Chapter 8, Daddy Issues

He was supposed to protect me, but so far all he's done is hurt me even more.

After the hanging out with Miguel, the sun slowly began to go down which we had both noticed but never really cared, only because we were enjoying each other's company.

Time really does fly by when you're having fun with someone, when the street lights began to come on, that's when we decided to call it a night and talk to each other in the morning.

I turned around and began to walk to my house after saying goodbye to the boy when he rushed after me and offered to walk me home, at first I was going to decline his offer because I didn't want my mom to meet him and start with her weirdness but it was dark out.

So, I accepted the offer and we continued our conversation on different topics, I didn't know what we were talking about now since we were topic hopping.

All I know is that we got to my house and he stopped at the doorstep, I felt a smile tug at my lips as I hugged him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He took a moment before wrapping his arms around my waist and we hugged tightly, I pulled away from the hug and told him I'd see him tomorrow.

We waved at each other before I walked into my house and locked the door, my mom was sitting at the couch with a big smile on her face but I couldn't tell if it was because she was drinking wine or if she had saw Miguel and was ready to ask me questions.

All I did was wave at her and then waited for a moment before bolting to the upstairs and into my room, she wasn't about to ask me questions while I'm still wearing my outside clothes, no ma'am.

I grabbed pajamas and under clothes before walking out of my room and to the bathroom, I turned the lights on and closed the door.

I turned on the water and waited for the warm water to come down before switching it to the shower head.

As I scrubbed the dirt off of my body, I watched as the dead skin slowly roll down my new clean skin and hit the floor of the tub, it's somewhat satisfying to watch but if I were to tell people, they'll imagine it so disgustingly.

I wanted to wash my hair because with all the sweating I was doing, I didn't want to have an type of smelly hair, that wasn't really a cute thing to have anyways.

Once I finished my shower, I turned the water off and grabbed a towel to dry my body with, I wrapped the towel around my body and then dried my hair with a separate towel.

I stood in the bathroom for a couple of moments to do my skincare routine and brush my teeth, when that was over, I knew it was time for me to go downstairs and embrace the questions.

I had some fuzzy socks on because I didn't want to have dirty feet by the time I was ready to go to bed, and because I just don't like wearing slippers because sometimes it's too humid and make my feet clammy.

My mom was sitting at the island with a glass of wine in her hand, she wasn't an alcoholic before anyone begins to think that, she just drinks when she's had a stressful day or she's been overthinking a lot.

"Hey mama, everything alright?"

I approached her, pulling out the swivel seat and sitting down, I was ready for her to begin to vent to me about everything but like always, she just looked at me and nodded with a smile.

Although her little facial expressions show one thing, her eyes would look into mine and with one word, she could crack.

"No, no you're not."

I began as I pulled the glass away from her and hugged her, she took a momenr to hug me back only because it caught her off guard, we just sat there in silence, embracing one another.

Venus was already asleep in her room, I need to talk to her soon as well before she explodes and completely shuts everyone out.

"It's difficult, I didn't like seeing either of you two being upset with your father but I couldn't even keep it calm."

That's all my mom needed to say before she began to ramble on, she kept apologizing for not being able to give me and Venus the perfect life she always imagined.

I felt tears begin to sting my eyes as I watched how vulnerable my mother had gotten, she was always a fragile woman and the smallest things could break her.

"You're an amazing mother, anyone whose known you, Venus or I could and would agree. Besides, I'm not even thinking about it anymore."

I reassured my mom, but she looked at me and I knew she could see right through my façade, anyone could.

"Rei, stop doing that."

I looked at my mom confusedly, I didn't know what I was doing for me to stop doing it.

"I can't keep having my daughter comfort me whenever there's a minor inconvenience, I'm the mother and I should be the once consulting you."

I watched as my mom's lip quivered, I hadn't realized that I was practically taking the mother title from her, I didn't mean to either, it just happens naturally.

My mom crying over something that wasn't her fault made me want to cry, I wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead.

"I didn't know that I was doing that, but you work hard and maybe you just need to have a moment to be vulnerable."

I explained myself, my mom nodded as she had a smile begin to tug at her lips which seemed genuine.

But at the same time, I could see her fighting the urge to ask me a question.

"You know, he's your father and, I know you feel a type of way after yesterday."

My mom told me as she moved her chair closer to mine, I sighed and nodded knowing she was right, I mean almost everyone was right about how I felt about my dad.

Everytime he believed he was doing something right, he'd mess it up again and then I'd never hear from again until about five months later where I repeat the process.

But I couldn't tell anyone that, not even my dad himself, because I don't want people to tell me I'm either over exaggerating or I'm being dramatic about everything.

So i bottled those type of thoughts and emotions up, which isn't something I recommend because you could end up snapping at the people you love.

"Well, he's been a faulty father after the divorce, there's not much for me to say."

I joked trying to lighten the situation, but it didn't work and my mom just stared at me, waiting for me to crack so she could console me.

But I'd rather slam my pinky toe on the metal part of the bed then to ever let my mom or best friends see me so vulnerable, I was so worried they'd use it against me.

At the end of the day, my mother is still my mom and she sees through me, the same exact way I'll see through her.

I bit back all the tears that threatened to spill and took a deep breath, I gathered all of my scattered thoughts about my dad and smiled at my mom.

He was supposed to protect me, but so far all he's done is hurt me even more.

I finally admitted, it felt like some weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was able to breathe a little better.

Although letting someone in, was always encouraged, I could never do it.

That sounds really dumb but, I didn't want to spill my heart and soul out to someone and then the next day, everyone knows about it and I'm being bullied.

Although I'm taking online classes, that doesn't stop kids from doing cyber bullying, which is sort of more damaging than in person bullying.

My mom didn't say anything except she hugged me tightly, I smiled as she rubbed my back.

I closed my eyes and held onto her tightly as if she were going to fade away, this was one way of being more vulnerable with my mother and allowing her to take a look inside.

Who knows, maybe this is the beginning of a new era and the end of an old one.