* * *

I couldn't continue reading the diary. The details inside were gruesome and heartbreaking. I'd expected the diary to be bizarre and I thought I was ready to read about his secrets but never imagined that Tyler could be capable of murder.

Before we started dating, he used to tease me and say things about how he would be the worst guy I would ever fall for and that he didn't want me to be disappointed, and I'd assumed that his problems had something to do with the way his dad had treated his mom and him in the past, and I knew I could deal with that, but it was only the tip of an iceberg.

And now I was going to have his baby. What if this baby turned out to be like him?

I buried my face in the pillow and sobbed into it. I wouldn't be able to handle my child killing people or becoming like him. There was no way that Tyler would change; he was going to remain the same no matter how many years passed.

That night, I had a dream. It started off beautiful as I carried the baby around and he had large blue eyes like his father's and then Tyler snatched the baby out of my hands, and the dream transformed into a nightmare. The baby turned into a monster when he held it.

I didn't know how long I was screaming, but when I came to my senses, I felt Archer's arms around me as he tried to calm me down. There was absolutely nothing like being held by my brother and knowing that he would go to any lengths to make sure I wasn't harmed.

"What happened?" He asked me.

Poor Archer. He studied hard and practiced hockey harder, and then he would come home and just crash into bed, I'd woken him up from a deep slumber. Since I'd been pregnant, he did chores at home to help mom too, so I couldn't help as guilt washed over me.

"I had a nightmare," I said.

"You wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head.

His hand that slowly ran through my hair felt soothing. "Do you want me to call Tyler? Maybe I could ask him to come over and—"

"NO!" I said it so abruptly that I regretted doing it.

My refusal to talk to Tyler was probably like waving a red flag and telling my brother something was wrong between us because his expressions changed from concerned to curious.

"What's going on, Victoria?" Mom stood at the door, her hands folded over her chest.

"Just a nightmare, Mom, you can go back to bed."

Mom nodded and I heard her footsteps heading back downstairs.

Archer closed the door and took his place beside me on the bed. "I know you spent last night with him. Did he do something to you that he shouldn't have?"

"He didn't do anything. Like I said it was just a nightmare." I assured him.

He sighed because he knew I wasn't going to talk. "I'm keeping the door open. If you need me, holler."

"Can you be with me until I fall asleep?" I asked, refusing to be alone in my room.

If I closed my eyes, I was going to have visions of Tyler as a kid murdering those men. Archer seemed to have understood that there was something that was bothering me because he agreed to stay and it helped me fall asleep that night.

I woke up very late the next day, it was way past noon and when I checked my phone, I noticed a few texts and missed calls from Tyler. I assumed he'd realized that I'd taken the diary.

Turns out that wasn't the case.

❤️

I rolled my eyes and I wasn't in a mood to respond to his messages but I still needed to.

Tyler is typing.

Tyler sending me a one-letter response meant that he was super mad, and fuck if I cared.

I tried to imagine the diary wasn't tucked beneath my bed, but it didn't help. I wanted to find out more, I wanted to know if Tyler killed again after he grew older and I was sure there was going to be more, and if I was right and he'd indeed killed more people, I don't think I could ever continue to have a relationship with him. It wouldn't work out.

Finally, I gave into my temptation and picked up the diary. I started reading from where I'd left off.

I have a penchant for violence, and my mom thinks I'm a boy-scout. I have maintained this façade for a long time, and I would be lying if I said that sometimes I just wanted to get it over with. I was bored with life and so fucking tired of being best at everything. It's like I couldn't try harder with anything. I was excellent with grades, sports, had far too much money in my account to spend and been to every fucking country. I bet I could get any girl I wanted, but there's only one who had my interest so far and it seemed like she was interested too. I still feel bored at times and boredom gives me all these ideas to take bold risks.

I could try to jump off the fourth story of this mansion and see what happens, I could drive around blindfolded with a GPS on and see if I can make it, I could go camping in a forest with wild animals and see if I can survive. The possibilities were endless.

Sometimes at night, I saw Jeffrey and Thomas, and I heard the gunshot and I saw them dying. It kept happening over and over until I had to wake up. They began haunting my dreams in their macabre glory and calling me a murderer to the point where they started to follow me in school. And at that point, I'd started to think I was going insane because no way can dead people just walk into a classroom and sit in the front row with a bullet hole in their head.

One time, it went too far and I had this crazy idea in my head that I wanted to end it all, not that I was guilty about what I'd done because I'd set those idiots free, they should be fucking thanking me instead of haunting my dreams and it was impulse when I sneaked into my dad's room and stole his gun and loaded it with one bullet, it was going to be a game of Russian roulette. I counted to ten before pulling the trigger. I was sitting the La-Z-boy in my room, my back to the wall so there would be a splatter design on the painting there. After I pulled the trigger the second time, there was a knock at the door so I had to hide the gun. It was my best friend Archer; he'd showed up so he could show off the new stuff that he'd received from online shopping.

