uh, partners. Plus, I already know where you live, so that's easy to do."
Chat ignored her slip of the tongue, since he didn't dare to hope for more. At least... not yet.
"That's for sure," he replied with a small chuckle. "We're a rather unique situation. But I wouldn't have it any other way."
Ladybug leaned next to him against the wall, pressing her back against the cool surface of the bricks as their shoulders bumped.
She hesitated for a few moments, seeming to gather her thoughts. He eyed her curiously, waiting for her to speak her mind.
"So..." she began, looking out into the dark autumn sky. "Which part is true? That you think I'm... beautiful, or that I hold the key to your... t-that I..."
A jolt of lightning traveled down his spine and he stared at her like a kid who'd just broken a window. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out– not even a flustered stammer.
He hadn't meant to blurt out his feelings so casually a minute ago. In fact, he'd been working on an elaborate speech for when the time was right! It still needed lots of work; he was only on the seventh draft.
He paused to consider. Would it be so bad, though? If he were to confess to her right now?
It wasn't how he'd planned it. There wasn't an elegantly decorated rooftop full of roses and strings of lights, or soft romantic music, or any of the other things that would have made it perfect. He was supposed to carry her to a surprise location (bridal-style of course), her lithe arms wrapped around his neck, with a snugly placed blindfold around her eyes to amplify the mystery and anticipation.
And maybe, just maybe, she'd be impressed with his efforts enough to accept his feelings before she could realize that she was too good for him.
Truly his adoration for her knew no bounds. So much so, that he'd asked himself whether it was truly love, or if just an overblown obsession or infatuation.
And yet, he knew that wasn't the case. He knew she wasn't perfect. She didn't need a pedestal. He'd placed her on one when they'd first become allies, but she pulled him up to her level, never allowing him to lower himself or place himself beneath her. She made sure that he always knew he was her equal, and not her subordinate. I mean, how could he not fall in love with her?
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So, despite the fact that it wasn't at all how he planned and he'd suddenly blanked out on his entire speech... he wanted to tell her. Now was as good a time as any.
Ladybug must have sensed the shift in his mood because she recoiled somewhat, jolting away from the brick wall.
She hastily began to backpedal, "N-nevermind, forget I said anything!! Um, anyway, have a good night!"
Chat shook himself out of his daze, then lunged forth to catch her arm as she reached for her yo-yo.
"M-milady, wait!"
She turned to face him, her face full of regret and embarrassment. "S-sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to tease you. Well– I mean, I did, but I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just–"
"No! N-no, don't worry, you didn't. It's just that I've been... wanting to tell you something. Something important."
He felt her stiffen at his words, and her eyes grew wide with apprehension.
Crap. He hadn't meant to scare her.
"It's nothing bad, I promise!" he tried to reassure her. "Or... at least, I don't think it's bad. I mean, I hope it isn't. To you, that is. What I mean is..." He rubbed the back of his neck with a groan, then let out a nervous, shallow breath.
She quirked her head to the side, as she unknowingly did whenever she was feeling curious or inquisitive. He tried (in vain) to ignore how cute she looked so he could focus on the task at hand.
This is it. You can do it. Be brave like Marinette!! She'd believe in you!
The butterflies in his stomach multiplied tenfold; there was no going back.
And yet... how do you even begin to tell someone that you can't imagine your life without them? That you'd sacrifice absolutely everything for their happiness; that you'd rather suffer a thousand deaths than to ever see them in pain? That the thought of losing them kept you awake at night more often than you'd like to admit?
How could he put into words that until she came along, he never imagined he'd be able to feel happiness again?
No; words could never suffice. There was nothing he wanted more than to grab his Lady by the waist and give her the most passionate kiss he could muster so that he could show her his love instead.
But he couldn't. He had to know how she felt in return before he did something that rash, something that could potentially wreck their partnership if his actions were unwelcome.
He didn't want to ruin anything. He was utterly terrified. And yet... he yearned for her to know.
He had to try. It might be selfish, but he had to tell her how he felt. Just in case she might maybe, possibly, someday, feel the same way.
Ladybug gently touched his forearm, her slender fingers skimming up and down the fabric of his gloves. "Kitty," she began, concern written all over her face, her piercing sky blue eyes searching his own. "Is everything alright?"
Chat did his best to offer a reassuring smile, placing his opposite hand on top of hers. "I'm fine," he answered. "I just have a bit of a confession to make."
Ladybug's face softened, and she returned a small smile as she waited for him to proceed, still unsure but relieved.
He swallowed thickly, and tried to steady his voice. "I know we haven't known each other for very long. Well, I mean– technically we've known each other for years– but what I mean is that we haven't really gotten to know each other 'til recently. Uhh, that is––"
Ladybug gave a small giggle. "It's okay, Chat. I know what you mean."
Chat smiled back. "Anyway, I want you to know that our friendship means absolutely everything to me. And I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that, not ever. With that said, I still need you to know that I... that I..." he trailed off, looking away and biting his lip.
A few seconds passed, and he felt Ladybug's soft hand touch his cheek, which gently turned his head to face her once again.
"Talk to me, Chat. You can tell me anything."
Those eyes. Those big, gorgeous, absolutely amazing eyes. She was the sun and moon and stars all wrapped up in a tiny, polka-dotted package, and all he could offer her was himself. Was he enough? He silently prayed she hadn't noticed how much his hands were trembling right now.
"I know I shouldn't. I don't know anything about your civilian self. Not really. Where you live, where you go to school, who your friends are. Whether you already have a special someone in your life. Or whether you–" he gulped "–whether you could ever feel the same way about me as I do about you."
She stepped closer, sliding her hand down his arm and wrapping her fingers around his own (he'd never been as grateful that his suit had gloves as he was now, given how sweaty his palms were at the moment).
