I'd developed insomnia since Honor's death. I couldn't close my eyes without thinking about my baby and it hurt so much, it was more pain than I could endure. Honor died because she had nasal congestion while I was nursing her and I kept blaming myself for her death. Sometimes it was just too much to take and I ended up having to use my inhaler to stop an asthma attack.

I went to school on autopilot, and even though I was sitting in the classroom listening to the teacher, my mind wandered back to the little girl with white-blonde hair and large sparkly blue eyes. At one time, I excused myself so I could go outside and cry.

I didn't miss the way other kids would spare me looks filled with pity and gossiped when my back was turned towards them.

"Oh look, another disaster by the Lockharts."

"That's what you get for getting involved with that family."

"But it doesn't seem to have bothered Tyler that much."

I was exempted from the cheerleading practices as I was weak after giving birth, I felt sick most of the time and the doctors said they'd encountered some complications with my uterus. Mom wouldn't talk about it, but there was surely something that was bothering her. She hated if I uttered a single word about Tyler's family as if they were responsible for everything that happened.

It was the last period, and I walked down the hallways of the school and saw Tyler storming out from the rink after hockey practice. He was still wearing his hockey gear, but the helmet was off. The dark brown locks of his hair had grown longer, he needed a haircut, I realized. He sometimes let me snip at them because he knew how much I loved running my hands through it, especially when he was coming inside of me and moaning loudly.

I'd mistaken it all for love.

It seemed like a distant memory now.

I was late to conclude that Tyler had used me to move towards his end goal—i.e moving into a separate house away from his father, more freedom, and stability. It had nothing to do with my needs, our love, or the baby.

I saw the boys standing by the locker; Tyler was talking to Brad, one of his teammates. I stopped myself from walking into them and stayed hidden behind the wall.

"Sorry about what happened, man." Brad said in a sympathetic tone, "Heard about your baby."

"I'm sorry too." I heard Tyler say in a monotone.

"So you and Victoria broke up now?"

"Hell no," Tyler said immediately.

Brad shrugged, taking off his skates. "You know Sophie? Green's sister?"

"The one with the big tits?"

Brad laughed, "Yeah, that one. She...uh...she heard you guys broke up so she was hoping to make her move on you. She's been waiting for you to break up with Victoria."

"And you're Sophie's spokesperson?"

Brad grinned, "Sorry man, she's been hounding me for ages to talk to you about this. I'll give you her number."

"Nah. She's not my type, and not really into super used goods." Tyler said, "Plus, I already told you I'm still with Lane's sister."

Brad sighed, "I don't get you, Ty. If I was half as good-looking as you, I'd be fucking five chicks a day. Everyone's noticed how Victoria's been giving you the cold shoulder for the past two weeks. The red-velvet cupcakes have stopped turning up in your locker, she doesn't smile at you when we pass in the hallways. She doesn't want you. Besides, it's your chance to move on now since the baby died."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Tyler said in a deadly cold tone.

"Let her go." Brad insisted. "McCloy wants to pick up your leftovers and I think you should let him."

A punch landed in Brad's face, followed by another.

I pressed my hand over my mouth from screaming as I remained glued to the spot.

"Mind your own motherfu*king business, okay?" Tyler said through gritted teeth, yanking him back and forth by his collar, the metal of the locker making a loud banging sound. "Vicky belongs to ME! Only me! She's pissed because her baby died and I know she'll come around. She always does. I'm going to put another baby inside of her soon and that should solve all the problems. We'll get married and go to college. End of fucking story. If anyone in school so much as talks about me breaking up with Vicky, I'll personally make sure they don't see the end of high school."

A few seconds passed.

"Dude," Tyler said in a disgusted voice, "Fuck, did you just pee your pants?"

I didn't wait to hear the rest of the conversation and walked away from there.

* * *

I was just staring at the ceiling that night. I'd tried to sleep, and had given up. I was wondering if I should start watching some youtube videos to get my mind off this. I kept thinking about the same thing over and over again.

I'd lost Honor.

Tyler wanted to own me.

And he'd already made plans to trap me in this endless cycle of trauma and pain again.

A light tapping on the window woke me up. I sat in bed upright and saw Tyler's head bobbing outside the glass.

Speak of the Devil.

I walked towards the window and slid it open. Ducking his head inside, he swung his leg as his enormous body entered the room and he shut the window behind him.