So technically, Archer saved my life because the next day out of curiosity, I decided to take a shot at an empty can in the woods and there was indeed a bullet inside. I could have been dead if it wasn't for him.

I decided to consult a psychiatrist because this was going way over my head and I wanted to see if he had any answers to what was up with me. That's when I met Dr. Perez. He was the one who told me to unleash my feelings into the diary, and I liked the man because he seemed to understand exactly how I was feeling. I started to see him every twice a week which made my mom extremely happy. Perez told me that my diagnosis was exactly what I expected it to be: anti-social personality disorder but due to frequent conditioning since childhood, I'd learned to suppress my emotions well. There were two sides of a coin, two sides of my personality. While I was perfectly capable of killing someone without remorse, I'd decided not to (that's what he thought).

I told him that I could experience anxiety, frustration and anger. And he said it was normal and could happen if I didn't get something that I wanted, or if things didn't go the way I planned them to. He mentioned I could develop attachments to people and do whatever it took to keep them with me, and that also meant I was a liar. Lying could be like breathing to me.

It's true though, whatever that the shrink had said. I felt better after talking to him and decided to keep a diary. Perez told me I needed to bury my worries by taking up some hobby. I buried the pyramid and the coin that I'd kept from Thomas and Jeffrey and I slept peacefully that night. I also started collecting pets by that time and my fascination with reptiles helped me keep those demons locked away.

These beautiful creatures were like me, so completely misunderstood.

I caught a black mamba and decided to leave him in dad's bedroom. I had turned sixteen then.

"Vicky?"

I shut the diary so fast; I dropped it down on the floor.

It was Noah at the door and he was peeking inside. "Sorry, I knocked on the door a few times. I thought maybe I shouldn't disturb you because you're asleep."

"Oh no, come on in. I was just reading a book."

Noah stepped inside the room; he was wearing the school varsity jacket and holding a teddy bear in his hand. "I wanted to check on you. How are you feeling? Archer said you were sick last night."

If I could kill my brother.

I kicked the diary beneath the bed. "I'm totally fine now. Didn't you have practice today?"

"Yeah, but I argued with your arrogant boyfriend so I left early."

"Oh." This wasn't anything new. Being the captain of the hockey team, Ty was bossy and Noah couldn't tolerate that. "Thanks for the gift. That's sweet of you."

"What book were you reading?" He asked.

"Uh...just a book on baking."

He nodded and lied down on the bed, and his body was as big as Tyler's. He looked at me thoughtfully. "You're looking beautiful."

"I look like an elephant. Stop flattering me."

He laughed, "No seriously, elephants are adorable." He reached for the deck of UNO cards on the dresser and began shuffling them with expert hands. He then distributed the cards equally.

During the middle of the third game, he said, "You know what, Vicky...sometimes I wonder..."

"What?" I asked, planning on throwing the 'Draw four card'

"I know things would have been different if it was me instead of him."

I threw the draw four card on top of his yellow one card.

I sighed. For the umpteenth time, "Noah, please..."

"Sorry. I keep repeating myself."

"Color changes to red, and I know you're dating that girl from the other town."

"Brooke." He said picking four cards from the deck, "She's nice, but she's not you. And I'm not really dating her."

"Do you realize I'm pregnant with someone else's baby? Why do you keep saying things like that?"

"Just cuz."

An hour passed and now we were playing Monopoly. Mom had brought fresh biscuits from the oven and it wasn't hard to notice that she liked Noah a lot, and I was positive that if Noah was in Tyler's place, she would have easily accepted the relationship.

I gasped.

"What?" he looked worried.

"The baby kicked," I said, waving my hand like it wasn't a big deal. "It happens sometimes."

"Really? Can I..." he seemed reluctant to ask at first, "Can I touch? Please?"

"Okay."

Noah sat down beside me and lowered his head to my lap attaching his ear to my belly, and his hand splayed on top of it. "Oh god, you're right. He is kicking in there."

"I know right?" I asked, excitedly.

The door burst open suddenly.

Tyler stood there and his eyes moved from me to Noah to where his hand lay on my stomach. His veins might have popped and a dark cloud of fury shadowed his features and the blue in his eyes almost dimmed. He thrashed the bouquet of roses at the door, seething, "How dare you touch her, you sick motherf*cker! GET AWAY FROM HER!"

He stormed inside the room blinded by rage and pulled Noah away from me.

Next thing I knew I was screaming at Tyler to stop but he kept pounding his fists into Noah.

* * *