"And... how do you feel about me?" she asked, with a– dare he say– hopeful tone in her voice.
Her eyes bore into his own with such intensity and heat that he could no longer feel the chilly night air. He forced himself to hold her gaze, so she could be sure that his words were genuine.
"I wasn't sure whether I should say anything or if it should wait until after we defeated Hawkmoth. I didn't know if I was ready to... to open myself up and risk getting hurt in the process. Because I am so, so afraid of losing you." He bit his lip, but continued, "But I don't think I can wait that long. You have to know, because I might not get another chance..."
His posture straightened a bit, and he took both her hands into his. (Was it his hands that were still shaking, or hers?)
"I love you," he finally uttered, his voice husky and low, as if it were a declaration far too sacred for others to hear. He heard her breath catch slightly. "I love you so much, My Lady." Chat's throat bobbed as he swallowed, and he let out a shaky sigh. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. When you're with me, I can't help but feel truly happy. Happy to be your teammate, happy to be your friend... happy to be alive. You make me want to become a better person, and I just needed you to know that."
He shrunk into himself somewhat, taking an unsteady, quivering breath, having expended all his bravery with his proclamation of love.
He'd done it. He'd confessed.
...Now what?
A few moments passed in silence. He bit the inside of his cheek anxiously, unsure of how to continue.
Mayday. Mayday. The hairs in the back of his neck stood up on end; his mind nervous and uncertain.
"A-anyway, that's all I wanted to say," he blurted out. "I know it's a lot to take in; you don't have to say anything back." He let go of her hands and crossed his arms, suddenly feeling quite vulnerable. "I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I'd prefer if you said something back just so I know where we stand, but you definitely don't have to," he continued to ramble. "I don't want it to be awkward or uncomfortable between us, so I won't mention it ever again if that's what you want. I'll always respect your wishes and do what you think is best, 'cause I have complete faith in you and I–"
His nervous ramblings were cut short by warm, delicate lips delivering a featherlight kiss to his cheek, and Chat let out a small gasp despite himself.
"Was that alright?" she asked, her voice breathy and soft.
Chat practically swooned in disbelief. "More than alright," he exhaled. "S-so... does that mean that you like m–"
Ladybug stood on her tiptoes and surged forward to capture his lips, answering his question in a way he never would have imagined when he woke up that morning.
There was no way this was actually happening. Was he still breathing?? The girl he loved not only liked him back, but was doing something he'd only ever dreamed about.
He decided to take a chance. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, to which Ladybug responded with a small, surprised moan, and then wrapped her arms around his neck. At some point, his hands had ended up on the small of her back, pulling her flush against him, and he was sure she'd be able to feel his heart pounding.
Several blissful moments later, they separated to catch their breath but didn't pull completely apart. Chat was sure that if he let go of her, he would surely melt into a puddle on the spot.
Ladybug panted lightly. "So... does that answer your question?" she asked, still smiling, her lips almost brushing against his.
Chat cleared his throat, then managed to stammer out in a raspy voice, "Uh, yeah, that works."
He bent his neck forward so she wouldn't have to stand on her tiptoes anymore, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes in contentment. Surely this was too good to be true, right?! Was he asleep??
But as always, the overthinker in him struck again and a thought came to him. He furrowed his brow in concern as he became acutely aware of the fact that just because she liked him back didn't mean she wanted to become anything more than partners. Maybe the kiss was a one-time thing and she wanted to keep things professional? He wasn't sure how to feel about that.
Why can't I just be satisfied with what I already have? This is more than I could ever ask for, so why press my luck?
Ladybug, perceptive as ever, noticed his unease.
"What are you thinking about, Chaton?" she whispered with a slight frown.
Deciding to be honest, he loosened his hold on her and stepped back, his jaw tensed. A few thoughtful seconds later, he tried to explain, "I just... What do you want me to be to you? I know we can't exactly act like a 'normal' couple. It's not like we can go to the movies or amusement parks together, and you can't exactly take me to your house to meet your parents. So, umm... what happens next?"
Ladybug reached for his hand, squeezing lightly. "If you're worried that I'm only interested in a fling or a friends-with-benefits type of relationship, I'm not. I don't know how this is gonna work, and I do want to take things slow, but... you are so special to me, Chat. All I know is that I want you in my life. As more than teammates. Do you want that too?"
"Yes!" Chat exclaimed (a bit more emphatically than he'd intended) and nodded. "I want to make this work! I really do."
She reached up to cup his cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb, and he couldn't help but lean into her caresses. "And, while I don't think we really need a formal label for what we have, if giving it a name makes you feel better, then... What if we're 'dating'? What do you think? Sound good to you?"
Chat grinned, lifting his hand to run it through her long, dark hair. "It's more than I could've ever hoped for," he replied, completely elated. "I'll make you happy, I swear it."
She stepped back into his space and wrapped her arms around him, letting her hands wander until they settled on the base of his back. And even though he was much larger than her, her hugs always somehow managed to completely envelop him in feelings of safety and comfort.
"You already make me happy, you dork."
Chat shifted his body so he could make eye contact with his beloved once again. His hand wandered to her jawline, which caused her to shiver with what he hoped was pleasure and anticipation. He made his way down her jaw towards her chin, his movements slow and deliberate, relishing how absolutely beautiful yet adorably shy she appeared in this moment.
Tilting her chin upwards with his forefinger, Chat leaned down and Ladybug's eyes fluttered shut, her blush still visible under the faint glow of the balcony lights. Chat shut his own eyes in preparation...
...Only to bolt upright in alarm. His ears twitched and he whipped his head around, searching. Without a word, he scooped up Ladybug and bounded up onto the rooftop, landing behind the balcony wall. Ladybug let out a less than dignified "EEP!!", clinging to him as she was whisked away.
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