Tyler was wearing my favorite shirt as if that was going to make everything alright between us. Those big blue eyes stared at me, his hands came up to grasp my shoulders, and his mouth covered on mine. His lips moved slowly and then picked pace, it was a desperate kiss of a person trying to prove a point. His hands that stayed on my waist, reached to grab my ass as he lifted me off the ground to get better access to my mouth. I let him kiss me because I knew this was probably the last time he did it unless he redeemed himself, got the help that he needed, and made me believe that he genuinely loved me.

It was impossible for me to not love him when my heart was filled with Tyler.

Every inch of it embedded with his name on it, and I knew that I could never love someone as much as I loved him. He bit my bottom lip gently, and ran his tongue over it, holding me firmly against his body as if I would disappear if he let go. His lips trailed feather-light kisses from my cheek down to my neck, and then his teeth bit my ear softly and licked. A shiver ran down my spine and I reminded myself that I needed to not give in to my temptations. He touched me with such gentleness, sometimes it completely left my mind that he was capable of violence.

Tyler placed me back on my feet a couple of minutes later, and we were both out of breath, my lips probably swollen from being kissed like that. He pushed my hair away from my face, "You look adorable tonight."

"How are your practices going?" I asked him.

"Not that great." He responded.

"Why not?"

"My personal cheerleader isn't there to cheer for me." He said softly, touching his nose to mine.

I tried my best not to fall for the flirting again or the intensity with which he was looking at me. I took a deep breath. "Tyler, I think you should go into therapy."

He frowned, "therapy for what?"

"For your mental health," I wasn't going to beat around the bush.

"I'm fine." He said in a way that said he wasn't going to allow further discussion. "I see a therapist once every week but you already know that."

"I'm talking about rehabilitation, Tyler."

"What's this all of a sudden?" He asked. I could hear the warning in his tone.

"We can't be together if you won't get well." I blurted out.

He pinned me down with his signature deadly look, "I'm not sick. And we're getting married soon and moving out of here. Why are we talking about it again?"

"That was before...before everything screwed up! Before our baby was still alive! When we still had plans for Honor's future, but she's not here anymore so we don't need to get married so soon and you don't need to take responsibility for anything."

I could feel the fury building inside him as he tensed and I knew he would fly into a rage. Instead, he grasped my shoulders, "That doesn't fucking change anything. I still want you! I'll give you another baby, I promise. As soon as you're completely healed, I'll put another one inside of you, and then things would be back to how they used to be."

The room resonated with the sound of my palm connecting with his cheek. His body locked down and he seemed to be closing his hand in a tight fist on his side, probably trying hard not to hit me back because if he did, I'd likely hit the wall.

I caught hold of his shirt front, "You did it all on purpose, didn't you?! I found those vitamin supplements you replaced with my birth control pills. How could you do something like that, Tyler?" I cried, "I trusted you with everything that I have. How could you talk about having another kid like you're buying me a new toy to replace the last one? Don't you feel anything for our daughter? She was yours. Don't you feel the loss? Tell me!" I let go of his t-shirt and slumped down on the bed, exhausted.

He was silent for a few seconds, knowing that his secret was out.

"I don't feel anything!" He admitted. "I feel empty inside." He came up to kneel in front of me and grabbed my hands from my lap. "I lost my child and I was the father, I know but I'm unable to feel the pain, Vicky." And it was the first time I saw Tyler's eyes brimming with tears. "Help me understand. I want Honor back as much as you, but I can't...seem to feel anything..." his breath came out in a series of short breaths. "Please help me...I can't control any of this."

Tyler wasn't crying because he'd lost a child, he was crying because he was frustrated that he could feel nothing.

"I tried to help you, Ty. I tried my best." I said softly between the tears, "But, I can't fix you!"

"Noooooooooo...don't!" He let out an anguished wail. "Don't say that. I need you in my life." A minute later, he was saying something I couldn't hear.

He looked up at me, his expression filled with trepidation, "Tell me what you want! Anything! Just fucking anything. I'll give it to you..."

I traced his cheek with my fingers, sobbing silently.

"A diamond ring?" He was adamant about finding out what I needed to stay with him, "A new car, maybe? There's a new Mercedes launched recently. We could book that for you..."

I hugged him close, but he kept going, "I can't bring Honor back for you, Vicky, it's not possible...but I'll...I'll try to give you another baby that looks just like Honor. Like you and me. I swear." His voice shook as he said, "Stay with me, please?"

I pulled him up on the bed and let him wrap his arms around me that night. He held me tightly against him as I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. Words didn't need to be exchanged between us.

Our love story was doomed to be tragic from the start.